kainashi Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 yeah, after a year and 10 months, she comes to me saying she needs time and space, to hang out with friends and stuff, which she didn't do much of when we were together. it's been REALLY, REALLY hard for not talking to her. i'm really trying to give her time and space but it's hard. i really love her, i KNOW she is the one, we've known eachother since grade school, and have went out once before but it was when we were 13 so it wasn't serious. i thought it the relationship was going good but we fought a lot towards the end. i feel really bad for not being as sweet as i could be and not trusting as much as i should of. i really miss her, i miss the fun we had, the conversations, her personality, everything really. she was the sweetest, most loving girl. i got jealous too much. i even get jealous now, when she goes out with guy friends from her work. i know i shouldn't because if she loved me as much as she said she did, she wouldn't try anything, right? she said she wanted to be friends for now and slowly work back into a relationship. the thing is, i try to talk to her on the phone and instant message her sometimes. she just talks about time and space. i said i would leave her alone. that's the right thing to do, right? it's going to be really hard but i think i can do it since i love her so much. i even cry myself to sleep most days because i miss her so much. we would nap together. i'd even spend the night at her house some days but she would wake me up at like 6am to go home so we wouldn't get in trouble. it was a very serious relationship. we made plans to move in together, go to college near eachother, and maybe get married when we got stable, good paying jobs. we even could finish eachothers sentences and know what one another were going to say. i don't think i left anything out, if i did, i'll add it later. i just want some help on what to do, some on how to fix things, etc. i know what i need to do somewhat, i would just like to know your guys'/gals' opinions. thanks in advance. edit: just editing this in. a few days ago, she went to a party and got drunk. she spent the night at the guys house, he's 20 something, she's 17, plus they work together so i know nothing happened. she was puking all night and stuff. i called over 20 times to see if she was alright but she wouldn't answer sometimes so i kept getting more worried and worried. she got mad and i guess it was kind of excessive but i care about her so much and don't want anything happening to her. Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 I just told someone else this actually... but all you need to do is give her space. Don't try to win her back it'll just drive her away. Wait it out and everything will be okay in time. Maybe you'll get together again maybe not. The point is there's nothing you can do to help it right now. Good luck. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 i know but i'm so scared of losing her... edit 1: when she got home from the guys house, i walked to her house (she lives right accross the street). when i got there, she still wasn't feeling too good. so i got her some ice water, her clothes, shampoo, all that good shower stuff. when she was sitting by the toilet, i would rub her back, when she was laying down in the bathtub, i would sit on the side and rub her stomache, and when she was sitting up, i would rub her back some more. she said she appreciated it. i bought her and i some ice cream, we watched tv and talked some. i would ask her if she wanted a pillow or something. i was being super sweet, i guess. then she went to the fireworks with her friends and i left, saying "have fun, goodnight and sweet dreams." that was the only night i felt good since we broke up. edit 2: since i called her so much, her friends from work think i'm some kind of psycho, which i'm not. should i care and try to fix this or what? edit 3: i keep forgetting stuff. another reason she said we broke up is because her heart wasn't really in it anymore. i'm guessing that was because i was a complete d*ck to her sometimes. am i right or could i be completely wrong? i'm wondering after all this, if there is a chance we could get back together. Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Hey listen, I know exactly what you're going through. Why? Because I'm in the same boat as you right now. Give 3 years to the length of the relationship and two months as the time we've spent apart. In that time it's been rough for both of us. She's had 2 crushes and though nothing happened it was still hard to deal with at times. I worry about if the next guy is going to treat her as well as I did sometimes and I'm very confused why she broke up with me sometimes too. The first month I gave her space, she invited me to her place a couple times which ended up getting a little more physical then the both of us had hoped. Now nearing the start of the second month we talk again, almost everyday. Not for long as she is busy, but we call each other and we're getting back on good footing again. During these conversations I NEVER mention the relationship. She also told me she appreciates the fact I don't tell her about the times I feel sad without her or the pain I feel sometimes. This makes them want to get back with you for all the wrong reasons. In time will we get back together? I don't know. You know what I do know? She talks to me to every one of her friends and her friends tell her (not me) that we should get back together. That's what you want to aim for. Don't talk to anyone about the relationship, just relax and be a good guy and everyone will see you truly care about her. Good luck. (edit) P.S. All that said and done it's still just up to you to give her some space. Don't worry about her friends at work, you can't do anything about that now. You have to stop calling her so much though. Give her a week to call you. Until then no communication. If she doesn't call you then call her but don't mention that she hadn't called you. Just know that jealousy ALWAYS destroys relationships. You have to learn to trust her. If you can't you might as well just give up now because you're just going to cause the both of you a lot of pain. As for her heart not being in it as much... that's a line that's over used. I admit my ex didn't say that to me, but it's more a line that's used to hurt people and drive them away. If you stop calling so often she'll stop saying it. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 she also said she wanted to experience being 17, whatever that means. having fun and stuff. she said i need to get out and have some fun too. what does this all mean? Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 well, i did it. i sent her a last email about things, told her i'll give her a week or two to think things over and if that's not enough then it's ok, she can have more time. it's going to be hard not talking to her for a couple weeks but it has to be done. i would like others opinions/help on this too. thanks to heretic, btw. Link to comment
Sweet Euphoria Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 I too am going through a similar situation. I am 17, so is my ex. She broke up telling me that we were young and had to experience more in life. Honestly, I believe this means what it says. My ex wanted to see what else life had to offer her, whether or not shes looking for a new someone. But there is nothing I can do right now, but give her space and time. I highly doubt we will ever get back together, but at least we can friends. We both have to give them their space. I know it is hard, but it is the BEST thing to do. You have to go out and have fun too man. It's summer! You may find someone new that you enjoy spending time with, and before ya know it, your ex will be off your mind. You can't show her that you are going to be weak throughout this whole ordeal. That will make you look bad. You have to show her you can be strong and get through this. She will respect you more and maybe even give you a second chance. But for now bud, give her space and you need to go out and have fun! Link to comment
Tolly Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 I have just gone through this over the last couple of months. So hear my words and believe what I say. 1) Stop the Txts and calling. I too txted way too much and it doesnt help anyone. She feels pressure, your desperatly holding on when you need to let go. She may come back, she may not, but you cant hold on for that and torture yourself like me. Delete her number from your phone and remove all traces of it from the house. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! 2) Try to keep busy. When you start thinking about the good time (which she wont be as shes having too much fun for that) do something. Wash the car, go for a run...anything. 3) For the first 2-3 weeks your emotions will be all over the place. Depressed, angry, sorry, sad, etc. This WILL go away and die down to just sadness. It dont seem like it now, but trust me, it will. 4) Make yourself eat. Hey cooking is a good distraction. I lost 2 stone over the last 2 months and the lack of energy didnt help at all. 5) Sleep. If you cant, then take some sleeping pill for a while. You will need strength, and lack of sleep wont help. 6) Go out with your friends. Dont go on the pull, you arent ready. But have a good time with them. Try not to talk about it too much during your fun nights. By all means talk about it to your best friend coz talking helps, but not when your trying to forget for a night eh! 7) Make plans for things to do during the forthcoming week. Anything, just dont be moping around. 8) A depressed bloke is and unattractive bloke. And this will only put more pressure on your ex and drive away any women who could well be interested in you. 9) Dont drink too much! 10) Do not call her or txt her. Delete numbers and remove all traces as you will be tempted all of the time. I KNOW I MENTIONED THIS POINT AT THE START BUT IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE SO DO IT OK!! try to remember the things that annoyed you about her. I know in the situation your in those things vanish and you only remember the good stuff. But shes a woman and thereforeeeeee has plenty of bad points. i.e. Mine snored, had bad morning breath and was is soooo much debt it frightened me. Things do get better and there are many ups and downs to go. When your down talk to your mates about it. When your up, enjoy the moment. Best of luck Which I knew all of this when I lost my girl. Steve Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 we're both only 17. i didn't care about her morning breath, i still kissed her. the only bad thing about her i can think of is that she got mad easily, that's all. she's perfect. edit: i was thinking of taking her a dozen roses today, telling her how i will change, giver her space and time, then that'll be it. is that ok or no? Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 well, i gave her some white roses and she had a look in her eye like she loved me still. she said she appreciated it and all but she still wants time. she hugged me a few times and she said she would talk to me after she got off work. i was going to try and not talk to her for 2 weeks too. oh well? Link to comment
blackomenx2 Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 sounds like your off to a good start, good luck to you man Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 28, 2003 Author Share Posted June 28, 2003 well, it wasn't a good start really. after she got off work, she called me and told me to come over. she told me she appreciated the flowers and the apology behind it (the way i treated her during the relationship). then she said getting her flowers is not giving her space, blah blah blah. we hugged a couple times then i left, crying. she said once i give her space, we'll see what happens. she'll have her space from now on... for a couple of weeks, at least. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 29, 2003 Author Share Posted June 29, 2003 well, my girlfriend and i broke up a week ago aftering going out for a year and 10 months. she said i was smothering her, her heart wasn't in it for the past 2 1/2 months, and wanted to be alone right now to think of things about us. well, i wrote her a poem, gave her a dozen white roses, and a card to apologize. she said she appreciated it but she still needed time. "that's all i need is time." we've only been broken up a week and i found out something that hurt me. a lot. she has liked this guy at her work for the past 6 months. that's a lot longer than 2 1/2 months, eh? the fact that it's only been a week hurts even more. it feels like the whole time i went out with her, i was living a lie. i have trouble sleeping, i've lost my appetite, everything that goes with depression. the guy is manic depressant. i don't think it's safe for her to go out with someone like that. he could end up killing himself over her or killing her or something... should i give up now or...? Link to comment
Tolly Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 I did the whole flowers thing too. She said she appreciated it, but she was more worried what the new b/f would think. Give up and move on. what will be will be eh! Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 Yeah getting flowers for your ex is a definite no no. I think everyone should read this and understand that's not a good move. Link to comment
HeartBrokenYetReady2Heal Posted July 6, 2003 Share Posted July 6, 2003 Hey whats up guys/gals, listen....i myself have fallen victime to heart break this past year..and am doing very well with the healing process...I was going out with the love of my life for 2 years....we went to the same university and spent ever waking moment together...then I transferred out of that school to another school in the smae province and things just COLLAPSED!!! We were 19 yrs old when we started and 21 yrs old when we ended things.. During the last few, bitter and hostile months...i heard the same crap..and BS that you guys all did..ohh space, time, independence and that good old' we're too young for this...these are all valid excuses to not get involved...but after 1yr, 2, 3 or 4..or whatever the case maybe...to use such vague excuses and cop out..is really ignorant if u ask me.....basically i think the spark/fuse had died between us..and i sense the same thing amongst these other relationships in this post.....once the spark dies, there is always bitterness, hostility and tension. So there i was, left stranded, confused and heart broken!?#$! wht did i do--> the best advice I would give to anyone, anywhere, who ever faces the circumstances of loneliness or broken hearts is to KEEP YOURSELF BUSY !! FORGET THE GIRL !! join clubs, hang out at malls, go out with friends, go clubbing (if age permits), check the movies out, do new things.....do what ever it takes you to KEEP your mind of this ex-lover of yours!!! Once I got into the rthym of doing this...thoughts of my ex were slowly fading away...i think i really took the break up personal...and I vowed to make something amazing out of myself..that one day..my ex...shall sit there and realize and think to herself..."Wow I lost/gave up on a REALLY great Guy!!" it is those thoughts, and feelings which i seek to ignite in my ex's mind..though it may sound saddistic....but its true...far too often ppl's lives collapse and crumble after broken hearts...but I vowed to be different, I vowed to be strong and active...and I ENCOURAGE ALL OF U TO DO THE SAME !!!! Make something of urselves, be Proud, Dont let ur Pride down and keep moving forward!!1 other then that i would say there is no better medication for a broken heart.. To prove my point....nearly after 4 months of having ABSOLUTE NO CONTACT with my ex...she msn'ed me once just this past week...usually i would just ignore her msg's and stuff...but a lot had changed in my life since we broke up and almost all of it was positive change...so i kinnda wanted to make her aware of that and told her of all the great things..ie. my acceptance into law schools, family success etc. and I COULD literally sense her jaw dropping on the floor thru the msn screen..u know why...cuz she was still on the same boat that she had been on when we broke up...nothing new..nothing exciting..all she could say was..ohh nick..your gonna go so far in life.. ......i may sound angry at my ex..but she truly is a sweetheart...and helped me really turn my life around....we may not be lovers...but i appreciate her friendship and will continue to make an effort at it!! to this young 17yr old, who is calling, paging,txting and buying flowers....ur being played for a fool (pardon my language and harshness0 but ur 17......trust me....ur life has not even started....ur gonna see sooo many beautiful girls in college/university, at workplaces, at clubs etc.etc. so keep ur eyes open and ur bound to come accross someone who will love u and appreciate u as much as u do to them!! thats all for now..but if u have ne further questions dont hesitate to email me at email removed Link to comment
kainashi Posted July 8, 2003 Author Share Posted July 8, 2003 haven't talked to her in a week or so. her attitude makes me feel like nothing, like i'm not good enough or something, to be her boyfriend/friend again. now that she hangs out with her friends from work, she treats me like crap. then there's this guy she really likes at work. oh well, guess i lost... i feel like i wasted my time trying to fix things since she's just going to go out with another guy too. i really wanted things to work out, i guess she didn't(?)... Link to comment
Heretic Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I'm sorry for your loss, but you'd best move on... dwelling on it for too long might get you stuck. The next one will be different... you'll see Link to comment
Tolly Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 I know the feeling. Really I do, but it does get better and the best way to piss her off and make her jelous is to be happy, get on with your life, not ever call her and get yourself another (better) girl. Trust me I know Link to comment
broken2wice Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Man, I know how you feel and all I can say is I am sorry. I am going through a very similar situation right now and I know how much it sucks. my gf of 2 years told me a month ago that she wanted space, was feeling weird, blah blah blah. Basically her space was hanging out with a guy she knew and I suspect they are 'involved' with each other now. I dotn think it will develop into anything serious but the fact of it is...they say one thing and they are really doing something else. You may of wanted to believe that she just needed space but as turns out there were other intentios. There is pretty much nothing you can do. This is the second time I have been through this and both times I heard similar stories only to find that they are seeing somebody else. Its horrible to hear and you try to deny that it is happening sometimes, but the best thing to do is try and forget and move on. Maybe one day she will realize how stupid she has been and want to come back to you....maybe not. The only thing you should focus on is building yourself up to the point where you can think with your head and not your heart. Right now you are so overwhelmed with your emotions that its hard to make rational decisions. Cut contact with her and start to heal and you will see that your outlook will slowly begin to change. Good luck man, keep me posted...I hope you feel better... Link to comment
mk Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 What happen if she called? Any suggestions? 1) Stop the Txts and calling. I too txted way too much and it doesnt help anyone. She feels pressure, your desperatly holding on when you need to let go. She may come back, she may not, but you cant hold on for that and torture yourself like me. Delete her number from your phone and remove all traces of it from the house. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! Steve Link to comment
Heretic Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 If she calls just talk to her. No biggie. If she asks you to call her back then it's up to you. If you want to move on, don't call her back, if you're not ready and think there might be a chance do. It's really a case to case basis. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Hey Little Buddy....... Not trying to be mean, but you need to hear the truth.....what happened to you happenes to everybody at some given point in their life. Sounds to me you had some pretty serious plans (the problem is, the plans were in your head only and not hers) when you get jealous (it is a form of caring) but when you act on it.....well you look like a big stupid jerk, and it always scares the babes away, I hate when that happens....way far away....when they say they need space (what it really means) it's over, I want to date, or have found someone else. When they say they want to be friends....it means it is over.......so now for you my little friend...it is time for you to get on with your wonderful life. And even though it hurts "REAL BAD" right now it will get better. Here are some facts for you to think about......... It takes about 3 months to heal the emotional pain (so you will get through this) in three months you will hardly remember her name and less than 3% of people who break-up "EVER" get back together. And if I read your last reply, she is now sleeping around. Well that ought to speak for it'self. You had some good times, you had some great sex, you have the good memories....keep them...and now go make some new memories with someone new. She was not the love of your life...she was a girl you deeply cared for. So don't waste anymore time waiting for her....she has moved on and is not coming back.Now it is your turn to move on. You have a great future, you are still young. So "SLAP SLAP" Wake Up and dust yourself off and get back in the game. And get out there and find the love of your life....trust me...she was not it. Let it go....and leave her alone....No Contact with her anymore at all. It only keeps the hurt and wound open. And you need to heal. No "Magic Pill" It is time that is always the healer. And that is the chance you take when you love someone. that they might not love you back. And that is o.k. Because you tried. Don't brood my little buddy, the new love of your life might be just around the corner. So go find that new love of your life. Good Luck...and take care of just you right now !!!! Go get em !!!!! Kuhl Link to comment
kainashi Posted July 13, 2003 Author Share Posted July 13, 2003 btw, kuhl282000, she was the one that made the plans originally. she said she's into him and the guy is into her but he think's he's too old for her. he's 20, she's 17. she also said they're not "seeing eachother". now, for an update: we talked a couple of days ago. she said she was sorry for treating me like she did. she asked if i was depressed all of the time, i said "yes, whenever i think about you, get reminded of our relationship by something, etc.." and she said she was sorry. i asked "why?" and she said she felt bad about it. i asked her what made her feel bad all of the sudden and she said "nothing". the reason she was being mean to me was because i was being "annoying". i told her about the part in metallica "saint anger" that makes me cry, where the girl hands her boyfriend the necklace he got her and hugs him. he thinks about stuff then shoots something into his arm with a needle. she said she was sorry and that she would love to be friends with me but we talk online for now then if it works out, we can start seeing eachother offline but she doesn't know right now. thats about it. haven't talked to her since. she has a lot of stuff going on. next year, we're both seniors. she's taking two college classes after going to high school for the day. she's on the varsity dance team and on the school newspaper staff. she has a job, working most of the time. i don't know. *shrug* edit: i was thinking of making a mix cd to give to her before she goes on vacation. it has lovey dovey songs on it. i'm wondering if i should go through with it or not. she doesn't go on vacation for another 3 weeks, btw. Link to comment
broken2wice Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 I'm sorry to say this, but I think kuhl282000 is right on a lot of points. I know it's not what you want to hear and it might make you angry when you hear people tell you this, but it is true. I have had 2 relationships end in my lifetime (i'm 23) and both times it was because they needed space. That 'space' is really code for they want to meeet someone else. It sucks because it's so hard to think that the person you loved so much wanting to be with someone else, but somehow they are able to do it. When I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years everyone told me to move on and taht I shouldn't wait for her because she isnt going to change her mind. That was the LAST thing I wanted to hear and I would actually get pissed off at the people telling me that. I thought my situation was different and that after a few weeks she would realize that she is making a mistake and come back. Well, that never happened and it has been 2 months. I realize now that the people that were telling me to move on and forget about her were just trying to help me. I didn't want to believe them because giving up and moving on is the hardest thing to do in the world. My advice to you is to cut contact. Don't make her a cd for her vacation and don't call her. Let her know that you are trying to move on with your life and that you cannot wait around for her forever. You have definitely given her some time to think about things and she is still feeling the same way. Talking to her isnt going to help her decision and if you cut contact you can at least begin the healing process. It is really bad to let her string you a long like she has been. You must be strong. It sucks..but thats the only advice I can honestly give. Keep us posted...good luck Link to comment
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