i called her today

[Dogg]

so i called her today, just to say hello, which was probably not the best idea. we spoke for a little while about whats been going on. I told her that i missed her and she said that she missed me too. I finally asked her if she wanted to go for ice cream or somehting but she said no. I asked her why and she said that she couldn't becasuse she needed to figure things out. i asked her if she had been figureing things out and she said that she gussed so then I asked what she had been thinking and she began to get annoyed a liitle and saids that she did not feel like talking about it. she asked me if I had met anyone and I said no then I asked her and she said no too. she also asked me if I had "hooked up" I said no (the truth) and asked her the same and she said no also. I believe her bevause she really is not like that. I asked her if maybe she would liek to go to a movie or something one day soon and she said maybe but that she didn't know because she did not want to "lead me on" because she said that if we start hanging out that wuld be leading me on and that she did not want to do that because she still needed to figure things out. For some reaosn that really hurt me. I know that i should not have called her, being that she has not called me, but I texted her and she responded so I called. our talk was nice, I tried my best to keep it simple and not to talk about us at all but I kinda fell short a little bit on that goal like I stated above. I love her and miss her so much that its killing me. I really want to know what she is thinking and feeling so bad but I do not want to ask her because I do not want to push her away and I kind of felt her getting annoyed a little on the phone when I asked her before. what should I do now? should I go back into NC? I really need advice...

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

With all due respect, that was a bad move. I understand your temptation, you and I are in the same type of situation.

 

We have to no contact 100%, because if not we will feel a world of hurt for a long time. Clearly, she has made up her mind for NOW.

 

The best thing we could do is move on with our lives. If they really want to see how we are, if they really care, and if they really love us, then will pick up the phone.

 

Otherwise, its time to pick the pieces.

 

God bless you man... im a world of hurt with the love of my life.

[Dogg]

I just have a feeling that nothing good can come of this. She said that she needed to take time to figure things out, figure out what? whether or not she wants to be with me is what. I keep hearing people say that NC will make them miss you, but i think that it is working in the opposite way, I think that it is making it easier for her to forget, to move on...that is somehting that I do not want at all. I love this girl with all my heart, I want her to figure out whatever she needs to figure out, but i want it to be somehting that will make our relationship better, not take it away. I feel so low right now. I want to be with her so bad and I love her so much that this is killing me. is there anything that I may be able to do to get her back? is there anything that I can say. why is she not calling me or texting me or anything. what do I do? I have tried so hard to be positive and keep busy and not think about things and to be with friends and stuff but I think about her constantly. what do I do? what do I say?

[melrich]

There is really nothing you can say. That is the frustrating thing. She knows how you feel and as you have already found out, if you hound her she will just get annoyed and move further away.

 

Unfortunately you just have to suck it up and try and prepare yourself for the fact that she may not want to restart this relationship with you.

[lonelyfish]

I love her and miss her so much that its killing me. I really want to know what she is thinking and feeling so bad but I do not want to ask her because I do not want to push her away and I kind of felt her getting annoyed a little on the phone when I asked her before. ...

 

Dogg,

 

Right now you are only thinking about your own feelings and not hers and that will only make you appear desparate and selfish. She has some issues to deal with in saying she needs more time, the more you contact her the more distance she's going to put between the two of you. She knows you still very much care for her. Go back to N/C and be aloof and let her wonder what you are up to. She obviously seems to still care for you as well. I know N/C is sooo hard but I really think it's for the best for both involved. I bet she'll contact you in due time if you just let her be.

[coooolsome]

Dogg

 

What to know what will happen if you keep giving into your urges?

 

Her -> Did I make the right decision. Why do I feel bad. I miss him.

you call

Her -> Man, why cant he give me some space. I do miss him but I dont know what to tell him.

you call again

Her -> God, he keeps calling and asking me questions I dont have the answers to. Just give me some time to figure things out.

You call again

Her -> I thought he would have been more mature about this. Why doesnt he just leave me alone. Maybe I did make the right decision.

You call again

Her -> God, im so glad I broke up with him. He is like a baby. I hope he stops calling me soon.

 

There you go. You calling her will help her justify her decision. It will get set in stone and it will take a long long long time for her to change that decision.

[Hawk]

Dogg - I don't think the intent of NC is to make them miss you - it may have that effect but really it is about giving yourself time to heal.

[Dogg]

here I am today at work thinking about her and missing her so bad that I basically got no sleep last night. I just keep playing the converstaion we had over and over in my mind. I realize that I didn ot do exactly what I was supposed to do, and that I pushed a tiny bit and that she pulled away towards the end. I texted her (probably a bad idea) saying that I was sorry for "pushing" and that I did not mean for the conversation to take a turn in that direction, that I just wanted to know and wished that she would tell me what she was thinking. I really hope that she considers taking me up on my offer to go to the movies or something, but like I satted befroe, she said that she is still trying to figure things out and she said that she does not want to "lead me on" and that haging out would be leading me on becaus of the fact that she still needs time to figfure things out. WHAT IS SHE FIGURING OUT?????? is there anything that I can say or do that may make her begin to want to see me and talk to me, no one has any little hints or tricks...should I go back in to NC? I loved talking to her so much and hearing her voice was wonderful, we laughed a lot too and it was nice, especially when she said that she missed me...I want to calll her again so bad, she told me that she did something different with her hair that I am literally dying to see because I know that she looks beautiful I bet. HELP what do I do now?

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Hey Dogg.....

 

How long since the breakup? I think I missed your original post.

 

It's ALWAYS easier to give advice than to take it...but I'll give you a womans perspective. Your ex already KNOWS how you feel...you've told her. She needs to not feel so sure about you. She needs to think that she could lose you to someone else..this doesn't mean tell her right NOW you met someone..because she will see that as a ploy. You HAVE to wait it out...a few months maybe. Let her go..for now. If she contacts her..be busy, but polite. Brush her off. She needs to wonder.."damn why isn't he pursuing me"? Maybe he met someone else? Hmmmm... Basically when she takes a step toward you..you take 2 steps back...as if you're being cautious. Because you SHOULD be. She burned you once..she can burn you again. Ths is about putting the ball back in your court. Right now she has the ball..but if you wait and be patient..she will GIVE you the ball back, you just have to WAIT it out. Get busy....I mean REALLY busy. Make lists of things to do..and cross them off...that helps me a lot, and makes me feel like I am accomplishing things.

 

This is not the end of the world..it's merely an adjustment.

You can do it.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Dogg...just to add...I just began contact with an ex after months of No Contact. I would still love a chance with him but my feelings are a lot calmer and more neutral than they were initially. I HAD to step back from him to gain my emotional "balance" again..otherwise he would have never come back around. When he saw I was "moving on"..he felt safe enough to allow me back in his life again. I had to let him feel that REGARDLESS of where the relationship was going...I was OK with it. No pressure. No drama.

Not sure if that helsp..but I thought it might.

[Dogg]

so you are saying that I should just go right back into NC. I guess I have to handle that, I just caved yesterday so bad and now I want her back more than I did befroe, not that I was ever ok with the breakup to begin with. but hwo am is supposed to know what she is thinking and what if anything she has "figured out"? are you abslutley sure that from a woan's perspective there is nothing that I can say or do that will make her realize just how completely in love with her and devoted to her I truly am? anything at all, I know that if we were to spend some time together, she would see that we can have fun together and enjoy each others company. oh god do I ever miss this girl...I keep beating myself up wondering why she does not love me anymore and trying to think of what I did to make her feel this way about me and us...

[Anthony M]

Totally agree.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

That's EXACTLY what I am telling you Dogg.....it's not what you SAY that will bring her closer..it's what you DON'T say. I mean..look at how she is treating YOU...and see how it's affecting you?? She's doing NOTHING and it's making you crazy. The same rule applies for her.....In fact, you may need to be even MORE strict with NC..BUT the rewards will outweigh the negatives. For starters...you will gain your self esteem back by not feeling constant rejection...that will in turn make you stronger either way.

 

Dogg..you are feeling like this right now because she didn't give you what you wanted. Not getting what you want is often a blessing in disguise. Go into DEEP , strict No Contact. She WILL notice I promise you....but you have to stick to it. No sitting by the phone, or checking your emails. Stay busy! Give yourself one FULL month of NC...and then see where you are.

[Dogg]

I had been in very strict NC for the first two weeks up until yesterday and not once did she try to contact me and that is what makes me very nervous. Like I have siad in the past, I feel like NC is just making it easier for her to forget and walk away with out having to actually "figure things out" I will try and do what you are all saying I really will because I did it for the first two weeks even though it truly broke my heart and still is. I love this girl with everything that I have and I just feel completely worthless because I can't figure out whats wrong with me to make her not love and want me anymore...

[Anthony M]

I had been in very strict NC for the first two weeks up until yesterday and not once did she try to contact me and that is what makes me very nervous.

 

She was waiting for you to break and that's exactly what you did. You have to learn patience. Hang in there!

[ONE SXXY LADY]

I understand Dogg... we ALL do. Look how you feel AFTER you contacted her though...you are beating yourself up.Hey it's ok...don't judge yourself so harshly. Your ex is NOT as perfect as you remember her. She has many many flaws..you just want her back right now because you're hurting.

 

I can't say what she's thinking..no one can. You were in NC for ONLY two weeks. That's barely any time, right after a break up. You have also not made any changes for yourself. You need to work on you...the rest will follow. If you are stagnant and talk to her in another two weeks...she will think "yep he's exactly the same as I remember him when we broke up".

People change. Maybe she changed and you didn't. It happens all the time. Now is your chance to work on YOU.

[patience]

Dogg,

 

Don't initiate contact again. Let her come to you. She knows that you want to talk with her and spend time with her, she probably also knows that you want her back. Don't push her.

 

If she is interested, she'll contact you soon. Give her the chance to make a move. Don't smother her with attention.

 

When you are feeling tempted to contact her (and believe me, I know the feeling) don't do it! Call a friend, write her a letter (that you don't send), post here, just don't contact her! In the meantime, work on yourself, improve yourself, address whatever issues need to be addressed, become a better person. Learn from the relationship and the breakup so you don't repeat past mistakes.

 

Don't chase her anymore. It's a turn off if you keep doing that.

[heloladies21]

NC is the way to go, but you're not ready for it yet. In situations like yours where NC can't be kept, you should get everything off of your mind and off of your heart. Call her when you want, let her know how you feel with no holding back. It won't bring her back, nothing you do will, but all the rejection will eventually push you to the point where you'll actually want to NC. Any of this partial contact in between keep you on the backburner stuff is just preventing you from healing up.

[Dogg]

I just received two picture messages from her showing mne her new hair dew. she looks amazing! I called her and said that I was so impressed byu the way that it turned out and that I thought that she looked beautiful! i kept the convo short and sweet and very comlimentary towards her so not to stir up any drama or questions about anything although I do have so many. I ended it by stating that again she looked absolutley amazing and that I really wanted to see her hair in person one day. she said "alright" but I do not think that it was an "ok we'll get together then" alright just an alright. I'm trying not to read to much into it. al I know is that she did truly look gorgeous!!!! and I let her know it! I hope that there is more to come but I am not getting my hopes up at all. I can't...

[coooolsome]

Yup, keep giving her what she wants. Keep doing it b/c in 2 months you will give up. Then you will go NC just b/c you are emotionally exhausted. Go for it. It will make you feel great. Tell her how you feel, beg her, cry in front of her. Let her how much you need her, tell her how your life sucks now that she isnt in it. Keep making her feel good about herself and her decision. Keep pressuring her. Talk to her mom and show her mom how pathetic you can be.

 

I know this sounds mean but you need a slap in the face. I wish I had it 2 months ago. LET HER GO. I think you need at least a couple months of STRICT NC. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Show her you are a man.