waiting Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I would call her, and make damn sure she knows why you cant be in contact right now. Dont talk relationship at her, keep it as light as possible, but just say it hurts too much to talk right now. I'm sure she knows you want her back. Make sure she is no doubt as to this, and that it is up to her now. But in the meantime, it just hurts you too much to have anything to do with her. But take advice from me with a grain of salt - I am officially crap at maintaing NC.... Link to comment
Juha Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 Home sick tonight and trying to not think of her..... Today is day 14 and I almost texted her to say hi, but I stopped myself and did not... Link to comment
jigsaw Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Home sick tonight and trying to not think of her..... Today is day 14 and I almost texted her to say hi, but I stopped myself and did not... I'm right there with you. Today I had to fight off my first real urge to contact her. I convinced myself that I'd do something that didn't involve a conversation, a text message, an short e-mail. Something brief telling her that I think about her. Superdave's post about no contact literally made me think twice about doing it. I still want to, but I think I know better. She does think about me, and I'm not ready to break no contact to convine myself of that. It would just make things worse. and with that, day 15 comes to an end. Be strong everyone! Link to comment
minnie Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Day 12 today...... Been having a lot of time to myself so i am thinking of calling him a lot more - its really hard right now. I am so confused. when i try to reflect, i cant reach a conclusion i just dont have a clue right now. Gotta keep busy x x x Link to comment
Freda Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Just keep busy & stay positive about yourself - you are a good person Link to comment
Juha Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 Day 15 of NC and it is hard.... My friends just called me and they saw my ex at her new job and talked with her.... She asked how I was and if they see me at all, one of them live's in the same house as me and we see each other everyday and talk...She told them I am a jerk and an a**hole because I do not answer her calls... He said there must be a reason why I don't answer and she said no there is not a reason, he just hates me... He said you must have done something to him for him to not answer... She said no I did not do anything.... He said do you have a new boyfriend?? She said yes... He said, well there you go... Can she really be that stupid or uncaring??? Or is this just a game to her??? How can she think I hate her when I love her so much!!! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Juha, She is obviously hurt because you won't pick up the phone. Let her call. SHE CANNOT have her cake and eat it too. If she left you..SHE LEFT YOU! She cannot make you feel guilty for something SHE did. That is ridiculous. Im my opinionm, she should worry about her new boyfriend but since he seems like a distraction to me, I think your doing just fine. You may not feel that way... but you are. Let her be upset because gawd knows you are. She is angry because she misses you...plain and simple. She isn't mad....she is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. Its easy to pass guilt....its harder to tell the honest truth sometimes. Keep doing what your doing...you can do this!!! --SuperDave71 Link to comment
Juha Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 SD I am doing good...I am doing what I need to and taking care of myself and problems...Finding myself again... I am staying strong and have not answered when she has contacted.... SHe has given up contacting, I think, it has been more than a week unless that really was her with the restricted number over the weekend... I don't know if she really thinks I hate her but if she does then she did not listen to anything I said or wrote to her... I can see she is trying to make me look like the bad guy...I am not feeling guilty about not answering...I still feel bad about how I treated her the few months before we broke up with my anxiety, but I don't let that bother me as much... You said she is angry becauses she misses me and then said she is not mad...I am confused... She may miss me but she is to stubborn to admit it or say it to me and probably never will... Hearing your logical explanations on things helps out my thought process as I have less than 100% clear thinking right now...Better than before but not perfect... I don't know how you can read situations so well and come up with the answers you do all of the time...I hope you are right, actually you are right most of the time... Thanks SD you are such a good person... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Thank you Juha, "You said she is angry becauses she misses me and then said she is not mad...I am confused... " What I mean is she is NOT really mad she is SUPER frustrated because she cannot get a hold of you....I should have been more clear on this one. She has no right to be mad at you since she is the one who left you. So she may ACT mad at you ..but deep down under all the shallowness is a caring person who doesn't understand how you can say you love her and then NOT pick up the phone. This is EXACTLY why NC CAN work for you no matter what. It forces the individual to face the true feelings rather than just those on the surface. Keep it up and be strong!! You can do this !! --SuperDave71 Link to comment
Juha Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 SD She is a very stubborn person...SHe is also a very caring, loving person who does not let her emotions out for fear of getting hurt Will she just let it go now and not bother at all to try and contact me thinking I want nothing to do with her or I even hate her.... Is there ever a time that I should do anything??? I know it has only been 2 weeks of NC and I need more... 2 weeks feels like 2 years..... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Juha, Don't ask questions no one can answer. What I mean is..you can 'what if' or 'will she' all you want......but what you need to focus on is you. You have all the answers about you....all you have to do is look within yourself and find them. -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Juha Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 SD Your right....I need to keep the focus on me... SHe will do whatever she wants...If she lets her stubborness keep her from admitting she misses me then it is her loss..... I will feel or know if the time comes that I should do anything... Thanks SD Link to comment
Juha Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 Day 16 and felt weak the last two days....For some reason I thought of her and us more these past 2 days...I have been very emotional also... I don't know why...SHe has stopped trying to contact me and after talking with my friends who saw her yesterday I know it is bothering her... Will she try again???I don't know, she is stubborn and I will probably have to try and open the lines of communication down the road at some point if we are to be at least friends again... SuperDave thanks for your help...You are lucky you have one persistent ex there...I can't believe she kept calling after all that time of you not answering... Going out to the gym..... Link to comment
Juha Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 I just want to text and say hi....Why am I feeling so weak??? Probably becaue my friend was talking to me and he said he always keeps in contact with his ex's and they have always come back... He told me it may be to late if I contact her later.... WHy must this be so hard??? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Juha.. You text her and I am coming up there with duct tape and stick you to the floor !!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
minnie Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Day 13 for me. I havent had time to think about anything much today, he called me early hours of the morning today. I had 2 missed calls, i did wake up but let it ring - i assumed it could only be a booty call!! When i did get up for work i was a little angry with him, as in a way he wont let me move on, but i got through the day, and i am now going to bed (im Knackered) Im really proud of myself right now as i normally would have called him back already. Things like this make me realise how he has used me.... Link to comment
Juha Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 SD No duct tape needed her... I did not text....I played guitar instead...I am conflicted so much... SD is it ok if I pm you one day and explain some other things that were involved in our relationship??? They may or may not make a difference now.... I am ok just miss her.... Link to comment
jigsaw Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 SD No duct tape needed her... I did not text....I played guitar instead...I am conflicted so much... SD is it ok if I pm you one day and explain some other things that were involved in our relationship??? They may or may not make a difference now.... I am ok just miss her.... Day 17, and you and I are in the same situation. I have been feeling weak as well. Hold it together, there's nothing we can do right now except look after ourselves. I'm trying to get past the "waiting stage" and learn to focus on myself more effectively. Waiting for her isn't going to get me anywhere right now. Be strong. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 juha, Of course you can my friend. SuperDave71 Link to comment
Juha Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 SD Going to work now... It will be kind of long to explain and fill in... I really appreciate it... Link to comment
jigsaw Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Day 21, how are you doing Juha? Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 He can't come to his terminal right now because I duct taped him to the floor. he he he --SuperDave71 Link to comment
Juha Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 I'm here Jigsaw....I am doing ok... Day 20 for me.... How are you doing??? SD you need to duct tape me a little stronger next time... Did you see my pm to you??? There is more but just wanted your thoughts I do not believe NC is right for every situation as if the lines of communication are not open how can you work things out or regain someone's trust if you have lost it... I really want to talk with her but I can't contact, not now... Going to work now...Later guys... Link to comment
jigsaw Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 There is more but just wanted your thoughts I do not believe NC is right for every situation as if the lines of communication are not open how can you work things out or regain someone's trust if you have lost it... Interesting, I've been contemplating that very question. NC is right for YOUR current situation so you can heal yourself. That way your emotions are collected/stable when communication time does come. Even then, some may find that they do not want the relationship back after they've picked up their pieces and put them back together. NC helps you find those answers. Stay strong. Link to comment
Juha Posted September 27, 2005 Author Share Posted September 27, 2005 What's up Jigsaw? I know why I am doing NC unfortunately I do not think she is going to contact anymore, ever again....Everybody else says she will contact me sooner or later....I don't think so... It's a shame that we have ended up like this... The hardest thing for me to get past is dealing with feeling that I am being punished for my anxiety...Losing her because of my anxiety and she never even knew about it... AAAHHHH!!!!!! Link to comment
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