Diary of the ex & getting back together.

[NotMyself]

Thanks OCD and Good Luck! You are doing great!

[OCD]

First, thanks for the encouragement. That means a lot... You're a very lucky guy...this is the situation that I pray for every day I don't want to give the wrong advice, but I would tread lightly. Just because, like you said, you don't want to get hurt all over again. What I've read is the key to starting back up is to not push too hard or go too fast...as long as you communicate that to her, she should understand. It's not rejection, but just tell her that you don't want to move too fast because of the past and that you do care about her, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong... Good luck my friend and let us know how it goes. Take care.

[NotMyself]

Natalie?

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed until I hear from you... I am waiting for you to come back with some good news!

[sibling295]

Nataliejulie - sooo waiting to hear how its going for you. My ex and i are identical - i swear !!!

Notmyself- you are rocking my man! dont worry now about her reactions. its all about having a mutually respectful mature present relationship!

[nataliejulie]

Wow! I just realized something. I am courting her all over again!

 

Don't be silly and GO OUT WITH HER TONIGHT! You are leaving for awhile soon so you'll have plenty of "away" time. You'll regret it later! She's practically begging you to see you tonight.. so make it worth while!

[NotMyself]

Good to hear from you Natalie!

 

I did see her. We have been having a wonderful time together. She asked me to meet her for lunch today. I think I'll surprise her with a nice picnic in the park.

 

Looking forward to hearing how your week went!

[nataliejulie]

AND THE LONG AWAITED UPDATE...

 

My Wednesday night date turned into a three day-two night vacation. hehe! I just got home from New York City and I have a smile that can stretch back from here in Philly back all the way up to NYC.

 

Wednesday Night --

 

I got stuck in TERRIBLE traffic because we are having some pretty awful flooding around here. I was a little cranky on the phone when he kept calling to see where I was, which I feel bad and quickly apologized for it. He still remained SO SWEET. So guess what. He timed my traffic to his house and ordered my favorite chinese food by the time I got there to eat. He hugged me and kissed me as soon as he saw me, told me he missed me. This is the first time he said he missed me since we started dating again. I almost melted. So we sat in with his roommate/best friend, watching TV. He kept cuddling with me, holding my hand (which is a rare thing for this guy) right infront of his roommate, mind you. Roomie went to bed, and we stayed up to watch our old TV shows on Adult Swim. Just like old times. In our PJ's, cuddling in the dark, laughing to funny cartoons. He kept doing everything possible to make me even more of a PDA mess by playing with my hair, playing with my feet, laying on me. The comfort level hit the ROOF. When we were falling asleep, he told me he how much he loved me. Even though we didn't have a fancy dinner or a night on the town.. it was better than that. However, at some point in the night, I don't even REMEMBER how it came up but he told me how much it hurts him to know that someone may be interested in me. I don't even remember how it came to ME saying it but I said,

"I guess it just bothers me sometimes..."

"What's bothering you?"

"You wanting your 'freedom' and all."

"Did I say that? I don't remember saying that. We shouldn't be talking like this... we're having a good time, let's enjoy it."

 

Thursday --

 

Slept in. Cuddled all morning. I felt like such a cheeseball but it was totally cute. Spent the whole day together. He even called out of work to hang out with me. And so did I. He even invited me to one of his best friend's Halloween parties and wants to do a dual/couple costume with me. I had to ask.. "So, your friends know we've been seeing each other lately?" He said he told them all but didn't go further into it. I didn't push it. I thought it was a step that he took to tell his friends he's been hanging out with me again a lot. Unless that means nothing. I don't know?

 

Anyway, the day continued very well. We went back to his place, both cranky tired and totally wet from the rain. We had a small spat. We both did something we used to do wrong but this time WE FIXED IT instead of fighting!! YAY!! I used to want all the attention all the time. He was doing stuff on the computer, like homework and whatever. It came out wrong but I was like, "Hey, I'm gonna go. You seem busy" He was like, I hate when you act like this. Got very pissy with me. I started dressing, I was going to leave because there was no way I was going to take him getting mad at me. He got REALLY depressed and said.. "...but I don't want you to leave... ". We took a minute and I sat on his lap, apologized. Told him I didn't mean it to sound that way I just felt like I was in the way and I'm very sorry if it sounded moody or bad. Then he told me he was sorry for being snappy with me. We just started laughing, fully knowing well we just didn't fight and it was pretty awesome. He was really happy I stayed.

 

We went out and met up with his sister. I was being a little cranky, I tried my hardest to stop. My insecurities. I always wanted him to myself. I was so selfish. Last night I was a little annoyed his sister came along. He kept asking me if I was okay, if I was happy. Had dinner, saw a movie. He held my hand through the movie. Now here comes the part where I saw fireworks. When the movie finished, he stood me up and kissed me long and hard, right infront of everyone, right infront of his sister. woo! We were both very playful with each other the rest of the night.

 

When we were going to sleep, more I love you's exchanged. He held me last night more than any night before. Kept telling me how much he missed sleeping with me, how much he missed holding me so tight. He kept telling me to hold him tighter. He kept kissing me, my shoulders, my back. He woke me up to tell me how beautiful I was. I felt loved. I truly felt loved.

 

 

 

I don't want to bring up being "official" yet. I know how he feels about me. I don't need to hear it, but I SEE it. Even when I was cranky, he tried his best to cheer me up. I did the same for him. We used to just fight. We communicate so much better now. We talk about how we feel and why we act the way we act sometimes.

 

But next week will mark a month since we started "dating again". I don't know how much longer I can go without the committment. I know theres no other girls he's interested in. All the people he goes out with knows about us and what we're doing... would he want to look like a jerk anyway? Do guys care about that? If all your friends knew about what you and your ex were up to and trying to do.. would you want to flirt with other girls? I mean, I was with him for the past three days and he didn't get any phone calls, besides from his roommate and his sister.

It bugs me at times, I'll admit it. The day he asks me to be his girlfriend again will the day I'll have a heart attack and you will all have to visit me in the hospital for an update.

 

This whole NOT being his GIRLFRIEND thing is getting frustrating. I'm feeling more positive about it because he's opening up to me now more than ever before during this month. He's been in a 10x's better mood when he's around me. He hasn't been this sweet to me since we first started our relationship!

 

We're already making plans for the immediate future. He wants to take me as his date to a Halloween party. He wants to hang out again. We even talked about spending the weekend down in Atlantic City in the beginning of November.

 

What do you guys think? So far a positive outcome? Do I have anything to worry about? Do I keep letting him steer this boat till he feels 100% comfortable? What the heck is he waiting for?!

[Juha]

WOW!!!!! It seems like everyone in this thread is getting another chance with their ex...

 

I hope it all works out for everybody here...

 

I am truly happy for all of you....

 

Now if I could get my chance...

[sibling295]

NJ- i agree just go with it. I do think guys care about what their friends say - but you seem to be handeling this very maturely so just relax and keep it up. and keep working on your insecurities . it will only benefit both of you.

notmyself- go out with her before you leave! remember tokeep it light and happy.

[nataliejulie]

I hate this. The nights I'm not with him, I can't trust him.

 

This is terrible. After all this, after everything positive happening... it all comes back to the fact he's still techincally single.

 

THIS KILLS ME.

 

What do I do?!

[sibling295]

okay NJ - i understand , but remember there is rhyme to all this reason. I am in the same boat tonight. Stay positive - i just did 150 sit ups! dont call him!!!!! Mine called 3 times today! Amazing !! well yes these nights seem to just go on and on but stay positive.

[nataliejulie]

I'm a dumb silly girl.

 

He called me at 1 am. "CASUALLY" asking me what I was doing, where I was at, who I was with.

 

I guess we both have our weak moments.

[nataliejulie]

This is giving me a damn headache!

 

My mom wants to invite him over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Should I? It's a month away. It could be held off for now. I don't want to freak him out.

 

On the other hand, he asked me if I wanted to come to his father's birthday dinner tonight with the family. I said no. I feel like an awful person now. I said, I don't know if it would be a good idea. Probably be really uncomfortable. I asked if he was mad he said no, it wasn't a big deal, it was just a family thing. We are still hanging out tonight.

 

BUT CMON WHAT THE HELL! "Hi mom. Hi dad. Remember Natalie? MY EX GIRLFRIEND will be joining us for dinner tonight for Dad's birthday."

 

Good grief.

[normal man]

hold off on asking, you have time. no need to rush and scare him with obligations

 

BTW - Thanks for reminding me that i wont be spending any more holidays with my ex and her family anymore. I actually thought these forums helped, but they're just making me realize and moarn over my loss further.

[nataliejulie]

Well tonight is another date. He called while he was with his family, calling me honey and what not. Told me he was pretty excited to see me.

 

Why do I feel like I'm in a time warp, via when we first started dating?

 

Between asking me to his father's birthday, acting this way towards me around his family, inviting me out with all his friends and making plans for the immediate future... I'm beginning to feel like I have not a thing to worry about.

I don't feel like much of a "secret" anymore. I don't feel like a Top Secret PROJECT EX GIRLFRIEND anymore. I don't feel like the second choice.

 

I guess it's only a matter of time before I heard the beloved word, Girlfriend.

 

 

And to think, a few weeks ago I thought I was a failure. I thought I was worthless. I felt meaningless and I felt like all the rest of you reading through the boards.

I post this because I want to give you all hope. I want to show you that weeks and weeks ago, I was told that I wasn't loved anymore.

 

Time does heal all our wounds. But time also heals the wounds of a relationship, too. Once an enemy, patience ended up being a really good friend of mine.

[nataliejulie]

I didn't go to his parent's dinner but I ended up spending some time with them anyway. They were at his house when I arrived and seemed happy to see me. It was like nothing ever happened. They kept telling me I should have came to dinner. The mom, who always really liked me, asked me when she'll see me again. He looked so, so happy.

 

Afterwards, we did our date. Our usual comedy spot in the city. We laughed all night. He was extremely affectionate towards me. After going out, we went back to his place. We laid in bed while he continued this affection I couldn't get enough of. He turned to me and said "Thank you so much, Natalie. Thank you so much for coming. I had a really great night and such a good time with you."

So at this point I'm beaming and eating it up like a Krispy Kream donut.

I asked, "WHY are you thanking me?! I had a great time too!" He replied with a kiss and a "it's just so nice with all the effort you give me." He kept hugging and cuddling me pretty tight. Second night this week he told me how much he loves to be with me and to hold me at night.

 

Before I left this morning, he turned to me and said, you used to be such a mean mean person. I'm glad he used PAST TENSE. heh

Then he tried to make plans with me for this week and I said "we'll see.." (still trying to play it cool )

He gave me a huge hug, a few good kisses and said our goodbyes.

 

Let me just add that whatever affection that has happened, he initiated it all... which wasn't like him in the past.

 

So I'm looking at things pretty positive. Guys help me out? I'm beginning to think that there is no way in hell this won't work out and he'll want it official. Or am I being silly?

[nataliejulie]

The information on here is incredible and everyone is just so wonderful!

 

So, asking you, from a guy's perspective... is this a good sign he's doing all this? I keep thinking, what is he waiting for? If he's so happy with me, then why can't I be his girlfriend? It's just so confusing.

[biacd]

hey nat, gratz on ur success! =) i'm so happy for u.

 

 

i have lots of problems now i can't comprehend to.. lol. it's real sad.

[sibling295]

NJ- I am in the same boat. Last night i was a little bitter about the whole why cant he ask me to be his girlfriend again. This morning he asked if he could spend the night at my house tonight. I said yes see you after work , but i drove away soooo confused. He said thank you all night last night too. Oh and my only other input is he said see we never fight anymore. Its been almost a month now since the break up and this "special friendship" but i dont get it either . Will they ever want a relationship of b/f g/f again??I dont get it????Whats upp???Is there any guys out there who can answer.

NJ- also this forum and your story has saved my life.

[nataliejulie]

NJ- I am in the same boat. Last night i was a little bitter about the whole why cant he ask me to be his girlfriend again. This morning he asked if he could spend the night at my house tonight. I said yes see you after work , but i drove away soooo confused. He said thank you all night last night too. Oh and my only other input is he said see we never fight anymore. Its been almost a month now since the break up and this "special friendship" but i dont get it either . Will they ever want a relationship of b/f g/f again??I dont get it????Whats upp???Is there any guys out there who can answer.

NJ- also this forum and your story has saved my life.

 

 

I'm glad this has helped you.

 

I know I'm not worried. The first few times we were together was nice but I could still feel distance and a sense of uncomfort. Now I'm almost positive that it's heading the in the direction I've prayed so long for.

 

Even last night, he called and we spent an hour on the phone just talking about whatever. Not our relationship or anything, just talking. I feel a much better bond and my trust in him is rebuilding.

 

I know the frustration of being the girlfriend again, but at this point... I have what I want, why be greedy? If he says something, it would only be the cherry on the cake. I have to stop expecting so much and let him feel for what makes him most comfortable.

[biacd]

NJ- I am in the same boat. Last night i was a little bitter about the whole why cant he ask me to be his girlfriend again. This morning he asked if he could spend the night at my house tonight. I said yes see you after work , but i drove away soooo confused. He said thank you all night last night too. Oh and my only other input is he said see we never fight anymore. Its been almost a month now since the break up and this "special friendship" but i dont get it either . Will they ever want a relationship of b/f g/f again??I dont get it????Whats upp???Is there any guys out there who can answer.

NJ- also this forum and your story has saved my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i don't get what the "special friendship" means either. my ex told me that i'm a special friend to her, and is still special to her

 

don't get what she's doing. and thanks a lot nj, u really helped

[nataliejulie]

What a bad night.

 

I was in the backseat of my friend's car when we got into an accident. I got a concussion and probably a good few bruises. Everyone else the same. We are okay.

 

I'm scared to death and pretty riled up right now.

 

I've been trying to call the ex for about an hour now, even sent a text and I have yet to hear from him. He let me know before that he would be home doing much needed homework, however, I talked to his roommate (which is a good friend of mine and told him what happened) told me he was not at home. And he's not returning my call.

 

I've been for him on hand and foot when he needed me. The ONE night I need him, he's MIA, not responding to my text or calls. (I know he read my text, my phone tells me when they read) If he gets a text saying I got into a car accident, he would call.

[Yowser_76]

I'm sorry sweet...I hope you're ok. Make sure you look after yourself, a concussion isn't something to be taken too lightly.

 

Don't panic too much about your man. I've freaked out before when my man has been MIA but usually it's just from my overactive imaginaion. I'm sure he's just been caught up with something and will call as soon as he can.

 

In the meantime, try to relax and take it easy. Even though you and your friends are ok, being in an accident is a big shock and really stressful. It's going to take you a bit of time to recover. Remember there are LOTS of people here for you and we all want to know that you're ok. [-o

[annie24]

Maybe it's just me, but I am forever forgetting to turn my phone on after turning it off during a lecture or a meeting. Or, I leave my phone at work, or other ridiculous stuff like that... I'm not as tied to my phone as others are. Or, I forget to charge my batteries. My phone dies at the most inconvient times. There are a million normal reasons he hasn't written back, so no worries

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the accident! I am glad you are not too badly hurt....

 

EDIT: The other possibility is that he is just being a jerk. Actually, a few days ago, another person posted about how they got into a car accident and told their ex, but the ex didn't bother writing back for a few days.

 

One possible train of thought: if you are alright enough to be writing a text message, you're doing fine. I remember when I was hit by a car while riding my bike, I wrote my ex about it in an e-mail. He never responded. When I saw him in person a few months later, I asked why he never asked me how I was doing. He just said that he figured I was doing fine.

[nataliejulie]

He called me when he got home tonight.

Told me that his sister and their 50 yr old friend (don't ask) from school (they all go to the same college) went out to dinner and he left his cell in his book bag so he couldn't tell if I was calling. Said his sister met him at his class and left from there.

 

He sounded very sincere about how I was. Very sweet to me on the phone, kept apologizing for not answering or knowing I called.

 

Now I know I said I was regaining trust in him, but something this major kind of got me thinking. I have this weird feeling he was with a female friend from his class.

At the same time, I think, if he was lying, why would be also add that some 50 yr old friend came along to hang out? And if this female friend from class CAME with them, the sister just SAW us making out and why would you bring a female friend (i don't know if he's interested) to hang out with your sister and some older man?

 

I would feel ashamed. The sister knows we are dating and even saw very public displays of affection so why would he bring a girl around?

 

He asked if he could call me tomorrow afternoon, I said yes.

 

HOWEVER something weird happened. He was getting off the phone with me when this happened,

"Sorry I'm so tired, can I call you tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yes.. haha, you miss me don't you?"

"B***sack" (he's a funny guy and always says ridiculous things)

"What? That was awkward."

"What was awkward? Nothing is awkward."

"Sorry I said that."

"It's okay.. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

 

ITS OKAY? Talk about weird. Maybe it was too much, but this is coming from a guy who wispers sweet nothings in my ear when he's around me.

 

Now I'm back to feeling paranoid again.