Numb, Numb, Numb

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Two major things Id like to vent about..

 

1) My boyfriend's dad died on Tuesday/Valentines Day at 3pm. His family were with him in hospital at least.

 

My b/f is, understandably, very very upset by this..his dad was at work just one month ago. He still insisted on doing valentines day though, he bought me lots of stuff, took me out to dinner...it made me cry, he's going through all that pain and he still made all that effort, more than most guys who didnt have any problems would. I was so touched..argh its all so emotional at the moment, Im here when he needs/wants to see me, but right now he doesnt want anyone to see him *like this* which Ive respected but inwardly, its driving me crazy because I know hes hurting and I have an urge to hold him, nake sure hes OK, anything..arrghhh

 

2) Today I went to doctors for my various mental health problems, and it really hit me today just how ill I am.

 

He was a very pleasant / professional guy which was good because I had a lot of stuff I had to say...its his opinion I have Bipolar Disorder but need a full evaluation..everything just hit me today. All these years of delusions and paranoia and moodswings, I wsa only in there 15 minutes but I qualified for Urgent Referral to psychiatrist..which I agree with, but wow, doesnt that bring the

 

*I AM VERY MENTALLY ILL*

 

message home or what? Then I explained everything to mom and again, I realised just how much I need help and namely medication, I have virtually no control over my moods at all.

 

And I have so much to combine with getting better..I have to rehearse for a main role in a play upon which 4 peoples college grades depend, i have to be strong for my boyfriend, I have to get sorted with meds. I have to learn to drive..it goes on.

[novaseeker]

Take one thing at a time.

 

Your own mental health is probably the first on the list. It will take time, but I know people who suffer from bipolar disorder who lead pretty well managed lives with the assistance of meds. You can't rush change, but it *can* get better for you with time and some effort and help. I think that's the most important thing, because unless you focus on that first I think your efforts in all the other areas will be undermined to some degree and vice versa.

 

I wish you well in this process.

[WildChild]

I am sorry to hear about your bf father, I'm sure it is a very emotional time for all of you! Nova hit it right on the head about getting yourself taken care of first. Not saying to ignore your bf's needs, but you need to put your health first. And you are not crazy or mentally ill! Bi Polar is more common than people realize and with proper meds and consistently taking them you will be fine. With regard for your bf, give him the space he needs and when he wants to be held, hold him. When he wants to talk, listen. Showing your patience and understanding will mean more to him than trying to "make it better".

[darkblue]

Agreed completely with the other two posters.

 

You know where I am if you want to talk.

Take care.

[ShySoul]

AntiLove,

 

Sorry to hear all of this is happening to you at once. If you ever want to talk, you can always talk to me.

 

With your boyfriend, he knows that you are there for him. When he is ready to talk, he will. In the meantime, just show him love and be patient and understanding. The emotions he is going through takes time to work through and everyone greives in their own way. It hurts to watch someone you care about suffer, but you are doing all you can do. Don't ley it get you down.

 

Right now you need to focus on you. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for your condition. That only makes it worse. You can get through all of this, it just takes time and strength. Believe in yourself, you are a great person who will make it out ok. Stay strong and hang in there.