How to tell if a guy is gay.

[Loopii]

aww ok, well, good luck

[jimmyvanbeck]

may i suggest not being too biased, in fact, try to oppose the idea a little. How to explain.....like instead of thinking of the things that would make him gay, think of the things that wouldn't but instead strait.

 

It'll help because it's similar to when you take a multiple choice test and you get rid of the answers you know are wrong.

 

It's hard to tell sometimes, i've gone through liking about 5 people throughout high school and not ever telling them (i'm a senior, bi).

 

Sometimes though i just about know when someone's bi/gay, [if anyone ever asks you if you're gay, then they are very very likely gay themselves (one guy asked me if my friend was gay so in class i yelled to him, my friend, "are you gay?" just fooling around haha)], and i do think they're attractive but i still am too cautious to go for it.

 

I told two people, my best friend, and another friend, a good one.

 

My point, be cautious but don't be overcautious, it's a sad story in the end.

[Loopii]

mhmmm, so any updates

[ramcoro]

That makes a lot of sense and that is the thing because that is mostly why i think he is gay because he does come off as straight and when i first meet him i thought he was straight but he is REALLY shy and hard to read after i started getting to know him the more and more i thought he was gay and know it kinda fluctuates some days im so sure that he is gay and others im not so sure. For example on why i think he is gay because i can only at ONE time he pointed out a girl was cute and that was when his friends were there other then that he NEVER talks about girls the only time girls come up in our conversation is when his friends or i bring girls up. He has also never had a girlfriend (and he is REALLY good looking) at first i thought it was because hes SO shy but there has been times when girls went to HIM (i mean really hot girls showed interest) and he completely blew them off and showed no interest in them. And i even ask him if he wants a girlfriend and he always says no. And when we talk about relationships ,sex, porn etc. HE always uses neutral terms like ("my PARNTER" "i could get SOMEBODY" "this one PERSON is hot" "i like brunets more" [pluss i think the fact that he used brunets is kinda girly ] "i like that on a PERSON" etc.) and finally anytime i do all these things with him he never gets turn offed. i have told him his hair is cute countless amount of times i've literally said the words "i think you are hot" "i hope you are gay" "i would like to see you without pants!(lol)" and "i love you" (i dont actually love him because its not love ... yet ... im more crushing on him) he has never yelled at me for saying those things never told me to stop and he seemed perfectly ok with all it. And we even talked about how im "different" then the rest of his friends and how we are somehow more "special" then them and that our relationship is different then any other relationship he has with any of his friends. I know all these things are little but they have happened SO many times and they add up. When i just think about him in someone else's point of view i see that it is unlikely that he is gay but at the same time knowing what i know i see that it is MUCH MORE unlikely that he is straight. So in my head i have always thought that ,if you eliminate everything that is impossible then whatever is left ,however unlikely, must be the answer. so like what you were saying its like its a test question (theres A,B,C,and D i don't believe A is the answer but at the same time you know it cant be B,C,or D so it has to be A even though you have no evidence that is ,other then you have eliminated the other possibilities) ....

 

im done lol im sorry it was so long i was kinda draining all my thoughts here .... but remember these are THOUGHTS/IDEAS i dont truly believe it completely im just saying maybe ... you know what i mean?

[Loopii]

dude, you have to ask him if he is gay, i so think he is

[ramcoro]

i want to so bad but i don't know how to because we are never alone anymore and i don't think we are gonna be alone for anytime soon but even if we are and i do ask him i honestly don't believe that he will admit it (right now) i think maybe if i give him sometime then he will feel safe. I feel this because i remember once last year when we werent so close i told him "it doesn't take 10 years to become someone's friend" and he said "yes it does, it takes a lot of time for you to have a friendship let alone able to trust someone" i just said "dude! you are overcomplicating the situation" then he said "no im not you're making it out to be too easy my dad always said 'dont be too quick to like someone and don't trust anyone until they have proven themselves worthy after years honesty because if you do trust them you are probably just going to get hurt'" i really didn't know what to say other then "you look up to your dad dont you?" and said "yea of course he is my dad" then that was the end of that conversation ,but see he has it in his mind that every single person in the world is the enemy and he can't trust anyone but his family ... ok that probably is good advice but im sure his dad ment when it comes to a girl. im a guy why and how would i hurt him. (unless of course he truly thinking about me the way im thinking about him) so i just dont know how i can get the TRUTH out of him because if i did ask him and he said no i wouldnt really believe it my opinion on him probably wouldn't change at all. But also if he asked me if im gay again (know that we are closer) im not sure what i will say i don't know if i can be sure its the right moment and at the same time im not sure if i can lie to him ...

[jackboi]

Well ramcoro I would say that all of those little details add up. It's so hard to judge your situation without actually knowing who you're talking about haha. You sound like you're already being very flirty around him but have you tried the whole eye contact trick yet? If you can sit accross from him at lunch or something, occasionally stare at him and if he looks at you, don't lose eye contact. Watch what he does. If he stares back at you, maybe make a gesture like winking at him or blowing a kiss. If he looks away quickly he could just be real shy. I tried this with a guy I like accross from me in class. I don't even know his name but we locked eyes and he didn't look away. His pupils seemed to get bigger too which is what you're looking for. Sometimes I catch him looking at me but I myself am not sure how to proceed lol.

[ramcoro]

see thats the thing we don't see each other that often (even he agrees which is why he is gonna get a cell phone) its about 5 minutes everyday and thats between classes so of course we are staring at each other we used to do it more often when we had classes with each other last year. and the whole cell phone is gonna bug me because how am suppose to read his body language and what not through texts? and thats another thing only two of my friends know about this and neither one of them actually know who he is one of them thinks he is straight (but she normally only looks at the stereotypes of gay guys) and my other friend says it could go either way. But its hard for them to truly judge they don't know him. If being all affectionate and flirty with a guy ,like how we have been, is normal to him then he is a pretty up kid (pardon my language) soooo i just don't know what to do... ;(

[Loopii]

kiss him in the five minutes and walk away and talk to him later haha

[Symbolic]

How old are you ramcoro? What grade are you in?

[ramcoro]

Im 16 and im a sophomore and for that five minutes we are in passing period! if i kiss him then that would be really bad because he would HAVE to take it bad (i would to if he did it to me in public)

[Loopii]

lol well runaway with him haha, i dont know, well do it when your at his house next or he is at your house next, when no one else is around, KISS HIM LIKE YOUR GUNA DIE IF YOU DONT, if he taks it wrong and he is not gay, say, i wanted to try it, but i dont lie it eaither or something haha, if he takes it good and you to kiss fo the next 10 minutes after that, well good on ya haha

[WhyRU]

I like how your story is evolving just like mine. The last time I was here I posted a long thread about this friend of mine, and since then a lot has changed and I can say that we are in the same position, so I can definitely understand your worries and troubles you must be going through out the day. Stay strong and patient, the best advice I can give to you.

 

My guy is reserved a lot and does not talk about anything, he keeps stuff private most of the time and we managed to get closer through out the summer, thanks to me having the courage to message him on msn during the week, he started to "add" personal stuff to our conversations so I feel like he started to open up a bit, he started to trust me I guess. I definitely know some stuff not anyone of our friends know, and it's funny how he always takes a look at me if he mentions something that us two talked about, especially something others don't know at all. I'm lucky to see him almost everyday cuz we are in the same college group so we hang together with our little group of friends all the time.

 

It takes time, and I've been getting to know him since the start of this year, it's a step by step process but it works. It only gets harder when you have those days when you really want to tell everything to his face and just get it off your chest. I dunno when will I do it, but I will tell him one day, when we connect more and when he starts to open up more. Till then, I won't rush it. Good things happen to those who wait.

 

Umm dunno should I post a question in here, but I don't want to open a special thread for it so I'll ask here if you guys don't mind.

 

I think the biggest problem I have when I'm talking to him is that I overthink stuff and can't have a "straight" conversation with him. I always think he will be suspicious of me If i ask him does he have a gf, what types of girls does he like, and stuff like that so I was wondering do you have any advice how to get over it.

 

As far as I know he does not have a gf, I think I would know if he does, just like any other of our friends. I just wanna see what do you guys think about this convo I had with him. We were talking bout skl stuff and managed to get to the topic of a flat that his family has in a nearby city. I was like, lucky you, you already have a place to live when you move out of home and stuff, and he was like saying, maybe my sisters will get it. And then he said, or it will be mine if they marry wealthy. And I commented by saying, or you can marry wealthy instead, and then he said, yeah only if I find a stupid girl who would want me. I was a lot surprised with that sentence, cuz I thought he's having girls all over him all the time and that he's a playboy and I just don't know it. I responded saying, that's interesting cuz you can have any girl you want. He asked why do I think that, so I said, well youre good looking, and well most of the girls only look for that when it comes to boys, and he was like "ah ah".

 

It was the first time we actually managed to get to a personal topic, and well bring up girls to a convo. I just want to hear your opinion on that, It kinda shows to me that there might be a chance that I am right about him. That he might be gay but he's still in denial like I was for 19 years. I mean, saying "stupid girls" kinda shows the blame he is trying to put on them, like I did. I know I always was disappointed in women just because they didn't look for more, meaning a true friend, someone who they can trust and stuff, all of them were all about looks first, and me being a bit on the heavy side never gave me a chance to show the love I can give and was ready to give. So, what do you think.

 

 

I am sorry for making such a large post here, hope you won't mind. Ramocoro, wish you all the luck, and hope it turns out the way you want it to turn out.

[ramcoro]

hey how can i get mad at you for posting a question? this isnt even my thread! lol i did the same as you! i don't know where the guy who started this is but o well! lol but yea ...

 

,yeah only if I find a stupid girl who would want me.

 

i think your looking too much into it because what i think he meant was that he can't see why a girl would like (or atleast maybe a rich one) dont let it bother you. And hey if you bring up girls in conversation theres no way it will be akwkward because any guy would talk about it (gay or straight) but if it does seem like it is akwkward then thats probably a sign that he might be gay!

 

and thanks for the advice

[ramcoro]

O and loopii i cant runaways with him! lol as much as you may think this is a love story but this actaully is my life! lol but yeeeeaaaaa nothing really new on my part. We started talking about dreams (he has some messed up dreams when he remembers them) but yea i still dont have his cell phone # ill ask about it tomorrow if i can remember.

[Derky]

hey ramcoro! i've read ur "love story" from the beginning and just made an account cuz i felt like i wanted to help out or at least be here for moral support i think all of u guys on here are lucky to have "close friends" like these at school..all of the guys at my school are under the "must be straight or you're at the bottom of the social chain" soo yea, just wanted to say, ur VERY lucky and i hope u dont lose this guy, u two seems like a good couple

[jackboi]

Heh Derky and I seem to be in the same situation. I don't actually have a guy, just wish I did and try to have a flirty attitude around the guy I like. I know I'm just bi-curious cause I have a girlfriend right now but I'm also attracted to some guys... definitely a complicated situation where I'm coming from (I haven't told anyone my feelings except on this forum). Wish you the best of luck Derky, sounds like you're in a hardspot just like me.

[Derky]

yea, same here i havent told anyone AT ALL that im bi.. its so frustrating not being able to have someone u can talk to about EVERYTHING.. but anyway.. i just got off W.o.W... my second life and just hangin around here, bored O.o

[waveseer]

I had a bf once hint at dating one of his friends, then he laughed and I laughed along with him. I was hoping that if he wasn't kidding he would feel comfortable enough to be honest with me about it. That hasn't come to pass (yet).

[Loopii]

lol i cant help it if i am in love with this story lol, i so hope use too end up getting togther, forever hahahaha and this "love story" is sorta my fantasy but, te guy i like comes onto me, yeah...*floats away to dream land*

[ramcoro]

Well my sitiutation hasnt really changed much ... he doesn't thinks he will have a cell a phone for anytime soon and i just don't know what to do anymore because ... but enough about me so what it syour guy about?

[ramcoro]

Wait is this thread really gonna be deleted just because i used one inappropriate word?

[jackboi]

I hope not. Might be though. My guy showed up in a brace today just like me. He's so shy it's cute, I love freshmen lol. Hey Derky I also have a second life of WoW What server's do you play on? Misha here

[Derky]

heeey jackboi im on Kalecgos horde, u should re roll there, i'll join u. (sorry for inturrupting the love story) and how come the guy u like showed up in a brace? what happened?

[ramcoro]

haha Its fine and trust me you are interrupting my "love story" (because i wouldn't really call it that) come on i enjoy hearing your stories as much as you enjoy hearing mine ... so like is WoW like a really popular game?