Dating another guy: Worst nightmare

[AC874]

Well my worst nightmares have all come true.

 

The love of my life break-up's with me, then 1 month later she is "seeing somebody else".. or "in a relantionship"

 

We dated for 4 years, and only ran into big problems in the last 2-3 weeks of our relantionship.

 

I spent 4 years, taking her on lavish trips, loving her unselfishly and for who she is. We didnt have sex for 4 years because of our commiment to christianity. Spend nights, upon nights watching her fall asleep so that she wouldnt feel sad about her mom's death.

 

I got totally flippin played by this girl.... and 1 MONTH after our break-up shes already on to somebody new.

 

This is definitely the hardest thing ive ever had to face in my life... god bless you guys

[arwen]

Hey AC,

 

How terrible this must be for you. My ex left me for a very committed christian girl (us being not christian). She left her fiance of 5 years for him, and he left me (4 years). I find it very strange for someone to move on so very fast. It tells me that it was long over for the other party, much time before the actual break up.

 

Try to really maintain NO CONTACT. How did you find out she was dating a new guy anyway?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[eimono]

Spend nights, upon nights watching her fall asleep so that she wouldnt feel sad about her mom's death.

 

Whoa, I did a double take when I read this. My ex had problems with this too. Search my posts, two months into the relationship I knew it was going to be a problem. Yet I stayed with her and tried to help her get better. It never happened!

 

She would have a terrible time, sometimes break down in the middle of the day for no reason. And you know, in the end it was a major factor in the end of us. She had guilt, anger, resentment that she lost someone so close etc. And it came out on me.

 

This is definitely the hardest thing ive ever had to face in my life... god bless you guys

 

I know it's hard. I'm two weeks and one day out myself. Just take it one day at a time. You sound a lot like me, you put all of yourself into the realtionship. It failed, but don't think you did for trying. You should be proud that you gave your best. Someday we will find someone who will give their best in return.

[Relationship Coach]

AC,

I commend you for staying with her and accepting celibacy as a part of your relationship. Four years is a long time to suffer such an abrupt and painful ending as you did. The fact that she moved on within a month does not mean she played you, unless there is more that you have not told us. People all respond differently in regards to moving on with there lives. It does seem more frequent for the person who broke things off to move forward faster. In their minds they have already perceived the type of person they want next.

 

It may be possible that you gave her too much and she got bored. It's certainly possible. Some people just have a craving for what they don't have. Let go of the anger and hurt and move forward. You sound like a great person who has much to give. Don't let this failed relationship affect the next relationship. You have learned, you have shown a great level of commitment and you have the ability to love again with a clear conscious knowing you deserve the best.

[AC874]

I know the crap started to hit the fan 3 weeks before the end of our relantionship.

 

 

She played man.. she took everything from me, gave little back, and decided to chew me up.

 

So 1 month after break-up....

[bsp_kjm]

AC, Im so sorry to hear this. It is also my worst fear...

[RayKay]

I am sorry to hear you are hurting AC, it always hurts when they move on so soon, and before we do. It makes you look back and re-analyze everything - every word, every action, and leaves you wondering what you did.

 

Ultimately, as much as it hurts, you have to accept this is the choice she made. She did move on very fast, but whom knows where her mindset was...either things were long over for her in her mind, or she is rebounding into something new - and sooner or later the same issues she may have felt with you may crop up again, who knows. All that IS sure is that you are in separate lives now, and the best thing - the ONLY thing - you can do now is make the VERY VERY best of the path you are now on.

 

Time is the only constant, and it is tremendous in it's ability to heal us. I had a great conversation with a friend of mine last night. She is going through a seperation with her husband of 18 years. They have one daughter together. 7 months later, she still has her cries now and then, but she is doing tremendously well, and has hope again. Not hope for reconciliation, but hope for her future - which is far more powerful and healing. Even she said, time is an amazing thing. Eventually you may just see that the love of your life still lies ahead in your future, in time.