Asking out for a date online... A poll

[annie24]

Hi all - I was just wondering. For those of you who do or have done online dating, how long did it take for the relationship to progress from online to offline? How many e-mails were sent before meeting in person was suggested?

 

If the person was local, how long before they asked you out or you asked them out?

 

If you are interested in a local person, what do you think is a reasonable amount of e-mails before someone suggests meeting in person?

 

What were the outcomes of your situations? I'd love to hear your stories!

[metallicachica247]

personally, i havent, but i think its really dangerous and should only be done in groups

[jna35]

Well, I haven't personally, but..... I've had one friend who found her husband online and they have a beautiful little girl now. I believe it was like a few weeks or so before they met in person. They were both local. Also, another friend of mine is currently dating someone she met online. They met after a few weeks too and have been seeing each other for almost a year. I would say just be careful and if you are going to meet, do so in a public place. I wouldn't give out your home address or even oyur home number until you are sure of the person's character. If you have a cell that would probably be safer or even IMing to begin with.

[annie24]

Oh, I've been doing online dating for a while. I was just curious to see what other people's experiences were - how long they took to meet in person. I never tell them where I work, or give them my address. Only a cell phone, and I always meet in a coffeeshop in daylight and I always tell a friend where I am going. (Oh, and Annie isn't my real name either )

 

The reason I asked this question was because of some experiences I've had online recently. Like, I was corresponding with a guy that seemed cool. But, after the 7th e-mail, he said, "I'd like to get to know you better so please answer the following questions: 1) If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind and 2) What was your most embarrasing moment?" As if my response to either of those questions would help him decide whether or not to write back to me or ask me out on a date!

 

Another guy, 6th e-mail told me what his favorite foods were and asked me what were mine. We had the exact same favorite foods list! (Sushi, steak, red wine, and cake). I then told him my favorite restaurant, and he wrote back, "oh cool - I never heard of it!" (I was hoping he would invite me to sushi, steak, or red wine or cake by this point..... ) I stopped writing to him too....

 

It's just been my experience that most men who are serious about meeting in person suggest doing so within the first 4 e-mails. I was curious what everyone else's experiences are...

[beanpaper]

A week or 2 before meeting in public. Or less. I've met people after a couple days or less chatting (in a public place).

[cichlid]

I met guys online a few times. They all went to my college though and it was over facebook and the school website (have to be a current student to be on). Most guys were normal, average guys...kinda jerks though. Mostly met for friendship with some feelings for each other. Stayed friends. I met my current boyfriend off the school website forum. There was a thread about churches people went to. I replied and said I went to a catholic church, but I put down the wrong time of mass though. A guy replied and said he also went to that church, but I must go to church 30 minutes late. I chatted a little and asked him if he went to college night and stuff...he did but wasn't going that week. This at the beginning of March, BTW. I also was like hey send me an IM over AIM sometime, and he did.

 

I knew he was someone who I could possibly like from the second he IMed me. He has lived all over and was just so much fun to talk with. I fell for him instantly (his personality was just everything I want in a guy!) and he fell for me too. Of course, I was acting shallow and didn't want to date him because he was sort of fat. We stayed friends until summer ended. But I again started to fall for him after my java final. You see, the teacher lied t use about the final. I completed a third of it and walked out from sheer stress. I hadn't studied the right material. I studied what he said would be on the test, and avoided what was not going to be on the test (what ended up being on the test). I thought I had failed for sure...went to teh library, got online...he was the only person online because most people are studying for finals...or in a final. I was like hey can I come over. I went over, cried my poor eyes out at his dorm. He tried to assure me it was okay. The truth is I went over because I didn;t trust myself alone. I was stressed as heck from that final and havingt retake it seemed horrible (I passed with a C...no more comp programming).

 

We talked...I studied for my next final. He really did help me feel better. I went to my last final, and did okay on it. I was still stressed and just wanted to relax. When he was done with his final in a certain class...we hung out for a few hours. He even shot me in the face with a bb gun and it was funny. He didn't realize it was loaded. He was going to stay in Norman for an intersession...but it got cancelled. I called him every night at 9 and chatted with him when he left town. We really grew to like each other and overtime he found out I did like him...a lot! And he still liked me. That crush never faded. From the beginning of March to late summer...that crush on me was there. The fact that we were good friends didn't help any. So he got back in town...I went and saw him and he did lose some weight. He looked so much better. We got together after we went to a church activity together. I looked over at him when at church and realized I just wanted to be with him. Later that night...I called him and we got together.

 

Oh and we met after a week or two of talking online...at the school library.

[lost_status]

I met my boyfriend online

We talked on the internet for three years as friends and then decicded to meet up. It was the first for both of us and I have no regret at all.

I do admit it was holding me back for the first few months but I got used to the fact we met online and I would give anything for him to remain by my side. It was the best descion I have ever made hehehe

[RayKay]

Hey Annie,

 

Well, with J, we talked online for less than a week before he asked me out. It's funny, as he never really "stood out" at first, as neither did I for him, we had some good little online conversations and we learnt we were both fairly outdoorsy, but nothing "stuck out" until one Tuesday morning we were chatting online and he asked me about my plans for weekend, I mentioned they were fairly low key with some training, a awards dinner and then he asked if I wanted to do something Saturday. It was free, so I figured why not

 

We both expected just to have a good night and maybe come through as friends or even new training partners.

 

But, things were radically different as it did not take us long to realize there was something WAY more there! So we started dating more regularly, and well, the rest is sweet history!

 

 

 

Others I met online in a matter of days or weeks. Some only lasted one date, others longer. For me...it was always more of a "way" to meet someone, and the real getting to know one another should be done in person. For me, it did not matter how well we got along online if there was no real world chemistry. And I would limit myself to local persons only - long distance did not interest me. I wanted a real relationship and that for me was not possible to start long distance (not saying it can't work...but it was not what I needed).

[Double J]

Before I got into my current relationship, I met different girls at varied lengths of time after meeting them online. Typically, I met them 3 weeks to 2 months after chatting online. The reason it took a while was because either the girl or myself was taking it slow and trying to know as much about the other person as possible before meeting. Usually, when I wasn't THAT interested in a girl, I took longer in wanting to meet her face-to-face.

[RichyRich]

I have met girls online. Its nice exp. I have made some real very very good friends online. I do not tell them my real name till I meet them in person. neither will I tell them where I work or where I am staying. But it works out well. You call each other, mail and its nice. In this busy world all my friends do keep in touch over the phone most of the time. I don't even bump into my neighbour for weeks. We normally share our interests and what we did how our daily life is going on etc and get to know each other a little. Then we check on what we are looking for in each other and then decide to meet. I always look for friendship first and then when I meet and go around will I think of a relation. There are two very good friends. I have met one and then other I am yet to meet. This one girl, who lives in the same city as I do......we met on Yahoo msg and then we chatted and kept in touch over the phone. We met after 15 months. We had not even seen each others pic. But we were so used to each other over the phone by then... that when I met her it was like meeting an old friend after a very very long time. Now we are like glue pals.... the meeting just made us a little closer.

My only suggestions for people who are trying to find a mate online is

 

1) do not expect too much from your partner

2) Get you know you partner well over the phone or email. Phone is always the best.

3) Never try to judge the person on the other end. Cus both of you are not transperent in your thoughts yet.

4) If you do not like the person be polite in saying a no.

[twinkslovesyou2a]

Well I am in a cyber relationship right now. It was suggested about a week or so after we started dating. He is coming here in december! =D Cant wait!! So for yall that dont believe long distance relationships work. Or Cyber relationships. either they arent for you . Or you just havent meet the one that could make it work.

[Censored]

Hmmmmmm, i was looking through some o the mods threads who have been here for a while (an eternity) and wanted to see if in 3-4 years, specifically with online Q's if the attitudes have changed.

 

Hence i am only responding to this Thread now to see if it will come back to life.

 

Personally i have not meet anyone from online in person, YET

 

But with anyluck, I will. I have no fear about it at all. Not as though they are going to shoot me, i hope.

[Batya33]

Typically it was about 2-3 emails before the first phone call and typically we decided to meet in person during the first phone call which usually lasted about 30 minutes. Usually we met within that week, speaking once more to confirm time and place. I met about 100 people in person over a 5 year period (for much of that period I was in an on and off serious relationship). Sometimes I met 2 people in one day and a few times, three.

 

The furthest geographically was about 2 hours driving distance and we met within a few weeks of first contact. I almost met someone hundreds of miles away but he insisted that if he came to meet me that I not be looking around to date others. I would not agree to this since we never met in person.

 

I didn't consider meeting in person for the first time to be about "asking out" for a "date" - we were meeting to see if we should go out on a date. Sometimes once we met it became more of a date that evening - longer evening, planning the second date, etc.

 

The longest I spoke to someone on the phone/email/IM before meeting was 6 weeks because our schedules conflicted and we each ended up meeting other people and being out of touch for a few weeks. We dated for 3 months. I would never have known about the dealbreaker issue (an anger management problem) through typing or talking - had to see it in person, which I did after 3 months.

[Censored]

bump......

[Portage]

Thump.........

[Jayar]

I like to talk to someone as much as possible before meeting in person... Sometimes a month or two. And even then, things can and have gone wrong.

[Maya_A]

I couldn't do ongoing long emails & IM type chatting in these instances. It can prove a colossal waste of time (literally) as meeting the indiv. in person is most often a completely different experience.

 

I would do about 3 email exchanges, and always at least two phone calls. Much more can be gaged there than in email. The men would give me their numbers & I would use call block when I called them so they would not see mine. The emails & phone conversations were all info. points in whether I actually still wanted to meet in person (as I'm sure it was the same for them). Most of the time I did, but in talking with some on the phone it became apparent where it didn't via email only, that we wouldn't be a match, so communication (kindly) stopped there, before even meeting.

 

The whole process from first contact to meeting in person was never longer than 2 weeks. Keeping in mind that emails & calls were sporadic, with several days of no contact in-between.

 

It think it's good to meet fairly quickly to see if there is any in-person romantic chemistry. So many times people have such a wonderful rapport online & via the phone, and this does not necessarily translate in mutual physical attraction in "real life". I have seen people spend months before meeting, and so much of their emotional energy & hopes get tied up in the whole thing. Then, it is really hurtful to all when they meet & there is no chemistry after all of that. It actually can feel like the end of a relationship in the true sense.

 

And once you meet you can always go back to emailing & calling for a bit to get to know one another within more if wanted, before a longer second meeting. At least this way, all the while you are communicating online/phone you both are very aware of what chemistry you may or may not have, & can interact accordingly...