How Does it happen?

[toad4466]

I dont really understand love all that much, or at least i dont understand how to start a realtionship. My problem is that things dont add up. Im such a good person, i care about people, i help as many people as i can, and i dont think of myself all that often. Im 26 now, and i had a great relationship once, but now i just cant seem to start again. Its like my Ex had a great understanding of me, she really loved me and still does, but i all came crashing down due to finance problems and our house together.

there is too much hatred between our families to start again, its like Romeo and Juliet, we just cant be together because of our families.

SO why is it that no over girl can feel that way for me? Im so good, relaiable and loving, but no-one seems interested. I have tried going out, talking, flirting, i am always myself and try to make that special connection. What do i have to do? Why is this happeneing?

Ben

[Aporia]

this is just a stage in your life where you happen to be single

sometimes things change when you least expect them to.

 

for now just enjoy yourself and that someone who has feelings for you, who appriciates you and who you are will come along.

[renaissancewoman101]

Sometimes, in order to attract people, you have to be confident in yourself and give off the vibe that you are happy with yourself and confident about yourself whether you are in a relationship or not. Confidence is a key to attracting someone. Both times I ended meeting a guy that ended up in a long term relationship, I was happy with myself, enjoying life, and living life to the fullest. I have learned, rather painfully, when one is down on oneself one will not attract people and good things wont happen.

[knglerxt]

Sometimes, in order to attract people, you have to be confident in yourself and give off the vibe that you are happy with yourself and confident about yourself whether you are in a relationship or not. Confidence is a key to attracting someone. Both times I ended meeting a guy that ended up in a long term relationship, I was happy with myself, enjoying life, and living life to the fullest. I have learned, rather painfully, when one is down on oneself one will not attract people and good things wont happen.

 

 

Yeah. And you're a female,too. That's got a lot do with it. From what I've seen, this doesn't work for guys.

[renaissancewoman101]

That's not true, if a guy is confident in himself and gives off that vibe of self-assured confidence, a lot of girls go for that. I think most girls like a guy who is confident about who they are, what they like to do, etc.

[mystik]

i agree with renaissancewoman101, confidence and self-happiness is key...and very attractive traits! For a while I was desperate for love, constantly on the lookout for "the one" or anyone really who would show any interest in me. It was heartbreaking...but after a while I decided I needed to live my own life first, and not be searching for someone to live that life with. I went out with my friends, and had fun for myself. That was when I met someone with whom I had a long relationship with. I asked him why he noticed me in a club full of dancing girls and he said "you looked so happy, like you were having the time of your life...you didn't look you were there to pick up" (or something like that). And this is not only because I am a girl. Guys need to be confident to be attractive to many women. No woman wants a man who has an air of desperateness and loneliness. A man needs to happy with himself first...

[mystik]

and in response to toad... it's true, you are just a time in your life where you happen to be single. I know tons of great and attractive people who are single... one can't always be in an awesome relationship...they're hard to find, and that's what makes them even greater I'm single right now, but I try to stay positive about it. I've experienced love and I have faith that I will again. In the meantime, just continue what you're doing!

[ginger25]

I sometimes feel the same way u know. I go out most weekends, and I'm never really looking for anyone I just want to have a good time with my friends, but sometimes at the end of the night I feel so sad, which is probably due to issues with my ex. Also, a lot of my friends are in couples so that makes it awkward at times.

 

I think sometimes we get the idea that everyone else has someone who loves them, but this forum has made me realise there are an awful lot of people in the same boat. There is no real reason why any of us are single at this particular time, it's quality not quantity that counts. U sound like u are still getting over your ex aswell so maybe u aren't quite ready to meet someone new yet, but you feel the need to fill that space that she left?

[knglerxt]

That's not true, if a guy is confident in himself and gives off that vibe of self-assured confidence, a lot of girls go for that. I think most girls like a guy who is confident about who they are, what they like to do, etc.

 

 

It's true that women go for that. But you can be as confident as you want to and still not get approached by women. A lot of women still think that the guy should do the approaching, so most of them won't approach no matter how much they like you.

 

I've been told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy. I have confidence in myself, too. I get looks from women all the time when I'm out and about, yet women never approach me.

 

Basically, I'm saying that just because you don't get approached by women doesn't mean you lack confidence.

[knglerxt]

Guys need to be confident to be attractive to many women. No woman wants a man who has an air of desperateness and loneliness. A man needs to happy with himself first...

 

 

That's true, but I'm talking about being approached by women. Most women just don't do this. It doesn't matter how confident the guy is. It's a lot easier for a woman to get approached than a guy.

 

Like I said above, I've been told I'm a good looking guy, and I have confidence in myself. I get looks from women all the time. But I never get approached.

[Kevin T]

You know, I think it may be true that most women will not approach a guy, no matter who is he or what he looks like. I never have women approacing me... at first I used to believe that it was because I was unattractive (and that really may be), but now I'm not so sure. I can only think of two occasions when women approached me first and expressed interest in me... Wait, only one. The other one I thinking of, even her I spoke to first, she then reciprocated and it went from there. And as it turns out, that one who approached me was not my type at all; way too pushy, bold and assertive for my tastes. We just did not click at ALL.

[ginger25]

I agree most of the time men do make the first move, not sure why that is really. I can understand it men get frustrated by that but in all honesty I don't get approached that often, and i'm not being big headed at all but I wouldn't say I'm unattractive! Most of the time when someone has approached me its because I have at least smiled at them, or we have both got talking to eachother and it hasn't really been clear who made the first move. I think it's best when things happen naturally.

[ShySoul]

Men are expected to do the asking as a holdover from the days when men were the leaders of society, women were regulated in their positions of authority, and going out and taking care of things was what was expected of a man. Men were suppose to be strong and impress the ladies. Today its sterotyped as being "manly" and otherwise you are "weak." But in my opinion, does it matter who does the asking, so long as someone does it?

 

You don't really do anything to start a relationship. It really just happens as you and someone else grows closer. You can have a formal talk, agree to go steady or something like that, but its up to the individuals. When two people are right for each other, they just know it and things build up to that point where they can just say they are in a relationship.

 

PS. Girls do approach guys. Both times I have loved someone, they have said something to me indicating their feelings first. And other girls have started flirting with me first. So its really up to the person and how they choose to handle things.