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Do I give him another chance?


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I have been dating a man for almost 2 years. I am single mom and graduated from the Univeristy during that time. The relationship began at the beginning of the summer and during that first couple of weeks, he slept with someone else. Needless to say he has continued for these past two years prowling online and has even gone to the extent of a date and kissing.


I am a very forgiving person. I believe that God does not give more than we can deal with.


Throughout this relationship I have found out numerous times about these types of relationships are ongoing. The online infidelity. I have been comitted to this man to a fault. I defend him from others, essentially I am devoted to him and our relationship. Three weeks ago he picked up the girl that cut his hair. This past weekend I found his link removed page. Nothing on that was real. I am not existent in his life. Except the weekends. I live 40 miles away in a house with my son. We were planning on moving in together this February.


After January 11th, he has come to the realization that he wants to walk away from everything that is not true. That he wants to work on our relationship. These past few weeks have been amazing. My fear is that the minute anything goes wrong he will revert back to this behavior. He is also a traveling consultant and during arguments has expressed wanting to be alone so he can sleep with whoever is at the hotel bar.


I am completely devestated. I have contacted everyone that I can, even his so called "friends" from online. Everyone says he is a liar. His good friends that know we are together just issue the same thing. TRUST.


I am at a loss. After forgiving and trying desperately to move past the past infidelities to be slapped with new ones that have been ongoing. I am so hurt and betrayed. I am obsessing over this relationship and the relationships that he has with other people.


Everyone I know says leave. But if I decide to stay what steps do I take to ensure that this relationship can be built on a foundation of trust and honesty.


I am lost. I thought that this man was a God send. But I was never really found.


Thanks for reading and for any advice.

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I have gone through quite a similar situation. If you like, just take a moment to read my original post on here. The link is below. There are many many simlarities to what we are dealing with. In my situation it proved to be in my best interest to break up and move on. Cheating of any kind is unacceptable, and in most cases I would say cut your ties. IF he has already cheated by having a date, and continues his online infidelities, and has been ongoing the entire time, I would truly say now to move on. Our situation is so so much alike. I am a forgiving person as well, but I could not continue with the relationship I was in. Enough was ENough !



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Thank you for your reply.


I do need to mention. That I am currently updated on his yahoo messenger account with his password. He is also wanting to participate in counseling.


All of the infidelity accounts, emails, messenger, pages...have been deleted.


I just don't know what risk to take. Leave or try, again.

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You can't keep forgiving him or he will never stop, why would he if he can get away with it? You need to stand taller and be stronger than him and you need to tell him that he CANNOT have both. It's either YOU or THEM.


Don't move in with him until he PROVES and you are satified that he is going to be monogamous to you. If you do, you could be put your child's happiness at risk somewhere down the line. Take great care with a man like this.

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I honestly dont know what to tell you. ONly you know what risks you are willing to take and how much you feel you can really trust him. I try not to judge all men based on the bad thing I went through. Some cheaters can possibly redeem themselves if they really want to. My ex bf was initially willing to go get some counseling after his first episode of cheating. All of his date singles site memberships were cancelled, and all old emails and messages from his online lovers were deleted . However behind my back he registered another Yahoo ID secretly and continued his online activites of sex talks, and emails with numerous women. THese guys can be slick and wise to the ways of continuing their discretions. YOu mentioned that he slept with some one else, and then for two years has continued prowling online and even had a date with making out. That was cheating 100 % . If he really loved you and was committed to you I dont believe he would have ever cheated on you all that time. YOu said that you are only part of his life during the weekends, but you are about to move in together. Why wasnt he working on your relationship the past 2 years instead of cheating and prowling the internet? ONly now he decided he wants to work on it after two years. Its highly unlikely that you can trust this man. It seems he has proven himself over and over again to be a cheater. I would hope you are very careful in your decision as what to do. As I said read my original post, our situtaion is quite similar on what theses guys have done.

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Your post made me cry, why are you putting up with this?


He treats you like absolute rubbish - if this were, say, your daughter going through this, wouldn't you advise her to get out?


...."He is also a traveling consultant and during arguments has expressed wanting to be alone so he can sleep with whoever is at the hotel bar"....


Thats what really did it for me and made me reply. He doesn't love you. he doesn't respect you. Yet, you put up with it so of course he'll keep doing it, and will not change.


Its not your fault, its his...please, please end this relationship, its doing you no good whatsoever. And work on your self esteem.


I have no relationship with God, but Im fairly sure he wouldnt want you to suffer this if he has any kind of compassion.

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If you feel you can handle the relationship..then stay with it..


You also need to think that he has been doing this for 2 years...is he worth more of your tears if this does happen again...There are plenty of men out there who will not cheat nor hurt you in anyways!


I honestly would tell him you need some time to think for yourself....he has betrayed your trust...so you have a right to have time to yourself...


and honestly if you do stay with him...it will always linger in the back of your mind if he is cheating or not! So it will take a long time to get the relationship where it needs to be!

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Everyone I know says leave. But if I decide to stay what steps do I take to ensure that this relationship can be built on a foundation of trust and honesty.


There is a reason that everyone keeps telling you to leave. What you want ^^ cannot exist with this man.


How do I know? Because reading your thread I can see that he's proved it to you over and over and over, every time he searches online, every time he kisses another women, has sex with another women.


Honey, men who do this to you do not love you, are not honest, cannot be trusted and do not respect you.


It's as simple as that.


Believe it or not, you deserve someone who loves you and respects you and shows you that by being faithful to you because you are the only one they want to be with.


Don't set a bad example for your child by putting up with this unacceptable behaviour. Would you want your child's future partner to do this to him or her?


Think about what you would advise your best friend if she were in your shoes, and then do it.

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I would have to say that he has probably already been given enough chances but if you want to give him one last chance then I think he has to prove himself for a long time before you allow him to move in. I know that you want to believe that he is going to change but make him prove it and prove it long term before you allow him any further into your life. You have to protect yourself and your child.

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