What's in a GOOD relationship??

[princessdi75]

I keep reading all these posts about "early" signs of what is going to lead into a BAD relationship...You know, all the red flags that people don't tend to notice, and then end up getting hurt later?

 

I've been thinking about the "early" signs of a GOOD long-lasting relationship.

Does anyone care to post what signs there were early on in their relationship that it was going to last a long time, or it was even permanent?? You may not even have realized them then, but looking back what were they?

 

I think it would be helpful for people going into a relationship, wondering if it's for the short-term or the long-term.

 

 

 

 

As for me, I know i've only been with my bf for 8 months, and we have had our rough spots, but looking back now, we were pretty much "friends first"...we knew eachother from a professional environment, and went out for the first time just to catch up since we hadn't seen eachother in a few weeks, and that was the beginning of it all. We never had one single "awkward" moment, or a single uncomfortable pause. We were always really comfortable with eachother, and always on the same level. We seemed like we have known eachother our whole lives. ...Yet we do still learn new things about eachother, just the other day we learned that we both like to play board games, and we had NEVER played one together (and we even lived together for 4 months!!!) ...we started having problems with our relationship around month 4 when we were already living together. But it was never anything serious - just him being stressed and me being overdramatic.

 

 

 

...Well...I just look back and think, I can't believe it's been 8 months already. We laugh ALOT...i think that's another sign of a good relationship...even if we fight, we end it laughing.

[annie24]

I've yet to be in a really long term committed relationship, but I'd say some of the good signs are:

 

1) He respects you, and you respect him.

2) He keeps his word, calls you when he says he will

3) Arguments are settled peacefully, no name calling

4) You can count on him

5) He's including you in his life, ie, you meet his friends and family, he doesn't make you feel excluded out of parts of his life

6) You are loving and affectionate towards one another

 

that's just a starter list...

[DN]

The relationship is balanced, each partner gives to the other what they need in more or less equal measure. Neither feels they are putting more into the relationship that the other; emotionally, sexually, or in any other way. Both people feel loved, needed and wanted.

 

You can negotiate and compromise, or agree to disagree, without lingering resentment. You can be honest and open and you don't feel you have to put on a false persona.

 

You can't imagine being with anyone else.

[Lightingbird]

Great list Annie.

[Momene]

Green flags:

 

You're not bored with each other.

 

You really feel that you'd simply not rather be with anyone else.

 

Friends of the same sex as your OH like him/her.

[Cyberchick]

A willingness for both parties to work on the relationship.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I had a feeling I was onto a winner when, 4 weeks after we met, he took me to a supermarket, bought a load of fireworks, drove to the park, found a place and set them all off even though it was FREEZING and they kept going out...he was so determind to make them all work...aahhhh Im slushy.

 

And he kept driving a long way to see me for just two days at a time.

[BillyJean714]

Positive Signs:

1. Mutual attraction/interest- both parties truly enjoying each other's companies (all the talks, bonding, etc.)

2. You both share similar values.

3. You both enjoy the same type of music.

4. You both don't let each other go to bed angry.

5. You both are completely, 100% HONEST with one another.

6. You both share.

7. You both grow "together."

8. Strong family ties. A lot of couples who share strong family values, those who actually spend time with family, share a different/unique level of love. The fact that they can spend time with each other's families and actually enjoy their (future to be) "in laws", it actually strengthens the bond that they already have.

9. Sincerity.

10. The look in their eyes when they see you- the look of love/compassion/acceptance. (You just *know* when you get that look).

 

Red Flags-

1. Dishonesty

2. Pretentiousness- what's in it for me kinda attitude.

3. Condescending- of your opinions.

4. Conditional giving.

5. Not respecting of one another's feelings- "When a partner says, "I don't care about what you think". Or when they cuss at you, or when they allow their friends to cuss at you. (Behaviors that are- borderline abuse).

 

...Basically, when someone isn't open and honest with you from get go- that is a huge red flag. Also, it's how they treat you, that is, if you treat them the way you want to be treated. Anyway, I think that for those who are in relationships- you just know when someone loves you. That's good enough. If you sense that this person's an opportunist, someone who isn't honest with you but gives you a few crumbs of love, that's when you know you should leave. Sounds like this relationship is working out well for you. Good luck!