sharing his wife

[susan225]

My question is for anyone.

Why does a guy wish to share his wife/girlfriend with someone else.?

we are not taking about swinging here but the pleasure of watching him wife with another men.

for ever my husband has asked me to have sex with some of his Friends and i always said no way well 6 month ago i said OK and to my surprise it was Very good.

I have had several partners and many repeats,i feel super,not slutty at all,

i am far more sexual then i ever thought i was, i have sex all the time,i lost 10 lbs lol. i feel great and it shows.My relation with my husband is equally great, our sex life is hotter then ever,we are closer then ever as well,we talk and hell we even listen..

many of our Friends know about our lifestyle and it sure add to the trill,we dint put it in your face but we don't over hide it as well.

i am one of those that has to understand the why for everything, so why is our relation so much better now,why i feel so in control and so...alive

your thoughts please.

Susan

[ShySoul]

I would never do that myself, but I've tried to understand why someone would. For the man, I think it has to do with being stimulated by the act and image of watching someone else has sex. It's similar to watching porn, only with a personal connection. It isn't strangers you are watching, its your own wife being pleased and happy. And when the person you love is happy, that makes you happier as well. So for these guys, watching your wife enjoying herself, is enjoyable to them.

 

The women is first off having sex, a physically pleasurable act itself. They don't worry so much about the emotionally element, feeling guilty about cheating, because the husband approves and is even there. So they can lose themselves in the physical act.

 

Though I'm sure there are other reasons and someone in that kind of relationship would provide a better answer.

[brahman]

, so why is our relation so much better now,why i feel so in control and so...alive

your thoughts please.

Susan

 

honestly, sorry to say, i dont think it will last. you feel good now, but i think in time you will look back and wish you hadnt. you love him and thats why he got you to do what he wanted you to. but i dont think a person who truley loves you would make his wife have sex with another person.

[Princess1986]

I agree with the other poster. Where is the jealousy??? I love it when my man is jealous, don't you? For me this is not healthy, but I know this forum is not to jugde people.

I can't answer the question, cause I don't understand it at all! And I don't think people will come up with a good explanation of this, so then the conclusion is that , since you don't know the reason why you feel so good,. there is a high possibility you will loose the good feeling and start to wonder yourself why your husband wants to share his own wife!!! So be careful please ...

[RayKay]

I think right now you feel good as you feel desirable, and maybe like you are pursuing a "naughty" side, but no matter if your husband is supportive of it or not, I do feel in the long run it is going to undermine your relationship.

 

I too would question his willingness to pass you off to his friends, seems like he sees you more as a plaything then his wife. I don't know any man whom loves and respects their partner whom would want to see them with others.

 

In the long run honey, I am not sure you will feel so proud of yourself. I don't imagine his friends are thinking you are "super" and "respectable" anymore. There are just lines that friends should not cross!

 

I do respect people have alternative lifestyles, but I have not seen a healthy ending for cases of this "sharing", I really believe it undermines the relationship. And I can tell you if my partner ever told me he wanted to see me with his friends, I would be walking away, as that would be a very good indication he did not love and respect me in the way I needed.

 

However, if it makes you both "happy" then go ahead, however I would suggest regular STD testing, there are many that are transmitted even with protection, and be prepared for the possible emotional and physical fall out.

 

As to why he wants too...I imagine it was a fantasy of sorts for him, though as to WHY he had that fantasy I cannot say - have you ever asked him?

[annie24]

Having been a reader of Dan Savage's column "Savage Love", I see that your situation is pretty common. It's a normal fetish for a lot of people - to have their partner with others.

 

Well, if it is working for both of you, and you have your boundaries, and you are using protection, I don't see much wrong with it.

 

His column is at

 

good luck

[Ash]

That being said, I do in some ways understand the alure of sharing your partner (may it be wife, girlfriend etc.) There's somewhat of a turn-on for me at least contemplating see my love interest getting it on with another.

 

Perhaps part of it comes from the security of knowing that I definitely do it for her, I can turn her on, take care of her, see that she's satisfied. I'm not worried that another is going to steal her away.

 

As long as she enjoyed it so would I. If she didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't want her to do it. I want her to be happy, fulfilled, content. I like to be in the mix somewhere of course. I find this in some ways perhaps also applies to the use of toys. Some men see toys as a threat because they think they should be all their partner needs. Some men are totally against their partners even masturbating as they feel it's an indication they are inadequate.

 

I don't subscribe to the inadequacy aspect, and neither does your husband from the sounds of it.

 

There can be other aspects as well. Smart men realize that if they keep their lady satisfied, she will be happy with him and life will be good. If they are not always able to perform (this can happen sometimes as we age) then assisting in alternate ways could hold some appeal. In your case, it's rather an extended circumstance. Others might buy toys, your husband wants other men for you.

 

Sometimes its the sheer exhibitional side of it. He obvisously loves seeing you in sexual situations. When we participate, seeing what is happening (as if we were watching a porn film) is not generally possible unless we arrange to film. But then a person to operate the camera is needed in order to get a good view. A cameraman (camera person I suppose is more politically correct!) is a third party involved, so it's not a big leap to go from a non-interactive person to an interactive one.

 

As for issues down the road ... who really knows. If you're living in the present and things are good - then things are simply that, good! Maybe this is a passing phase, and things will settle to you and him. Maybe this will continue for a while. You both seem to enjoy it so I don't see a big issue.

 

This is not to say I'd want to see either of you hurt in the long run. Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband said he wanted you to watch him and another woman. Would that appeal at all? What about if he said you could be with another man without him being there? Asking yourself questions like that may reveal some iner throughts that lead you to decide if you do want to continue in this situation.

 

I also understand the part about your sex life with your husband improving in this situation. There is something true to the concept that a healthy sex life leads to more frequent and enjoyable sex. My partner and I do things with, for and to each other that I have never done in the past, and we are together far more often as a result. If there weren't kids running around, and I didn't have to work, I'm sure there are days we just wouldn't get out of bed!

 

Revealing fantiasies, acting out some of them is something people like to and need to do. It sounds like this is one of his, and he's living it. Do you have any? Do you get to act them out? If so, think about how that makes you feel. My guess is it makes you feel good. He's the same.

 

Good luck.

[OceanEyes]

If you're enjoying your life and everyone's happy, then who cares what other people think? Honestly. The way you and your husband choose to live your lives is completely up to you.

 

As long as you're not messing with other relationships or flaunting your lifestyle in the faces of others who may not agree, I see no problems. There are so many ways of doing things, we are all such different creatures, and to be honest, it angers me that some people believe that their ways are the only ways. You're not hurting me, you're happy, so who cares?

 

Of course, I still wonder about how long this type of thing can last.

[Day_Walker]

I think you have to disassociate yourself from the norm here and understand that most people arent going to understand your relationships with your partner. It is possible that this situation is what works in your relationships. As long as both people are willing participants then if thats how you want your relationship to be then so be it. As far as telling you why it works it just so happens that you found a person who is into the same things that you are into. Its hard to say what the future will hold in any relationship but the basis for a good relationship is two people coming together on similar terms where they both want the same thing for the relationship.

[susan225]

First of all i want to thank everyone that reply to my post..ASH..BRAHMAN..SHYSOUL..DAY WALKER and all the others,some i have agree with you way of thinking while other i simply do not.

Final thoughts..

We feel that a couple can do anything,i really mean anything as long as no one is being forced,or ridicule,mutual respect.

as far as not being truly love by my husband because he shares me,that i am nothing but a sex toy for him..i dont agree with that (hope i am not wrong,your right time will tell)

The way i see things now is that ..hey it is only sex..

i think trouble could begin if i start to feel something for the guy i am with.Difficult situation since i will not just pick up a guy in bar just to have sex, i have to know him and like him or i just wont do it.

someone wrote "what if he want you to have sex with another women"

and the answer is simple,"sure baby right after to do it with bob our next door neighbour"..lol

in conclusion.. baby steps but we feel good about it and i think we will carry on and as long as we keep communicating i truly believe that this is a good thing.

[spunkykatt]

I am in no way going to judge you for what you and your husband do, I just hope that this decision you as a couple have made doesnt come back and cause major problems later on. While I personally dont agree with your choice I have to respect it, and hope things work out for the best for you.

[theantibarbie23]

If I were in this situation I think I would be really concerned about catching STDs from these people. If they are sleeping with you for a thrill, who knows who else they are shacking up with and condoms don't protect you from everything.

 

Some of the things you can catch with a condom are things you'll have for life like genital warts. Also if you are still considering having children, STDs can make you sterile.

 

Ultimately, your sex life is your own. Do whatever you want as long as your partner agrees with it and you aren't hurting anyone. However, you should sit down and think about what will happen if you start having feelings for someone else. After all, you know as well as anyone that a woman can become very attached to someone they are sleeping with frequently.

 

I don't think your husband has really put much thought into the possiblity that you could aquire feelings for someone else and how that would totally jepordize your marriage.

[untwist_my_soul]

Having been a reader of Dan Savage's column "Savage Love", I see that your situation is pretty common. It's a normal fetish for a lot of people - to have their partner with others.

 

Well, if it is working for both of you, and you have your boundaries, and you are using protection, I don't see much wrong with it.

 

I couldn't agree more!!!! Your marriage is your marriage. If his fetish was to see you have sex with an animal and you fulfilled it I think that makes for a healthy marriage if you enjoyed, have no problems with it and set your boundaries. I just think too many people sacrafice their happiness in a marriage worrying what others think. As long as the both of you are cool with it I don't see the problem. Have fun!!!! lol

[susan225]

i JUST LOVE YOUR NAME..THE ANTIBARBIE23.. love it..

as for your post,thanks

std is a big scary thing,even oral sex is a no no..a condom is an absolute must.

Before i stop with this post i have one final thing for all the female here,those that are between 25 and up , that are or have been married for a few years and there home life is very good but routine,

up by 6 am, makes lunches,go to work,come home in traffic,forgot to take something out for dinner,winter time not much to do,watch so TV,read movie,got to bed and have sex with husband from time to time.

it is a good life , secure...ever wanted to be a wild ,even if it is only for 6 months,wear clothes from dare 2 wear or wickedtemptations, even being a sex kitten,answer the door (at the hotel) with a completely sheer blouse,have sex with him if you want, i am living it, go wild while your young.

link removed thats what i wore at the private club we went to and even if i took no one home that night we had a blast,dance so much and lots of guys with roming hands.

i fix the side of the skirt part so they didnt go as high

if ever you felt like that then you might enderstand why (for now) i am living this alternative lifestyle.

susan

[gumbojames]

Why? Because he likes it. It is difficult if not impossible to explain the nuances of this strange desire. But if you've got it - by all means DO it. Treat yourself to the MAXIMUM stimulation found on Planet Earth. It is a strange and controversial desire that runs in direct oppostion of what we call conventional reality. But if you like to think about it - then you're gonna love it when you do it. I knew I was into this degrading and kinky kind of sex just as soon as I saw dirty Poloroids of some guys girl friend back when we were kids. I was around 11 years old when I saw pornography for the first time. I knew that I really liked everything that was going on. To have power of a naked woman seemed to me the ultimate. My wife was more than eager to accommodate anything I'd ever wanted or done before. If the Islamic custom of a host letting his guests sleep with the hosts wife as "good manners" - turns you on - then we're both in the same boat. I knew it then and know it everytime I hear a story about some guy's wife who will put out to everybody while all the guys laugh at her. That's what I wanted - and that's what I got. Go for it Susan. Do it.

[theantibarbie23]

I knew it then and know it everytime I hear a story about some guy's wife who will put out to everybody while all the guys laugh at her. That's what I wanted - and that's what I got.

 

Um I have to ask.... no personal offense intended. You made comments about the men laughing at the wife who bangs all the guys and about degrading women. Does it excite you to think of people viewing your wife as a joke and do you view her as such? If so, I can't imagine this being a healthy relationship based on love and respect.

[Ash]

I knew I was into this degrading and kinky kind of sex

everytime I hear a story about some guy's wife who will put out to everybody while all the guys laugh at her

Gumbojames, I'm pretty sure this isn't what Susan is into. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think there's a big difference between what you're into and what she is talking about. Susan, please correct me if I'm wrong. Many women are entirely against being degraded. I would have thought in some ways, especially when Susan describes how she feels about this that it gives her a feeling of power and accomplishment, not one of being used and ridiculed.

 

Again, to each his/her own.

[susan225]

knew I was into this degrading and kinky kind of sex .....

kinky sex is ok with me but degrding..if eve i feel like that might as well be a piece of liver.

i do not want to be rediculed (make fun of my spelling mistakes..)is ok ll

why is it so difficult for some men to realised that us women are in fact more sexual then hey are, we just dont allow ourselfs theright to be..

(as i step down from my soap box.....) well i will explore my sexuality.

susan

[Ash]

i will explore my sexuality

Good! And you should. I applaud you for that.

 

Also, I don't think anybody was making fun of you, or of your spelling. I certainly wasn't.