Selective Homophobia

[Jinx]

Over the past weeks I've spent a deal of my time involved in community and educational settings. Thus, less time here on the boards compared to my usual, but this sudden increase in social setting hasn't been anything to write home about as far as it is concerned with the positive.

 

When I first came out to select friends and acquaintances everything seemed fine, they seemed especially accepting; now seems to be an entirely different story which bothers me.

 

All but two of the women I came out to have boyfriends, for varying durations in time. Between the single and the taken there has been this distinct attitude change towards me. When I'm around those who have their boyfriends around will act suddenly clingy like I'm the plague coming around, but they act otherwise decent, but the body language is a given they're not comfortable, even though they try to make it casual.

 

The single women are acting paranoid, I'm afraid if they're around me too close for too long they may just go into hyperventilation mode. I guess this was the couple month reality set in? Don't know. Anyhow, one prime example is a friend who I was extremely close to, just after I had came out she didn't change any, still close and didn't mind casual contact. Now on the other hand, if we even brush up against each other innocently she won't associate with me for the rest of the day. The other isn't as extreme but keeps her distance.

 

I've explained to both that it is futile to bother chasing a straight woman, more specifically an OPENLY definitely straight woman bordering on extremely so. I thought this would comfort their nerves, they both announce what men they like, why they like them, who they want to marry, etc..., straight as can be far as they go verbally. Both have supposedly been hit on by lesbians according to what they say so I suppose that may have something to do with the anxiety but I already told them my opinion that those women didn't have a clue or any tact on the situation anyhow and simply sexual driven and that common sense dictates you don't bother openly straight women unless you've got one hell of a cause aside of your attraction because it just won't add up. Apparently this went through one ear out the other, entirely.

 

I've even been blunt to the point that if you're sure about your sexuality I am no threat, nor shall I ever be. (Don't need to suddenly look at me like I'm some kind of Atomic Bomb ready to go at the least).

 

Also there is another point that really is bothering me about straight friends I have, for the way they obviously act around gays and lesbians, they must believe they are God's gift to any sex. One guy I spoke to that I am not out was pointing out a friend of mine and said that he may be my best friend but thats just because he is gay and is nothing to me, whereas for him, it is different. I earned a similiar lecture from the one straight friend that gay men are good, but lesbians, you don't know what they're up to. Interesting.

 

These people maybe its the age, but seems to be a selective homophobia element. Women are fine with gay men and you CAN be friends with them, to a woman, lesbians are not good. To men lesbians are fine and can be friends no problem, gay men, bad very bad. I realize this isn't accross the board entirely but it just strikes a nerve, it just makes me wonder how caught up certain people must be in themselves and how stereotypically they envision GLB as needy people with no standards.

 

Meanwhile, another thing I've noticed and love to know if anyone else has experienced this but I keep getting it over and over and starting to wonder if it is just a gay-straight thing or me individually. Straight women, I can have some or no interest in them. They'll act normally around me for a couple weeks, then its like they go on strike for a few days where they have the "eww, lesbian" paranoia attitude skip a few more and they're back to being your best friend and it just keeps going back and forth, very repetitive and people wonder why at this point I only have few select best to very good friends. Kind of hard if the women you want to simply befriend all have those swings, not worth my time.

 

I just wonder if there is anyway to get through while I'm still in these programs that I'm not chasing every woman I can, and that I have morals, and don't want to isolate myself because of their issues.

[Mrocza]

Lol, why don't you tell them this:

 

"Not to burst your bubble, but even if I was out to convert straight girls, you aren't my type."

 

They'll either be really offended (because you can't win lol) or realize you're joking and drop their exagerated behaviour.

 

I can't imagine what it's like to go through what you are- it must be SO annoying! It's good that you're going out though! You're doing something! If your friends are going to be so uptight, confront them about it seriously.

 

I mean , I can understand their thoughts to an extent- they are probably uncomfortable and unsure and mostly unaware. You mentioned their stereotypes towards homosexuality- it's funny but at the same time, it pisses me off because they're serious. They don't know how to act because they think it's the equivalent of a second head or something. Some people will never unlearn their prejudices, but just try talking to them. You're the SAME person they always knew.

 

Tell them you're not out to make them feel uncomfortable. Do they look at their straight guy friends like they're the devil as well because they are into girls?

 

Good Luck!

[novaseeker]

Ive observed the same thing for years.

 

Ive come to the conclusion that each sex is more threatened by homosexuals of that sex than of the other sex, for a few reasons: (1) feeling that they may be hit on by the person, or that the other person may like them more than as a friend, (2) basic underlying issue that a gay person of their sex challenges the definition of what it means to be of their gender, whereas a gay person of the opposite sex does not (men's sense of what it is to be a man is not threatened by lesbians, but it can be perceived to be threatened by gay men and vice versa for women) ... that is to say, homophobia most often runs most strongly against people of your same sex.

[Prufrock06]

Jinx,

 

I think it's important not to let these people and their impressions get you down so much. In a sense, there's always going to be some misunderstanding between heterosexuals and homosexuals -- being a gay guy, I can completely identify with your awkwardness in regards to dealings with the same sex. Sometimes I wonder whether straight guys can comprehend the fact that a gay guy can be friends with them without having some kind of hidden agenda, which it seems like some of your friends think you have? I feel like the problem lies in this idea that just because you're attracted to the same sex means that everyone of the same sex you come accross is going to become your object of lust or obsession -- which is completely ridiculous and, in some respects, is kind of self-involved thinking on the part of the "selective homophobe".

[FoxLocke]

I'm not out to anyone(except my lesbian ex-girlfriend), but I can relate to this.

 

Since I'm still "straight" (in the eyes of my family and friends) I feel like I am a spy gathering intel for the gay community. It is amazing some of the things people will say. My niece(who is actually older than me), is a married, conservative woman with: two kids, a husband, a house, and two SUV's, is very adamant about her disgust with lesbians. It is almost like she has to prove how hetero she is. And I think that is how it is with most homophobic straight people.

Coincidentally, some of the most homophobic people I have met are straight women, I kid you not. And they are not only disgusted by lesbians but they have adamant hatred for gay men. They think that all gay men are depraved and immoral, and only want to steal their husbands and boyfriends. That is the general attitude many have...Furthermore, I think we(gay guys)represent somekind of threat to their femininity.

 

Like, "There must be something wrong with me if another man can take my husband!"

 

In addition to that, When they know that someone around them is gay they(hetero men and women) will say or do something to show every else they aren't gay. For instance, a few days ago there was this flamboyantly gay guy on campus. He was walking and talking on his cellular telephone, minding his own business. Anyway, this group of guys just called him the "F" word really loud("F" word as in the slur for homosexuals). They just wanted to hurt his feelings. Anyway, I was sitting there right next to them and I couldn't really say anything. I was scared I would get jumped or something, so I just sorta walked off.

 

I used to be that way myself. I would not hang around anyone who was openly gay, because I didn't want any rumors to be spread about me. Moreover, I was very into my religion and christianity back then so I would preach to gay men about how they should change and that god could change them...Yes, I was really that fanatical(meanwhile I was dealing with being gay the entire time)...

 

It also has to do with age.

Straight teenagers are the most homophobic people you will EVER meet.

As long as our society looks upon gay men and women as deviant attitudes like this will persist...

 

To me those kinds of people are ridiculous. Jinx, if I were you I would find new friends who accept gay people. Friendship with stipulations attached is not friendship. They are the ones who are insecure, not you.

[Jinx]

Do they look at their straight guy friends like they're the devil as well because they are into girls?

No, in that case they're potential dating "material". That is the major difference, they just come to expect the males to be lusting after the women and it is fine, if they get a date or something out of it even better. Whereas, since I am female they're not getting squat out of it.

 

One reason I spoke of their egocentric thoughts, they act as though every lesbian is going to chase after them and be the object of their desire (as had been mentioned in one of the replies). Obviously they don't seem to comprehend this in the slightest that the attitude is the first half of the turn off, the second half I'm just not interested to start with.

 

The situation is a bit difficult to wiggle out of at the moment. I've commited my time on certain community projects and programs for x amount of time, thus, it wouldn't be who of me to say I didn't like the people and leaving because other than this weird attitude there isn't much basis for leaving. I haven't been going out as much either given the attitudes and like I say there is a degree of self isolation going on with the frustration of the whole issue.

 

Right now is not a prime time I take it. A majority of the gay male friends I have are paired up so their time is taken in the novelty relationship period, with Valentines Day right around the corner it isn't worth the time or effort to intrude on things. Those that are single, are friends with these women.

 

Around where I reside as a woman gay men are no threat and most are perfectly fine and do try to befriend gay men. Lesbians seem to obey the "birds of a feather flock together" just because its an outcast thing it seems more out of the closet I go.

 

So that leaves me out because the single gay men are still friends with all these women in the groups, they're paired up, the straight people are single and paranoid, or straight paired and still paranoid.

 

Times like this I'd prefer to wiggle back under my rock but then realize it won't last forever. It is just difficult that these people can act like friends prior to coming out and during what I guess must just of been their denial period, but once that is all gone its like you're not even the same person.

 

I'd be so much more content at this point if I could find people which I could raise the status to friendship, come out, and they don't make an issue out of it, period. Unfortunately, it seems to be far and few between here.

 

I've actually been contemplating possibly attending graduate school (when it comes that time) in a liberal portion of California (except the living expenses are just a tad bit high). I love Arizona, but I just seem to roll around the Conservative areas, and the liberal areas I just don't go for much. Sort of stuck between a rock and hard place here if nothing else.

[KIDD]

Homophobia annoys me, why can't people just accept someone for who they are? I have a question.. Can a gay female be a homophobe of a gay male or vice versa?? I noticed this back when I was in high school. It seemed like the lesbian women were more accepted than the gay men. I remember one girl who was gay say.. It's alright for females to be gay but gay men are not?She said gay men irks her. They're the F word? I was perplexed by that statement coming from a homosexual herself. That's something that I've always had on my mind.. Does anyone get this??

[Erk]

Homophobia annoys me, why can't people just accept someone for who they are? I have a question.. Can a gay female be a homophobe of a gay male or vice versa?? I noticed this back when I was in high school. It seemed like the lesbian women were more accepted than the gay men. I remember one girl who was gay say.. It's alright for females to be gay but gay men are not?She said gay men irks her. They're the F word? I was perplexed by that statement coming from a homosexual herself. That's something that I've always had on my mind.. Does anyone get this??

 

I understand that and I have thought about this before! You know all the "two girls are hot" stuff that goes on with straight guys. The majority of straight guys think it's gross that two guys are together, obviously. People think gay guys are funny or 'sick' because of the way they act/and don't like how they act. (Some men even think that gay people are a disgrace to manhood) [i am surprised that I haven't heard anything like this on these forums.] Sorry if this is offensive in some way, but it's how most of the world is, or so I think.

 

For girls, you always see how pokey they are with each other. They can hug without someone calling them a lesbian or something like that. Then there would be two good guy friends hugging. That just "looks" wrong (two guys hugging) in many peoples views. Hope I don't sound ignorant in the way I put it. =S

[Imaginary]

For girls, you always see how pokey they are with each other. They can hug without someone calling them a lesbian or something like that. Then there would be two good guy friends hugging. That just "looks" wrong (two guys hugging) in many peoples views. Hope I don't sound ignorant in the way I put it. =S

 

I was actually commenting this the other day... You know, girls can hug and dance and they are good friends, but guys look weird doing so. A guy who has a lot of sex is "the man" and the girl who has a lot of sex is "the * * * *". Double standards, aren't they?

[EnglishSilver]

It also has to do with age.

Straight teenagers are the most homophobic people you will EVER meet.

As long as our society looks upon gay men and women as deviant attitudes like this will persist... .

 

Not wanting to go too much off topic, but had to agree with this, my teenage sons have encountered such a lot of homophobia on account of my sexuality at school, despite the teachers being supportive on the whole, and feel a lot of it is what these kids have learnt from their parents.

 

Sounds Jinx, like time to seek out some new friends, maybe some gay ones! but not all straight people are that homophobic, you seem to have struck very unlucky at the moment. When I first came out, my youngest son was just two, and I was shunned by the whole playgroup!! no great loss, most of them were too far up their own bottoms anyway! (what a threat I must have been, all those silly women thinking I would chase them and corrupt their children!!) What was much more upsetting was losing my best friend of 10 years because her husband didn't like it, and was a control freak.

I think that although its lovely to have good lifelong friends, it doesn't happen that way for everyone, especially if you have dramatic changes in your life. Real true friends would accept it if you told them you had no sexual or romantic designs on them and not act weird with you. It may be that you have outgrown these women if they're not able to move on with knowing about your sexuality. You don't have to drop them, but I'd start looking to expand your social life where you might meet people who you can connect with without this irritating unspoken prejudice. Good luck!xx

[EnglishSilver]

Sorry, posted above before i read your next message about how difficult it is for you to find others like yourself at the moment! It may be worth thinking about moving to somewhere where you'll have more a more fruitful social life if you can afford it in the future, but keep your eyes and ears open for any opportunities that arise in the meantime!

[Jinx]

Can a gay female be a homophobe of a gay male or vice versa?? I noticed this back when I was in high school.

 

It seems you can be within the GLBT community and have all the traits straight individuals do, even homophobia. It seems to be common for people to assume that since we're homosexual that we can have no prejudice but it isn't so from what I've heard, you can be gay and be just as sexist, racist, homophobic - whatever - as the next person which I find sad but it is a part of human nature for some.

 

Speaking on that same note, that is how it is in this area but opposite; even though there is hatred everywhere, people are more prone here to accept gay men openly than are lesbians. In most other areas is seems like gay men are the hate targets and lesbians can "get away with it". I cannot understand what the mentality difference is, isn't like there are many more in the overall scheme of things that are gay men than lesbians, or visa versa, but I would assume there is a deal less out lesbians (which I've already noticed then again) because of the extreme disdain pointed towards lesbians in this area. Here, you can be the most feminine man and some woman will be your best friend, whereas you're a lesbian to any degree and women are paranoid and men are okay but lose their interest. Don't know.

 

what a threat I must have been, all those silly women thinking I would chase them and corrupt their children!!

That reminded me of comments when I was back home for the holidays, they made mention about being corrupted by lesbians and I humored myself thinking, "Oops, well the lesbian recruiters have already been here and I've got my official card. Oh well."

 

You know, girls can hug and dance and they are good friends, but guys look weird doing so. A guy who has a lot of sex is "the man" and the girl who has a lot of sex is "the * * * *". Double standards, aren't they?

True. I had a conversation not too long ago that dealt with the fact that more partners a man has, the better he appears to people more popular and all that social status. Whereas, a women whom who does the same exact procedure is an outcast and dirty in society's eyes. My, we still are a bit puritanical despite all the generations that have carried on.

[Mrocza]

I don't think teenagers are the most homophobic bunch.

 

I think it's wrong to generalize even that. Teenagers actually have more of a chance to steer away from these prejudices and generalizations because they can be exposed to it and learn about it more. But it all depends on how they are raised.

 

We are all products of our environments.

[mystik]

i agree with fairie, it is unfair to say that teenagers are the most homophobic. Perhaps younger teenagers are when they are still in middle/highschool. But seniors in highschool and many college kids today are not homophobic at all. Granted, like fairie said, it depends on how you're raised. but i also think it also has to do with how big your town is. I go to a large university (UBC if anyone knows it) with 40,000 students. We just elected our first Student Association President who is gay. I actually knew him from first year before he got involved in this but he never had any problems even living on residence in a dorm full of other guys. No one cared that he was gay, they didnt' shy away from him in the showers and such. One of my girl friends (a japanese exchange student) had a lesbian roommate and though she was surprised and a little nervous she saw that everyone else didn't care so she didn't either. One my other guy friends just came out and it has been so tough for him (grew up in a VERY small resort town) but that's why he loves it when he's at school, because no one treats him differently, unlike back in his hometown. I work with older people (30's, 40's) in an office, the only one my age...and they make much more homophobic comments than my college mates.

[FoxLocke]

Where I grew up--sadly--99.9% of the teenagers were VERY homophobic. Again, this is coming from a city in Texas. I am not sure how it is in Canada, but down here people are taught that gay = Not good.

When you are a young teenager(like people below the age of 17) you go through that period where you want to fit in. And when you want to fit in you do what everyone else is doing. Thus, if a group of friends is calling someone a "F" then chances are he or she is going to join in and say the samething.

 

I did not mean to over generalize, but where I grew up it is a fact. That might have changed since I graduated Highschool nearly 10 years ago...But Homophobic teens were the norm for me growing up. I was one of them.

[Jinx]

As for the age, I think it really varies. It seems certain locations and what not categories, the teens are the worst in the manner of being homophobia sponges, whereas in other areas it is the exact opposite.

 

For myself, in my hometown it was the teens who were the extreme homophobics (I was the worse homophobic I knew for awhile, of course that was just because me wasn't ready to deal me with me so to speak).

 

Whereas now where I am located, it isn't the teens that are the problem. Its my own age group that is being a pain about their notions and stereotypes.

 

I really think it truly depends where you were raised, what years, who you're around, the environment of the location and all that information. I think homophobia even depends on location.

 

Like I said many times, where I am now, lesbians are the extreme outcasts and not very accepted, gay men on the other hand, men aren't extremely happy but everyone is more open to their coming out as just another part of life than when a woman does.

 

Now on the flip side I'll hear several others on the board with the exact opposite problem saying that lesbians are encouraged and gay men are disowned.

 

Really wish I understood all this geographical and age basis reasoning that causes all these differences, but I don't.

 

Anyhow, to change the subject, but not change the subject really, I did talk to the one woman; the lesser of two evils.

 

She said to me that it wasn't so much me (Guess that was supposed to pad the blow and make me feel better?) that it was more so stress and that she hasn't really been acting normal with anyone because of it. So being the sympathetic soul that I am I listened to all this and I guess, the stress to say the very least on her behalf is understandable, but I can still tell she has some reservations over me. Can't have a perfect world I suppose, but we sat right beside each other while talking, so I couldn't of been all that scary, at least at that moment.

[Jinx]

This is more of an addition to the original post on the situation.

 

My coming out results theme song may go along the lines of - And another one, and another one bites the dust.

 

Currently at this point, I'm losing a lot more than I'm gaining at the moment. The one female friend has entirely alienated me, won't even act as if she knows me. The others now act so awkward, I don't even think I can consider them as friendly, I seem more like an irritant to their well being.

 

Today, as we used to as friends, had a session before parting where we all hugged, kiss on the cheek (for some) and exchanged goodbyes. The women hugged and gave their byes to all the males and females of the group, except what I got - Their scampering off high speed, then eventually turning, nodding and a wave from afar.

 

I was both first thought and last. First to avoid making any contact, last in acknowledging my existence otherwise. It hurt, a lot. Being singled out like that in such a platonic activity.

 

I'm always talking and making acquaintances, but it just kind of pushes me away a tad from even trying to make friends with anyone who isn't gay. I mean these people who I all considered close type friends, just left me because they're afraid I'm part of the Lesbian Recruitment program or whatever.

 

Now the gay male friends I have, like I said, primarily they're either paired up now or too busy to go out. Lately, I've been doing things by myself. I'm not a clingy person that needs others but on occasion I would like to go out with others again, but everyone has their excuses.

 

The only ones that don't seem to be in a tizzy over the whole issue or "too busy" are the straight male friends but even though I'm a lesbian mind you, their girlfriends still act like I'm a threat and conjure up the green eyed monster. If it isn't being a lesbian, its taking up time they could be with their boyfriends (I expect half of these relationships to fail because of suffocation anyhow, just observing, but thats a whole different story).

 

At this point, I did finish my duties and drop out of a community group which had the worst "offenders" in the way of pretending I didn't exist or acting awkward, the only people that seemed to show the slightest unhappiness with my decision were the ones who run the program and wondered why I left. Erm, kind of hard to explain. None of these people are vocal about their homophobia, but to watch them its plain as the nose on their face, but can't really say that. Ended up telling the directors it was for personal reasons. Not what I would of preferred but...

 

Then going to anything GLBT related, is like going to an AA meeting. Might as well attend incognito for all I can tell, and they're too political for my tastes. I love helping people, not listening about complaints and what not. If I want to hear about homophobia I'll go out into the street, sit for awhile and sure enough there will be someone saying something. If I want to experience homophobia (nonverbal though) I'll go try to get within five feet of female "friends".

 

Just seems like such a hassle anymore. Nonetheless on a happier note, over the summer I'm going out to California (fingers crossed all goes well with those plans intact) to check out Universities with potential. I love my home state but I'm taking a sudden disliking for its people, and something just has to give on this. Feasible option being, my moving to a liberal area where this is more commonplace.

[Prufrock06]

This is more of an addition to the original post on the situation.

 

My coming out results theme song may go along the lines of - And another one, and another one bites the dust.

 

LOL. Sorry, I had to laugh. I admire that you are still retaining your sense of humor despite the somewhat unhappy nature of this post. That's to be commended

 

Today, as we used to as friends, had a session before parting where we all hugged, kiss on the cheek (for some) and exchanged goodbyes. The women hugged and gave their byes to all the males and females of the group, except what I got - Their scampering off high speed, then eventually turning, nodding and a wave from afar.

 

I was both first thought and last. First to avoid making any contact, last in acknowledging my existence otherwise. It hurt, a lot. Being singled out like that in such a platonic activity.

 

That sounds so painful -- not only are they afraid to hug and kiss you, but on top of that they feel the need to acknowledge your presense -- but only from a distance. It sounds to me like these people have some serious issues with homophobia and if this is the way they act around you most of the time, I would suggest hanging around them less and less, if only for your own personal piece of mind. It seems to me like they were only your friends to begin with because they thought you liked men; that kind of thinking isn't cool at all!

 

Then going to anything GLBT related' date=' is like going to an AA meeting. Might as well attend incognito for all I can tell, and they're too political for my tastes. I love helping people, not listening about complaints and what not. If I want to hear about homophobia I'll go out into the street, sit for awhile and sure enough there will be someone saying something. If I want to experience homophobia (nonverbal though) I'll go try to get within five feet of female "friends".[/quote']

 

Haha, I agree with this comparison sometimes. The only reason I go to mine is to develop some sense of community and make some friends, not to hear some elementary lecture on transgendered people or gays in the military or all these other weekly topics of discussion that they have that remind me more of GLBT 101 than anything of actual seriousness and importance. Do you have many friends among any of these GLBT-oriented activities that you attend? I'm wondering if there might not be some un-politicized individuals in that crowd worth pal-ing around with? Have you tried any GLBT organizations OUTSIDE of your school -- if you live in a major metropolitan area or near one, this might be worth checking out. A whole different crowd of people, from what I'd imagine.

 

I hope your search out in Cali. goes well! Thanks for keeping us updated and, despite the current troubles, as I said before you're maintaining your sense of humor and your talent for deep introspection -- not something that everyone could do in your situation. Even if it takes you some time to find good friends who don't give a crap about your sexuality and don't treat you like some kind of virus-infected monkey because of it (ARRGH -- these people you describe make me angry!), remember that you've got people on these boards always willing to lend an ear.

[Jinx]

I would suggest hanging around them less and less, if only for your own personal piece of mind. It seems to me like they were only your friends to begin with because they thought you liked men; that kind of thinking isn't cool at all!

I started this today, in a way. Instead of staying around while they participated in their usual good bye session, I allowed myself the typical jubilant Hello and Goodbye, but in passing to all of them. I couldn't read the expressions when they stopped to look at me, but I didn't want to act like I was trying to read them anyhow, it would of given away purpose too much. I'll have to make this gradual as you've spoke of but there is no reason to remain attached to people who are paranoid of my presense. Others which have an attitude like this I don't see as often but same process will occur.

 

Most of the GLBT events I attend, I do have friends but they're a huge majority of gay men. Here, lesbians that are willing to be out and even more willing to attend these events are in short, far and few between. There are a couple of couples but that about covers it. Most lesbians have the same mindset that it is too political and with the environment they mask their lack of attendance with "Theres no real reason to dance around with our orientation like that, it isn't necessary..."

 

I hear the city has an association that publishes a monthly GLBT magazine just for the local area, but I've yet to find a lot of details about it. People are just not open enough, I suppose it makes sense, but it makes it hard on themselves and others too though by not being open with it.

 

I've been trying to get information about the city's GLBT association, the meetings are something I've considered going out to, in hopes of them being different than what is here at the moment.

 

I just for the life of me, cannot understand their fear with me and lesbians in general.

 

Is there no element of free choice to them? (ie if someone seems to be flirting, they say "No"? I exercise rejection without a blink of an eye when someone comes up to me I'm not interested in). Maybe they're just afraid of labels, but then they still have the point of being able to say No again. Secondly, I wish people would understand it isn't a contagious disease. If it were, can you imagine how many people we would of already "converted". Really, it is such a silly thing at base, but it just bothers me that there is nothing rational about it. I am just more prone to wonder if they themselves are actually sure about their own sexuality, because if a male tries flirting with me, I'm not going to up and act awkward in fear that I may become straight. I just express my disinterest and go on with life, now if he just won't give it up, then there is reason to do something about it.

 

I hope your search out in Cali. goes well!

Thank you I'm hoping for the best, find a College that not only do I like, but one where being * * * * * is not so much of an issue. Its so odd, because I now remember back in the days when I swore I was straight I stood solid that, "I will never, ever, even consider living in California, no matter what..." Heh.