Dealing with No Contact

[Myknosis]

I just sent my ex-wife the most difficult e-mail I ever wrote. I told her that I cannot be firends with her and that we cannot contact each other any longer. I had to do this because I have too many emotions and feelings every time she sends an e-mail or calls me. I can't be friends because she was always more to me than that.

 

She recently divorced me after seven happy years so that she could "find herself." I feel like someone just pulled the rug out from under me.

 

I check my e-mail every hour to see if she responded and she has not. I feel like the e-mail was necessary but I am so sad and lonely without her.

 

Someone please help me - did I do right? I got to stop looking for her response but how???

[segagirl]

Very sorry to hear about this. I really think you have done the right thing. You are aware that you need time to heal, that is smart and brave.

Stick with it.....no matter what. I assume that in a short time you will stop looking for the mails from her. Until then a little compulsive behavior is quite normal. Just try and keep your self busy.

Now this is important: if you do not hear from her do not send a mail saying...did you get my mail...If you meant what you said, then it is truly time to let it go.

[GregB]

I agree with the above response. I once had to do something similar with a woman I was in love with for multiple years. We were strictly platonic, but i of course was carrying a torch for her and in spite of numerous embarrassing overtures, she never caved. Finally, I had to tell her that I had to go, and it was all too painful.

 

It took me two years to really get over her and forget about her. I wrote and recorded an entire album of some very dark Heavy Metal that was all either directly or indirectly about her and my feelings over 5-6 years. (It sounds cheesy, I know, but actually it's good stuff.)

 

Finally, after two years, we are best friends again and I can honestly say I don't want anything else from her and am glad we're healthy at this point.

 

So I will add Art Therapy to the advice. Write a novel, paint, bad poetry, anything to get it all out of your system. Do NOT take to the bottle. Use this time to be creative and you just might find something about yourself to take pride in and redefine who you are.

 

-GregB

[tobigahart]

Agreed agreed agreed... they're both right. You did the right thing with will be better for the both of you in the long run. Anyway, once you're over her you might even become friends again. As for you, do a little thinking... don't repress your feelings, let them flow free and then begone with them. Once you're thinking clearly again (and it might take a while because of the 7 years) it will be time to resume your search for your one true love

 

You have my support, and I wish you luck and happiness.

[solstice48]

I think you did the right thing & I know how you feel about not being able to be friends. When she left my exwife said those magic words "we can still be friends". Yeah right. I 'll just cut out enough of my heart so we can be friends. Why is that such a popular phrase? Does it relieve the person saying it from the guilt they're feeling, do they think they're doing you a favor? In my case we were together 25 yrs & to say something like that is a cheap shot. So, your not alone in feeling the way you do. I've been following your journey through all this turmoil & I can see it's really had you on a roller coaster. My heart goes out to you! As much as your hurting I'm afraid the best thing to do is what your doing. Stay free from her & don't make any contact at all. Concentrate on doing that one thing & you'll be doing yourself a great favor.

[afterd]

Maybe you guys need time to realize things anyway and if she does love you, which I am sure she does, maybe she will "find herself" more quickly knowing that you are strong enough to possibly go on without her.

People never realize what they have until they are gone, I do have a feeling you will eventually hear from her, you have too, most of the time people just don't stop seeing each other and cease all contact, everything is a process, but that tunnel vision that we get sometimes is just a real bitch. Talk to your friends and be happy, she is prolly thinking about you as much as you are her.

-Cheer Up!

 

[kdreger]

You did the right thing.

 

I had to do the same thing a couple days ago. I would feel a "high" when she was around but then later a terrible "low" when she left and I knew she didn't love me anymore. After awhile, I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I had to tell her that I couldn't see her for awhile or I would have driven myself insane. You have to keep your spirit healthy and you can't if you torment yourself by living in false hope.

 

There are a lot of us in your position. It's been almost 2 months now and I'm still struggling but it gets easier. I cried in a few days and I don't feel the need to anymore. There's a sadness there and I miss her dearly but time really does heal you. Feel free to vent as you progress through the next month