Should I dump him? Its too hard to do.

[dustinthewind]

Hi all. thanks for reading. For the last 1.5 years I have been in a relationship that has had its share of ups and downs. There have been trust issues, petty arguments and jealousy (mostly on my part...but I found out that I had no reason to feel that way). RIght now. I would like to say I am secure in our relationship. But I am not. I am no longer worried about him cheating or being unfaithful. But lately, I have been questioning my feelings for him, and have been feeling sad and crying almost daily.

 

He seems to say things a lot like "why are you always like this" or "how come you always take things to wrong way" or "why do you alwyas try to make me feel bad" the word "always" makes me feel like horrible. I try so hard to be a nice girlfriend, and treat him well and I want him to be happy. But I find when he isn;t happy or chipper, I immediately question if it is me, and ask if he is mad at me, and this makes him upset. "why do you always think I am mad at u, I hate it" When he says these things it hurts. And I can't imagine saying anything like that to him.

 

On my birthdya on saturday we were going to dinner, and on the drive I told him about what fun things my family has planned for us when we go away on vacation in May...he got silent and said that he needs to tell me something. He can't go anymore, cause he moved his triup to thailand to that month. I was floored. I knew that he was going travelling with a few buddies for 1.5 months, and this is upsetting enough, but I felt sad that he cant still go away with me. I mean. He has good reasons. BUt i am just wondering. like, if I am sad a lot, is there any point. I know LDR can be super hard. I will be going away to somewhere without him during the time he is away in may...and we will be coming back to same day to go to our university grad. ceremonies. He has said he wants to be with me through the time apart. But I am just worried.

 

Is it true that if someone is unhapppy, that you make the other person unhappy. Cause it seems to be a cycle. If I am upset, he becomes upset, and sad. If he seems sad. i get upset. I dunno. I just dont know. I love him so much and dont want to break up. BUt i feel like we are un a rut. and I want to get out of it. I want us to both start trying harder to be better for each other. cause I feel like I think about him a lot more than he does me. If he goes out, and doesn;t call like he says he will...thats nthing to him. But i would leave my friends to call him if I said I would. Just little things like that.

 

SOrry this is long and confusing. I just need to think. Thanks for your advice

[DN]

I think you need to analyse if this relationship is making you more unhappy than happy. If unhappy and the reasons for that can't be fixed then you should break up.

 

But if you think they can be fixed then you should at least try. Talk to him and tell him why you are unhappy, ask him how he feels and see if you can manage the relationship so that you both get what you need.

[Tigris]

I agree with DN, you need to look at the pros and cons. Also, I think that you are trying to please him too much and not being your normal true self around him. If this is the case then you are not the person he first fell in love with?

 

Good luck and take care.

[annie24]

Is this the guy that was flirting with tons of girls on myspace? ugg....

[princessdi75]

Oh my gosh! I'm going through the exact same things...I can totally relate. I'm always upset about my relationship with my bf of 7 months and he gets upset that i'm upset. We are in a rut right now due to unavoidable circumstances and he is going through some hard times. I love him soo much and we talk about a future together (although he says now that he never wants to be married, but that's a completely diff. story), and I do think about breaking up with him, just because I hate how I feel when I'm not with him. I hate that i only get to see him like once a week, even though we haven't gone one day in the past 7 months without talking on the phone. I hate that I miss him so much. It's a horrible horrible feeling, and it makes me want to break up with him, just so i don't have to deal with the bad feelings. ...yet I don't want to give up on everything wonderful we have. We are absolutely perfect together. We are very much in love. Yet, i don't know how to handle my feelings. I keep myself busy but when i'm going to bed at night, all these feelings start creeping into my mind. Why does love have to hurt so much???