Who you are

[Prenkle]

I've been thinking a lot about those who are worried that they haven't found love. Having read Fitzgerald's "This Side of Paradise", here are my thoughts:

 

My impression is that we lead the type of lives we want to lead. We have the type of love life we choose to have. So if we're lonely, we choose to be that way. If we're discontent and unsatisfied - well, frankly - we choose to be that way too.

 

Our imagination gets to us. We dream up these explanations as to why we can't find someone. There are opportunities every day. The solution is really a matter of courage - the courage to resolve and move forward - to do the next best thing. So you (and I) either have the courage to move on or don't and stay where things never change.

 

I don't know about everybody else, but I will not be one of those people who wait for someone to come along. If I want to meet new people, I will join the local book club or bridge club. If I want somebody to talk to, I will strike up a conversation with strangers about the last book they read or the last movie they saw. If in the end, I am still alone, then I will know it's not for lack of trying. It says nothing about my value as a human being. It just says something about how life plays out differently for everyone.

 

I haven't always been this way. I used to blame everything - from the weather to fate - for not making me happier. I blamed myself most of all for not being funnier, more outgoing, or more attractive. But when I realized that other people's affirmations of my worth were becoming more important than my own, I stopped. I remembered...that I am all I have. If I don't make myself happy, who will bother? And if I don't even bother, then, well, I deserve to have the life I worked hard at not changing and not facing.

[Venturer]

Amen! Great post!

[DiscipleOfChange]

I like what you have to say. In fact, it has inspired me to be abit more daring. None of this suggesting and dancing around the date idea. When I ask a girl, I'm going to come right out and say it.

[melrich]

I like that post Prenkle.

 

I have always noticed through all the people I have met in life that the happiest ones were those who go after what they want and accept full responsibility for their own successes and failures.

 

Carpe Diem...and don't let life pass you by.

[kanifia1]

i have to agree prenkle ,we control our destinty and when is people going to realise that we cannot think about what other think of our self.

 

its not about religion or what we in our society say we must do, it is about our heart and trusting our instincts

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Awesome post. Its all true!!!

[ShySoul]

Nice passage. Although I disagree. I think that love does come to us and we don't have to do a thing other then be ourselves. If I want to meet people, I simple have to look around at my everyday activites and meet them there. Don't go out and do things with the intent to meet people and see if there is a chance for love. Do things soley because you have fun doing it. And if love happens, then it happens. If in the end you end up alone, you won't even care because you will be having so much fun just living your life without a thought about having a relationship.

[registered]

Thanks Prenkle that was great and inspiring!

[SimonBlume]

Prenkel wrote a very nice post. However, I kinda agree with ShySoul. I have been looking before and it did not work. Also, to a girl, quite frankly, to join some clubs and talk to strangers are not the safest ways of meeting people.

 

Once I tried to be more social and so when a guy approached me I thought I could be his friend though I did not love him. Oops, he continued to harass me, and when I told him not to, he threatened me... Bad thing was he threatened me by phone and I had not evidence against him. Also, he was so horrible I really was afraid if I reported him he could do crazy things. So I simply avoided him and thank God since we did not know each other a lot and he wasn't that mad about me yet he did nothing later.

 

But I did learn a huge lesson from this: Safety is important, more important than love perhaps.

[Prenkle]

I can understand points made by ShySoul (not going out of your way) and SimonBlume (safety). But I can't agree entirely as I think a "go for it" attitude makes life more worth living than any other attitude.

 

First on doing only those things that you enjoy and waiting for love to come to you: it probably does work for a lot of people. So we can just wait and see, and then wait some more. If you're not being yourself when you go out of your way to try new things, then that's ok. Some people like their type of vanilla lives.

 

Second, on being safe: of course, safety is important, especially when you've had a bad experience in the past. There are a lot of crazy people out there these days. But I think some things are worth taking the risk for. It's always a balance of risk and reward. Nothing's 100% safe. You invest, you lose some, and then you win some. Use your instincts, evaluate carefully. The only other alternative I can think of is staying at home where it's very safe. Of course, not 100% because you might get a gas leak or the roof might fall on you.

 

Lastly, the very thought of taking a passive stance in life repulses me. This world is much better off with one person who makes things happen for the better, than with a hundred persons who decide to wait and see for fear of death or because "they like things just the way they are". This probably sounds too direct and stubborn, but how else can I say it?

[ShySoul]

Hey, its not vanilla. I prefer Mint Chocolate Chip.

 

Lastly, the very thought of taking a passive stance in life repulses me. This world is much better off with one person who makes things happen for the better, than with a hundred persons who decide to wait and see for fear of death or because "they like things just the way they are". This probably sounds too direct and stubborn, but how else can I say it?

 

I'm all for being proactive. I think too many people sit around and think they can't do something, that they don't have the power to change things. That's why things don't change. Instead of taking charge, we leave it in the hands of a few higher ups. And those higher ups are often biased and don't listen to reason. They put themselves first. Just look at how few people vote in elections, and how easily many of those people are swayed without looking at the facts.

 

A single person has the power to affect a lot. He just needs to see he can. So I encourage everyone to take a stand for things and be proactive in their lives.

 

However, I think relationships and love are the one exception. It deals with something so much deeper then anything else then its at a different level. It shouldn't be compared to something like business where you want to go out and get customers, market to them. One involves making money, the other involves the heart and soul. I think there are different rules that should apply. You can't make a heart love you, you can't make people attracted to you, contrary to what many sites and books will say. You can go on fifty dates and not find anyone, while you can go on one and live happy every after. There is so much chance and circumstance involved that worrying can seem futile. Let what happens, happen.

[SimonBlume]

I totally agree with you on being positive. And I'm one who firmly believes that everything should be obtained by our own effort instead of waiting for some Mint Chocolate Chips to fall onto our heads.

 

I was merely reminding you of the importance of safety.

 

As to myself, it's somehow because of the current environment that I'm in now that I can't find someone safely, nor do I have time to. So I choose to wait till I can do it more safely. And before I do that, I choose to stay safe more at home and finish my work instead of looking in unsafe ways. But if you have enough time to invest, sure you can.

[ShySoul]

Safety is important as well. I don't know your situation, but if you don't feel comfotable pursuing something right now, then don't do it. As long as you are not being overprotective of your heart, then its good and important to be careful about things. Don't want to be reckless and get yourself hurt.

 

So, here's to having those mint chips falling around us.