i know it supposed to get better...but when?

[ut_longhorn]

hi everyone...

 

my background - my ex gf broke up with me 6 weeks ago. 3 weeks of NC. i was too clingy and insecure and i think it drove her away. any ways..it was good that i learned of my behavior for future women. i guess that's one positive from the break up.

 

but after 6 weeks...its still incredibly hard on me. i think of her all the time still. i wonder what shes doing. if she thinks about me. how she is. for some reason, the day after valentines is hard as well. i miss her so much. i think about all those little memories that we had together. its making me feel so blue.

 

if you guys have any words of hope or stories of healing, that would be great.

[sukerbut]

dude i really hate it when i hear i was too clingy and insecure and thats why she left me...for a long time i thought that was the case but its NOT! the only reason you acted like that nad i bet it was towards the end of the realtionship right? is becasue she made you feel like that !! don't ever forget it...i am a firm believer in that...i bet when she was so in love with you and everythign was great those insecurity problems were not there..but towards the end i bet she started fading and thats when you knew instinctivly the relationship was coming to an end...all of a sudden she is spending less time with you...less frequent focals..etc..so what do you do? you grasp on to dear life....am i wroing? i became insecure towards the end becasue of those reasons and guess what i was right!! circumstances change people...life, career and so forth sometimes the timing is not right or the love was not really there..as for the feeling ..if you lvoed this girl its going to stay in the pit of your stomach for a long a ss time!! 4 motnhs for me and soem days i still feel like crap...just buckle up that seast belt , try to reinvent yourself and hold on till the next One comes along!!! Good luck i know i need it..last night sucked...not becasue of me missing ehr, just me thinking of how good i was to her..the special things that i did for her as apposed to other women that loved me..and i did half the things for them as i did for this one..and she betrayed me..i think betrayal is the worst feeling...not only are you rejected by some one you love, but your are alos mad at yourself for letting yourself be so voulnerable when the relationship was not what you thought it was .. i think that feeling of foolishness is what stays with you for a long time..and it hurtsd brother..more hurt than eating asphalt on the highway...doing 80 wearign a t-shirt..trust me i know

[octopus]

i had a 6 month relationship, broken up for 3 months now. I'm OK. I miss him, but nothing like 3,4 even 2 weeks ago. You're healing. Really. Live your emotions, but don't act on them.

[dizziest]

The 2nd poster is 100% right, she made you feel insecure. You gotta keep no contact and tell yourself your better off.

[metalheart]

Hey sukerbut.. you've hit the right chord!

 

And i add this thing to you ut_longhorn.. To me its been 1.9 yrs since my 4yrs ex Gf left .. in somehow the pain diminishes with the pass of the days...but of course, will be days when you feel less than an atom..

 

Just try to do some exercise or play an musical instrument (or both things)when you feel these mix of feelings angry/sadness/foolishness starts.. it makes you forget for a few minutes and maybe hours after.. all the mess where you are.

 

This has worked for me. (Playing Korn and Metallica song's in my guitar its a very unstressful thing XD) (Going to the Gym or Martial Arts training, in my case)

 

Also, you could read books to improve your knowledges about relationships/girls/dating/self steem.. i started to do that since the breakup and it help me a lot to see the things from different perspectives..

 

And if you're still feel hurt/sad/angry after do those things.. come here and keep posting and venting.. Really Helps!

 

But whatever you'll do just remember the N°1 Rule: No Contact!!

It will help you... to keep your mind far from her for moments

 

Good Luck man!.. and my best wishes for everybody here in the forum

[ut_longhorn]

thanks guys. and yea sukrbut...maybe what you are saying is right. i can't be sure of what was first...me being suffocating that drove her away..that started a cycle...or her pulling away that started it. whichever it was...the conclusion is the same. it is over.

 

i guess the hardest part of it is accepting the fact that it really is over. im trying to beat that into my head daily, and sometimes that little voice of hope pops up ... and then it sucks again. i feel foolish knowing that shes moved on fine living it up...and im stuck here like a fooooool.

 

anyways...just moving forward with time and NC.

[sukerbut]

oh dont you worry she is out having the time of her life..liek a weight has been lifted from her back...we are here sulking in our misery..but thats how love works right? we can't control our feeling s for some one..if they were mutual we would not be clingy and suffocatiing..i know when we were a unit..she could not weight to see me..if she sent me an e-mail and i did not respond right away..she would be liek hey babe were were you i miss you..so why when we do that we are suffocating please..I HATE HEARING THAT! Things change..mine got a job...got out of college and decided she wanted to start her life with out me...we went from we are going to get married right baby.."your not going to break my heart are you" in july to "i cant ever imagine living with you never mind having kids with you" in sept..WOW What the F___! i think that were i am just dumbfounded how someone can be liek that in a matter of 2 months..oh did i mention the honey moon type vacation to costa rica in aug...I mean how do you do that to some one..how can it be so easy for you to change like that..Thats what eats me up inside every day..I JUST DONT GET IT..I REALLY DONT! i can assure you one thing though they are having the time of their lives with out us...and we pathetick saps are on here daily pooring our hearts out!! I know its not easy but we need to pick up the pieces .. I HATE HEEEEEEEER!! haha actually no haha i hate her

[ut_longhorn]

yea...id like to hope that she feel even a bit bad about this...but im pretty f*cking sure shes having a great time with her new found freedom. thats exactly how i was when i broke up with my ex. but i do also remember that i wondered how the ex was and if she was hurting. so im sure my current ex cant forget about me 100% of time. i gotta guess that i pop into her head for a second? which gives me a tiny bit of comfort. but why should that give me comfort? it shouldnt. and i guess in the end it really doesn't.

 

yea...it really pisses me off because of the unfairness of the situation. i really think i want her to be happy. but only after im healed ...