Workplace Attraction

[Roomy]

Hi everyone. I recently got a promotion within my company and moved back to one of my old departments in a managerial role. As such i know a lot of the people there as more than work colleagues. However there is new girl there who i get on really well with. We are always laughing and joking and she is very flirty with me often playfighting and teasing me. A few weeks ago shegot my mobile number from a colleague. Now i get texts from her all the time out of work which are usually just excuses to make conversation. She even has her friends messaging me to find out if im interested in her.

 

Thing is I really do like her but several things worry me. She is a good few years younger than me and has said things to other people in the workplace that i wont leave her alone. Yet she still continues to send messages or call as soon as she gets up in the morning.

 

I dont know wether she is really interested and due to her age she is just acting very immature, or if she is manipulating me for some purpose i dont understand. Im fairly young and inexperienced to be doing the job i am myself and i dunno what to think of the whole thing. Like i said im really attracted to her but im worried if i make a move she will turn out to be not interested at all and it could cause a lot of problems at work. Help plz.

[Dating Coach]

How old is she?

[shes2smart]

Am I reading this right...you're her immediate supervisor?

 

If so, run. Do not look back. You are setting yourself up for what could be a situation that ends up in you losing your job, getting sued, or both.

 

Most companies don't look too kindly upon romantic relationships between managers & those under their direct supervision. Even if the parties involved in the relationship don't complain, all it takes is another "underling" to complain you're giving her preferential treatment because of a personal relationship to bring a boatload of trouble your way. Some companies will look the other way if the people involved are in different departments, don't report to each other, and/or don't work directly together. Some companies have strict "no fraternization" rules. Do you know what YOUR company's policy is?

 

There's a reason they say "don't get your honey where you get your money." (I've also heard it put "don't poop where you eat") There are plenty of girls you DON'T work with that you can date. Unless you're looking for high drama (and maybe another job) keep your work life completely separate from your personal life.

[Relationship Coach]

Roomy,

Give yourself credit for asking for help on this one, you need it! Workplace relationships are a bad idea 99.99% of the time and your situation doesn't fall with in the .01%! First you are in a management position, if you are in the US, you are setting yourself and your company for legal issues down the road. You sound as if you feel you are fortunate to have your new position at work, why risk it for this? Her comments made to others that YOU wont leave her alone are unsettling and spell trouble in itself. She is either laying ground work for a favorable ruling in a sexual harassment suit or just to dumb and immature to know when to keep her mouth shut. Not the type of person to rob a bank with, if you know what I mean.

 

Someone obviously respects you enough to put you in the position of authority you are in, don't disappoint that person by being careless and putting this girl before the company. You are at work to do a job, not a girl. Keep it professional and in your pants.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You asking a girl out who isn't interested in you won't cause problems at work. If you do go out, end up being semi-serious and things don't work out; that will most likely cause problems.

 

It sounds like she is interested in you, and would probably like to go out. I think other coworkers probably are aware of your mutual attraction,, she probably knows this and is trying to down play it by saying things like "He wont leave me alone." when she secretly enjoys your attention.

 

As for the age issue, you'll have to decide if you can deal with it. 18 year olds act much different than 21 year olds who act much different than 26 year olds.

[keefy1972]

Speaking from experience, BAD IDEA!!!! I'm still reeling from a workplace romance that didn't work out. BELIEVE ME....it is torture. RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!

[Relationship Coach]

Keefy,

You are too funny! Hope all is well for you, I did see some very solid posts from you this week that signal you are doing better. Good Luck!

[DN]

I agree with those who say it is a bad idea, especially if you are her supervisor. You are older than she is, you are not sure of her intentions and she has already said to other people that you won't leave her alone.

 

This is a disaster waiting to happen. I think you should treat her entirely professionally from now and and stop the play fighting and other inappropriate behaviours.

[Roomy]

How old is she?

 

 

She has just turned 18. I know 21-18 isnt a big difference but given the circumstances its seems huge.

 

 

And thanks very much for the advice guys nice to get an unbiased perspective.

[Shadows Light]

Telling other people in the workplace you will not leave her alone is a bad bad sign. Workplace romances are a no-no. What if it doesn't work out... if you are dealing with someone who is immature... then its going to get out of perportion. Perception in the workplace is everything. You don't need your private laundry being hung up to dry if its ends up badly. Which... it would.... she's already being mouthy.

 

You are also in a supervisory postion. If she's not your direct report.... its not so bad. But she could use you for leverage for herself with her colleagues.

 

Plenty of fish in the sea. And I do like the "Don't get your honey where you get your money." I usually use the other one as an analogy.

[Roomy]

Just to clarify, dont know if it makes any difference to how you guys see this but im not her direct supervisor. Im her supervisors line manager.

[Shadows Light]

Same thing... you have "control"... You are in a position of power...Don't do it.

 

Workplace sexual harassment has gotten "way way way" out of line. For both men and women. I think men get the worst end of the deal since they are percieved as the aggressor. You are building your career... its not worth it to muck it up.

[Day_Walker]

Regardless of her age and given your position of being her immediate supervisor its not a good idea for you to be involved with her it could potentially cause problems that you dont want to deal with. If didnt act immature and you werent her immediate supervisor then I would be more inclined to say that the situation would be okay.

[shes2smart]

Just to clarify, dont know if it makes any difference to how you guys see this but im not her direct supervisor. Im her supervisors line manager.

 

Doesn't matter. It's still a bad idea. ANY type of work-place dating is a bad idea.

 

Go look at some of keefy1972's posts from a few weeks back. He's in the midst of a date-a-coworker-gone-wrong situation right now. I know you're probably thinking it won't happen to you, but I bet he thought it wouldn't happen to him, either.

[Roomy]

Thanks for the advice guys. Read Keefys posts and it does but the whole thing into perspective, no way i would want to go through an experience like that.

 

Hard as it may be im gonna do my best to stay well away.