frozenblaze Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Well I'm asking for advices because for now the situation is going worse and worse every week... There is this girl who seemed interested in me (came to me and spent the evening talking to me on my job, i work in a bar). She gave me her phone number and told me to call her back. Then we talked more and she came to my house for the night. I must say that nothing sexual happenned between us anyway i'm not that kind of person and I consider that one should base a solid relationship without the "sex" part first. Anyway we talked, hugged and laughed a lot. We shared good moments that I for sure will always remember. Then on the next day she had to get back to her house so she asked me to call her back on monday (it was a sunday). I tried to call her but she was not availaible at all during that week. I finally talked to her on sunday (means it took me one week) and told her that next time she would have to call me for I hate to be the attention seeker. Then she told me she was not ready to get back ino a relationship since she was still in love with her ex (which is a thing I already knew by talking with her for 12 hours consecutively). So since that time we have no contact at all... she avoids me and seem quite distant... If I had been the one trying to seduce her I would understand but then since she is the one who came to me with a smile and good intentions i'm quite confused... I tried one last resource on valentine's day : sending her flowers (no roses, big daisies). She came to me with a shy "thank you" but that is all that I got (not that I wanted anything more than a smile but then I find it disapointing anyway). I am the first guy who ever sent flower to that girl so she better remember me and enjoy that moment... still there is no progress... I'm a good friend of her older sister so I end up talking with her in the bar most of the time. Last time her sister was kinda drunk and told me she would like to have me as her brother in law but then she could not do anything about it for her sister was kinda mixed up in her head and quite shy to do anything about me...On the next day her sister asked me if she did not tell me anything bad for her little sister (the one I like) asked her what the hell were we talking about that night. But then if she can't even come to talk with me why does she cares at all with me talking to her sister ??? Recently I heard she was interested in one guy who considers her as her friend so she is not supposed to have any chances but it makes me sad to hear such things... Seriously I never had a romance that complex and believe me I had my share of sad stories... What I ask of you girls (boys can give advices too but then i'm trying to uncover the feminine secrets of not-saying what they really think) is should I still try to talk to her ? I really miss her company, I had a nice time with that person and I dont want to loose that... She knows I am a faithful person and that my words are also my actions, in fact it is that part of me she had been interested in... Some people tell me to date other girls even if I still think about her. Now things are like when we did not knew each other... nothing ever moves and my average mood is going back down...quite fast... I like her... I could even say that I love her but then those words weight kinda much on my shoulders... Link to comment
becallamjr Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I say you proceed and continue to talk to her. Ask her out on a date, you can't help how you feel. If it doesn't work out at least you tried and know. There is nothing worse than what if's? Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Frozen... From MY standpoint....and this is just MY opinion..you are being way too heavy. You had a 12 hour consecutive converstaion with her. That is WAY too much time to spend with someone you have not even had a "date" with. What was left to discuss? Don;t try so hard, or read into everything so much. One thing you did wrong was NOT offer enough of a challenge. She ALREADY knows exactly how you feel, and she didn't even have to DO anything to get it. Not even go out with you. Back off. Be aloof. Flirt with other women. You will seem more in "demand" if she sees other women find you attractive. Right now SHE has to make the next move because you have put it "out there". She has to see you are an amazing catch. Her sister telling her that is not going to prove a thing. She will simply think you put her up to it....SHE has to see for herself. Also..just relax. Be yourself. Don't expect so much so soon. That's very suffocating. Good luck!! Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 She pushed you away because she didn't want to lead you on. She finds you interesting but for whatever reason seems to have changed her mind about being interested in you. She didn't want to hurt your feelings so she took the cowardly way out and just avoids you. Don't contact her. She obviously feels awkward around you because she knows you like her. She feels pressured because she knows what you're expecting. Talk to other women. Be friendly. Don't read so much into things, you're making something big out of something that really isn't. Let her come to you. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Thanks for the advices people, the thing is I dont really try that hard to contact her... The night we spent together was like 2 months ago and since i am really busy working I cannot just try to talk to her every time she is at the club (in fact she is there only on my shifts and I must say I find it pretty hard for the mood). And I'm not trying to convince her sister of anything I really am just a big talker, and when you work in the public domain you usually do that most of the time... I know i should try to smile and date or talk with other girls and seem as distant as she is... I just find it pretty hard... I'm the kind of person who does not fits well with love, makes me a bit obsessive... Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 If she told you that she is not ready for a relationship then that's it. Forget any of her excuses, if she said that much, and then isn't getting together with you, then that's that. Move on and don't waste any more time. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted March 8, 2006 Author Share Posted March 8, 2006 Yeah, well that's the usual answer I get from all guys... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 If someone says they are not ready for a relationship at that point in time, can they ever be ready down the road? Or is it just a nice way of saying you're not my type and I am not interested. Just curious. Link to comment
frozenblaze Posted March 9, 2006 Author Share Posted March 9, 2006 Well usually, being pessimistic, I have a tendency to believe that someone who does say that is trying to say : i'm not interested in you at all... But then I my situation I tried asking her best friend what it was all about and she told me that this girl was truly not ready for a relationship. And beside she is the one that contacted me... anyway now I just have to get used to loving someone who does not love me back (the usual stuff for me I guess)... Link to comment
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