Flirting - what to do?

[BlueWolf]

Good day everyone,

 

First post, glad to be here.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm a high school student.

I'm sitting by a girl I've known for a few years. (Note: I've just known/seen her around. We never talked much before. The odd part is that never before did she express any sign of interest in me.) Basically, she is expressing all the signs of flirting in the word's definition when she's sitting by me. Now, I know that flirting can be just about having harmless fun, and not something definitive by context of starting a relationship, and that's why I'm not letting all this get to my head too much, but she is making it so obvious. Yes, she's outgoing, attractive, and hangs around with others more than me when not in class, but in class she does all of the following:

*Asks for help with HW

*Makes prolonged eye contact (3-4 seconds can seem like a long time) and smiles/I smile back

*Plays with hair

*Arches her back when, sometimes, I look in her direction

*Talks about clothing preferences, etc...

*The light "tap on shoulder"

*In the morning when I come in (I come to school earlier sometimes), I see her talking with some of her friends and when she sees me she gives an energetic "Hi [my name]!"

*Some more body language signs...

 

Still, she has a lot of friends in that class (where we get more time to talk), but when she has the chance to get up and move to talk to them, she just stays in her seat until the hour ends and we just talk... Again, I'm not letting this get to my head too much because I'm afraid I'll just screw myself if I do and then nothing happens, even with the posted signs above. One time another kid took her seat and she had to sit away from me. I could tell she was pretty upset, and she even asked the teacher to make him move because I was helping her with her homework.

I'm trying to act as natural as possible. I'm not acting overly excited, but at the same time I'm not ignoring her.

 

Next time I see her is on Tuesday. At any rate, I'm confused of what to do and where this is going...

 

Thanks in advance,

-BW

[hk87]

Well, bottom line- do you want her to know that your interested? Because from what you've said, she seems keen. You showed flirt a little back if you want? If you play her along for too long, she will get disheartened and move on and you'll have lost your chance, if your interested!

 

Hk87

[BlueWolf]

Of course I want her to know I'm interested. I'm not sure if she's picking up on it, but I have been flirting with her a little...

I'm kind of "mirroring" what she does (but again, acting on the same level she is, not too excited but not too dull).

[sprkal]

Sounds like you're on the right track. I'd say she's interested in you. Just play things slowly for a little while and see what happens!

[Dating Coach]

Of course I want her to know I'm interested. I'm not sure if she's picking up on it, but I have been flirting with her a little...

I'm kind of "mirroring" what she does (but again, acting on the same level she is, not too excited but not too dull).

 

She shouldn't have to pick up on it. You should simply ask her out. The longer you wait to do this then the less likely she is going to have interest. If you want to ask her out then you have to do it. Build up the confidence to ask her out otherwise you could waste months even years wondering. What if all those years later you find out that she was never interested at all? That would suck. So find out soon.

[sparticuss]

BW None of this is flirting. This girl is just a lovely social butterfly that YOU like. (Can't say as I blame you)

I've seen no sign that she's interested in you and no signs that she's not interested either. If she sits next to you she consideres you good company at least.

As for the rest. Means nothing one way or another.

[Markers]

I think those signs can be signs of attraction.

 

Like others said, she at least thinks you're okay, because she does that. Ask her out, and find out whether or not she sees you as dating material.

[BlueWolf]

BW None of this is flirting. This girl is just a lovely social butterfly that YOU like. (Can't say as I blame you)

I've seen no sign that she's interested in you and no signs that she's not interested either. If she sits next to you she consideres you good company at least.

As for the rest. Means nothing one way or another.

 

 

Oh, I realize that can be true (so don't think you're surprising me there ). But what I want to know, what is flirting by your definition?

 

Thanks guys.

[Belle]

Blue,

 

I think some of the list could be construed as flirting but you will need more info before you set yourself up to ask her out. It is high school after all and you don't want to get shot down by the girl who sits next to you. I like that you do the mirroring thing. You mirror her level of enthusiasm so you're not playing games by avoiding her, or being too into her which chases males and females off.

 

What you might want to do is to start questioning her to find out her likes and dislikes. Build on that and try to think of an event or activity that includes those likes to do together. Or movies or whatever. It's pretty simple and also doesn't put you too far out there. You'll know soon enough if she's not interested.

[FCTex]

Flirting to one, isn't flirting to another..

 

Keep that in mind. Flirting has it's bounds and outlines, but just like love. It's not the same to every individual..

 

She could be flirting, but she could just be playing around, she could just be a flirting type of girl, and you've grown a liking to her, so naturally you pick it up..

 

 

Go ask her out.. You get your answer simple and to the point. If she beats around the bush. She's not intrested. Move on.

[Dating Coach]

Everyone is agreeing, you need to ask her out. I think you are trying to find "signs" before you get the nerve to risk it, and that is simply the wrong way to go about it. This is why "Nice Guys" have so much trouble dating girls while the so called "Jerks" don't. Guys with confidence ask, guys without confidence hint. Girls dig confident guys. Until you can get the nerve to do it then you are going to continue to make dating a very hard thing on yourself.

[Belle]

Guys with confidence ask, guys without confidence hint. Girls dig confident guys.

 

So so true...

[RescueDiver]

Definitely ask her out... the worst thing that can happen is she says "no". You're already through the toughest part and that's getting her to talk to you.

[BlueWolf]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

[BlueWolf]

I don't post here much - so I haven't kept you all updated. I did ask her very causally if she wanted to hang out on such and such date (to a cafe). She did avoid it all and made an excuse that she hadn't had time. No big deal though. I kind of expected it. I do see her acting the same around others, and a few of my friends didn't have very great things to say about her either.

I don't know, but I feel great about it all. I didn't at all have to work at getting over her. It was almost instantaneous.

Interesting thing though – the next few days things were going weird. One day she’d ignore me and sit elsewhere, and the other she would behave just the same as she had before. Maybe she wants my reaction. I didn’t much mind. Even stranger – after the whole thing, she randomly asked for my tel # (I got hers too). Pretty much after this point it’s a friend thing. I have none of the feelings about her I used to.

 

There are other girls out there.

[Markers]

good job on trying! Better luck next time!

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

It's really great to hear that you handled it well! It shows you're secure about yourself, and girls like that. I think she could tell that you're confident & not interested in her in that way, and then she might've started to question 'wait a minute... do I actually like him now?' That's sometimes what happens with girls... when I thought this guy I hardly liked started dating someone else, then I started to like him more. But maybe it's just my competitive instinct, lol. That may be why she wanted your number... but probably just because she wanted to be friends. =) In any case, as you said there's lots of other girls out there, no biggie.

 

ALSO, just thought I'd point out that I do those signs all the time... but I'm a social person. I'll sit beside different people, touch them lightly on the shoulder (usually to get their attention -- I've done this since grade school, I didn't know it was a sign of interest until I came to this site, really. I think there's a difference b/w 'light touch on shoulder because i'm trying to get your attention' type of touch and a flirtatious type of touch though.' EYE contact is usually key, and the type of vibe you get around each other. For me it's usually an interpersonal feeling... I just know when someone's attracted, you get a vibe & go off that. Don't dissect 'signs'... I'll do those things to friends, but to a guy I like in a more romantic way, I'll act differently. I can't explain exactly how I'll act because it depends on the guy & our chemistry as well. Sometimes 'rules' just don't work with this type of stuff.

 

Cheers,

 

Lily

[ShySoul]

Hey, you did the right thing in asking and you have learned a lot from the experience. She sounds like a flirt and when people like that are no longer getting attention, they sometimes try harder to get it from the person. But regardless, you seem like a good guy and there will be plenty of girls interested in you.

 

Also, like Lily said, there aren't any rules for this stuff. Some things may seem to show a person likes you, but you can't know for sure. I'd also go with that gut feeling idea, the feeling that you just know there is something there.