Who here feels lonely?

[loveydovey]

I haven't been here in a while, but I felt it was time i come "home". Well guys, I feel sooo lonely. I don't know what to do. I think I may drive somewhere and not come back until the morning. I just don't know how to comfort myself or anyone else. Anybody ever felt lonely, then had friends who also felt lonely? Thats my situation. I have maybe 2 or 3 friends in particular that opened up to me and told me they feel lonely. Only, I didn't tell them that I've been feeling lonely too. There was no point in two lonely folks sitting there looking at one another, so I put up a front to make them feel better the best I can.

 

Sometimes I think I want to just take a break. Maybe for like 2 weeks. But actually, I'm trying to figure out if moving out will help my sanity and my emotional health. I am going to be finished with school this December and initially I thought to just continue living at home to save up some money for a while. But, now I'm thinking about branching out sooner rather than later. When I lived on my own the first time (last year), I seemed to be soo much happier, at peace, and I just had so much clarity.

 

I guess I'm just venting so I can have someone to talk to. If anybody has any words for me or can offer some suggestions, you are more than welcome. This soul needs some help

[Stinkweed]

I know exactly what you mean. I don't have many friends, and I'm having trouble making new ones (I've met about 1 new potential friend only this year and I don't even know how to make it into a friendship). I've never been on a relationship, but I don't even bother hoping someday (even if it's when I'm older, because some ppl might say I'm just 17 and blah blah) I'll find someone. Prom is going to be in april, I believe, and I won't be able to go (unless this girl, who used to be my best friend last year, but the friendship is slowly dying off, I dunno why, decides to go with me if she's still my friend by then...). I try not to think about these things much. And everytime there's a break, I completely forget about all these things. But when I get back to school, the feelings come back... My attitude is a mess right now, which doesn't help... I try to fix it, but I can't bring myself to do it; to be like I used to be last year, when at least I tried to approach girls, and to talk to people. I mean, if I've already been that way, why is it so hard to change back? This sucks... Oh well, let's try to value what we already have. It's what i try to do. Best wishes.

[registered]

Moving out may not be a great idea. If living at home is causing you problems then it might be worth considering, though only after trying to resolve them without moving out.

If living at home is not the cause of these problems then it may be better to stay at home. Moving out creates a lot of new issues to deal with and could put you under a lot of stress. You don't want to make things harder for yourself and any support you might have living at home may be helpful.

Since living alone worked out for you last time it may be a good idea, you would know what it is about.

I think taking a break for a few weeks is a good idea, it would let you get your thoughts together and give you some time to escape. And afterwards you may be in a better postition to make any decisions.

 

I think that it is a good idea to tell your friends how you are feeling too. You said there was no good in two lonely people sitting there looking at each other, but I think that you will be able to offer each other support (I'm sure the lonely people talking to you now are appreciating the chance ). Just talking about these things to people makes a big difference and you will be able to help each other.

Your friends may even benefit from knowing that they aren't alone in what they are going through.

 

If you just want to vent or whatever, then feel free to pm me, I am in a similar postion. It is pretty cliche but we are never alone in being alone. If you keep a positive attitude where possible and give yourself some time just for yourself then things will start to look up. Don't give up

[xiek]

Everybody is destined to be lonely... We are only to seek and to be disappointed... It's our life. Take it easy!

[skyblue1]

I'm going through the same thing. Wish i had the answer for me and you.

[volution]

I feel terribly lonely... I always have done...

Never really experienced real love in my life... That is what cuts me deeply, and though perhaps it can spurn all kinds of impassioned poetry and music, what is the point, if late at night, an empty bed has but a freezing pillow to hold...

 

I'm one of those that no matter what (and I have tried) I cannot dissemble the loneliness. It is a constant companion. When I look around at the seemingly happy couples that go about, I can't help but feel bitter or frustrated inside. I used to cry inside because I was so soft, but it has gone on for so long now (almost 15 years since the first inklings of my romantic feelings), that my heart has hardened, and I've become blocked.

I feel sad, because I might miss out on love if it ever did occur now, because I couldn't open my soul up enough because of this long affliction.

 

One thing is for sure, though:

 

Loneliness Kills... eventually...

[darkblue]

Financial stability is a must when you are thinking of moving out. If you don't have the money to be independent, and you don't have the appropriate income to stay independent - you may find yourself back here shortly after leaving.

 

Every one feels lonely at times. Get out with friends on certain nights of the week and socialize. Wallowing in self-pity will only make you feel worse.

[TAFFY]

Darkblue, I agree with you 100% that everybody gets lonely at times. I also agree that we should go out a night or so with our friends. But, then the friends drop you off at an empty house, and you're all alone again, and feeling lonely. I don't like that feeling, I'll be by myself through the holidays. It's depressing, really.

[mr100heartbeats]

Well right now Im feeling really lonely, but thats because Im on my own right now, dont get me wrong I have plenty of friends and socialise on a regular basis, but I never tell these friends how lonely I actually feel sometimes, I always seem cheerful and jolly, nobody like to hang around a depressive soul do they I feel you would just get alienated!

 

Is loneliness a personal thing, something you only seem to deal with when you are alone?

[registered]

Yep, wallowing in self-pity makes it worse for sure... there isn't a need to.

I never realised it before but when I pity myself it is mere self-obsession. I don't get anything out of it. I don't learn or improve from it - I just push myself deeper into the never ending cycle of loneliness.

 

If you want to help yourself you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself!

It makes it easier to hide the fact that you are alone, to try and enjoy it, but it only makes it worse because we aren't meant to be alone!

 

Taffy I know what you mean about feeling alone again all of a sudden.

The only thing I've found that works is trying to remedy it by meeting NEW people. The old people are cool, they are great to hang out with and are good friends. But when you are looking for and meeting new people, it feels different.

That's what I've found anyway.

 

 

Hey loveydovey? Are you there?

How are things now? What has been happening?

[registered]

Is loneliness a personal thing, something you only seem to deal with when you are alone?

I"d say that generally loneliness breeds loneliness because we feel so down and miserable like the world has got the better of us and so we feel like we don't know what to do and like we can't do anything to help it.

This makes it hard because it's something you have to deal with yourself though - only we can help ourselves. (and like you say...people don't like people who are down in the dumps unfortunately... it's good to help these people and talk to them as other people prefer [instinctively probably] not to talk to them).

But we can do something!

Like I said, meeting new people seems to be better then meeting the people we already know.

Maybe we have to constantly be meeting new people?

[TAFFY]

I also agree with mr100heartbeats and registered. It is possible to feel alone even when you are in a crowd of people. I don't think it's a case of feeling sorry for one's self, either. Yes, one solution would be to go out and meet new people. However, if the person has an aversion to being with people heretofor unknown to them, if the lonely one happens to suffer from GAD or SAD, that meeting someone new is not a good thing. I suffer from both, and would much rather be alone or with 1 person if these people are going to be a stranger to me. My nerves have dictated that any more than 2 people at one time is a crowd, and then I start to shake and feel anxious.

[registered]

I also agree with mr100heartbeats and registered. It is possible to feel alone even when you are in a crowd of people. I don't think it's a case of feeling sorry for one's self, either. Yes, one solution would be to go out and meet new people. However, if the person has an aversion to being with people heretofor unknown to them, if the lonely one happens to suffer from GAD or SAD, that meeting someone new is not a good thing. I suffer from both, and would much rather be alone or with 1 person if these people are going to be a stranger to me. My nerves have dictated that any more than 2 people at one time is a crowd, and then I start to shake and feel anxious.

Well if you have GAD or SAD then yeah that is different. I'm no doctor so I can't say anything about them of course.

 

TAFFY, how about the internet? Do you like to talk to new people on the internet?

I used to get anxious and nervous in crowds, obviously it wasn't too serious if I overcame it (basically just fear, and not a disorder) but it hurt me a lot and I became a recluse because of it. But the internet has always been a comfortable way of talking to new people.

[registered]

I don't think it's a case of feeling sorry for one's self, either.

I think it is the reason I feel alone anyway. There is nothing stopping me getting friends I just feel too sorry for myself to get them.

And when I stop feeling sorry for myself and make an effort then I will meet new people.

So in my case (and quite possible some other people's) I think that is the problem.

[TAFFY]

But then you need to ask yourself why you are feeling sorry for yourself? Is it because you are or feel alone? I can understand that. In my case, just meeting any new person would give me an anxiety attack of major proportions. I cannot stand to be between 2 people; I feel trapped and when I can get away, I almost run. I don't like loud noises, noisy people really make me nervous. Generally, registered, I prefer being alone, because I can be relaxed. If I'm with someone, it's all I can do to remain calm in their presense (I am talking about my 3 best frends). Sorry, I think I got off topic. I didn't mean to.

[registered]

But then you need to ask yourself why you are feeling sorry for yourself? Is it because you are or feel alone? I can understand that. In my case, just meeting any new person would give me an anxiety attack of major proportions. I cannot stand to be between 2 people; I feel trapped and when I can get away, I almost run. I don't like loud noises, noisy people really make me nervous. Generally, registered, I prefer being alone, because I can be relaxed. If I'm with someone, it's all I can do to remain calm in their presense (I am talking about my 3 best frends). Sorry, I think I got off topic. I didn't mean to.

I feel sorry for myself for two reasons. I am alone (no friends or girlfriend) and because I feel alone (a consequence of being alone!).

 

I am not comparing myself to you - I realise that it is a different situation, I never made out that it wasn't! (not after I knew of your situation anyway).

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being alone - I like it to. (It just so happens that I don't want to be alone anymore).

But I don't like feeling lonely - no one likes to feel lonely.

[registered]

One way I have dealt with the feeling of loneliness (but not the cause of it) is distraction - for example putting headphones on and listening to music (turn it up enough so it is all that you hear) while I do anything else.

This way I think about the music instead of feeling lonely. (this goes for masking any feeling or situation too)

 

But of course that doesn't address the source of the loneliness.

If you can address the source of it then that is always better! It is better to fix a problem then disguise it!

[darkblue]

Well, I will comment on the GAD and SAD.

 

SAD will obviously make you feel very lonely during these festive months. But a simple high voltage light, specially designed for SAD sufferers, can cause a great improvment in their moods.

It won't cure their loneliness, but it will lift them a little.

 

As for GAD,

That would make it incredibly difficult to go out and socialise with friends, etc.

But there are types of medication available, which the sufferer may want to consider.

They help subside the effects of the anxiety, and can give symptomatic relief.

[perfectliljewel]

hey i know how you i feel. i almost always feel alone especially b/c im grounded until new years. but even before that i felt VERY alone... i went to a christian school and i hated it. i had ONE friend but she stabbed me in the back. now my only friend that lives the closeset to me moved, so i get bored, then depressed, all because im alone.

 

sorry but all i can tell you is to get that one friend that you can call 24/7 and he or she wont mind. it always helps to know someone is there for u all the time

[TAFFY]

Sorry about the grounding, JoshsBaby, I remember being grounded all too well. Once when I was about your age I was grounded for an entire summer. That wasn't any fun, either.

 

DarkBlue, when I said SAD, I wasn't referring to seasonal affective disorder, I was referring to social anxiety disorder. I do take medication for depression and anxiety. I tend to feel alone even when I'm with my friends because they really don't understand what I'm going through, and they tell me that I shouldn't be as nervous as I am.

 

I don't like feeling lonely, either, registered. When I said I preferred to be alone, what I meant was that I don't like crowds. I have reached a point in my life when I don't want to be lonely anymore, either. As for talking to people on the internet, I don't usually go into chat rooms. I belong to 3 other forums, and I talk to people there because I am comfortable with them. I'm talking more here lately because I'm becoming more comfortable here, if that makes sense. Sorry, didn't mean to write a book. Thanks for listening.

[darkblue]

Hi Taffy,

I would not mind reading a book

 

That is rather confusing. I didn't know Social Anxiety could be referred to as SAD.

Do you feel that the medication helps?

Do you attend or have you considered some kind of talk therapy?

Group sessions may also be useful, to help you realise that you are most certainly not alone.

Many, many people suffer from social anxiety, and there are increasing numbers.

 

Take care, and you know where I am if you want to talk.