Not sure how to feel..

[weatherbuff1]

Okay, So I dont know if this is even the right forum, but I figured this would probably be the right place.

 

I am 15, My brother will soon be 20, his girlfriend will soon be 19. My brother lives at home still. And is just starting some college courses, b.c he had planned on joining the marines but that fell through. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now, and My brother's Girlfriend is pregnant and Due in December. (I personally never liked the girl prior to all of this, but that is besides the point).

 

When the news broke, my parents were accepting. But her parents flipped. Especially her mother. Her mother instantly wanted to put the baby up for adoption as soon as she was born and that would be that. She is basically trying to erase this from her daughter's history. My brother however isnt as sure. And doesnt feel like on the inside he can accept letting his child go through that. He at the least is open to other ideas. And possibly trying out fatherhood before nessecarily signing the baby over for adoption. My parents are willing to support him no matter what, and will give him whatever support is nessecary.

 

It is almost assumed that despite His girlfriend's lack of commenting she will just sign her rights as a mother over, mostly because of her mother, I assume. They have already contacted an adoption agency, and are ready to begin looking at families. However, my brother isn't.

 

I personally disagree and feel like this isn't the greatest of descisions but I know that I agree with her mother. Feeling as if Adoption is the best answer. My parents said if adoption was the way my brother wanted they would prefer if they tried to make it more private. I personally feel as if this isn't the right choice. While my brother will have a steady job, and be able to get help finically from state funded daycare and such, I just feel as if adoption is the better answer, but have no voice to say it.

 

I am not sure If I am being greedy In feeling that well, if he keeps the baby it lives here and becomes a factor in my life. But the reality is i am affected by the descision either way. I want to support my brother but I just cant the way Im looking at it right now. I dont know IF i should voice my opinion or If im just feeling this knowing how it affects me. I do realize that in three years I can separate from all of this when I will graduate, but I want to try to be supportive and just don't know how else to look at it. Because the reality is, my brother is probably going to wind up being a single father.

 

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[DN]

In my opinion, he is going to be a father and can probably block the adoption iof he wishes. If he decides to face up to his responsibilty, you, as the baby's aunt, should put aside selfish issues and support him. The baby will be a member of your family just as much as you are.

[RayKay]

Well, it really is your brothers and his girlfriends decision. Yes it might mean it changes his life, and there would be a baby in the house...but people adapt.

 

Your brother in my eyes is doing the right thing in accepting the consequences of his actions and taking responsibility. Sure it will change his life, but it already HAS done so. Some people can give their babies up, others can't. I know people who have done both, and whats right for one is not for another.

 

And many single parents DO do right for their children, and raise them well, in a healthy environment, and do the best they can. Your brother is probably realizing this is not just a "baby"...its HIS child. In fact, it would be your nephew or niece. And he wants to be part of his childs life.

 

It's a tough situation, as your brother might not even have much choice in it...so I hope he can get himself a lawyer if this is what he wants to do. He might need it if the mother wants to give the baby up.

 

You don't have to agree with his decision, but I do hope you can support him...love the person, not always the actions

[melrich]

I just feel as if adoption is the better answer, but have no voice to say it.

 

I am not sure If I am being greedy In feeling that well, if he keeps the baby it lives here and becomes a factor in my life.

 

You have to support your brother's decision. Really there is no way your brother could give the baby up for adoption if he did not want to. Even parents who have wanted to put their children up for adoption often feel a sense of overwhelming loss for the rest of their lives.

 

Babys/kids are fantastic. They change your life in nearly all good ways. You will have a little nephew/neice who is going to be so close to his uncle (you) for the rest of your life.

 

If your brother decides that is the way he wants to go you have to give him your full support despite your misgivings. Trust me when I say to you the payoffs in the future will be great for you.

[Beec]

I think you just need to keep quiet and do what you can no matter what decision is made.

 

In a few years, you will love that child and want to see it, if he becomes a single father. His choice is hard enough as it is, don't make it harder. Help him out and support him, all that you can, and if you cannot, don't bring him down.

 

if you need to talk about it, talk to your parents, but not him.

[thegirl_00]

You can express your feelings to your brother if you want, but your opinion will not affect his decision. I'm sure he's worried about how this will affect the family, but his first priority is the child. No matter what his decision is, you'll have to accept it, if you like it or not.

[weatherbuff1]

I just want to be able to accept it instantly, and I guess that will only happen with time. Until then I'll love the person not the decision.

[DN]

Wait until you see the baby and realsie that you are his/her aunt. Bet you fall instantly in love.