High and Low

[YoungandDelirious]

I have been in a relationship which has been on a roller coaster. He is 31 and I am 29. We have decided to get married and set the date, but he never proposed me. When I asked him, he said that I am too demanding. Finally he agreed to give a ring but he hasnt gotten it. Wedding is in 4 mos.

 

We have set a date to get married and told our families to prepare but he doent want to talk about it. Each time we talk, it ends in an arugment. I try my best to steer away from controversial conversations but I dont know why it happeneds? He is very emotional about his mother. So far everything in terms of planning the wedding has been tied to his mother's wishes or intentions. I feel that I have no say in anything and he is not owning the decision or taking any leadership. There is no "us" in this relationship. Each time we talk about it, he yells at me or he hangs up the phone.

 

When its nice, I feel that he's the one but in times like this, I lose my heart.

 

Any help?

[RayKay]

Sorry hon, sounds like he is not as interested in marrying you, as you are.

 

I am not sure how he was when you first talked about it, but right now he is not giving good vibes.

 

If there is no "us" now, there won't be an "us" after marriage either - marriage does not fix problems that are already there. You should not be walking on eggshells - part of a relationship is being able to communicate, even if there are disagreements, and coming up with solutions. And being able to be yourself.

 

Oh, and be careful of a full grown man who cannot make decisions without his mom.

 

 

Maybe post this in the thread at the top on Pre-Engagement Limbo, seems to fit since it does not even seem you are "officially engaged".

[DN]

Tell him that you want to book the church and the reception hall, they have a vacancy for May 6th next year and need a deposit, you have asked your best friend to be Maid of Honour and have picked out the dress you want. Ask him if he wants to pick his own tuxedo or does he need your input.

 

Do this matter-of-fatly, as if it is a given that you are getting married. Then see what he says. Anything other than agreement - he's gone.

[smallworld]

Young, planning a wedding is like hazing for engaged couples. If you can survive that intact as a couple (despite outrageous costs, problems with in-laws, and last minute disasters), then you'll have a very good idea of how you'll both handle life problems after you say "I do." The fact that he's never proposed and finds you "too demanding" when you try to talk to him about it, tells me that he's not ready to be married and that you both need to postpone the big day in favor of some brutally honest conversation. Actually postponing might be the very thing, that makes him feel "safe" enough to talk about what's really bothering him. Good luck!

[Denisa]

Hi

I can understand it must be quite upsetting for you. Wedding is supposed to be the biggest and happiest day of you life. You should enjoy going round and choosing things yourself - or with him, and his mother should step back a bit. And he needs to tell her!

Did you try to sit down with him and talk about it? I mean, without shouting and screaming at each other.

Sorry to say, but it looks like he doesn't really want to get married, as if he meant it from the heart he would've bought you a ring by now and wouldn't mess about.

I think you really need to talk. If you can't talk now, then what will happen in 10 years time?

Good luck babe