I Was A Toy Boy By 11 Years

[Confused1981]

Hi Just wondering if i should walk away from my girl who is 35 with 3 children from a previous realationship , i am 24, and she can neve decides what she wants, she has split with me about 10 times in the space of 2 years!!! is She ever gonna change or am i fighting a loosing battle?

[BellaDonna]

When evaluatiing any relationship- I think it's useful to make 2 lists:

 

Benefits

 

 

Costs

 

 

If the costs outweigh the benefits, then in my opinion, the relationship is no longer worth continuing.

 

In your case, what worries me is not the age of your partner- but the instability of her emotions. She is taking you on an emotional roller coaster ride. Part of "love" is knowing that your partner is there for you. The relationship should be stable....a comfort.... and something you can count on. Unless you did something really "bad", having her change her mind 10 times in 2 years is unacceptable, and I agree your emotions being "toyed" with. You have to ask yourself if you're still willing go on this ride.

 

 

BellaDonna

[blueangel]

Umm... I think you should leave but that's only from an outsider's point of view. The question is are YOU happy?

[Confused1981]

thanks guys, it has been an emotional roller coaster, what makes it difficult is that she ends the relationship, and then after a month decides she misses me and wants to get back with me, this time she seems to be trying more but i a m pretty sure she will pick up the phone when she feels down and she is missing me asking for me back, im scared of what she is gonna say or what i will say, what do i do, to stop this nightmare, is she ever going to change??

[BellaDonna]

is she ever going to change??

 

I don't know her- but from what you posted- I doubt it..... If she didn't change by 10 TIMES...I'd say the chance for future change is probably grim.

 

Also, keep in mind she has no reason to change- you have taken her back each time and re-inforced her dumping behavior. She figures- you're always there willing and waiting to come back..... So there's no need for her to change.

 

 

i a m pretty sure she will pick up the phone when she feels down and she is missing me asking for me back, im scared of what she is gonna say or what i will say, what do i do, to stop this nightmare

 

I'd say right now your best bet is to establish no contact with her. If she does call, do not be the ear that listens when she is down. I know it's hard, and seems cruel (especially if you care about her) but keep in mind that she TOTALLY DISREGARDS YOUR FEELINGS when she dumps you and she clearly DOESN'T CARE when YOU are down....in fact she causes you to be down.

 

If she calls, be strong, and just tell her you can't and won't do this anymore.

 

BellaDonna

[volution]

I had a relationship last year with a woman 14 years older than me, and I thought it was true love - but I was mistaken.

I was led along down the path of losing my virginity to someone who would eventually abandon me in the cruellest way possible - after treading on my dreams of love, marriage, children, altruism and everything else.

I wanted to kill myself.

 

There is obviously some kind of karmic link between you and this woman, and though it will probably be hard, you must sever your link with her, otherwise you will end up exhausted, spent and hurting for many years to come...

 

BTW, I've always hated the term 'Toy Boy' - it is a crass and offensive term that demeans relationships that don't fit in society's pathetic rigidity.

It always seems alright when older man is with younger woman (though that is usually worse, because the man is usually taking advantage or abusing her), at least most men will realise IF an older woman just wants them for fun (shame I didn't - as most men are interested in the physical side of a relationship!

[DN]

You talk as if she is the only one in this relationship who can make decisions - albeit temporary decisions.

 

But she is not. You can make a decision to walk away from a relationship that is doing you more harm than good.

 

You should never allow anyone to make your decisions for you once you are a mature adult - even if they are considerably older than you.

[RayKay]

Hi Just wondering if i should walk away from my girl who is 35 with 3 children from a previous realationship , i am 24, and she can neve decides what she wants, she has split with me about 10 times in the space of 2 years!!! is She ever gonna change or am i fighting a loosing battle?

 

I am not even sure why you are even questioning if you should.

 

Yes, yes, yes you should! If you did not get it the first time, I will say it again....YES...absolutely take control over your own life, your own happiness, your own future, your own strength, and leave her. In a relationship, it should not be about one partner all the time. She should not be dictating it all, or telling you when to jump, leave, come back.

 

After 10 times, very doubtful things will change. Anytime a relationship is so off and on, it is pretty clear things are not working and it is not right for you both. It's time to move on.

 

More over, be with someone whom is fine the way they are, and does need "changing". It's not about her age, it is about her maturity and the way she loves and respects you..both of which she is showing through her actions she does not in the way you deserve.

 

Relationships should not be a STRUGGLE to even maintain day to day.

[kanifia1]

i think you need to give a time to decide what she want and dont always run back toher when she say so thats not good and make some descion stay in control of your self you are not a toy.

[Confused1981]

Thanks for all your advice guys, i have decided to try and move on, i can see she is never going to change, but i am just finding it so hard 2 move on, i guess it will be easier with little contact, im going to have to keep myself busy! Although the nights alone in bed seem to be the worst i keep looking at my family that once was and tears roll down my face, i hope this doesnt last much longer!

[teacup]

seriously. in this world ppl will treat you the way you let them. if that means stomping all over you, wiping their feet on you, disrespecting you or whatever, they will do it if you let them. dont let them! stand up for yourself. put a stop to it.