How do I get over him?

[mad_girl403]

My boyfriend recently dumped me for his EX. I am so hurt over this and I can't stop crying and thinking about the situation. I really love him and I m finding it hard to concentrate on my job and everything else in my life. I can't sleep and night and I lose my appetite when I think about him. I am becoming depressed. I gave in and called him this morning and left a message on his voicemail I cried and asked him how could he do this to me, I know I shouldn't have done this and now I feel like a fool. How can I get over him ? Somebody please help, I have been through rough breakups before but this one is different because I wanted to have kids and settle down with him, he has crushed all those dreams for me and I have hit rock bottom. I want to call him all the time, how can I stop myself from doing this.

[DoorMouse]

I know exactly what you're feeling, Mr. Wonderful gives you the golden dream of settling down and starting a family, then he disappears like a fart in the wind to go play kissy face with his ex. You know what this should tell you hun? He wasn't worth your time. If he's willing to break your heart for any exgirlfriend *and there are reasons why they are ex's* he'd be willing do to it again. Allow yourself some healing time. Do something nice for yourself like treat yourself to a pedicure and a girls night out. Don't sit at home and mope for him and don't beat down on yourself. I'm sure you're a wonderful and beautiful person, and he's just too much of a blind [censored] to see that. If he calls you back, answer, and just tell him you're angry at him, but you'll be better off with out him. Don't get all upset or let him upset you, he knows how to push your buttons. Be firm, be strong, but damn it hunny, be happy with yourself, and don't worry about him.

[lifeiscash]

If you hit rock bottom then the only direction is up. I understand how you feel to have all your dreams and expectations get crushed by someone that you cared about so much. Understand that you can't control what he does and his actions.. then only thing you CAN control is how you act about it. Your emotions are there for a reason, the reason why you are hurt is because it lets you know how much of a loving and caring person that is and someone that doesn't want to stick around for that doesn't deserve you in the first place.

 

Time will help you get over this guy. And the only way time can help is if you have absolutley NO contact. But you have to want that, you have to have that self respect and discpline to follow through with it. You need to face facts and do it so you can live your life to a better enjoyment and a more positive outlook. YOu need to grieve over the loss, and thats okay.. to feel is to heal. Once you experience the hurt then you will be able to start to overcome it. But your very first step is to make the choice to distant your life and give up on the dreams that you had with this guy... once you do that you can better yourself through time. It's a hard long struggle but I know you are strong enough to pull yourself together and do whatever it takes to make yourself better.

[mad_girl403]

I am so stupid, I called him on my lunch break and he picked up, I started crying again, for some reason I thought maybe he might have changed his mind, he told me that he does not want to be with me anymore and he's not going to change his mind, why do I keep doing this to myself? I came back to work crying and had a panic attack, now everyone is worried about me. I need some serious help.

[dopeyjoe]

We understand your pain. I am feeling it also. My gf is positive she no longer loves me.

NC is very hard, but as you have probably already realised from the phone call you mentioned, contact is even harder.

[Mr. Sub]

Mad girl,

 

Don't be so depressed, I can totally relate to you. Let me share with you my situation. I was together with this girl 2 years on/off. It wasn't all smooth because she came out off a 7 yrs relationship. She had her doubts but I supposed her. But at the end she still go back to him. However, the one thing that hurts me the most is how she keep contacting me after the break up. She said her getting back was not all perfect and now she her heart is with me again. But she couldn't let go of her past. What can I do?

 

Please don't think too much. We you are doing now will just push me away. For the past six months I don't think I have been earning my paycheque. I know it is tough, but you all to shift your attention somewhere else.

[mad_girl403]

I am trying so hard not to be depressed, I just keep thinking he's going to change his mind and come back to me, i need to get rid of these thoughts. I want to be positve but I am going through so much pain.

[mad_girl403]

I was doing fine not talking to him all morning, then I had this sudden urge to call him and cry and tell him how I feel, i'm starting to feel desperate.

[Penny1041]

Listen.. everytime you wanna call him or see him, think of all the stuff he has done to hurt you. If you dont respect yourself , how is he going to respect you? He is not going to change his mind,and if by some miracle he did, it wouldnt be because he heard you crying on the other end of the phone! Think about it. You are only torturing yourself. So, force yourself to focus on anything but him.

hang in there, it will get better. Just take it one moment at a time.

 

Penny

[Mr. Sub]

Take it one step at a time Madgirl. Since you have called him and let him know how you feel, just leave it at that. If he still loves you, he will cross the ocean and come back to you. If not, that means there is someone out there who will care and love more about you. Don't be desperated, whenever you have the urge to call him, just call a close friend or post a message on the here. Time is your enemy, but it is almost your best friend.

[mad_girl403]

Well I'm doing good so far today, I haven't called him yet, and I am trying to keep busy at work, I am going to work through my lunch today, I don't want to have any free time, I need to keep busy and keep my mind off him.

[Mr. Sub]

Keep it up. If I can do it, you can do it.

[DoorMouse]

One step at a time. One day at a time. Keep your chin up, and remember that you are a wonderful person.

[becca]

I know you are hurt but think about this, you have broken up with other men before- you'll get over it- it just takes a little while.

The hard part was breaking up.

[shazzy]

M girl

 

i know exactly how hard it is to resist the call..my bf of 2.5 yrs broke up with me bout a mnth ago, it was just 2 weeks before my master's deg exams...first few days i was good with NC then it hit me in waves & a few times i caved in & called & cried ..on the other side of the fone was total silence..made me realise he didnt respect me at all less so each time i called...well i was kept busy by the HUGE struggle to focus on studying, but today was my last exam & i feel anxious bout all the free time i now have..dont want to be tempted to call again..

 

he didnt even call to say good luck / how did it go.. so i guess i know all i need to..got to be strong!

 

just found this & want to say thank u to all ...ur posts are now my support base !

[cas28]

I think Penny1041 is correct. You have to fight the urge to contact him. Respect yourself. He has made it clear that he does not want to talk to or be with you right now. And as hard as that is, you know from experience in calling him, that this is even harder. He's not going to come back to you because you called and cried. That is the truth! Give him time to miss you if that's what he'll do. Let him contact you. And, if he doesn't, then you will have hopefully moved on more than if you were still clinging to the idea of being with him.

[BillyJean714]

One thing that people tend to forget is to focus on themselves. Instead of focusing the attention on the ex, focus it onto yourself. I know it's hard. It's not about him now. He left your relationship. What he inadvertantly said was, "You're not the one for me." and basically took you for granted by letting the relationship rot. I mean, why pay attention to someone who treats you like that? Why invest all of your emotions into someone who could care less about you? What's the point in holding onto someone who doesn't genuinely want to be with you?

 

At least you found out now, rather than 4 years down along the line, only to realize that he cheated on you. I know it's really tough. Maybe you can repeat this to yourself over and over, because this is how I deal with it. "I need to shift focus on me. Forget about him. He's not in the picture anymore!"

 

Also, here are some suggestions that help to move on from a breakup:

1. Keep yourself pampered. Do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself- a bubble bath with candle lights, new hair do, new outfit, whatever- take good care of yourself.

2. Listen to music that inspires you.

3. Talk to your friends. Hang out with them.

4. Try going to the library- there are tons of books that you can read up on and keep yourself busy with.

5. Accept dates here and there, but keep the dates innocent, fun, and simple.

6. Focus on school work- a job, and community service (i.e. Giving advice on eNotalone ).

7. Find things that make you passionate again.

8. Write out your emotions on a piece of paper and throw it away.

 

....whatever you do, focus on you. Just realize that his own malintentions will all go back to haunt him one day- maybe when he's old and married and his wife cheats on him only to go back to her ex. I don't know. But, enjoy being single for a while. Easier said than done. I know.. Remember that it's okay to feel the way you do. Some days are better than others, so be prepared. *hugs* You will be okay..

[mad_girl403]

Well it's been two weeks since the break up. I did not call him, he ended up calling me last weekend, and now I wish he didn't. We got together last Saturday and we ended up having sex, I feel really bad about this but I had missed him so much and I just gave into him. He made it seem like he wanted me back and things seemed like they were back to normal. When I asked him what was going to happen between us now, and he just said he had made up his mind and that he doesn't want me back, I am so confused now. I thought everything was ok, but I guess not, he still wants to be with his EX, why is he playing these mind games with me? Why can't I just let go and move on. I am extremely sad and depressed, I can't eat, sleep or concentrate.

[L8RISER]

I had sex with an ex after dumping him...check my post:

 

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