Day 6 of NC...

[Juha]

Well here I am on day 6 of NC with my ex...She Texted me Friday with nothing and called on Saturday but did not leave a message, so I guess it was nothing important....

 

Yesterday was really hard as I started seeing people in a league I play in and that her aunt's boyfriend runs....Everybody was asking where she was because she would be there helping and why we are not together anymore...

 

She just texted me and asked if I hate her...I could never hate her but she probably thinks I do by me not answering any contacts by her...

 

All I feel is disappointed and sad about this whole situation...

[jigsaw]

7 days into NC myself. Keep it up. It is tough, but think of all the good that you are doing for yourself in the long run.

[Juha]

Superdave or anyone....She asked me if I hate her...

 

Does she really think I hate her or is this just to see if I will answer???

 

Should I let her think I hate her???

 

Could use a little help...I don't want her to think I hate her....

[Echo]

Juha, she is trying to get you to react, and you aren't. It['s driving her NUTS. As everyone has said...anything short of her coming out and saying she WANTS you BACK...then NC is the best thing for now.

[RayKay]

Superdave or anyone....She asked me if I hate her...

 

Does she really think I hate her or is this just to see if I will answer???

 

Should I let her think I hate her???

 

Could use a little help...I don't want her to think I hate her....

 

She is trying to get a reaction. She knows very well you don't "hate her". And so what if she thinks you are upset with her....right now YOU are your priority.

 

Expecting you to be able to carry on as if nothing is wrong though kind of shows her ignorance for your feelings right now.

[Juha]

Jigsaw, thank you...Stay strong and keep it up yourself...

 

Echo, RayKay...Thank you also, I know I need to NC and not let my emotions dictate for me, it is not always easy...

 

RayKay right now she has been all about her...

 

She just texted me again with...

 

"I guess you finally do hate me"

 

You guys are right she just wants me to contact her because my silence is probably killing her...

 

Thanks again everybody...I just need to stay strong and keep this up for myself...

[acuraman]

I hate it when they are so inconsiderate that they can't call or even return your calls. I had to go through this two weeks ago when my girlfriend who is my ex now, went to vegas for 5 days and didn't even once call me. I didn't call her because she said that she would call me if she wanted to talk. I was really hurt by the fact that it doesn't take much to pick up the phone and push some buttons to say "HI". Its not that hard.

 

Do they know how it might feel if you turned the tables on them? How would they like that?

[Juha]

Day 9 of NC....

 

Getting better but I still think about it and it still gets to me....

 

Trying not to try and figure things out, just let them be but that is difficult for me...

 

I need to keep telling myself that it is all up to her now...I need to get better and work on myself, my anxiety, my happiness needs to be natural...

 

I am trying to not have hope of her contacting and actually wanting me again..As that is most likely not ever going to happen...

 

AARRRGGHHH!!!!! This is so difficult....I have made enough mistakes and can't contact her...Just like SD says if you don't do anything you can't screw up...

[jigsaw]

Day 9 of NC....

 

Getting better but I still think about it and it still gets to me....

 

Trying not to try and figure things out, just let them be but that is difficult for me...

 

I need to keep telling myself that it is all up to her now...I need to get better and work on myself, my anxiety, my happiness needs to be natural...

 

I am trying to not have hope of her contacting and actually wanting me again..As that is most likely not ever going to happen...

 

AARRRGGHHH!!!!! This is so difficult....I have made enough mistakes and can't contact her...Just like SD says if you don't do anything you can't screw up...

 

Hey Juha, day 10 for me. Keep it up!

 

Be strong, take care of yourself. Try not to ask your brain questions that you cannot create satisfactory conclusions for, it will make things much harder.

 

Your struggle right now is within yourself. Any possibilities beyond that have to wait until your struggle subsides and you are more confident. I'm half saying this to myself. We've got to be strong.

[Juha]

Thanks Jigsaw....Staying strong, you keep it up also!

 

Telling myself to relax and not go over things....Just let them happen, if anything happens....

 

I can't let myself think about it....

[kazman32]

Hang in there..it's tough I know..after 6 months of conversations here and there..I have been in NC for about 2 weeks,it's really hard,but I intened to follow through and not even answer if(probably never will)she does try and contact me.

[jigsaw]

Juha,

 

I'm on day 13, how are you hanging in there? Hope it's going well. After almost two weeks I'm slowly learning how to use this time for myself. It's still very tough not to sit and ponder the situation. Hang in there.

[coooolsome]

Day 8 for me and I really want to call her and say hi. I know I cant b/c I pushed her away with some of the stuff I did so I hope she calls soon. Its hard but we are strong if we got this far.

[Juha]

Kazman, coooolsome, jigsaw

 

Thanks for the support....Day 12 for me today...

 

Strange, after her texts last Monday I have gotten restricted calls on my cell once each Friday and Saturday and twice today, no message being left...

 

I only have a cell phone, no home and I never get any restricted calls, ever, so I am thinking it is her...Don't know just assuming....

 

Talked with her aunt today and she told me everybody in her family and her friends thinks she is stupid for leaving me for what she is with now, and they let her know it....She told her she is going to lose a person who does not come around very often in life...Maybe one day she will realize what she had in me....

 

Said they argue alot and he treats her badly,no respect at all because he has no respect for himself...He is a junkie after all...Her aunt also said that she wants nothing to do with her anymore and her brother who backs her on everything just went off on her also...

 

None of this makes me feel better becaue of how much I care for her and it actually makes me sad....I know I can't do nothing, it is all up to her... she needs to grow up and face things and her emotions.....

 

It is not easy but I am getting through it...Just sometimes when I am alone I get to thinking some....

 

Keep strong averybody...

[Juha]

I was thinking, feel free to post what you are going through here...

 

Make this thread a NC support thread more or less...

 

WHen you are feeling weak post here...

 

Let's support each other, do not feel you are hijacking the thread, I do not think of this as my thread I think of it as a NC thread for everybody to share stories and support ....

 

Everybody stay strong and we can get through this together...

 

I feel so much better even though it has been only 12 days....

 

two weeks coming up....\

 

Thankyou everybody fo rsharing your story and lending your support we can get through this together...

[waiting]

Day 12 for me too. Keep coming up with a million reasons to call her. Everything from a catch up chat, to an ultimatum to make up her mind, to telling her its too late and to not bother thinking about it anymore, to begging yet again for another chance.

 

But it all comes down to one thing - she doesnt know if we have a future and is apprently trying to work it out, along with working out how she really feels about me and him. Answers to all those have been "I dont know" up until now.

 

So no real point in calling her. She will tell me when she knows, and she knows how i feel.

 

NC is HARD!!!!

[liambilson]

Day 14 for me and I'm not getting any stronger - apart from when I am on this site with all your support.

NC I can understand but what about face to face communication - why isn't that better. Every day I am apart from her I feel she is becoming more and more distant. What if she never contacts me. That means I have lost a friend and girlfriend. I wrote a massive letter today and am planning to deliver it if she doesn't make contact after 3 weeks. My final card I suppose !

[liambilson]

You're right not myself - it's just the only way I can think of finding closure at teh moment.

I mean how long do I give her to contact me before I give up ?

Your post was very correct and supportive though so thanks and sorry about the pain you have gone through. I spent 3 years helping this girl recover from alcoholism and a year into recovery she dumps me - bitter pill to swallow!

[liambilson]

I envy your strength NotMyself - I really do - I really hope things work out for you as you sound like a good guy.

 

Getting back to the letter - if I don't get a response that will be final closure for me - however just waiting for her to contact me now is crippling me.

 

One more question, she says 'I really care for you and want you in my life' Do I let myself be in her life as a friend?

[jigsaw]

two weeks no contact for me. It's tough... I still think about her all the time. I would like to see the relationship have a second chance, but in the meantime I've got some personal growth I need to focus on.

[Juha]

Liambilson, write your letter, write many letters and then put them in a draw let some time pass and then if you still want to send a letter send it...

 

Give her time and you need it also...It will kill you to try being her friend when that is not what you feel or want...Take care of yourself and see what happens...

 

Jigsaw 13 days for me and I thought about her and me all day....At the gym running the hill, in the shower, everywhere...I miss her so much I just started crying earlier, I have not done that in a week...I am taking care of me and my problems and growing at the same time...Will have a new job in a couple of months and am looking forward to that...I want us to have a second chance because I know it would be so much better than the first time....

 

Notmyself keep on doing what you are doing....

 

Two weeks for me tomorrow....I am better but I know I will never totally get over her completely...My friend said that to me the other day, he knows how I feel about her...She is the only women that I have loved and cared for enough to just not say "I dont care anymore"...

 

Going to work see everybody have a good night....

[toonsy]

Day 10 for me, but I would only send emails during work....so once Friday is over I dont worry about it until the next week. Kind of a mental and emotional vacation for the weekend.

 

My ex wanted to stay in contact. He is seeing someone else but still really wanted to work at friendship. She however, is not comfortable with us seeing each other so we dont. I dont call him either - out of respect even though he says that I could/should. He did come see me over a week ago (yes we had sex, but mostly talked and laughed and caught up with each other)...but since then she asked to go "exclusive" with him. So now he says he'd feel 'weird' about seeing me as he doesnt want to 'cheat on her with me'. Hmmm......doesnt sound as though he's all that "into" her, huh?

 

Anyhow, I sent him a letter telling him my feelings and that I choose to give him time. Others here might not agree but I believe in being honest. As long as you are emotionally mature about it and in control of yourself then speak your truth! I also told him that I hope to be friends too in the meantime. "My heart will tell me when to let go......" i said. I did not tell him I was going NC however.

 

I have decided to go 3-4 weeks with no contact. I've gone 1 1/2 weeks before no problem. Kind of seeing if he'd initiate any contact before I did. He only did on my birthday. Even though I dont think he's all that into her, he does have a bit of an issue with initiating contact with me. So do I think i'll hear from him during these next few weeks? No, i dont. This will make him think though, maybe even 'miss' me.

 

NC is for healing, yes. It's also a tactic - dont let anyone tell you different! In my sitch my ex is really the one that needs the healing (PM me if you want the details). He may not however. In fact the longer he is seeing this other girl he is burying his feelings and fears. If that will be his ultimate choice then I will let him go. For good.

 

Is NC hard for me? Yes, but because I love him - not because I really want to contact him. I am not obsessed about what he's doing or how he feels. I know how he feels. But in the end we have NO control over what they choose. Right?

 

Do NC for you, them, both of you, or for whatever reason you choose. But if you are doing it for positive results (whatever that may be) then do it right even if it's only temporary.

[waiting]

I really want to break no contact. I need closure. I need for her to tell me she is never coming back. I cant bear waiting for the phone to ring, for that email, for any sign from her that she still cares. She tells me she is "trying to work it out" and to decide what she wants from me and him, but i need to know now.

 

She tells me she loves me, but doesnt know if she loves him. She says she doesnt know if she is doing the right thing, and needs some time with him without me around to decide if he is right for her. She says she doesnt want to be with me "at the moment" and doesnt know if she will come back.

 

She has had 15 months to decide on our future, and I cant live not knowing. Its destroying me. I know I could make the decision and give myself closure, but I just cant bring myself to do it. I need it from her.

 

Help - what should I do?

[jigsaw]

Today is day 4... I really miss her...

 

day 15 for me, keep strong. We can do this!

[Juha]

Day 14 today...

 

Toonsy, In the dame situation with my ex....Dating someone else so she can not feel her emotions and feelings...She wants to bury them and avoid how she feels for me...So she puts her energy and time into this other person...

I also know there is nothing there between them but she is stubborn so there is nothing I can do...

 

I know that if she left this "loser" she is with he would fall down so hard, he leans on her and uses her and she takes it....She would rather be with this loser than have to deal with her emotions about us...