Your Opinion is Wanted here

[Regretfulman]

I am probably one of the greatest supporters of No Contact around, if you read my posts you will see. I use it myself to heal and to send the ex a message. I would like to let you know of my situation and the story behind it.

 

My ex and I were together for 11 months, although never totally committed, due to me. I never officially made her my girlfriend, a decision I now regret. She told me she loved me many times, and I said nothing back, due to my doubts about her. Also, I never introduced her to my family or friends, which she took as an insult. I, on the other hand, spent many holidays and lots of time around her family and friends. The Bottom line is: I didn't give her what she needed when we were together, so she broke up with me, and is now dating someone else. I regret not being more open and honest with her over the course of our relationship, but i'm not a really emotional guy.

 

It's been 7 weeks now since the breakup, and she has initiated contact with me, sends me mixed signals, and it is frustrating. I decided to go to NC for good about 10 days ago, after a fight we had about "us" over the phone. I asked her to meet me and hang out and she told me that it was too soon and that her new man wouldn't approve. I have some things i never did tell her about how I feel, but I need to see her face to face to say them, i won't do it over the phone. I have a feeling she still has serious interest in me, but i remain aloof about my feelings and use no contact most of the time.

 

I was the cause of the breakup, and I didn't express myself the way I should have. I didn't give her what she needed, so she decided to move on. I'm practicing NC,

and thats all I ever tell other people to do as well, but even i get weak. Sometimes i feel like putting a rose under her windshield wiper while she is at work, just to send a message related to how i feel. Sometimes i think that if she just knew that I felt the same way that she did, it would change things. It's very tempting at times, but I've been good at maintaining NC, and i dont want to mess it up.

 

Feel free to send me your opinions about my story, it would be appreciated. I just wanted to share my story because it might help people understand where i am coming from, since i post here often, thanks

[Bigbilly]

I gotta be painfully blunt. What makes you think she is going to ever come back? It's good that you've realized what you've done wrong, but it just might be too late now. The knowledge can serve you well in future relationships.

 

You've been making a lot of posts that have been well-received, and I've been itching to reply, but now I simply have got to ask you; what are your sources? I really don't want to sound like I am attacking you, but you seem to think that NC is a sure-fire way to get another chance with an ex. I read all your posts and enjoyed them because I wanted to believe it too, but I am sick of clinging to this false hope that I will ever have my ex back. Especially considering that honestly, I know I didn't do anything wrong.

 

Sorry, I am just venting. I've had a rough couple of days, and I am sick to death of heartache. Anyways though, about your ex ...I dunno, I think it might be too late. Someone else might have something more usefull to tell you.

[Shadows Light]

but im not sure how good it is that i'm doing it. I was thinking of putting flowers on her car, while she is at work, leaving a simple note saying "i miss you" or something like that. Maybe even a single rose to show her how i feel, since i never told her. Then i could leave the situation alone and walk away, at least she would be forced to think.

 

What do you guys think? Should i make one last effort to show her once and for all how i feel, since i never did that before, or should i just stick to NC and wait for her to come to me? In 99% of cases i would say NC, but mine might be that 1%, let me know what you think, thanks

 

She is not a mind reader. "At least she would be forced to think" ??? What is she supposed to think. You remained guarded through out the year you were seeing each other....you know what you did or didn't do to get you into the spot its in.

 

And how is it that 99% of cases there's an answer to...but "your's" is special. WE all think that of ourselves.

 

NC is not meant to be a lure to fish them back. Its meant to "stop" the pain, the poison arrows, the barbs... the hurting of one another. Stop the cycle... get off of the ride, so to speak.

 

It sounds as if you still have Contact with her.. so, see if you can again... ask her to meat you in a very very public place becasue you need to talk to her about something, get it of your chest..and find closure for the both of you. Then.. you can tell her how you feel. Doesn't guarantee that she will be receptive of your "feelings" at this point, since you rebuffed hers...but its worth a shot. Good luck.

[heloladies21]

The break up wasn't your fault. You didn't commit for a reason. Stop blaming yourself because you treated her good and don't have to be perfect to be in a good relationship and an official label means nothing.

 

In any case, she has a new man and that's the point of no return. Stay in NC and do your best to move on. Other doors will open for you for sure.

[Regretfulman]

I Am In The Same Boat As Many Of You Guys Are, Im Not Saying I Know All The Answers, Because I Don't. I Simply Wanted To See What People Thought Of My Situation, Thats All. My Case Is Not Any More Or Less Valuable Then Anyone Else's, Im Simply Saying That I Messed Up And I Caused The Breakup, And I Agree With Nc, I Have Used It, I Don't Plan On Talking To This Girl, Just Thought I Should Let Her Have An Idea Of How I Feel Since I Never Showed It Before, And Then I Was Going To Walk Away And Thats It

[Dako]

Regretfulman,

 

I'm not a mean fellow. I'd even tell my best friend when he's wrong, and he would return the favor.

Each one of us has a special particular situation that's complicated unike the usual garden variety heartbreak. That's why it's so agonizing.

All of your NC posts descibe NC as a method to get her back, despite your denials. Go back and read them if you disagree, but read all the words. To this outsider it's obvious you were hoping NC would re-attract her. Only you know what you really want, but sadly, she has a new guy.

 

If you really want to heal, you know what you need.

[Regretfulman]

No Contact All the way I know, just saying its tempting sometimes to break it, and even I need to take my own advice. Just thought i would post my own story so you guys can have a little background.

[Shadows Light]

Hey... no problem.. just keep posting away. Thats what we are here for... vent away. lol.

 

Telling her how you feel NOW..and just walking away, doesn't solve anything. Doesn't fix it. Undo it. and if you were just going to just tell her and walk away ... for what purpose? so that she thinks kindly of you in the future??? Its non-productive energy spent. Especially since... you arn't doing it to get back together, but as a means of cleaning the slate.

 

Its kinda like washing your hands off blood, after the deed, so that your hands are clean... as if the deed would go away be erased with just a bit of soap and water.

 

What you could do..is learn from this relationship. Take the good and keep it close to your heart..and take the learnings.. and TAKE them to heart. Consider it a gift. And... before you know it.. the right woman, the woman you were meant to be with will walk into your life... and the things you may have left said or unsaid, done or not done... won't be an issue.... cause you've learned.

[Regretfulman]

the thing is i do want her back, i do want a second chance, mine is a classic case of "you dont know what you have till its gone". I feel i could make things right, and we could work it out, i just need that chance. But i know that it will only come once she decides it, i have to let her come to me, and i must stick to NC

[Beec]

OK, I am going to express a bit of a contrary opinion to some.

 

First, I agree that NC is for you, no one else. She might come back after a period of NC, but she won't just come right out and say it. She is not going to call you up and ask you for a date or to be her boyfriend. There will need to be some contact before that ever happens.

 

When you should seek it, etc. is when you can control your emotions and you won't do anything like beg to get her back, etc.

 

What you would probably be best advised to do is to let her know you regret doing or not doing certain thigns, when you were together. And to apologize for that. If she asks if you want her back and/or if things would be different, be vague, tell her you might like to try. Acknowledge your shortcomings, but don't do it as if you are making a case to come back.

 

And don't expect this to have immediate results. She may wnat things with her new guy to run their course.

[Regretfulman]

i appreciate everyone's opinions, thank you very much. I need to take my own best advice which is....NO CONTACT

[lonelyfish]

I agree stick to N/C. If you spill your heart out to your ex. your only going to look like a fool even though you have the best intentions especially since shes with someone new. It will only confuse your ex more and maybe even give her more reason to believe she should be with her new guy. Re-read your own advice but I know it sinks in more when you here it from someone else. This new relationship that she has with this new guy could quickly disolve. But you obviously know the reason behind N/C is to take care of yourself and move on. But you never know, I'm so much better off now that I found these posts but I admit I do have a glimmer of hope every now and then that like you my ex will realize what he had once now that its gone.

 

Hang in there!

[coooolsome]

Stick to NC. It took me 2 months to figure it out. Nothing else I did helped. Eventually one day, you will be able to say the things you want to but you need her to initiate that conversation. It will be subtle, but you will have to listen to her to catch it. Dont do it now.

[teacup]

well, i think you reaped what you sowed. meaning that you weren't willing to put the emotional work and the emotional reciprocation into your relationship with her. she got tired of it and went to someone else who would respond to her the way she wanted to. can't blame her for that. i mean, who wouldn't get tired of pouring all their emotions into someone who never gave back?

[Hawk]

and as much as you say that you don't miss what you have until it is gone, that is how you are feeling not her. She maybe has so disengaged from the thought of a relationship with you as a result of you not doing what she wanted. Harsh? Probably, but let it go, otherwise you will send yourself insane wondering about the what if's.