I hate the male gender!!! GRR!

[lovemetender]

Hi! I am new to this site and this is my first post. I want to thank everyone who responds to this post in advance, so thank you : ) Okay so here is my situation, I will make it short and sweet. I met a guy and I had been hanging out with him for about a month as friends and then he finally asked him out. So we talked about how much we liked eachother, and how sad it is going to be when he has to leave. You see, he is only here until March because he is in the Army and doing his AIT training. So we spent pretty much everyday together. We decided that we wanted to take a little weekend trip away, so we went about an hour and a half away and got a room and all that good stuff. We had a ton of fun together. Sex was the last thing on my mind; i was not planning on it but I also wasnt going to shy away from it. Well it happened, not that night but that morning. So we did the bedroom deal and went about are day all normal and happy. We can back home and caught a movie before he had to be back on post. I dropped him off and everything was good, we gave out hugs and kisses and our ill talk to you in a little bits. Then in a matter of two hours he sends me a text message saying all this nonense. Then he came out and said he didn't want to see me anymore. I was really upset and I asked him where this came from. He told me his friends were telling him to not get attached because he is leaving. He said that wasn't what he wanted, but he really thought about it and they're right. I was left very hurt and there is no changing his mind. I don't know if this was like a hit it and quit it thing, or if he really did get to attached to me and thought it would be better now then later. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS? Can someone please help? This is my first post!

[Dako]

WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?

 

You know the answer.

 

I'm sorry you got taken in by this creep.

Men aren't the only ones that do that.

 

You also know that.

[Jinx]

He told me his friends were telling him to not get attached because he is leaving. He said that wasn't what he wanted, but he really thought about it and they're right. I was left very hurt and there is no changing his mind. I don't know if this was like a hit it and quit it thing, or if he really did get to attached to me and thought it would be better now then later. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS?

 

I'll be one to say, not all men do such things. If it were so, we wouldn't have those happy relationships out there. I think you just happened accross a bad apple with a sour excuse, so to speak. This nonsense about attachment and friends just seems like a "don't blame me" method of breaking off.

 

He isn't worth the time or energy, it seems as though he has used you. Given there are men who will go under the influence of their friends but I can't say much for them either. It may be painful, but he should be dropped period, he is just bad news looking for a way out.

 

Men aren't the only ones that do that.

As Dako said and that I agree with, for everything men do, there are women that do as well. No gender is without blame or fault. Everyside has its downfall. It just a matter of avoiding the bad parts.

[jl301]

Hey lovemetender,

 

To be very honest, it situation doesn't look very good from your standpoint although I don't know the whole situation at hand. But it seems like he took advantage of you, (eg. sex). I hate say, but that was probably main thing that was on his mind to be honest with you. He knew that he was going to be leaving in couple months and that he won't have to deal with you anymore. However, he can be really torn about the situation and that he does really like you. But he doesn't want to create more hurt between the two of you, since he is only going to be here for couple more months. We all know that long distance relationship takes alot of effort / trust even on the couples that have been together for while, let alone dealing with people that only knew each other for a month or two.

 

It just seems pretty odd that he decided that he doesn't want to talk to you anymore after you guys had sex. I know all this may seem really harsh to deal with, but it's reality. We all wish our lives can be smooth and magical like we imagined in our minds, but we all know that ususally never happens. I know you are really hurt by this and really painful to deal with right now. You have to be strong for yourself because you are the only one could help make the pain go away.

 

Hang in there!!!

[Empathy]

I just experienced a similar situation. First of all, I dated a guy in the army. It didn't start off that way. We were together 6 months before he went away to be in the army. As you can imagine, things ended BADLY after 2 years. I strongly suggest you not get caught up with someone that's new in the military. They become extremely different people. I would also think it safe to say that you shouldn't get caught up with anyone in the military at all. I just recently got screwed over by an airforce guy and my situation was almost identical to yours. Everything was fine and dandy until I trusted/cared for him enough to sleep with him. Then guess what?! He's suddenly not ready to give himself to anyone right now...whatever. He knew about my trust issues. I told him all of my secrets. Told him I was afraid to trust him but he even went so low as to talk me out of backing off. His words were, "I know you may not trust me but you can at least trust yourself." So I did. I took a chance and trusted that he may be genuine... Guys really are heartless. At first I tried to believe that it really was trust issues that he had. He was cheated on by his ex wife. He was telling me that he couldn't trust me because I was so smart and attractive and guys wanted me, etc...All excuses. Then I told one of my other air force buddies about it and he told me straight up that I shouldn't kid myself. I was played. My buddy even admitted to being so heartless as to do this himself. He knows the game. And admits that guys will go so low as to get you to bare your heart and soul to them. They'll charm you into trusting them and then they'll throw it right in your face after they've gotten what they wanted. As much as I hate military men (and I've had enough experience with them to know that the majority of them aren't very respectable. But mostly just army guys.) I'm such a sucker for them. lol. I expect I'll get screwed over many times before I finally find someone that's worth my time. Yes. Men do suck. Even though there are some women out there that will do the same thing, I think it's safe to say that the men are in the majority here. Especially MILITARY men.

[sweetheart230]

I know it hurts. But its my own personal experience that men who really don't want to commit themselves and are guarding themselves against it RUN as fast as they can away from a woman who start to mean something to them. It sucks. But some men are immature or otherwise not ready for committment. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad guys or anything, but what they do can be hurtful.

 

My advice? Take some time to yourself and heal. Not all men do this, but I've decided to take my time sexually with guys so that sex doesn't happen until they've decided whether or not they are the "committing" type.

 

I know how badly it hurts. It sucks and you love 'em and hate 'em at the same time. you want to slap them, but you really miss them, too. Just keep moving forward and know that there are good guys out there...its just hard to tell the difference sometimes. Some guys are just at the point where they want to have fun...it has nothing to do with you.

[Dako]

I'm not a pig, and have never mistreated a woman. I'm a doormat.

 

However, as a guy I've heard plenty of real creeps brag about their conquests and methods. Much the way racists will spout all sorts of nonsense assuming you're "one of the guys," these guys will go on at length about how they score with chicks.

 

If you want to avoid being used like a Kleenex, don't ever have sex with a guy you don't know. Guys will do anything to get into your pants, especially the really charming cute guys. They're extra cute and charming because they only have to keep the act up for an evening to score. Then they can brag to the gang how dumb you are. Last night I overheard a guy brag how he wants to "destroy" the chick he's been seeing because he's bored. His comrades cheered for him.

A recent thread concerned the "I Love You" drama. Well some guys will say that all night to get laid, but it means less than nothing. A guy who's sincere may stumble all over himself before uttering this phrase.

Women love confident guys. Well it's easier to act confident if you just don't care.

...And so on, you get the picture.

 

I could go on all night about men I've known and how they operate.

 

Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but there are predators in the world, and I hate to see carnage along the road. I really like women, even if they scare me.

[newts]

One of my male friends use to be in the army and he tells all women to stay away from them (they are not all bad)

 

There seems to be too many male hormones in one area when it comes to army men, they brag about their conquests to each other and they also encourage each other not to get into relationships and to conquer as many women as they possibly can - hey, they travel all around the world, they really can't give themselves to somebody 100%. Some do, however, the other 90% just don't want to be tied down.

 

I am sorry this happened to you, just use this as a very valuable lesson and move onto another guy who wants to stick around.

[BillyJean714]

Hey girl, I won't hate on you or judge you harshly. You are just deeply hurt, that's all. All of those emotions are perfectly "normal." You're just venting. It does seem as though this guy knew what he wanted, he knew what he was getting into considering his situation.

 

One thing that you must realize, in life, there are people who are just NOT very sincere. They're not very kind, nor do they EVER have any sort of REMORSE for hurting others. You just have to realize that some people don't have a concept of right or wrong. They can point blank kill innocent people and rape/molest inoocent children. I don't know what it is, but they just don't have any concept morals or ethics.

 

For now, forget about this guy. Realize that you'll fall in love once again, and hopefully, next time- to someone who deserves you. Trust me, anyone who can hurt you like that doesn't deserve your thoughts. Next time you meet another person you're interested in dating, take time to really get to know who they are at heart. You really need to look at the way they treat you- determine from your hunch whether or not their actions are sincere. Look at the way they treat you- little things count. For instance, how do they treat others? Are they mean/cruel to people/animals? What are their values? How does this person show attention to you? Are they the outgoing, smooth, charming, funny type? Does it seem as though they're doing kind things to score? Yes, there are some phony people out there- you just have to trust your hunch on this. A very sincere guy doesn't have game, just remember that.

 

You learn with experience. Sometimes, it's through trial & error. As human beings we tend to want to "see it to believe it" rather than take other people's advice. Shall you ever encounter a situation similar to this, just learn and carry on your experience for the next experiences to come. Sorry this had to happen, but life isn't perfect. We learn from our mistakes. You'll find Mr. Right someday. Just don't go looking. He'll find you, or you'll both find each other when the time's right. Otherwise, you'll just run into repeated heartaches.

[Relationship Coach]

This guy needs to get stuck on the frontline in Iraq! He has no class but will probably make a decent soldier because he takes orders well. His buddies probably couldn't spell "date" much less get one other than their left hand! The next time you invest your time and heart in to a relationship make sure they have longer hair and a 9-5 job. I'm sorry for your pain and I know that you will bounce back, although a little more cautious next time.

 

RC

[Empathy]

Wow. I seriously thought I was going to get knocked for my opinion of military men. Nice to know a few of you tend to agree. lol. Someone else said something about guys having game and if they have game they can't be trusted. Not necessarily true. The guy that made a fool of me was such a dork. lol. But that's one thing I liked about him. Very attractive, gorgeous smile, smart and just had one of the dorkiest senses of humor. He was just plain dorky. He seemed very down to earth. I had someone warning me about him though. He told me that I shouldn't trust him. But I also know for a fact that this guy had a HUGE crush on me and was VERY jealous of the guy I was seeing. So I didn't know who to believe. Basically all us women can do is go with our gut. If I hadn't let him talk me out of backing off, I wouldn't be hurting right now.

[Dako]

I wouldn't knock military guys, but any young guy with no roots anywhere, no home and a strong bond only with others of his kind isn't a good candidate for a solid relationship. Of course, some of those guys are exceptional.

I grew up hearing "traveling salesman" stories. You know, it seems this salesman's car broke down at this farm, the farmer told him he could stay the night if he kept his hands off his daughter....

[KieranMc]

Naa.. saying that it is due to him being male is a cop out.

 

He's in the armed forces... it goes with the badge.

 

Don't date idiots with guns.

[Dako]

I disagree.

My father spent WWII as a medical corpsman with the Marines in the south Pacific. He saved lives, delivered native babies and assembled scattered pieces of dead friends to ship home, all while guys with guns were trying to kill him. He was a great guy.

I'm glad my mother met him.

 

I just felt compelled to mention him.

[Relationship Coach]

Wow. I seriously thought I was going to get knocked for my opinion of military men. Nice to know a few of you tend to agree

 

Not knocking our brave men and women in our military, my father was a career military man as well. What I'm saying is he knew he was being shipped out and yet was convinced by his brethren to NOT get involved with the young lady. You would think that he would want to have someone to come back to and to communicate with while on assignment. I have helped many in dealing with these types of relationships in war and peace time. He should of listened to his heart instead of his buddies and she needs to be aware of the heartaches when shopping for romance at a place that changes their menu every 8 weeks or so.

[coollady1957]

I hate it when any one is done wrong , by male or female. There is no excuse for such behavior.

[coollady1957]

Oops some how my post was not complete up there and some how i posted anyway.

The rest of what i was about to say was in defense of the comment about military men. My son is 19, and in the U.S. Army. He is a very respectful young man toward women he dates. He has only been involved in long term dating relationships. Was never one to play with field and to see how many women he could conquer. He was dating a girl exclusively when he was about to be deployed last summer. She promised to be faithful, write very day, and give him something and some one to look forward to. My son was raised to treat women with respect and not to just use women for his fleeting pleasures. She on the other hand, cheated on my son before he left, so he ended up parting ways with her. HE is very giving and compassionate young man. My husband died when my son had barely turned 17, and my son had to grow up quickly and accept alot of adult responsibility early on. He finished his last year of high school, with a 3.8 GPA, and worked as many hours as was allowed. He never got involved with drugs or alcohol and never fell weak to peer pressure. He learned quickly to stick to his guns and make his own decisions. He has family , roots, and place to call home and to come back to. The army is his job and he takes it seriously. yes his job takes him many places and will meet alot of different people, but i do believe he will always follow his upbringing and always treat women with respect and honor. THere will be a day when this young ARMY soldier will make a wonderful partner and husband. YEs he has short hair, and yes he carrys a gun, but definitely not and idiot. I dont think Military men treat people badly because they are military. Its all in what they are taught and what moral values they chose to follow. In addition to being a soldier, my son is pursuing his college education in criminal investigations. This post is in reponse to several of the prior posts by members. Just my two cents worth on the military view. we are all entitled to our opinions though and i respect every ones opinions as stated in their posts.

[Empathy]

Well, I'll put it this way. I spent about 2 weeks in the barracks every time I visited my ex. About three of his buddies were engaged to be married, yet they went to the club to pick up "witches with a b" (they never referred to females as anything else) every chance they got. Two of them urinated on the floor right outside their door at the same time. They stood there right in front of the door way, and urinated in the same puddle at the exact same time. The entire hall way wreaked of urine. I slipped in a puddle of urine that was in the bathroom. Someone clearly thought it would be funny to not even TRY to hit the urinal. And one of them asked me to my face if I died, would it be ok if they screwed me after I was dead. They all thought it was funny. I found it to be sick and disrespectful. Most of these guys were encouraging the guy I was with to break up with me so he could sleep with other women. And even though my ex called these guys buddies, almost every one of them hit on me. And there's SO much more I could tell you about... I lived with these guys. And I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't help it. I'll never be able to look at army guys the same way again. Every last one of them that I came in contact with acted like a savage. Not very many women get to see things from the perspective that I did. And honestly, I hope they never do.

[coollady1957]

No doubt your experience was horrible and disrespectful. But i just dont think that because you experienced that , that you could be down on all army guys. THey are not ALL like that. My son may be one of the few that knows how to act and treat a woman. BY no means is he perfect and not saying he has NEVER been out of line. I just know how i raised him, and have never seen nor had anyone tell me of him disrespecting women in anyway. I have never been in barracks for two weeks at a time, but was in barracks during visits to my son in the Army, along with wives and girlfriends that were visiting as well, and not once did i see any of them do or say anything disrespectful or out of line. Any guys can be nasty and crude, it has nothing to do with being military in my opinion. PLease keep in mind that i do respect your opinion, not trying to change your thoughts at all.

[Empathy]

I respect your opinion as well. And I appreciate you expressing your opinion in a civil manner. I've been around these boards for a fair amount of time and have seen how some people can be. The reason why I say I saw it from a perspective that most women don't is because I tend to be more male than your average female. lol. I myself have a very crude sense of humor so guys tend to treat me differently than most females. I specifically remember one of my ex's buddies telling another guy that I was cool. That I was just like a guy. So they tended to treat me that way and were MUCH more relaxed around me. And I didn't have a problem with it...for the most part anyway.

[RayKay]

I was in the military...so I worked, lived, socialized with military men and women. And trust me they were relaxed around me because I was one of them too. That's the way it works.

 

They are not ALL like that. There are some, those whom also feel that along with being a soldier is a need to put on an act of bravado, there are also many whom don't want ties because of the risk they put themselves in. There are some whom go along with the group mentality. And there are many whom do cheat and have little regard for relationships...of course there are also many military spouses whom seem to do the same thing. A lot of it is the distance, or the stress and the culture. There were plenty of people whom had partners but would still hit on me.

 

So I have seen it from a perspective of being there.

 

Not all of them are like that. There were also plenty whom were 100% faithful, whom talked about their partners, whom told me they were the loves of their lives.

 

All that being said, I would not want to get involved with someone in the miltary simply due to the stress involved, the seperations, the constant moving, the higher rates of alchoholism, and so forth. Been there, done that. But I do have many of MALE & FEMALE military friends whom are absolutely committed, so we really should be careful to see that a few rotten apples should not label the whole bushel

 

It's really not that much different if you took a large segment of non-military young men, you would still find a similar mentality amogg some, cheaters, and those whom would not be so influenced and respect their relationships.