Breaking up when she Leaves to Study Abroad. Yet...

[torturedsoul]

My girlfriend of 5 a half years will be leaving mid next month to study overseas. She will be gone for at least a year. She suggested we break up because she cannot handle long distance relationships and I agreed with her. Except now the relationship is continuing as if she were not leaving and to compound it all she talks of "when we get married..." and still talks of a future for the 2 of us.

Recently, she has begun to break dates at the last minute or to forget about them altogether. This has just happened today for the umpteenth time. I called timeout and suggested we give each other some space. I am a little confused as to what is going on, all I know is that I keep on getting disappointed, sidelined and forgotten. Yet get repeatedly told "I love you."; "I love you so much"; "I want to be with you for the rest of my life". She makes plans to meet with anyone and everyone and keeps them. Yet I have to settle for apologies and excuses. I guess it's a little to hard to stomach, that 5+ years can be reduced to a sickening sense of inevitability.

Please help.

[DN]

Sorry you are going through this but I think you are being moved to the position of fall-back guy. She is moving on in her heart and mind ready for when she leaves but she is also positioning you so she can get back with you after having had a good time while away and has not met anyone else.

 

That is not behaviour that I would find acceptable and I would call her on it. She's either committed to a relationship or she is not. If she is not then I think you should let her go, hard as that will be for you.

[annie24]

Sadly, I have to agree with DN. It sounds like she's using you are her back-up plan. She wants to go out and have fun, meet new guys during her study abroad, and if nothing there works out, she wants to know she can come back to you.

 

Blah. definitely, call her on it. If this is a break up, tell her it's for good. No "when we get married...." If she knows that you're going to be waiting for her even if you're broken up, she's going to walk all over you.

 

I've seen some female friends around me do this to their ex-boyfriends also. When I questioned them, it's because they said they wanted them around, "just in case."

 

You deserve better, don't you think?

[NewPhillyGuy]

That's a bunch of crap, dude. This girl is walking all over you, and you do not deserve to be treated like that. If I were you, I'd stop talking to her. Stop making dates with her. Turn around, walk the other way, and don't look back. When she tries to act dumb, confused, and hurt, don't even bother trying to explain it to her or reason. She knows exactly what she's doing and it isn't right. You deserve better, man. Go find it. She's garbage.

[Northman]

yes thats right, the woman is garbage, and you are the fallback guy.

If you are offended, keep the date with her, but try and fulfill every sexual desire you ever had with her, no matter how mutually demeaning. Get what you can before it's gone, and don't be just used, give that piece of garbage a seriously degrading evening. Trust me.

[okane24]

Hey man...

I feel your pain. My ex left for Hong Kong in January and nothing has been the same. Well, case in point, she broke up with me last Monday. She said she wanted her "space" to enjoy the experience of studying abroad. We were only together exclusively for 2 months prior to her leaving but we got real close. I even went out to visit her in Hong Kong and left last month.

I live in San Diego. She also said she wanted to marry me and be with me, but in the future... It hurts like hell man. It's a different world for them when they travel abroad. How old is your girl? Has she been in the partying scene for awhile. Where is she going to study? I'm not gonna lie to you man. When these people go study abroad, guys and girls, it'a ALL about partying and meeting people from accross the world. They think that they can leave and come back and take us for granted. However, I'm trying to move on... It doesn't sound good bro, but I wish you the best of luck and I hope she'll be faithful to you... Stay strong.

[tylercdurden2004]

Mate it aint pretty but the reality of an already difficult situation (long distance) is that she is probably going to get real freedom for the first time in her life and with that comes all the fun bells and whistles. She will be hangin out with other student most away from home for the first time and she will want to experience new things, possibly things she would never do in her own back yard. I have had the experience of a 3 year mostly long distance relationship and I have also been in a situation wiht a girl who went a way for 6 weeks to study abroad. well both have ended in tears and the "study abroad" girl dumped me as soon as she got back. think she didnt want to have to live up to what she did abraod. Anyways best thing you can do is wish her luck and all the success in her future endevours. Make the first move leave the ball in her court but use this time for your own "fun".