PLEASE HELP ARRRGGGHHH I WANT TO DIE

[annie24]

Don't reply!!!! He came back to you recently, and hurt you even more!!! Why give him the chance to do it again? Do you enjoy pain?

[annie24]

more i think about things the more dumb i feel, we met througha website faceparty and even then he messaged me saying hi please reply sorta message argh why did i. he did things to hurt me, he went out with his friends one nite to a club and said the most horrendous things, he was meant to come and see my parents with me but he never showed up but then i after bein angry with him forgave him. i told him it had made me lose those "fuzzy" feelings and he after me makin him see what a fool he had been worked to get them back between us. why cant he forgive me for my faults when i did with him

Just keep re-reading this and remember all the bad things he did to you.

[jacs82]

argh i caved what an idiot! i said "im ok" he said "im glad i was worried i had upset u alot" i said "u upset me more than i could ever know" he said "im sorry it was better to tell you now than later" i said "have u met someone else" he said "no of course, not i dont want to be in a relationship for a very long time" i said "whatever your reason i dont care as far as im concerned you walked away from something special" he said "ok,im sorry do you still want to be friends do things together" UGH! i didnt reply to that! i didnt want him to hate me and im so weak i want him to know he hurt me so much but he dont give a damn. i wish i was always strong but im not. i aint eaten again today

[redandblack]

Don't worry about it, I've slipped up, too, but I was provided with the crucial clues I needed. You should read some of the other threads in this section, they are quite good.

 

NC is tough, but it is necessary. You can be friends later once you're over him. However, the danger here is keeping your heart clean, knowing that you aren't using 'friends' as a foot in the door in case things don't work out. Keep that in mind and I think you can get over him.

 

You're really hurt, I know how it feels. Feel free to message me or talk to me over AIM if you need.

 

Take care

[jacs82]

argh help me! i ended bk texting him saying i couldnt be friends cos i wouldnt be able to move on and he was saying arr well and again that he just wanted to be friends. then this morn i txt him to ask him was it because he had met someone else because everyone keeps asking me if he has, he said no but i got abit angry and he was like well i lost interest and got bored of clubbing and watching soaps! why didnt he tell me?!?!?!?!?!? i never once forced him to come out i thought he liked it because he was always up for it, and as for the tv i could have taped them, i said bk to him why didnt u tell me then we could have sorted things out. he went on about how i am the best gf he had been with but he just doesnt feel the same. why did i push him away without even realising it! why couldnt he have told me! i told him i had been planning a nice surprise trip to the lake district and it was gonna be his surprise present and all he said bk was yer i know your wonderful. i keep thinking about all the good times how good he was to me and i cant get over it, i cant get over how i ruined things, how i was moody when i was having a bad day and would snap, how i was doing things that he didnt like. he never said about doing other things that we both like doin, oh i wish i had got a second chance. i am at work and i keep crying cos i am so upset, if only i had done this and that if only i had realised please i need people to talk to i duno how much more i can take. i need to stop contact but he still wants to be friends and im so weak. i feel so low that he "lost interest" in me it makes me feel so small and worthless what am i going to do

[Juha]

Jacs everybody deserves a second chance because we are good people who made mistakes or got lost....

 

The reality is people would rather slash and burn a relationship becaue they are weak and do not want to work for anything, it is much easier to just leave and move on to someone new and exciting than stay and try...

 

Unfortunately that is how society is today...Selfsihness is prevalent and everybody has the ideal that things should always be perfect......

 

You stay strong and take care of you, things will get better over time....

[PrettyPoppy]

My dear Jac, I am in fact going through the same thing myself, right at this very moment, what's different is that I am staying with this guy right now, had been for two years, and basically been given the boot. Asked to leave at a moment's notice. Despite tolerating all the mental anguish, verbal abuse, I still tried my utmost to preserve and hopefully get a glimpse of the guy I fell in love with.

 

I've already made plans to move on with my life, it is really tough, I'd go sentimental time and again and reuqested for cuddles to keep myself sane. Today is my first viewing of appartments, so wish me luck.

 

Finncially, emotionally, and the fact that I'm in midst of work and exams didn't help, and that helped me realise what a selfish person he is, not to care about what I'm going through, and only wanting to 'have his own time, finally'.

 

I wish you all the best Jac, do PM me if you like. Perhaps we can give each other the support we need desperately.

[steve-0]

edited

[renaissancewoman101]

Steve-O, I want to get some insight on what a dumper is thinking and if there is any way they may come back to the dumpee. My situation, I was dating a guy for two years. He just broke up with me in early Sept. We are both 32 years old. He is a mama's boy, lives at home, doesnt know how to drive, works at a retail job. He doesnt want to grow up so he acts like a kid at heart, playing video games all the time, running around with his buddies, collecting toys like Star Wars stuff, etc., drinking, smoking, goofing around, etc. He is very much into the punk fashion and takes great pride in dressing different than everybody else. Me, I tend to be more the yuppie type. I have a better job than he does, make decent money, live on my own, have a car, and I like stuff that is more adult like than him. I have tried his stuff and not always enjoyed doing it that much. We are very different people. In the beginning he fell in love with me because I treated him nicely and I cared about him more than anybody else ever had. He fell in love with me because I cared about him and treated him nice, and vice versa for me. Things went well for the first year, but then around the end of Ren Faire season (my ex is very much into Ren Faires), he took a week break from me saying that he lost his feelings for me because he couldnt stand my clinginess and my attachment to my best friend (a gay guy). He came back to me because he missed me and the way I treated him.

 

The second year, things went great for about 4 months, then in Feb, during a weekend getaway that I paid for, I looked at my ex accross the table and realized that I didnt like him, the way he dressed, acted, etc. and I suddenly lost my feelings for him, and began to hate to be around him. After that weekend, I cut in half the time I spent with him. I scared him a lot and he chased me hard, trying anything and everything to get me to open up about why I had become so cold to him. Unlike most people, I DID NOT break up with him because I thought that was cruel since he had been dumped by women all the time. I just dragged it out and ignored him more and more. Finally summer came, he warned me that we needed to work stuff out or else our relationship would fail. I did not heed the warning. I also did not attend Faire alot this summer and he found someone new at Faire. Week after Faire, he broke up with me saying he lost his feelings for me.

 

I still have contact with some friends of his. I am trying to be friends with a lady friend of his. Took her and her son to adopt some guinea pigs yesterday. She told me that he has met someone new and that it is a really young woman (early twenties). He is 32. She doesnt think their relationship will last but that if I want to see if something could be salvaged from our breakup, I should try and be friends with him and see what happens. He has told me that he wants to be friends with me, and I have hung out with him once, not that it was a really good time. I am not trying to steal him away. One thing I did admire about him is that he is loyal to whomever he is dating. He is not a cheater and never was a cheater.

 

From your standpoint of being the dumper, do you think that there is any hope of getting him back??? His new relationship might be a rebound. Not sure. He knows I am still interested in him and want to repair our relationship. He says we are too different and he doesnt want to try to get his feelings back for me again. I have backed off and am not pushing him. He still knows I am around but I contact him rarely. He still has my cell phone and uses my plan that I pay for. I want him to know I still care for him and want him to be able to talk to people on the phone w/o his mother harassing him.

[steve-0]

There might be a change of getting him back but I wouldnt count on it. If you really is a possibility then you should cut off all contact and if he wants you back then he will get a hold of you.

 

Sometimes people just dont match like in the case of my ex and I. But it takes a long time to realize that and to realize that this is not "the one". however after reading your post, you need to ask yourself if you really want him back. Don't get back in the relationship just to string him along again when u dont love him anymore

[kristo]

renaissancewoman101

 

We are very different people. In the beginning he fell in love with me because I treated him nicely and I cared about him more than anybody else ever had. He fell in love with me because I cared about him and treated him nice, and vice versa for me.

Ok… we know why he fell in love with you, but why did you fall I love with him?

 

I looked at my ex accross the table and realized that I didn't like him, the way he dressed, acted, etc. and I suddenly lost my feelings for him, and began to hate to be around him.

You realised you lost your feelings for him, you didn't like his traits and were clearly different people

 

Unlike most people, I DID NOT break up with him because I thought that was cruel since he had been dumped by women all the time. I just dragged it out and ignored him more and more.

It's not cruel to dump someone, if you truly feel that you have fallen out of love with someone or the costs outweigh the benefits. However, it is cruel to drag things out, string someone along and adopt this passive aggressive stance.

 

Finally summer came, he warned me that we needed to work stuff out or else our relationship would fail. I did not heed the warning.

He clearly noticed that you were treating him differently, he communicated this to you, but you didn't listen or take action to remedy the situation.

 

I also did not attend Faire alot this summer and he found someone new at Faire. Week after Faire, he broke up with me saying he lost his feelings for me.

He was clearly fed up with being ignored, even after communicating this to you and has found someone new.

 

Now my question to you is what is it that your missing from the relationship and why do you want to get back with him?

[annie24]

Hi all - This thread is about jacs' problem. Let's not hijack her thread

 

I agree with steve-o. Better to ask a recent "dumper" why they did the breaking up, than to go to the ex in some cases. Especially if the ex has already given you their explanation.

[kristo]

Oops... sorry

[jacs82]

thank you so much for your support there when i read what stev-o wrote i cried for the whole afternoon it make me feel really awful, low and i was just asking everyone then why wasnt i good enough for him .wether its true or not it was a harsh thing to saw when im still so raw. i agree he lacks communication skills he should have talked about things. i guess stevo is trying to make me see but i dont know if thats my ex's real reason and neither does stevo. my ex is too immature as u say to tell me otherwise. so im really grateful that someone has stuck up for me here because i almost didnt ever want to read this thread again

[steve-0]

im sorry if i sounded a bit harsh in that post. but I guess in a round about way what Im trying to say is that when people dump you, you shouldnt take it personally and blame it on yourself. This is the first step into finding happiness in relationships and accepting breakup situations.

 

I am very sorry if I made you feel worse, that was truly not my intention. Im sure you are good enough for him, but is he good enough for you? To help the healing process after a breakup you have to turn the situation around and you'll see its generally in your favor. He may have broken up without fixing things because he was immature, he lacked communication, or he was just finished with the relationship. either way, it makes you look like the more stable person