It's my birthday and my boyfriend is cheating on me

[Briea]

I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and it's my 19th birthday today. I asked to borrow his email address and going in there i found that his favourite contacts are a girl he hooked up with during our break and another girl that he was "good friends with".

I just rang him up and he told me to get over it. It's my birthday and i thought that he was going to come and visit me but instead he went out with friends.

What do i do. My boyfriend is in contact with his previous women and i am alone on my birthday.

He says he wants me long term but why does he need contact with other people??

Please help me. I'm having the worst birthday ever!!! I'm so sad.

I also have problems with my self-image. I weigh 47 kilograms which is considered underweight for my 160centimetres hieght but my boyfriend says i'm getting on the porky side so i don't know what to do.

I wish i had bigger boobs. Then everything would be fixed.

What do i do???

[hockeyboy]

give yourself a bday gift and get rid of that guy

[darkblue]

You ditch him. Get rid of him. Leave him. Finish it. End the relationship. Tell him to hit the road.

 

Could I make this clearer?

 

He's putting you down, you're NOT getting 'on the porky side'. That is very underweight.

 

He's killing your confidence and self-esteem.

 

Find your feet and voice your discontent! Or you're going to get walked all over.

 

A good boyfriend would never put you down and would never have you sitting yourself on your birthday. Heck, I don't even do that with my friends.

 

There are guys out there that will tell you what you mean to them, pick you up, be your rock. This guy's a jerk, and he's doing nothing for you.

 

Why are you still with him?

[rionmccloud]

Totally agree. Now if we could have a conversin to pounds and feet, I could comment on that as well. But the other guys seem to know what they're talking about. Just drop the fool. No good for you.

 

 

And happy birthday. Might be a little late though.

[darkblue]

Totally agree. Now if we could have a conversin to pounds and feet, I could comment on that as well. But the other guys seem to know what they're talking about. Just drop the fool. No good for you.

 

 

And happy birthday. Might be a little late though.

 

47 kilos = 103.62 pounds

 

160 cm = 5'3"

 

Which is a BMI of 18.4

 

and: Underweight =

 

Thought I'd clear that one up.

[darkblue]

For what it's worth - Happy Birthday!

[BellaDonna]

My boyfriend is in contact with his previous women

 

I hope they're all ready to fell bad about themselves when he tells them they're "porky" too and treats them terrible. The guy sounds like a huge jerk-Sorry to say it because I know you love him, and you have been with him for a while. but there's no nice way to put it. He's no good for you.

 

I agree that the best gift you can give yourself is to get rid of him. Not only is he unfaithful, but he also makes you feel terrible. I'm assuming he also makes comments about your breasts since you mentioned it right after the weight issue....There are men out there who are not shallow and who will love you for the person you are.

 

If you are having major self-image issues- it might help if you talked to a counselor about it. In the meantime, strongly question why you stay in this relationship which clearly makes you unhappy. All of the warning signs and red flags are there, loud and clear. This isn't somone who respects you or truly cares- and you are only going to get hurt worse by staying with him. He is not someone worthy of having a future with you.

 

BellaDonna

[Ariel]

Time to move on and find someone who will treat you with the love and adoration you deserve.

 

You are not "porky" and bigger boobs DEFINITELY won't solve anything! This guy is being mentally abusive and causing you self-esteem problems. You don't deserve that! And frankly, he doesn't deserve someone as nice as you.

 

You are BEAUTIFUL. And you are UNIQUE. There are guys out there who will appreciate how special and how gorgeous you are and won't take you for granted and make you miserable.

 

Ditch this guy because he's damaging you. I honestly think it would be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.

 

Make a clean break and allow yourself the happiness you deserve - don't settle for anything less than the best!

[RayKay]

Bigger boobs will not fix everything - trust me!

 

You are also already very underweight - with a BMI under 18.5 you are already at risk for health problems.

 

If you have body image issues and eating disorders, I do urge you to seek counselling immediately. As a former anorexic, I can say it is a terrible struggle to do on your own, and impossible to fix on your own either. And I can tell you that skinny is not better - focus on being healthy, strong - which do not come from being super skinny. I am okay now, but it took me a LONG time, and I still have my battles sometimes. I am now athletic, strong, and definitely not a stick figure, and I have to say I love it - I love having curves, and I love feeling alive. Things I did not feel when I had such a low body image and weight.

 

Now, onto this guy. Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk, actually he IS a jerk. Never stay with someone who tries to break down your own self-worth, who criticizes you and tries to hurt you - physically or mentally. He truly sounds absolutely HORRIBLE. He is a cheater, a liar, he verbally abuses you he disrespects you. He does NOT deserve you, in any way sweetie. There are wonderful men out there whom will love you for you, and think you are absolutely beautiful inside and out - this guy you are with is not worth the time you spend worrying about him.

 

Happy Birthday sweetie.

[annie24]

give yourself a bday gift and get rid of that guy

 

Ditto. And happy birthday!!!

 

And ditto to everything everyone else said. He sounds like a real jerk! You are by NO MEANS fat or chubby or overweight or anything! And no, don't think that if you had bigger breasts that things would be perfect. It doesn't work like that. Even if you did, jerks like that would just find something else to critisize. Then, it would be your hair, or your toes or whatever.

 

I dated a man like this once, and I know that they are just insecure with themselves, and putting down their gfs makes them feel better. Blah. I can promise you that there are 50 guys out there in your area that would love to take you out tonight.

 

Go and force yourself to have some fun tonight!

[purple_girl]

if he can't make it a happy birthday for you, make yourself one! hang out with your friends, and celebrate it with them~

get rid of him and have a new start!

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[Jinx]

it's my 19th birthday today.

 

Happy 19th Birthday!

 

I asked to borrow his email address and going in there i found that his favourite contacts are a girl he hooked up with during our break and another girl that he was "good friends with". I just rang him up and he told me to get over it. My boyfriend is in contact with his previous women and i am alone on my birthday.

This speaks for itself. Get over it? I'm sure many colorful words could fit him description wise but like everyone else has said to put it nicely, he is a jerk.

 

He says he wants me long term but why does he need contact with other people??

And another one. Long term? Must think he can push you around so that he can sometime in the future live a "normal" life strictly on his terms and assume you won't care.

 

I also have problems with my self-image. I weigh 47 kilograms which is considered underweight for my 160centimetres hieght but my boyfriend says i'm getting on the porky side so i don't know what to do.

Well it seems a bit obvious he is feeding off a poor self esteem and image level to keep you feeling on ground level while he is flying high with these other women. Underweight is not good, you need to first fix this. Being skin and bones won't make life any easier, and if you listen to him you'll end up in the hospital before anything else. You really don't need that.

 

I wish i had bigger boobs. Then everything would be fixed.

Unfortunately, if thats all it took to solve problems, a good deal of the female population would be under surgery right about now, bigger makes smaller problems. Yet, in reality breast size doesn't make the world go around.

 

Anyhow, dump him, work on getting yourself healthy, improve the self esteem/image, and move on. He will only be your downfall and obviously he is just trying to keep you kissing the ground at his feet so that he can get away with anything and everything, show him you're stronger than that and move on. No contact. Zip. He is nothing.

[Dannysgirl]

Hi Briea,

 

Please get away from that guy ASAP! I was in a similar situation once with a guy who continually told me I was fat when I weighed 75 pounds! (I'm four foot eight but that is still way underweight for my height. By the time I got away from him (we were living together for the summer) I was dangerously ill and almost had to be hospitalised. He also told me things like 'my ex looked like a playboy girl' and continually played on my height insecurites by calling me 'a midget' all the time.

 

I was very lucky to escape relatively unharmed! This guy is no good for you, he is systematically destroying your self confidence and it will only get worse if you stay with him. give yourself the best birthday present ever and tell him to get lost. He does not care about you, that much is pretty evident. Go out with your friends and have a good time tonight. Go out and buy yourself something nice!

 

Happy Birthday!

[karvala]

Your boyfriend needs to make a choice, and needs to make it *now*. Does he want you, in the shape/size that *you* want to be, or does he want to play around with other women? If it's the latter, you need to tell him where to get off, hard as that will be I know, and find someone who appreciates you for the great person you undoubtedly are. If he doesn't even want to be with you on your birthday, all I can say is there are one hell of a lot of guys out there who do want to be with their gfs on their birthdays (and most other days too), and you deserve one of those.

 

With regard to the body issues, it's up to you what shape and size you are. For the record, my last gf weighed just 104 lbs most of the time, and is 5'6"; she also had small boobs, and was concerned about them. You know what? To me, she was absolutely gorgeous, and I wouldn't have changed a thing about her, including the size of her boobs. There are guys out there like me (at least, I don't think I'm the only one... )that will appreciate you as you are, or as you want to be. Your body is yours; do with it as you want, and if someone loves you, they'll want you to be happy with it in whatever form it is.

 

Oh, and happy birthday.

[Day_Walker]

I think you need to understand that while you may only be 47 kilos he is relating his opinion of your weight when he first met you. The first thing you need to do is develop some self confidence. You need to realize that bigger boobs wont make you feel better your insecurity will just turn to something else. Just be happy with yourself and start from there.

[chai714]

I wish i had bigger boobs. Then everything would be fixed.

 

If life were this easy, plastic surgeons would be gods.

 

Work on raising your own self-esteem. Go out and get a book on it, read it, and work on it.

[RayKay]

I think you need to understand that while you may only be 47 kilos he is relating his opinion of your weight when he first met you. The first thing you need to do is develop some self confidence. You need to realize that bigger boobs wont make you feel better your insecurity will just turn to something else. Just be happy with yourself and start from there.

 

What if she has LOST weight since they met? She is underweight, her BMI is dangerously low.

 

I agree she does need to develop self confidence though and bigger breasts will NOT be a magic fix in the least! She will displace the lack of confidence to something else, or realize that the boobs did not fix anything (as they won't). A good doctor won't even do surgery on someone who thinks they will for self esteem reasons.

[Day_Walker]

What if she has LOST weight since they met? She is underweight, her BMI is dangerously low.

If you change the facts then the outcome will possibly change.

 

I agree that her BMI is low but unless she has some kind of weight condition it could be possible that she is an individual who will always have a low BMI. There are people who will always get comments from other people because they are so thin.

[darkblue]

What if she has LOST weight since they met? She is underweight, her BMI is dangerously low.

If you change the facts then the outcome will possibly change.

 

I agree that her BMI is low but unless she has some kind of weight condition it could be possible that she is an individual who will always have a low BMI. There are people who will always get comments from other people because they are so thin.

 

You've lost me.

How does the poster having a low BMI - have anything to do with her boyfriend putting her down by saying she is fat?

[Hope75]

You've lost me.

How does the poster having a low BMI - have anything to do with her boyfriend putting her down by saying she is fat?

 

BMi stands for body mass index, and it is a calculation of a if a person is a healthy weight or not. It does not, unfortunately, account for muscle mass weighing more than fat and so can be grossly inaccurate when you consider someone with alot of muscle mass, who might weigh more as a result and thus have a higher BMI.

 

I think what others are trying to tell her is that she is by NO means porky, even in relation to what she may have weighed before when she first met her bf. 103lbs for 5'3" is quite thin, it is not subjective but objective data.

 

Regardless, to the original poster if your bf is blowing you off on your birthday and telling you to "get over" his friendships with these women and not willing to talk about it, and then tells you he thinks you are "getting porky", he is not being loving, caring and supportive, and not respecting your feelings. This is not good bf material.

 

I agree with other posters that it's time to do something nice for yourself and send him packing.

 

I'm sorry this last thing happened on your birthday, but it really doesn't sound like he was too savory to begin with.

 

Best of luck!

[darkblue]

You've lost me.

How does the poster having a low BMI - have anything to do with her boyfriend putting her down by saying she is fat?

 

BMi stands for body mass index, and it is a calculation of a if a person is a healthy weight or not. It does not, unfortunately, account for muscle mass weighing more than fat and so can be grossly inaccurate when you consider someone with alot of muscle mass, who might weigh more as a result and thus have a higher BMI.

 

I think what others are trying to tell her is that she is by NO means porky, even in relationship to what she may have weighed before when she first met her bf. 103lbs for 5'3" is quite thin, it is not subjective but objective data.

 

Regardless, to the original poster if your bf is blowing you off on your birthday and telling you to "get over" his friendships with these women and not willing to talk about it, and then tells you he thinks you are "getting porky", he is not being loving, caring and supportive, and not respecting your feelings. This is not good bf material.

 

I agree with other posters that it's time to do something nice for yourself and send him packing.

 

I'm sorry this last thing happened on your birthday, but it really doesn't sound like he was too savory to begin with.

 

Best of luck!

 

I really should have directed that more towards DayWalker.

 

As, I was the first poster to bring up BMI - I know what it is.

 

I was referring to DayWalker saying:

 

There are people who will always get comments from other people because they are so thin.

 

Because I didn't understand how that was relevant.

[Day_Walker]

There are people who will always get comments from other people because they are so thin.

 

The comment iteself is in reference to RayKays comment about her already having a low BMI. My point is that having a low BMI could just be the way she is and because of that i dont think its an issue here.

[darkblue]

I see, I thought it was directed to a the poster.

[RayKay]

There are people who will always get comments from other people because they are so thin.

 

The comment iteself is in reference to RayKays comment about her already having a low BMI. My point is that having a low BMI could just be the way she is and because of that i dont think its an issue here.

 

And my comment was in reference to you assuming he is calling her "porky" because she was lighter than when they met, and me saying it is quite possible she has lost weight already since they met, due to a very low self esteem - evident by her own comments on her body. So it has nothing to do with how she is now compared to before, even if she was lighter before, fact remains she is still very thin - if she was even lighter before I'd say its more than naturally thin.

 

It is an issue because he is leading her to believe/telling her she is "porky" and her stats show otherwise. She has not said she is naturally thin, maybe she is, but her comments on her esteem are showing that she does not have a healthy body image - and someone calling you porky even if you ARE naturally thin is often enough to get you in a dangerous zone of trying to be even thinner.

[Day_Walker]

I agree that her bfs comments arent appropriate and are going to make her feel horrible about herself but I think they do need to be taken in context. Obviously we dont know the whole story as to her history, I have presented a possiblity and so have you, who knows if either of ours or neither is correct its just merely speculation at this point.