what's wrong with us?

[crimsonstorm]

hello.... this is my first topic so sorry if i dont' do things correctly. here is the problem, sorry if its long, but i think you need a bit of background:

 

i am going out with a boy named christian. we have been dating for 2 months. we dated about a year ago and had a very serious, very close relationship. we were each other's first true love. then, i messed things up by kissing another boy. christian and i were still friends after the initial pain of everything. we've always been best friends. recently, i found out he had feelings for me still, which i was really happy because i have never gotten over him. everyone that i dated after him was subconsciously to cover up the feelings for him. So i told him how i felt, and we are back together.but i am really confused. im so happy to have the chance to be with him again, and i have grown up and changed quite a bit since our first experience. but christian is different... we are still in love and have acknowlaged it at the beginning, but he says he doesn't want to say it. i didn't really like that because i express myself very openly and didn't want to be kept quiet about that. but i went right along with it, hoping we could just express ourselves in other ways... actions speak louder than words,right? so i kiss him, hug him, hold him when he's upset.. everything. during the first week we kissed, cuddled, made out, held hands, all that stuff. we dont' do other stuff tho cause we decided to wait on everything else. but now, he rarely returns these gestures. i don't know what to think. he rarely hugs me, holds my hand sometimes, almost never cuddles with me (we can be laying in the same bed, him laying on his back with his arms crossed and me practically throwing myself at him just for some cuddling!!!), and the only time i get kisses is when he's leaving or i am. he's never been a really affectionate person but come on! i need some reasurance that he cares... sometimes it's like we are just friends. but i've asked him if he still loves me and he says yes. so i have no idea what is going on. also, he seems more interested in hanging out with his friends with me. i don't mind sharing him , but it's more of they are sharing him with me. things have all flipped around. does anyone have any advice? i am so lost and confused, i really have no idea what to do.

 

please help me out....

 

[Blue Skittles]

Its possible hes just not that into you anymore. Or maybe he isn't a very affectionate guy, and the only thing you can do is accept him for being like that. I think you should probaby just chill and take it easy for awhile, you don't want to be too clingy either, especially if he is not into all the hugging and cuddling and stuff. So just try to have your own life go out with your own friends and keep yourself busy. Don't throw yourself at him as you put it. Just focus on being more independent and confident, and don't ask him questions if he still loves you - if he does he will express it. Chances are if u do this either one of two things will happen. He will start to wonder what is going on and maybe try to be more huggy and stuff cuz he is afraid he will lose you, or two - you both will end up realizing really you aren't into each other and it will not work out. Either way its better than staying ina relationship and pretending there is something there when there really isn't.

[DN]

It could be he needs some time to be sure the same thing won't happen as last time and is holding back until he is sure. Try being as affectionate as you can without smothering him so that he is reassured.

[LiquidCherry]

When I got back together with my boyfriend it was pretty much the same story. He told me he loved me once and then he wouldn't say it and it was almost as if he was afraid to show affection.

 

After a couple weeks I talked to him about and he told me he was acting differently because he didn't want things to turn out like they did last time. He was afraid that he had to act totally differently and everything about our relationship had to change or else we wouldn't last. I told him that I need to hear he loves me and gave him this cheesy analogy:

 

That saying, "I love you," isn't like picking a rose from a garden (where once it's gone it's gone). Saying, "I love you," is like planting a seed in a garden.

 

He laughed at me but got the point and started to open himself up again. I wouldn't change things now for the world.