Soul Mate & Santa Claus

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Soul Mate... A mate for your soul?

Someone you were meant to be with?

The One?

I personally don't believe in the soul. But I'm not writing this to quibble about metaphysics and spirituality.

This ain't about religion and marriage either.

But soul mate ... along with the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, is a figment of the imagination, the mechanics of early infatuation, and the propaganda of a commercialized marketplace that specializes in fantasies of making your dreams come true.

You see a romantic partner is supposed to compliment your life -- not complete it.

They're your friend (snooze)

Your confident. (snore)

And a regular supply of sex (hey-hey).

The evolution of romance is a a good thing. Ovid, Petrarch, Shakespeare -- and even the hedonistic libertines Byron, Shelly, and Cassonova -- entrenched firm ideas of the importance of liasons between lovers.

Eventually, (I reckon around the time Hollywood/TV was fully entrenched in our minds and trashy novels and Valentine's Day had become big business) some of us got the notion that evolution is a farce and there is only one perfect person out there for all of us.

Perfection doesn't have any meaning. It's somatic garbage.

It's my least favorite word.

Perhaps the most destructive word in the English language.

I consider soul mate one of its many offspring.

And of all of perfection's children, soul mate disturbs me the worst.

It's suggested meaning is symbiotic.

Codependent.

And discourages us from catching the real potential in people we encounter everyday.

If you still haven't found your better half perhaps it isn't a soul mate you need but instead more self-esteem.

The western world craves the needy. It indulges on our insecurities.

It likes it when we become imprisoned by our own fantasies.

Why? Because there's always a market for it.

And by becoming estranged you limit yourself from the possibility of more permanent, realistic, and positive experiences.

You don't need to find yourself a soul mate.

Flexibility, compromise, communication, a developed personality, self-esteem and strong dedication. Learn these things. Or if you already have them then make them stronger in yourself.

Then find a partner who feels the same way with these same values and together you can build yourself a more powerful relationship.

Finally, appreciate the presense of someone who is an honest and dedicated lover. Those egregious habits might day to day grate on your nerves but if you can appreciate them as a part of the whole, even if they aren't always endearing, you might actually find them a blessing.

After all, look around you. Life isn't about what you deserve. It's about chance. Once you learn that you might just learn to love what you already have or can have -- and then congratulations, you're all grown up now.

[ShySoul]

One question: Are you saying Santa doesn't exist? Cause if he doesn't, who was that with the raindeer on my roof last December? And why did he ask to make a long distance call to the North Pole? (the Ms. tends to be overprotective )

 

A soulmate is someone who completes us or gives are life meaning. I don't see it as someone who gives us something we are lacking, but rather someone who brings out the best in us... takes the strength we already have inside us and encourages us to use that strength, even when we feel like we can't go on anymore. Yes, people in our everyday life can do that, but not to the extent that our soulmate can. A soulmate, or soul companion as I prefer, is someone who instinctively understands us on a deeper level, who can read into our thoughts and feelings at times that others are unable to. We can share ourselves with them to a higher degree than we are comfortable sharing ourselves with others. A soulmate gives that added encouragement and esteem when we feel we are at the end of our ropes.

 

Flexibility, compromise, communication, personality, self esteem, dedication.... your describing what it takes to make a relationship work. And when we find our soulmates, they will share these qualities with us. The key isn't to not believe in soulmates or think they don't exist. Believing that is a great thing and can get you through the tough times. The important thing is to not search for your soulmate, let it get you depressed, or get this image of who he or she is. Your soulmate can enter your life at anytime. Be open to it. Chances are you will make up one day with someone you love tremendously, and just realize that your soulmate is right there.

[brando]

Napoleon,

you raised some interesting points. Soulmate, im not sure what it means if it exists, sounds like bs to me. I have met a few people who broke up their marriages and families because they felt they met their soulmate, and only later to be broken up with them. Was that their soulmate, probably not.

 

I think the concept of a soulmate keeps all of us out their looking and hoping to find the one we are most compatiable with. With less effort, and work to make a relationship strong, healthy and loving. ( i dont believe this.) So natural to be together that what else could it be but a soulmate. I havent seen to many relationships like this. In fact i never hear anyone introduce me to thwir spouse or significant other as their soul mate.. that description is never used. On would think that if they found this soulmate one would broadcast it everywhere and with everyone they met.

 

I think it also has to do with God Will for us. If one believes that our lives are predetermined by God, then the soulmate concept fits nicely here as well. How could mortal men and women come to such a junction out the help of heaven above???

 

Shysoul you raised some interesting points as well, especially about looking for your soulmate..i dont think it is something we can seek out to find. But also all the things you claim a soulmate is responsible for can be found within ourselves and among the friends we surround ourselves with.

 

Listen, i was with a woman for ten years and married for three, now divorced. Was she my soulmate, dont think so, because we were divorced, no. Am i bitter, no. I told my ex in the middle of our divorce that i was greatful to her for marrying me, for a moment in her life she felt she could spend her life with me, what greater gift is that.

 

I guess we should all be greatful everyday for those who love us. Try to keep the relationship real, and try not to make it anymore tan what it actually is. THis is when we get ourselves in trouble. This is when relationships soon fall apart. To try and make someone more than they are will never work (soulmate). If they treat us well, and have love, respect and compassion for us, then we have it pretty good. No ned to coin them our soulmate.

 

I could be wrong, but this is what i believe. Thanks for sharing your points of view.

 

be well,

Brando

[darkblue]

After all, look around you. Life isn't about what you deserve. It's about chance

 

Sums it up pretty well.

[HajiMaji]

You don't need to find yourself a soul mate.

Flexibility, compromise, communication, a developed personality, self-esteem and strong dedication. Learn these things. Or if you already have them then make them stronger in yourself.

Then find a partner who feels the same way with these same values and together you can build yourself a more powerful relationship.

Finally, appreciate the presense of someone who is an honest and dedicated lover. Those egregious habits might day to day grate on your nerves but if you can appreciate them as a part of the whole, even if they aren't always endearing, you might actually find them a blessing.

After all, look around you. Life isn't about what you deserve. It's about chance. Once you learn that you might just learn to love what you already have or can have -- and then congratulations, you're all grown up now.

 

This is it right here. This is what makes relationships work. If two people can take that attitude towards each other then the relationship will be very healthy. I wonder if they would feel like each other's soulmates? I think that I would!

 

Finding someone who does all that stuff you wrote about seems just as hard as finding your 'soul mate' though. But hey, Ill keep looking.

[chai714]

People are whoever you perceive them to be. This may sound too simple, but think about it.

[ShySoul]

But also all the things you claim a soulmate is responsible for can be found within ourselves and among the friends we surround ourselves with.

 

Soulmates aren't a fulling of ourselves so much as an extension of ourselves. Yes, we can find it in ourselves and in friends. But there are some things that we aren't comfortable with sharing with even the closest friends. There are times when we don't feel we have the strength to do something. That's where a soulmate comes in. If I remember correctly, Plato mentioned that love helps to "flutter our wings." A soulmate is someone who understands us deeper then friends and gives us the strength when we feel weak and can't handle things. When we are with them, we believe we can fly and do anything. That's not a feeling you get just from friends.

 

Listen, i was with a woman for ten years and married for three, now divorced. Was she my soulmate, dont think so, because we were divorced, no.

 

What makes it so hard to believe in soulmates is all the false alarms. It can become easy to believe you found the person, but for some reason things don't work out. But that doesn't mean they don't exist, it just means you'll have longer before you find him or her. Your right to be happy for the time you had with her. Appreciate what you have now. Appreciate the moments, cause in the end thats all we've got.

 

Think about this. If next week you meet a wondeful girl, fall in love, marry, and stay together for the next 40 years until one of you unfortunately passes away.... would you be so quick to say soulmates don't exist? Or would you be more likely to change your mind and say that you have found her? We can't predict what will happen. Which is why its important to have faith. I can't speak of a soulmate yet, but I know that at the beginning of the year I had pretty much given up hope of finding any girl who would like me. That was exactly when girls started to like me, and when I found one who I care deeply for and who inspires me like no one else. Is she my soulmate? I don't know. But its renewed my faith that they exist.

[brando]

Shy soul,

 

thats a good question, and i have thought about that before this topic. Maybe a soulmate is something you discover on the backend of a relationship and not the frontend.

 

I am happy for you and your new gf, i think it is great you found some one who enflames your soul... (no pun intended)

 

And your right, sometimes you have to just pack everything in and completely surrender in life before anything ever changes. By simply not carng about the outcomes, do we sometimes gain the freedom we need to live our lives happily.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

This is precisely what I had hoped to stir up. Debate. Discussion. Disagreement with my own views. It is how the enlightened mind learns.

Chai I disagree by the way. And I think false perceptions destroy a lot of relationships.

[chai714]

When someone perceives someone to be for example, their "soulmate," they tend to believe it. Why? Because it's what makes sense to them - they can come to an understanding as to why they are with that person. Since all humans want to make sense of every person or event in their life, they justify it with reasons that make sense to them. Making sense of their own lifes makes them feel good about whatever situation and thereforeeee is how they perceive it. Thus, their perception is the truth to them but others may or may not agree with.

[brando]

I think Chai makes a valid point. It doesnt matter if later our perception proves to be distorted. People do believe what they need to to get on in life. Regardless of what others think.