He's w/new g/f - does this mean he didn't love me?

[PartlySunny]

My ex-b/f and I were together for nearly 2 years. We were both deeply in love with each other, he often told me how much more I meant to him than anyone else ever before. He planned to marry me. I know he was madly in love with me (well, or so I thought).

 

We started having serious problems in the summer, with a lot of hurt on both sides.. we'd fight and then not talk for weeks. Then, I didn't hear from him for a month. Finally he called several days in a row, and I asked him if he had a new g/f - he said yes.

 

I have been crying over him every day, missing him so much; I just can't seem to believe that if he loved me as much as he appeared to, that he could just so easily forget about me and get with someone else right away.

 

I know that there are a lot of people who get into new relationships very fast.. does that mean they weren't really in love with the one they left behind? I feel like if he really was hurting as much as me, that he wouldn't have just left like this!!!

 

Please help, I really need opinions from people who have done this - gotten into new relationships right away - does it make the pain go away, or make it easier? I myself can't even THINK of being with someone else.. my heart is too full of him!

[teacup]

he called several days in a row to tell you he had a new gf??? what kind of guy is this??

[in_the_mirror]

Well a lot of the time when someone rushes into a new relationship its because they do want to forget about the last person, but that isn't how they feel in the long run...usually the girl right after a break up is being used as a rebound for the guy...it does help some people to do this and get over someone, but you two went out for way to long for him to forget you and how much he cares for you, you will see this soon and so will he. he obviously cares because he was calling you cuz he either felt guilty or was searching for you attention. he's actions and his words won't add up to equal one another. till he figures things out sweetie you just need to keep calm, and just keep looking forward...who knows you may find someone else...maybe not....i just think you should know that this behavior is normal, i've been through it many times, and trust me it does get better one way or the other.

[redandblack]

Hello,

 

It sounds like a stereoypical "rebound". He is probably just keeping her around as a distraction. His world may come crashing down soon. However, don't put any stock in that idea.

 

I suggest, as everyone else does, no contact with him. If he called you just to tell you he has a new girlfriend, chances are he will become even more cruel and manipulative if you keep a friendship.

 

Move on as best as you can. Fill your life with new hobbies and people. Don't idealize your boyfriend. The person you should be with wont do this to you.

 

Take care.

[DN]

If you didn't talk for a month then you can hardly blame him for thinking the relationship was over. And it does not mean he didn't love you just because he is with someone else. Not all matters of the heart operate on a time-line.

 

I am sorry you are hurting - but if he should return to you at some time in the future, both of you need to find better ways of conducting a relationship - in retrospect the break-up was inevitable judging by the way you were communicating - or not communicating.

 

That would also apply to any other relationship you might have.

[lady00]

How fast he moved on doesn't say anything about how much he loved you. Loving someone and wanting to be with them don't always go hand-in-hand. I have never jumped right into a relationship after one ended so I can't say whether or not it makes the breakup easier to handle emotionally but I suspect it does...for the moment anyway. Right now, you probably should do NC. The last thing you need right now is to hear anything more about his new relationship. That will just set you back. Try to refocus your energies on making yourself feel better and don't focus so much on what he's thinking or how he's feeling. Someone has to be thinking of your emotions and putting your interests first. He's thinking about himself and his happiness. You should try your best to think about yours.

[Lion-Guy]

PartlySunny I know exactly how you are feeling. My Gf of three years broke up with me all of a sudden a month and a half ago. I was shocked.

 

It hasn't been much time and she is already sleeping with a new guy. And they have only been on a few dates. It really hurts to hear this stuff and you are much better off to not hear anything about your ex. Do not answer his calls. Hold NC for the next month. I promise you will feel better after not talking to him. You need to concentrate on yourself and only you. This sounds very much like a rebound relationship that probably won't last. He might even try to get in contact with you if it doesn't work out. But while he is with this new girl, he doesn't need to know that you are around still. That will only make him feel better that you are waiting for him and want him still. If you just cut things off now, take your losses you will be better off. Maybe you can get in contact with him in a month or two, but wait until your emotions for him have calmed down.

 

Good luck. My heart is with you.

 

Read this:

[acuraman]

Im sorry to hear that! When the two of you fought, why would you want to wait a week or longer before speaking to one another? My ex g/f does that and I can't stand it. Didn't you just want to work things out the next day or so instead of waiting?

 

I believe your ex is using his new g/f to get back at you and to also make you jealous. If he is willing to hurt you like that, then there is no point in wanting to salvage the relationship.

[Regretfulman]

The same thing happened to me, except I'm a guy. My ex dumped me and went right to a new guy, it does hurt, i understand that. All I know is that the best thing to do is move on. I'm convinced that anytime someone moves that quickly into something new, it can't possibly last. It is surely a rebound, and its a distraction from thinking of the person they dumped. Eventually, the dumper will be forced to confront the feelings they are denying. Don't be surprised if this new relationship fizzles out quickly, but still don't hold out hope. Move on so if he does come back, you will have control over yourself.

[Regretfulman]

Hey Lion-Guy, I guess you liked my post enough to refer it to someone else, huh? I'm glad you read it, everything in it is true. Stay strong and we can all get over our exes, time heals all wounds.

[newts]

U said you were both madly enough, So why do u ask this question? Of course he was in love with you.

 

Maybe his feelings changed over time?

[arwen]

Hey,

 

I understand it feels like this, but I think DN is right. Love is not logical or rational, and yes, someone can appear to move on really fast. My ex did as well, and it hurt like hell.

 

I think he could be on the rebound, yes. But the truth is, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that you can somehow learn to accept that it's over between you and him, and move on. This will take time, but you will get at a point that the sharpness of the pain becomes less, believe me.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[RayKay]

Can I ask why after an argument you would not talk for weeks or months? That just does not seem very healthy or balanced to me.

 

I would think if after a month a couple had not talked due to an argument, I would consider that a breakup. And I think he must of thought so too.

 

Just because he moved on does not mean he did not love you, love is not something that everyone may experience or feel the same about, perhaps he loved, but realized there were too many conflicts and issues in your relationship (like with your communication/conflict resolution skills) that showed him it was also impossible for you to have a healthy long term relationship.

 

He has not forgotten about you..if he had he would never of called. People don't forget about people, even those they did not love, but if he was with you two years, and said he loved you, he did. But that does not mean that he feels you are right for him any longer.

 

She may, or may not be, a rebound, but it does seem he is trying to move forward, and on with his life, and I really hope you can start working on doing the same for yourself.

 

Good luck sweetie.