useless bloke - what's he playing at?

[Enn]

Bloke I've had on-off relationship with for months...won't even clarify our status to me, let alone anyone we know... He created the most complicated situation ever in the office, which doesn't help.

 

On Saturday 'finishes' it all - regardless of the fact he's never really admitted we're a couple - cos I got annoyed with his crap behaviour. Regardless of my attempts to be kind I get 'I'll see you on Monday' (we work together). Slams down phone (which he knows is my pet hate). For once I don't ring him back.

 

Yesterday rings me in an annoyed way when I can't speak immediately cos I'm at my friends' house. 'I just rang to clear things up.' I said I'd ring him back later but become so incensed I don't bother.

 

So I ignore his midnight text and the four calls he made to my mobile phone and two (til I pulled the connection out at least) LENGTHY attempts he made to get through on my landline.

 

Today he's doing self-pity. Always depressed. 'No I'm not OK'. I didn't do the usual thing of asking what was wrong with him, I just said I wasn't great either and then took the mickey out of us both with a load of crying emoticons.

 

What is he playing at? Why does he keep pushing me away and then trying to get me back? (On Thursday he was horrible so I left in tears and he of course rang me at FIVE AM...) He never gives any real indication he likes me and then he makes out I'm the one who doesn't like him.

 

DRIVING ME MAD!! He's too passive for FULL NC to have any effect isn't he?

[juls28]

it was really good of you to not answer his calls ,text messeges,ect.

 

he sounds like he's acting like a baby. He crys to get what he wants,which is attention, and then ignores you when he get sit.

what's wrong with saying "this is my girlfriend" when he talks about you? he should have done that.

he should feel lucky that you ever paid attention to him.

 

I bet you can do better than this one.

 

I just had my number changed and my email as well. It helped me alot already. I feel I have more control.

good luck.

[annie24]

I also think you did the right thing by not calling him back. He sounds like a jerk. And, it sounds like things are perfectly clear between the two of you. It's over and now you're trying to move on.

 

Forget him. He has some serious issues, let him deal with them.

 

Good luck

[zcloud]

he's trying to establish control, for you to jump when he says "frog" so to speak. Decide what you are willing and not willing to do or put up with and then stick to it. You could do LC ( this usually works for me). Don't initiate contact, but respond when he makes contact. When he is feeling down ask if you can help. Don't expect him to be there for you or make any effort on your behalf. He is trying to make a decision on whether to be with you or not, and trying to figure out what he wants. IF you push him, he will be gone. If you are pleasant, but not too giving he might be intrigued and stay awhile. If there is another woman involved it's anyone's ball game.

[Enn]

Aw I really love this forum - thanks so much for answering!

 

It's actually an even worse situation - he claims he was close to suicide in January and did a lot of stupid things...as a result he's a real subject of office gossip and this is part of the reason I've not been allowed to mention we're together - why the hell am I stupid enough to think I'm any different?

 

So why am I starting to think I SHOULD have answered his phone calls the other night?

 

Again today he got in touch with me. Using his standard 'How are you?' so he gets the chance to say 'i'm depressed.' When I ask why, he needs to be pushed to say 'Are we still playing this game? Events at the weekend'. AGHHHH! I asked him what in particular and of course he ignores that and goes off (to his counsellor). He's not really bothered is he? He's just trying to make me jump when he says 'frog', as you say!!

 

It's got to be strict NC now hasn't it?