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I'll get to the point here. I've been talking to a girl who lives a considerable amount of time away from me. First of all, I'd like to ask opinions concerning the factor of age difference. She's 18, and I'm 15. I'm more mature then most my age, so I'd say our maturity levels are, for the most part, on the same wavelength. Also, she doesn't really seem to think I'm very immature either.

I've known her -about- a month, maybe a bit longer. I really like her a lot. Sadly, I've recently changed schools, and quickly found that I'm not interested in -anyone- there. It's a small school of about 300 students, leaving me, SOL. Most girls aren't my type, I'm incredibly choosy/have really high standards. What's cool, is she feels exactly how I do.

We have a hell of a lot in common, regardless of the fact she's older then me. It's nice to talk with someone who I can relate with, because that often doesn't happen with the immature biches who surround me during a typical day. She's attractive, well, at least in my eyes. And it seems like she'd make a pretty good girl to go out with, even if it was long distance, because, after reading the next paragraph, you'll see that she'll be forced into a long distance relationship, even if she were to date her nieghbor.

She's leaving for the army in 20 days. This sucks massively for obvious reasons. After these said 20 days, she'll be gone for two monthes, in which time I won't be able to talk to her -at all-. Then, for seven monthes after that, I'll only be able to talk to her once a week. After that she'll be starting collage, and I'll be starting junior year in high school.

There's another complicating set of factors. I haven't the foggiest if she likes me or not. Of course I hope she does, but for some reason my mind tells me she doesn't. I think this has something to do with my self-esteem problem, so I don't consider myself to be the most reliable source of judgement She's said a few things, but I'm not sure if they could be constrewed as "hints". We've talked about relationships a few times, though, I have to initiate the conversation, which always regards others, and has never ventured so far as to go into the area of me and her. She's said a few things, "I don't like a lot of people" "I wish I could have a nice solid relationship, but most guys don't really like the idea of dating someone in the army", and various other things about not liking guys who are only in it for one night stands, and so on. She knows I'd like the same things as her, however, she has told me in the past that I shouldn't "tie myself down" in a relationship at 15, because she did it, and knows that I just shouldn't. She's also said things like how it depresses her that most relationships before the age of 22 don't really mean much. She's not too good at letting out her feelings, which really doesn't do well for me on the front of figuring out if she likes me, or is at least fond of my in some way, for that matter. She says she really doesn't like to get close to people because she doesn't like to be hurt, I could never live like this, but I like her a lot, and who knows, perhaps if she does like me, that could change. But with that statement, I'm getting way ahead of myself.

I'm very confused, I don't know if I should tell her I like her at all, and if I do tell her, when I should. Soon, or right before she leaves? After boot camp, where I'll only talk to her once a week? (I figure it may make things hard for her during basic training, I don't wanna effect anything, making it more difficult for her while she's already got a ton of things on her mind). I planned on telling her last night, but I got nervous, thanks to my incredible self-esteem. I got really nervous, a lot of things going through my mind. I'm sort of afraid of what I'd feel like if she doesn't like me, or if she thinks it's strange that I like her in the first place. What do you think about this? What should I say? When should I say it?

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Don't tell her. If she likes you or not all depends on how she feels. How you feel has nothing to do with it. Telling her only puts your feelings out there, and actually makes it less likely she will feel the same way. Just be yourself, act independent, but make her feel good.

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Don't tell her how you feel about her. There are no benefits to telling anyone how you feel about them.


Do you know how to read body language? When you see her, you will be able to tell how she feels about her without her saying a word to you. Do a search about the basics of body language and implement knowledge learned while with her. From there on, you can decide whether or not you want to make a move by judging her body language.

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My advice would be to stay in touch with this person and continue to be a good friend to her. I would look elsewhere for a gf though. She even said she wants a "nice solid relationship". How exactly can you be a part of that in your situation? You can tell her you like her and be honest. She probably has a crush on you too. But here is a chance to show that you are mature enough to realize that what is best for both of you right now is to pursue your individual goals. See if your friendship can survive through this physical separation before risking your heart.

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I think she likes you as a friend. Who knows, maybe she even fantasizes about you. But I don't think she considers you as a possible partner. She is confiding in you about her feelings, and at the same time she is giving you advice about relationships. This is a clear clue that you two connect, especially since she says that she does not like a lot of people.


But she also said that most relationships before the age of 22 don't really mean much. I am reading between the lines here that she is rather thinking about getting involved with someone older.


I don't agree with what chai714 said though:


There are no benefits to telling anyone how you feel about them.


Sure at the beginning you can try interpreting signs and reading body language, but that is what you are doing already. Eventually people need to talk to each other and bring things in the open. Especially when you do not have too much time left because she is leaving soon.


She seems to be very nice to you, so if you want to have more clarity about what is going on, drop her some clear hints like "I hope that I will find a gf like you", "I am going to miss you when you are gone", "Please don't change because I like you very much the way you are",...


And then the ball is in her camp!

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It's just very difficult. If she wasn't leaving so soon, I'd wait a while and talk to her, toss her a few hints, as you said, and see how she responds. However, when she's leaving in 16 days, things like that get difficult. If I ever were to tell her, I would -not- want it to be right before she leaves. That's just hard for her, even if she doesn't feel the same. As a matter of fact, I think I did tell her I was going to miss her once, and she said "i'm going to miss you too, but I'm going to have a lot on my mind". Or something to that effect. That's a hard thing to interpret, I think.

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Well, I was talking to her last night. I think it may have been the most natural, friendly conversation we've had. I'm really starting to think that she may like me. I mean, she mentioned going on a date with some other guy, but it was jokingly, and she made it clear that it wasn't even significant. I'm still confused about what to think. I think I'm going to let her know I like her, and to keep in touch while she's gone. >_


Edit: If I do tell her, I'm going to make it clear that I don't expect anything from it, and that what I'm telling her sounds exactly how it is, that I just like her and think she's a great girl.

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