When love of ex turns to anger...

[TooNiceAGuy]

My girlfriend of broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago (I posted about that back then). I was miserable for two weeks, had NC, and then she picked up contact (email then phone). We talked some, I said I wanted my things, and that we needed to transfer a website I hosted for her.. all that was fine. She still really wanted to remain friends as I'm "such a great guy", and I said I'd try. I thought maybe I actually could try... then..

 

Over this last week however, some stuff has popped up of things I'm finding out (she claimed she wasn't ready for a relationship, and yet I saw her on a dating site with a reactivated account), she was going to invite me to her birthday party at a house she owns and said she'd send out an eVite. She did and I wasn't on the list (friend of hers told me). and lately my feelings have gone from "missing her", "wanting her back" and "still in love".. to just sheer anger, wanting to bring up things that would hurt her (like things her mom said about her, and their relation is somewhat sketchy already), bring up lies she told me that I know the truth about, and not even help her with the website (she has no IT skills on that end, so she'd be lost) and tons of other things.

 

I'm actually worried about myself, I realize some sort of hate and resentment against the person who dumped you is normal, but I'm getting to the point where I really want her to be hurt emotionally (not physical!! I'm not like that - at all) over how she treated me in the relationship. I'm not usually an angry person, and I'm boiling.

 

I'm not sure what I'm asking for, maybe someone can relate? and have some ideas on how to deal with this anger.. My friend who's supported me throughout this says I need to just play it cool. I'm trying, but I feel so used.

[Superfreak]

I know exactly how you feel. I still carry similar feelings of anger towards a certain girl, and it's perfectly normal. In fact, I'd say that anger, within moderation, is actually an improvement over being sad and depressed over her. What I think you should do is try and sever contact with her as much as possilbe and as soon as possible. As for feeling used and wanting to get back at her, I know how you feel but I'm also sure that whatever you do to try and get back at her will just leave you exactly where you are now. Something even better to do instead would be to channel all that negative energy you have from being angry in to something more positive, whether it be working out, or a new hobby, or even just going out and chasing other women with your guy friends.

 

btw, the girl seems screwed up enough without you trying to make things any worse for her

 

Anyways, good luck and I know it seems hard now, but you will pull through

[lady00]

Reminds me of the stages of grief...anyone know what they are? I think the it's denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance...

 

In other words, it's perfectly normal to be angry at your ex. It's part of the healing process and it like the other stages wil pass and you will heal.

[heloladies21]

You should be angry. But do you want to know the best revenge you can get? Go out and make your life even better than it's ever been. Start talking to other girls and find a girlfriend who has all of the qualities your ex didn't have. She's out there and you can find her. All you need to do is try.

[kellbell]

Happiness and success is the ultimate revenge. I can understand your hurt and betrayl though. I hope you feel better soon and come around here often, there is a lot of great advice and support here.

[JC2006]

Find a safe outlet for your anger. It's ok to be angry. It's not ok to do something rash because you're angry. The consequences of such action are worse, and you'll wind up regreting it later and longer after the anger's gone.

 

I like physical actiivity for working out such emotions, like hitting baseballs in a batting cage or golfballs at a driving range. Some other things to do are to exhaust yourself running on a track or swimming laps in a pool. Not only do they get your mind on other things but the workout's good for your health and physique (to help you attract the next woman in your life) and your body chemistry is producing endorphins to help you manage your emotions.

 

If you're not the physical type, find a remote spot with absolutely no one around and just yell. Incoherent yelling or cursing all the things about your ex that are making you mad. Just get it out of your system.

[sibling295]

Ivana Trump wrote a whole book about this -

Its called " Living well is the best revenge"

[HajiMaji]

link removed

 

Its a process my friend. You are going through the process. Realize that and dont feel out of place with your emotions. They are perfectly natural. You need to go through all the stages, man. I am happy that you are braving these emotions. They can come at any time and in any order.

[sibling295]

hey tooniceaguy - you want anger issues read how i am doing in my post

 

"take the l out of lover and its over"

[TooNiceAGuy]

Thanks, you all helped I guess I'll try to play it as cool as I can. Get my things, transfer the site, and just go NC (forever). She doesn't deserve my friendship anyway, I clearly couldn't trust her as a girlfriend, so how could I trust her as a friend? I couldn't. If Anger is the second step, then acceptance shouldn't be far away, yay!

[CATLOVER]

Oh yeh!

 

Good grief I think I actually posted about my anger when I broke up with my Ex.....I remember feeling like not angry but full on enraged.....it felt horrible...I was thinking terrible things.....but it passes

[L8RISER]

The parts of the brain which control feelings of anger and sadness actually share the same nerve channel. The channel can only be used by one of them at a time. So if you're feeling angry, it's actually impossible to feel sadness. If you don't want to feel sad, get mad. That's why anger (in moderation and vented properly) is so therapeutic.

[gesssho0o]

TooNiceAGuy, how is the NC going?