Do MEN ever come back?

[nataliejulie]

Just remember when you get weak, that he is with someone else. I remember my first g/f. When we broke up, I was dyin. But I found that out and after the initial sadness, the anger took over. This helped TREMENDOUSLY when it came to getting over it.

 

Problem is..... I don't think he is with anyone.

 

THOUGHT he was, but apparently the ended within 24 hours by his choice. And yes, keeping tabs on him is awful and helps me none.

[Hawk]

TiredMan - it is a wondeful motivator to think of them getting on with someone else - I know it sounds a bit bizarre, but if they have moved on that much then surely it is time for us to move on as well and forget about when and if they will be coming back.

[TiredMan]

Problem is..... I don't think he is with anyone.

 

THOUGHT he was, but apparently the ended within 24 hours by his choice. And yes, keeping tabs on him is awful and helps me none.

 

I seem to remember (i could be mistaken) that you mentioned he was with a girl younger. But even if it was for 24 hours, just knowing he was with someone else can be used to drive you. I know in my case, as soon as I know someone is with or has been with someone else, then they are pretty much non existant to me no matter how close I was to them.

 

Keep your head up tho. Then again, now that I notice you wrote from Philly, keep your head down. hehe j/k!

[Trax]

I know in my case, as soon as I know someone is with or has been with someone else, then they are pretty much non existant to me no matter how close I was to them.

 

 

I thought that this is was how I would feel. I can't seem to shake her off though. Crazy as it sounds I still love my ex. Not as much since time is making the feelings fade away, but deep down I will always lover her in some way.

 

As for men coming back, they do. One of my good friends broke up with his gf in college. I think they had somewhat regular contact afterwards and after maybe a year or so apart they got back together. However things didn't work out for them because I think in the end they realized that they weren't right for one another and were better off as just friends.

[Beaker78]

well i have found that they do try and get in contact with you after a while i have several xs that i am still in contact with on a regular basis.

What i have found though with my recent x is that i was doing all the contacting up until about a month ago when i decided to cut all contact.

Then last week i met someone else and slept with her then got a bit full on scared her off and that was that

Came into work on monday morning to find a IM from the recent X on my works pc saying hello and asking how i was doing.

So yes they do contact u after a certain amount of time because they are interested in what you are doing.

The X before my last X also contacted me at the weekend blaming me for her new cheating boyfriend that was quite funny and surreal also

[nataliejulie]

I agree with Trax... Just because someone is with someone else doesn't really RUIN that feeling that you still love them.. I think it just may make it worse

 

The only thing that I probably would get so mad at would be cheating, but hooray *sarcasm* , he didn't.

 

I know ALL ex's come back at some point. Even people you've just dated casually come back at some point. I guess I'm just being a litttttle impatient. This is day 11 NC. For some reason, at this point, I'm getting REALLY weak. Today was the first day I wanted to actually call, but I won't. I keep thinking, there's GOT to be a point where he contacts me. This is the longest we haven't spoken in a year. And with the holidays coming up? Our anniversary? And my birthday?... All comes in the same week!

 

I was doing so well, why am I so depressed the past two days?

[TiredMan]

I don't know. For me personally, knowing someone I love was/is with someone else would disgust me. This is how I am. My feelings are very strong and I am very loyal. But when betrayed like that, I turn cold. I wish the worst on them at that point because it would never occur to me to betray someone.

[gesssho0o]

I find the most effective (though it may not be the best solution) way to get over someone, or at least quit thinking about them so much, is to meet someone new. It's been almost 3 weeks since my ex and I last talked.. and every weekend I have hung out with friends, met new guys. One guy in particular I kind of like and I've been hanging out with, and it's nice to experience the butterflies and sweet anticipation of a possible new relationship or friendship! But that's another story.

So now instead of pining for my ex, I've continued with my life, I enjoy myself, I'm letting love find me and not the other way around. Sure, it's a just a distraction, sure it may be a rebound, but I know myself and my limits and I won't let myself dive into anything until I am ready for a relationship again.

Have fun, be positive, think of all the possibilities! Think of all the potentials that could make you 1000X happier than your ex!

In my experience, they have always come back. But by that point, I've changed, they've changed, I don't know them anymore, and they don't know me. At that point, you have to decide whether you want to start again with this "new" person (who also comes with the emotional baggage of your previous relationship) or with a truly NEW person (who could also come with unknown emotional baggage - ack!)

Not sure if any of this made an ounce of sense.... but just wanted to throw my thoughts out there.

[Trax]

I don't know. For me personally, knowing someone I love was/is with someone else would disgust me. This is how I am. My feelings are very strong and I am very loyal. But when betrayed like that, I turn cold. I wish the worst on them at that point because it would never occur to me to betray someone.

 

 

That's how I feel too. Betrayed. Lied to. I'm not sure if my ex was seeing/talking to this guy before we broke up (I honestly don't think so) but she certainly never mentioned seeing anyone else and pretty much denied it. I had to find out the hard way. I am very loyal too and would never do something like that. And if I had met someone else quickly after breaking up, I would certainly be honest about it and not go hiding it.

 

I always felt that if I was in the situation I was in that my love would be replaced by hate. Yeah, I got angry and I still go through the gamut of emotions but I also know that I will always love my ex to some degree even after that "good" feeling has faded. You never forget someone you were that close to for that long and not feel something. I *know* she must feel something too. Its only a matter of time before she realizes the grass ain't greener on the other side. By then, I hopefully will have gotten over it completely.

[annie24]

I keep reading pages of NC successes from men about their girlfriends.

 

But how about men???? Do men ever come back?! If there's a period of no contact, do men get bothered by that?

 

I mean, I know how women work... but we are so polar opposite of men!

 

Do men ever buckle down and realize they've made a mistake?!? Men cross me as having too much pride.

 

Does it bother men dumpers? Wondering what their ex is up to? It seems like it's so easy for them to get over things easier.

 

Yup. After 3 years of NC, I had an ex come back to me. However, by that time, I grew some self-respect and decided I didn't want him anymore. He treated me like crap when we were dating. 3 years later, he promised he learned his lesson and would treat me like a princess, but I told him to buzz off. He was too late.