I feel terrible.

[equinox]

I'm 19 years old, male, and I've never had a girlfriend. In fact, I've never even been kissed or had a real female friend. My problem is that I'm starting to feel emotionally and physically unwell. I used to take good care of myself, eat properly and exercise but now don't bother at all. I eat loads of sweets, chocolate and other crap, I also never exercise anymore.

 

I generally don't feel good about this at all and it probably due to lack of female attention. The thing is, actually getting a girlfriend is not a valid option for me at all as I have to many problems and women generally avoid me, even when I'm doing my best to be nice to them. I have never even received a single compliament form a girl or woman in my whole life.

 

Rather than let this drive me insane, I have decided to try something. I going to try to destroy any interest I could have for releations with women. I'm not saying that I want to be gay but I know that some people are born a-sexual and I envy these people to no end. I wish I was free of all sexual desires so I could concentrate on my music and other things. Are the ways of destroying sexual desire permanently that work.

 

Some of you might think I crazy but if you lived one day as I do then you would understand instantly.

[heloladies21]

Dude, that's the wrong decision. Instead you could try and get good with women. It's a skill you can learn like any other. I'll pm you some really good sites to help you out.

[chai714]

Equinox,

You can't be good at anything unless you practice. Dealing with people is the same way. Go out with a buddy and do some people watching. Read about body language and how it works, then go out and observe. Try talking to any person (male and female) you encounter and watch how people react. You'll soon learn that people love talking about THEMSELVES, THEIR INTERESTS, and THEIR WANTS AND NEEDS. So how do you get them to converse? By talking about things that interest THEM. Try it and let me know how it goes.

[ravens_folly]

hey, Don't feel bad, I never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy until I was 20!

[ShySoul]

I'm going to respectfully disagree and say you are on the right track, but are going a little too far. Right now this constant desire for female companionship is consuming you. You are so focused on it that it is affecting other elements of your life. You need to put that out of your mind and concentrate on yourself before you can worry about finding a girl.

 

I'm 22 with no girlfriend, no realtionship, no date to my name. I know how miserable it can make you feel. But its important to remember that a girlfriend isn't the only part of life. That will happen when the time is right. For now you need to be focused on yourself.

 

Start working on your perception of yourself. If you don't like how you are now, change your actions. Start working out again. Start eating better. Find some hobby or interest that you are into and makes you feel good doing it. Once you get into something like that, you'll find that your confidence will start to improve. When you start feeling naturally better about yourself, you will naturally exude confidence and who you are will shine out to others. It will attract people, male and female. Right now I think if you tried to go out and talk to people you would be to self conscious and worried to get the kind of reaction and connection you want. Instead, focus on you.

 

Don't give up on a relationship forever. Don't lose all hope. But don't be so focused on making things better that it just gets you more depressed.

 

Hang in there. You will get through this.

[DiscipleOfChange]

I agree with many of what ShySoul's comments. Believe me man, the way you describe yourself initially (19, no gf) is like me too. I've kissed a girl, but that was just during spin the bottle and didn't mean anything. I want to mention that because I understand what you'r going through. For the longest time, I wanted my first kiss to be uber special and told myself I would hold out but I stayed and played the game because I wanted to have a kiss. Now I'm not saying I regret that choice but I did it for the wrong reasons.

We can't control when we find love dude and if we let that search run our lives it'll ruin us. You need to focus on you and that will show through. Eventually, it will make the right impression on the right girl.

Relaxing about it is tough but it'll come easy enough once you try it out. Believe me, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and it'll be a load off your back. And let me tell you, being friends with women is really amazing becuase it shows them what a casual awsome guy you are and they tell their friend this if your name ever gets mentioned or people ask about you.

[ShySoul]

DiscipleOfChange has a good attitude. Being friends with women is great, they tend to be more caring and understanding then guys, or at least thats what I've found. And it taps you into the womens network, girls talk you know.

 

Hearing his story reminded me of my one and only kiss. It was in an up and down odd situation with a girl, never an official date or relationship but obvious interest. It lead to us spending the night by each others side, a morning of cuddling, and a very sweet kiss. So don't give up. If I can get a kiss, anyone can.

[equinox]

Thanks for trying to boost my confidance but that's not what I need. I have been to see councillors about this and they told me that same things. I tried to do things to improve my social skills. Just last week, I was waiting to preform with my band in a bar where I live. The bar was quite full and I was totally lost on what to do, so I found a corner and spent 40 minuets tuning my bass and warming up even though I didn't really need to.

 

I have tried and failed so I have consined myself to abstinence because I really don't have a choice. So please, I don't want to appear rude or ungreatful but I only want to know if there are any ways to remove sexual desires not on how to boost confidence. The fact is I don't want to be attracted to women, the only relationship I would want is a friendship.

 

I'm not that depressed about it, this is a problem for me that I need to get rid of. If I were free of a desire for sex then I could give music my full attention. As a musician I meet people all the time, I get on with them and I'm friendly to them. I'm just not social, it's not in the way I think to be so.

[DiscipleOfChange]

All I can say is that humans are sexual beings. I don't think it's possible never to have a sexual thought because such is the very core of our existence. If you're looking for ideas, try talking to some priests as celebecy is part of the job description and they probably could offer advice on keeping these feelings down.

[ShySoul]

There isn't a way to get rid of those feelings, and supressing them is going to cause you more problems in the long run. It's not because people are sexual beings in my mind, its because we all want to feel loved. Even if you stop having sexual thoughts, you are going to get lonely and want someone to be there with you and love you. You'll have the same doubts and fears.

 

If I had been in your situation at the bar, I would have done the same thing. I am not good with large crowds and wouldn't know what to say at a bar. It's not your place. So don't worry about being social, no one says you have to be if you aren't. You can get along with people, thats good enough. Why is it you can meet and get along with people as a muscian but you can't in social situations? I think its cause you're putting the pressure on yourself in social situations. You expect more and let your fears control you. With the band you can look at it as business. I think if you just stopped worrying about it, stopped trying to change it or do something to make it go away and just not even think about being social or not, it would help you.

[Indirect]

Hey equinox,

 

I respect your wishes. Some people, no matter how much others insist on "Oh you will find someone," they simply not built to be loved by "everyone." BUT I would like to add that it is only matter of talking statistics; equinox chances of getting hooked is 75% and Indirect's chance is 2%. It's all relative.

 

What I would like to say is don't shut your longings to find a companion entirely. You never know, maybe someone comes along that really into you then you would have a trouble of breaking your habits of shutting people out. By the way, you are only 19, things may change in the next few years and blossom so to speak.

 

Stop eating junk food not because you need to get in shape for "girls" but for yourself. You feel lethargic? It's because you don't exercise. Go play some sport and don't plan your life based on finding a date. Let the date come to you.