Is there a point

[Derge]

Have you ever thought that maybe not having a gf/bf not your fault. And maybe part of your gene's. Weve all seen the documentaries about most animals were there is a dominant male who has many females and sidelined males who are destined never to have this and never reproduce unless they can oust the top male.

Ive tried hard and fail continually, most girls have already got boyfriends maybe much older than them the one's that havent probably dont want to know. What I hate the most is people complaining or saying how hard it is when they break up with someone. one rule dont go out withsomeone's a * * * * * apparently thats a requirement that women value in a man.

 

Ive been tearing myself apart internally for about seven years going Ill ask someone out tomorrow its alright when your t home saying that but try and say it to someone when there probably going to be offended by them thinking your in my league.

Also Im not in bad shape and im ive got no deformities. whats up here i bet when im earning thousands the women will be cueing up just to divorce me and take half of my future earnings.

 

Im sorry if im offending anyone but this is the conclusion im coming closer to everyday and im not sad because I havent got a girlfriend now but I honestly believe I will never have one and its not like I havent tried. I believe its luck of the draw youve either got it or you dont.

Also I am not going to pursue a relationship with a girl im not attractd to whats the point in that would not be fair on her or me ive been getting angrier and angrier everyday though my * * * *head friends have started to notice.

They expect me to be the same nice boy that ive been for years and all that gets me is nothing. Adleast when im like this i can let out some of my anger. I dont know what to do it annoys me so much when i like a girl i go mad for them but they dont even know im there.

 

no one has probably read this but if you have thankyou it helps a little any suggestions. maybe i just have to accept that being with someone that im attraced to is impossible and im being hypocritical because why should i complain when there a plenty of obese girls ect.

 

please dont be too harsh this is probably the lowest ive been and i can feel it getting worse everyday and with every experience of something of the above. Dont help just aknowledge.

[Dreng3333]

Well, I am sorry that you have had to go through this. I think everybody goes through something like this at some point, some more drastic than others. know that six months ago I felt alot of the things that you are describing, but it does get better. I know you think I am pulling this out of my * * *, but I am not.

 

Forget about girls for a while. Concentrate on your own life. Do things for you. Do like sports? art? playing music? whatever your passion is, go for it. Take your mind off of girls. They are going to be there all your life, getting one tomorrow should not be your biggest concern. When you do find someone that you are into and who is into you (everybody does at some point I promise) then you can give her your time and energy. But until then spend your time on you.

 

I hope I could help.

[RIPDIME]

I cant really understand your writing but I tried and I think I got it. The fact is that your way of thinking is completely wrong, getting a girl isnt luck or anything its what you do. You see girls are the exact opposite of guys, sure they are attracted to someone if they are cute but for the most part they look for personality or good conversation. Now do you really want to know why your not getting girls? It doesnt matter if your not shy or if you have no inhibitions if you have a negative attitude or think that something bad will always happen than you wont get a girl. All you have to do is wake up one day dont think any negative thoughts and try to be as happy as you possibly can every day. No I cant say that the first few days it will work but after a while slowly girls will notice and there you go, I can guarantee you will have a girlfriend as long as you dont look like golem or you do anything highly stupid.

[Derge]

yeah soz about the post I was in a frantic mode or something. I am ussually happy and I have got a problem with self confidence but am working on it. I play sports and find it incredibly satisfying to see my hard work in training come out on to the field of play. I found a good site that said something which I cant quite remember but it got me thinking that maybe I NEED TO CHANGE MY OUTlook. It did help to get that all out but i am mostly angry with myself when I fail to talk to girls that I like.

[Beec]

Derge,

 

Dating involves a set of skills and requires some understanding of how women act and react. You do need to know that if you do A then B, and a woman finds you attractive, she will do C, if she doesn't she does something else. Why she does these things is not needed.

 

So what are the skills? One, just knowing how to talk to people. Being able to have a conversation and end it so that they want to talk to you again. Most important thing in that is to listen. When people are listened to, they feel appreciated, and they will want that feeling again. Next you should learn how to read body language. Learn these things, and you will be well on your way. How to learn? Can be done lots of ways, but you could start with reading something like Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and follow what it recommends. Then you could read a few books on body language. Try R. Don Steele and Susan Quilliam.

[knglerxt]

I disagree. Maybe that works for some guys, but it sure doesn't work for me. I have a negative attitude now, but I didn't in the past. Guess how many girls I met when I had a positive attitude? None. It's because of this that I now have a negative attitude. Why think positively when all you've seen is the negative, and you don't see any indication that it's going to change? I just can't walk around fooling myself.

[RIPDIME]

I disagree. Maybe that works for some guys, but it sure doesn't work for me. I have a negative attitude now, but I didn't in the past. Guess how many girls I met when I had a positive attitude? None. It's because of this that I now have a negative attitude. Why think positively when all you've seen is the negative, and you don't see any indication that it's going to change? I just can't walk around fooling myself.

Well for me and the friends I have talked to they have all said the same thing. A while ago I always thought negative about things and at the same time was shy, then I decided one day to stop being shy and try being positive. Then I found girls actualy were starting to say hi to me and soon I would even be involved in conversations, I mean im just about to ask a girl out. But it seems even lately whenever I think negative, girls dont talk to me or the same sort of attraction from girls doesnt happen. Think about it this way if a girl saw a guy who looked down or depressed she probably thinks that she doesnt want a thing to do with him but on the other hand if he is happy and outgoing, shes probably thinking, theres a guy who I could actualy could see being with and a guy who would be there for me. Why do you think employees have to smile at Mcdonalds?

[knglerxt]

I'm sorry, but I'm just not convinced of this positive thinking thing. I don't think girls are going to start coming up to me and striking up conversations just because I've changed the way I think.

 

Like I said before, I haven't always had this negative attitude. Even during this period nothing happened.

[b-ion]

I have to say that i'm kind of in the same boat. The negative thoughts creep in and just take over. I used to be this happy go lucky quirky nice guy but now nothing really matters anymore. For me being shy is really something thats is part of me and that i cant get over or cant get past. For many years i thought i had a lot of confidence, in high school i thought i was one of the better looking guys but just thought that the more popular ones could talk more than i could. I find it really hard to believe that most of my friends got girls and that its taken this long for me to find one. But now a days i find that girls like guys who can have long lasting conversations and that looks are not as important as they once were. In my case this is a big problem. I dont talk very much even with my closest buddies. At some points when i'm talking i dont know half of the words that are coming out of my mouth because i dont know what i'm saying. Its even worse when i get nervous because its easy for me to turn red and to stutter. So what i've done is cut eye contact with people and concentrate on the friends that i already have. But its kind of hard to be around them when they've got dates and easy to be alone and forgotten about.

[Kevin T]

You know, I guess I'm in the same boat as you guys. I'm 24, in college and haven't had a date in over 2 years. I used to be engaged a few years back, but it didn't work out. It almost killed me, actually. God it was painful.

 

Anyway, I've thought about this a lot. I do know that there is power in thinking positive and that you can move mountains with positive words and thoughts. However, I also know it's not my fault that I whenever I do meet someone I like/who likes me, that is never works out. I go into it with a positive attitude, expecting good stuff to happen... but it never does.

 

So, as much as I hate to admit it, I know exactly where you guys are coming from and why you'd be so negative. After so many defeats, you just think "Why bother?" And I agree right now.

[ShySoul]

Dating and relationships require no skills that you need to pick up. It's not something that is in our genes and we either have it or not.

 

No. Everything we need, we ALL already have. The problematic factor is timing. For a relationship to happen it needs to be between the right two people. And some of us take longer to meet that right person then others. It 23 I've never had a girlfriend. It's not because of me, because I'm shy, because I'm not genetically set up to date, because I don't have "game" or anything of the kind. It's simply because I have not met the right person at the right time.

 

But we all do meet the right person at the right time. The key is to be patient until it happens. It is to focus on the rest of life and all that there is to do and enjoy. Life does not have to revolve around relationships. We can be just as happy and well off without them.

 

In the end, we all meet the right person. Don't give up hope. And to that girl, you will be her alpha male. No other guy will even begin to compare.