Gay marriages

[SeaBisquit]

yes i am a single parent and i know i'm a damn good mom.

[RayKay]

The vast majority of children brought up under a one parent family - feel the effects. It's not exactly the best circumstances for a child.

 

It's hardly ideal.

 

No one said it's "ideal" but it happens - with divorce rates as high as they are, it IS going to happen, and those children can still grow up feeling loved, supported, and be healthy.

 

I am from a single parent household though, and I would say it was much better than the alternative. As it is for many. I would also say that my mother was a fantastic role model to me, and I had grandfathers, uncles, whom were all male role models.

 

The majority of people I know have had parents whom divorced, and they were raised by single parents - mothers or fathers - what counted was they were loved and never doubted that.

 

My brother and his partner would make wonderful parents, and I am fortunate to live somewhere they will have that opportunity.

[darkblue]

yes i am a single parent and i know i'm a damn good mom.

 

You may be a hell of a good parent to your child(ren), but it's not exactly planned for. By you or your child(ren).

 

It's harder all round when there is only one parent.

 

Refer to my previous reply.

[darkblue]

I am from a single parent household though, and I would say it was much better than the alternative. I would also say that my mother was a fantastic role model to me, and I had grandfathers, uncles, whom were all male role models.

 

How do you know that it was better than the alternative?

 

You sought male role models from other people - Grandfathers and uncles. To account for the fact that you were missing a male role model in your life, your father.

 

It's still not ideal - and I don't feel should be forced upon a child.

 

When it does happen; it's tradgic enough. But when it's forced upon them - they didn't even have a chance to have both genders in their lives.

And again: that's my beliefs.

[SeaBisquit]

hello darkblue, i guess i would have to say i would have to look up the stastcs on that. no one plans for anything to happen it just does. my point is this there are many children out there that are deserving of someones love. i think it is up to the adult on whether or not they are going to be a loving and caring parent be that they are gay or straight.

 

i am a member of the single parenting mothers out their and i have to say we did the best we could do rasing are children alone. I have to say it is better for one person to love a child then it is for none.

[lillady898]

A single parent's situation is a bit different. Homosexual couples would be willingly bringing a child into a single-sex home. Single parents usually become single because of something that may have been out of their control (their partner leaving them, death, partner incarcerated).

 

Most single parents do their best without a partner, but not without a struggle. It is difficult on the child. And I don't understand why any homosexual would want to put a child through that, knowing that they won't have a mother/father figure there. And for that matter, I don't know why a single person would willingly do so either. People who would do this probably don't understand what a difference it makes to have a mother or father figure.

 

I think rather than a push for allowing homosexuals to adopt, we should focus on helping healthy heterosexual couples adopting. Whether than means putting their selfishness to have children of their own blood aside, or their fears that their adoptive child will be eventually be taken away to rest.

[RayKay]

I am from a single parent household though, and I would say it was much better than the alternative. I would also say that my mother was a fantastic role model to me, and I had grandfathers, uncles, whom were all male role models.

 

How do you know that it was better than the alternative?

 

You sought male role models from other people - Grandfathers and uncles. To account for the fact that you were missing a male role model in your life, your father.

 

It's still not ideal - and I don't feel should be forced upon a child.

 

When it does happen; it's tradgic enough. But when it's forced upon them - they didn't even have a chance to have both genders in their lives.

And again: that's my beliefs.

 

How do I know? Because the alternative was a father whom cheated on my mother repeatedly - that's how. What kind of role model would that have been. My stepfather came into my life later, and he is wonderful, but my mother was my main role model my entire life.

 

I did not SEEK other role models - they were there because they were in my life - not once did I say I sought them. Sheesh, I was 7...I was hardly seeking role models on my own - I had a wonderful family whom was there...your "male or female role model" does not need to be a parent to have a positive influence on your life. I also had aunties, grandmothers, all in my life as ROLE models. So does that mean my mother was not good enough? I knew where my father was, and he was not the best father.

 

They do still have chance to have both genders, thats simply not true. They have extended family - having a mother and father does NOT mean they will have positive role models in their life. Teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...

 

I would hardly say that divorce is not something "forced" upon a child. I would hardly say that a child having the opportunity to be raised in a family unit, as opposed to being thrown around foster care, is somehow a detriment to them.

[darkblue]

hello darkblue, i guess i would have to say i would have to look up the stastcs on that. no one plans for anything to happen it just does. my point is this there are many children out there that are deserving of someones love. i think it is up to the adult on whether or not they are going to be a loving and caring parent be that they are gay or straight.

 

i am a member of the single parenting mothers out their and i have to say we did the best we could do rasing are children alone. I have to say it is better for one person to love a child then it is for none.

 

I agree.

 

My mother did an amazing job with me and my brothers, and I'll never forget the legnths she put herself through to secure our safety etc.

 

But, I know personally speaking, it was not ideal without a father figure.

[lillady898]

I don't undrstand why anyone would WANT to put someone through this though. If they KNOW it is not ideal for a child, then DON'T do it. I think it is selfish to put forth a homosexuals desires before what is best for a child.

[RayKay]

I don't undrstand why anyone would WANT to put someone through this though. If they KNOW it is not ideal for a child, then DON'T do it. I think it is selfish to put forth a homosexuals desires before what is best for a child.

 

But just as you can have your opinion, others can have theirs. To some the situation of giving a child a happy, loving home whether parents are gay or not is not something that is "NOT IDEAL". No ones circumstances are perfect - if parents are poor then perhaps they too should not be able to have children as it would be "selfish" to do so.

 

Are you telling me it is selfish that someone who happens to be gay wants to be able to love a child? Would that not make all parents selfish then? Why do you call them "homosexual desires" rather than "parental desires"?

[darkblue]

First of all: RayKay - I went through something similar but I wouldn't like to use it as a justification of my stance.

 

I'm going cut this short:

 

Divorce is not something planned out or hoped for - it happens in unfortunate situations and is no direct result of the child

 

In most cases, it results in some sort of damage to the child.

 

Homosexuals adopting children, or being in parenthood of children by any means - does the exact same thing; but can be prevented.

 

And I'm as entitled to my views as You are.

[lillady898]

Well, if we were talking about single parents' desires, I would've said, "It is selfish to put a single persons desires before a childs needs." It has nothing to do with homosexuality. But it wouldn't have made sense if I said anything else.

 

And no, I'm saying it is selfish to raise a child with only either a mother or father figure because you WANT to. Read my previous post and you will know where I stand on the matter.

[SeaBisquit]

lilady i SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO diagree with you. I'm a single parent, and i can say this. My childs father is a bum , a dead beat a dowm right LOOOOOOOOOOOOSer!!!!! and if i could have down it all over again. i would find some guy to doante his sperm so that i could have a child all of my own. and guess what??? my child would be the happiest little girl in the world because all she needs is me. and another thing my love is so strong between my daughter and i if i were gay! that littl angel of mine wouldn't even care.

[darkblue]

lilady i SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO diagree with you. I'm a single parent, and i can say this. My childs father is a bum , a dead beat a dowm right LOOOOOOOOOOOOSer!!!!! and if i could have down it all over again. i would find some guy to doante his sperm so that i could have a child all of my own. and guess what??? my child would be the happiest little girl in the world because all she needs is me. and another thing my love is so strong between my daughter and i if i were gay! that littl angel of mine wouldn't even care.

 

Personal circumstance.

[lillady898]

lilady i SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO diagree with you. I'm a single parent, and i can say this. My childs father is a bum , a dead beat a dowm right LOOOOOOOOOOOOSer!!!!! and if i could have down it all over again. i would find some guy to doante his sperm so that i could have a child all of my own. and guess what??? my child would be the happiest little girl in the world because all she needs is me. and another thing my love is so strong between my daughter and i if i were gay! that littl angel of mine wouldn't even care.

 

Yes, she loves you and I don't doubt you are a great mother to her. I remember you saying something in another thread that she's hearing impaired? That must be really hard for you both.

 

And yes, in your specific case, she is likely much better off when it comes down to being without father figure or having the father that she was born to.

 

But, regardless, to not have a positive father figure in her life may in fact put strain on her relationships in the future. In your case, it is not the fault of you that there is no father figure. It wasn't your choice and this is a chance that is unwillingly being taken.

 

But if there is a chance to be in a healthy family with both a positive mother and father figure, that is what should be happening in a child's life.

[shes2smart]

Something you have all overlooked is this:

 

Ideal circumstances guarantee nothing. It is those obstacles we have to overcome in life that build character, teach compassion, and show us how strong we can be.

 

If life is too cushy and too perfect, we tend to become soft and lazy because we aren't challenged to grow.

[lillady898]

Something you have all overlooked is this:

 

Ideal circumstances guarantee nothing. It is those obstacles we have to overcome in life that build character, teach compassion, and show us how strong we can be.

 

If life is too cushy and too perfect, we tend to become soft and lazy because we aren't challenged to grow.

 

Yes, but if you see the flames, you don't continue to walk into the fire.

[shes2smart]

Yes, but if you see the flames, you don't continue to walk into the fire.

 

This pre-supposes people are logical...which they quite often aren't.

 

This also overlooks the fact that upon being told the stove is hot, some will choose to believe and not touch, some will touch briefly, and some won't remove their hands until they have 3rd degree burns.

 

My point, which I really think you missed, is the fact that many people who have gone on to greatness and to inspire many others had less-than-ideal childhoods. Overcoming those obstacles put a fire in their belly and spurred them on to be more and do more. If their younger years had been ideal, they wouldn't be who they are today. An oyster makes a pearl only because a little bit of grit irritated it at a point in the past.

 

Coming from a "mom & dad were straight and married" household is no guarantee of a child having a better growing up experience than a child who has something other than that.

[darkblue]

An oyster makes a pearl only because a little bit of grit irritated it at a point in the past.

 

It is then taken out of its habitat - opened and killed. Later to be eaten by some snobbish woman in white overalls looking very gauntly at the, once beautiful, sealife creature.

[RayKay]

Something you have all overlooked is this:

 

Ideal circumstances guarantee nothing. It is those obstacles we have to overcome in life that build character, teach compassion, and show us how strong we can be.

 

If life is too cushy and too perfect, we tend to become soft and lazy because we aren't challenged to grow.

 

Bingo - something I tried to emphasize a few times in my posts - by saying that even two-opposite sex parents do NOT guarantee ANYTHING ever - but did not put as eloquently as you did

[darkblue]

Something you have all overlooked is this:

 

Ideal circumstances guarantee nothing. It is those obstacles we have to overcome in life that build character, teach compassion, and show us how strong we can be.

 

If life is too cushy and too perfect, we tend to become soft and lazy because we aren't challenged to grow.

 

Bingo - something I tried to emphasize a few times in my posts - by saying that even two-opposite sex parents do NOT guarantee ANYTHING ever - but did not put as eloquently as you did

 

Trouble happens in any household. There's no such thing as 'normality'.

 

But I don't feel it's necessary to put children through 'tougher' times than they need.

 

So basically what you are saying is - throw them into this environment; and hopefully the trouble which is caused will be made up for in later life?

 

Ridiculous if you ask me.

[RayKay]

I just don't see why it is assumed that children with gay parents will automatically be in for more trouble? I DO know a couple gay couples whom ARE foster parents (long term foster parents), or whom have children (from previous marriages) together, and those children are now older (in their teens) and doing tremendously well, are healthy, happy and are proud of their families/parents. Their friends know all about their parents, and do not shame them for it.

 

Yes, maybe they will get teased. Maybe they will get teased because they are cross-eyed instead.

 

In my generation, and the younger generations of the people I know (my cousins etc) there seems to be a lot of understanding and acceptance of families that are different.

[lillady898]

I just don't see why it is assumed that children with gay parents will automatically be in for more trouble?

 

Because there is only either a mother or a father figure

 

Among other things, that makes things very difficult. Maybe not right away, but eventually it will negatively affect future relationships.

[RayKay]

I just don't see why it is assumed that children with gay parents will automatically be in for more trouble?

 

Because there is only either a mother or a father figure

 

Among other things, that makes things very difficult. Maybe not right away, but eventually it will negatively affect future relationships.

 

Not if they see their parents as having a positive loving relationship - that will give them valuable tools to realize what a healthy relationship is. I can say that my biological parents together did not exactly show me that. It was only by my mother and father splitting up that I learned from my mother what a girl/woman deserves in her life, and her own strength.

 

I find this topic is even more about one's idea of gender roles then about being gay or straight - just because a male father or female mother is in a childs life it does not mean they will provide a positive influence, or show that child a healthy relationship of what a "father" or "mother" should be.

 

And why do we assume there would not be another influential person in that childs life - like a close grandparent, or an older sibling, or a cousin, or sometimes even the donor parent (of an egg, or sperm).

[darkblue]

why do we assume there would not be another influential person in that childs life - like a close grandparent, or an older sibling, or a cousin, or sometimes even the donor parent (of an egg, or sperm).

 

It's not the same, and I think you know that more than you're letting on.