Help. . .Need advice

[charliek]

So I was with a guy for over 5 years and we broke up just before thanksgiving. The reason we broke up is because there is a girl that he dated before me for a couple months and then dated again last year for a month while we were broken up. This girl, for some reason for the past year he hasn't been able to just leave her alone. He claimed she was a good friend, but also that yeah at some level he still had feelings for her but I was and am still told is nothing compared to how he feels about me. Well for the last 2 or 3 months we were together his attitude changed towards me. He was grumpy, I couldn't do anything right, he drank more, he was depressed etc. I had asked if he was talking to her again he told me no. Well come to find out that was a lie and I found a txt msg about how she still loved him. So I confronted him, he told me he'd put a stop to it. . .Well things didn't get better w/ us. So I asked again if he had talked to her or seen her and he'd tell me no and lecture me about not trusting hima nd how him and I will never work out if I don't trust him. Three days after that I found another txt msg early in the morning from her. I again confronted him, he lies to me and I tell him I am going to put a stop to it since he wouldn't. Needless to say I called her, talked to her, he called to find out if I called her, I said yes and he broke up w/ me.. . . .This girl admitted to me that he had treated her badly 6 years ago when they dated, she heard the lies he was telling me about her, she found out the lies he was telling me, etc. And whoa and be hold this girl called him that day he broke up w/ me, called him to get together w/ him that Friday and sure enough they messed around w/ each other and she ahs called him at least 2 times every day since. . . .

 

So since then, this girl STILL is trying to be with him. I moved out of his house a week after we broke up. He ended up calling me telling me that he missed me. . . and we've been trying the "friend" thing. The difference is, I have been offered a job in another state adn I have to decide in 3 days what I am going to do. If I stay here it will just upset me knowing that he potentially could be w/ her and I could run into the two of them out. NOT WHAT I wANT TO DO. . .So he tells me he isn't with her and not trying to be in a relationship w/ her at all b/c he too is trying to move to another state. . . .But heres the kicker, last Tuesday night we got into a HUGE fight b/c I hate this girl and don't understand why even we were dating he continued to hang out w/ her and why even now he HAS to have her in his life. . . .sorta thing. . .well long story short he said really crappy things to me such as that he's turning his back on me for a long while and he didn't knwo when he'd talk to me next, that I would never see his child again who loves me to death and doesn't even knw we are not together, told me that he hated me, etc. Prior to all this he tells me he doesnt' want me to move, that he loves me still, tells me that he is confused, tells me that he knows he f'd up w/ me and hates himself for hurting me so bad, etc. And then he is a jerk to me.As of Tuesday I was ready for seperation from him. I was ready to just move on w/ my life. Well then. . .he contacts me AT WORK wanting to know if I had accepted the job out of state. . .

 

I was furious. . .acting as if nothing had happened two nights prior to that. . .So I called him and come to find out he said he wanted ot knwo hwa tI was up to. . .he had seen a project of mine that I had been working on at work had been all over the news and had complimented me about htat. But then asked what my decision was as far as moving. I had told him I couldn't talk to him about it at work. . .so he says well I can't talk about it tonight b/c I have plans, I can't talk about it tom. night b/c I have plans, and I can't talk about it Saturday night b/c I have plans. . .So I asked what are you talking about. And so he proceeds to tell me he had plans w/ this other girl Thursday nihgt, his Christmas Party Friday night and then he was going to her christmas party Sat. night (Or tonight). I was furious. He's telling me this at work. . .tells me its not that big of deal that he had told her he'd go like 2 weeks ago and couldn't back out. . ."I'm like whatever its your life you do what you want. I hope you two have a good time." And he's "why are you being like that. . . ." So I told him I had to go. . . .

 

Well Friday morning he emails me again at work. . .and had got online and looked at my project on line. . sent me an email about how proud of me he is and basically told me again everything he had just said the day before to me about this project. . . .I don't get it. . .So I didn't respond to him AT ALL. . .I am still very hurt and tonight he's out at a christmas party w/ her and I am here just hurting. . . . I have done really well w/ not calling him. . He always calls me. Last weekend we hung out all day and night Saturday night and had a good time. . .SHE CALLED 5 times during this. . .he never answered her calls. . .I hate this girl. . .lol! I'm struggling though w/ my feelings. I don't want to be w/ him and have to deal w/ this crap of not trusting him when it comes to her. But right now I am so sad and hurt that he's with her. . .it's like she has won. . .I wish he'd just leave her alone but I know I need to take this job and just get away from this drama. My question is if he doesnt want to be w/ me and wants to be w/ her then why is he still calling, still contacting me etc. He was the one tuesday that said that he wanted major seperation from me. . .and I was ok w/ that. . .and then he contacts me? I don't get it. . . .help me. . .

[DN]

He's confused between the two of you and can't decide who he wants - that makes him stressed which in turn makes him angry and then he lashes out - probably at both of you.

 

If you are sure you don't want him, go no contact, get on with your life and find someone who does know what he wants. The fact that he is with the other girl - well, she has his problems to deal with and you don't. So feel sorry for her if you must feel anything about her at all.