Plz help... Dunno what to talk about, dunno who to talk to

[Stinkweed]

Well, I had to post this again, cause last time I did, I got no replies whatsoever, but here goes nothing I guess:

 

I'm lost. Ok, first of all, let me start by saying (for those who read my post yesterday) that yesterday I was just panicking, but today things happened (I finally ran into one of my best friends from last year, and we finally have the same lunch ). So, yeah, I'm finally feeling a lot better now. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm kinda lost... I mean, when it comes to talking to a girl... I have a hard time. I dunno what to talk about. I used to think I had it, but since it never works, I gotta go back to the drawing board. All I tried to do was ask questions, since ppl love to talk about themselves. Maybe that's not good enough, and if it isn't, then I'm screwed, cause that's as good as I get when talking to someone I don't really know... Anyway, give me tips, give me anything really. Cause I don't get as nervous anymore, I just have no clue what to talk about from scratch... I've tried talking about most of what I've read here (finding out which sport she's into, what likes to do for fun, what she thinks about certain stuff, etc), but up to know it hasn't worked well for me. Last time I did that, it was with a not-shy girl, and I gave up in like the first week, since I saw I was going nowhere + I don't think she was my type either really... I tried it once with a quiet girl, but besides being really hard to sustain a convo (and back then I got way more nervous to make things worse...), I thought it was working, and she even gave me her #, but it still didn't end well. I wasn't able to contact her, so I left a message with my number and maybe it was the message, or whatever, but she never talked to me again, blah blah.

 

Anyway, I had told myself I'd try to get a girl, cause it's senior year, and prom's a once in a lifetime deal... Now I'm not saying I'd try to get anyone as if I was desperate (cause I'm really not, if it wasn't for the prom deal... But I still got till like april...). And I don't wanna procrastinate this time... tomorrows the 4th day of school already, and I can't say I'm doing very well on this... I've tried, I've talked, but don't get past very trivial stuff. I don't have any ideas + I don't like very much the idea of me hitting on a girl in the middle of a classroom as everybody notices... There's gotta be some other way... Maybe after the class is already over, or right before it begins... I dunno... I know other environments (parties, etc. More relaxed environments... Btw, I was wondering where it'd be a good place to meet a librarian-type girl... Just to try once more, cause I like the idea of being more outgoing than the other party and having to push myself further... If not, that's ok) are way better... But I hardly get invited to any parties... I dunno. Tell me any suggestions, and I'll do it really. Getting nervous is not a big problem now... Thank you.

[annie24]

Hi - I'm sorry you didn't get any responses.

 

Ok - this year, you will join a school club. Debate team, book club, prom committee, french club, doesn't matter, anything. All these clubs will have cute, smart girls in them. Even if you're not into them, strike up conversations with them, for practice. Try to be their friend. I've met most of the guys I've dated because they were friends of friends. You never know - the girl that you chat may be a girl you're not attracted to and she may not be to you, but she may have a sister or a cousin or a friend she could introduce you to.

 

Go to a couple of different clubs and see which ones you like best. Then, immerse yourself in those. When you sign up, volunteer to help organize some events, or offer to do some minor errands for the club. For instance, they may need 2 people one weekend to drive out somewhere and pick something up. That would be a great opportunity for you to talk with your assigned partner. And, since you are in the club together, there are many natural conversations that you can have.

 

good luck

[Stinkweed]

well, thank you. I guess I gotta join some club anyway, cause I need community service hours. Thank you I can do that. Best wishes.

[AK823]

i think you're bein a little uptight. if u want to talk to chicks just relax. girls love guys who are confident. act natural. remember that "whats up" is not a conversation starter and that you dont have to worry about a prom date for april in august lol don't try to plan ahead too much

[DiscipleOfChange]

Let me begin by saying that I am no wooer of women and I too am trying to navigate the "conversational world"..

 

Here's the deal, since you're in high school, talk to girls before class starts and as it is ending. Always try to break the ice with something easy and common (keeping in mind that you're just having a conversation, not trying to court her) talk about something the teacher said or did in class, the subject material, something easy to get a conversation started. If it is a class where group work is done outside of class or it is an english class where peer review is encouraged, try that route. Once you get comfortable talking about common ground stuff (and it helps a whole lot to think about that stuff alone, planning ahead while trying to talk about common stuff will most likely not lbe a good thing. Talk with girls at lunch. At first, listen to what people are talking about. asking too many questions right off the start can be offputting, but do ask casual questions about interests, ask follow up questions to things they say, make them sincere follow up questions and listen CLOSELY. In later conversations, bring up stuff they told you before. I'm told that girls appreciate that because it shows you've been listening. Here's the thing, there isn't a playbook for this stuff, some people are (here's a term I just though of)..Natural Born Ladykillers and there are guys who are really smotth talkers, but there are also tons of people who have a hard time of it. And about trying to get a girl, trying won't make it any easier, however, actively NOT trying wont do you any good either. Be casual and cool about it and hey, maybe you wont get a girl in High School, trust me, Prom, though it may be a once in a lifetime experience, isn't something to get worked up over. I didnt go and I hear from a lot of people that did go that it wasn't the absolute best thing they've ever done in the entire lives. If there's a local coffe house where lots of kids hang out, that too may be a good place to talk casually.

 

Basically, Stay cool, start conversations about comfortable common things and listen to what they say.

 

hope my lengthy and somewhat rambly advice helps

 

~Mark

[Kaia]

All I tried to do was ask questions, since ppl love to talk about themselves. Maybe that's not good enough, and if it isn't, then I'm screwed, cause that's as good as I get when talking to someone I don't really know...

Asking question is good, but you should add in your own experience too, tell interesting stories. And add a question or two in between. Don't just bombard the girl with questions like an interview.

 

Edit: just follow what mark says in the above post. Sounds good to me!