Going from just a friend to more: How to

[SkyFire]

Ah, yes. Every guy's been in this situation.

 

You are crazy for a girl that only sees you as a friend. Or you fall for a friend. Whatever.

 

There IS a way of going from friends to more. Ive done it before, it CAN work.

 

Lets begin:

 

First of all, ask yourself honestly: is this girl turned on by you? Does she seem really hyper around you? Does she touch you and flirt with you? Is she always able to make time so the two of you can hang out?

 

Theres one of two things that happen now:

 

First, you are 100 % sure she is interested. I mean, 100 %. If there is even the slightest doubt, then keep reading. If not, you go take her out on a date, and you kiss her.

 

If there is doubt in you, a feeling in your stomach, then keep reading. She only sees you as a "friend", someone who she isnt interested sexually in.

 

You now have a goal. The goal is to get the girl. It is possible, but it will require you to put in alot of time and work. But in the end you will be satisfied. Because the way this works, if done right, you will still be happy in the end. Trust me on this, you will see why later on.

 

Now..

 

Time to forget about the girl, for now. Dont talk to her as much as you used to, if you do, keep the convo short and simple. Hang out with her alot less. This is done to take your mind off the girl. You need to get rid of the "crush" state of mind, because the emotions will only mess with your head. Every time you see the girl, your feelings for her will soar up even higher, and you will always be thinking "does she like me?".

 

When you DO hang out, make sure it has action, like go carting and rock climbing, NO DINNER AND MOVIE!

 

When hanging out, dont agree with everything she says. Just have some fun. Talk about sex and sexual things. Big one. Ask her questions about it, ect. Not too much though. Playfully push her, tickle her, ect. Have FUN. Try to avoid sitting down and having long talks with her, ect. Still, you should be aloof with her. Dont spend alot of time with her , maybe about 2-3 times a month. The focus is on your life now.

 

Now, the hard part. You must change your life. Write down all of your traits, physical and personality. Now, another list, write down what you WANT to be.

 

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Read up on my threads and become the person you want to be. Start wearing nicer clothes, get your hair fixed, hit the gym, get rid of your shyness, whatever. Learn things you have always wanted to learn. Scuba diving, skateboarding, guitar, whatever. Make more friends. Be friendly with everyone.

 

Meet other girls. Big one. You should be talking to girls, getting numbers, getting busy. This is a big one. This is done, once again, to get the mind off your friend who you are crushing on.

 

This is really hard to do. You MUST put in 100 % or you WONT succeed. I MEAN it.

 

When you begin to change, she will notice. Others will notice too. She will wonder, what is happening to you? She will also see other girls taking interest in you, whch is a big plus.

 

By now, you should be so busy with things that you wont have time to think about the girl.

 

After about 2 months.. or less.. however long it may take.. you will see signs of interest from her. She will probably start touching you more, holding hands (big one), cuddling with you, have more energy around you, ect.

 

Now's the time to make the move. Invite her to do something REALLY fun, or if you feel it's right, even invite her to your place for a movie.

 

That is when you kiss her. You DO NOT TELL HER YOU SEE HER MORE THEN A FRIEND, YOU DONT WRITE HER A LETTER, NO.

 

When youre hugging her, look into her eyes. Right when youre about to kiss her. If she gives you the eyes, thats it, go for the kiss. Slow, passionate kiss.

 

From there on, its up to you.

 

At the end, know this. THIS WILL NOT WORK 100 % OF THE TIME! Some girls will never see you more than a friend. But even if you get rejected, you now have a life, other girls who like you, and things are better.

 

Good luck.

[darkblue]

Wonderful step by step guide to potentially wreck friendships...

 

Incase you didn't notice; I do not agree.

[Beec]

I have not disected the first post, but foir the most part it's right. Nice.

[eviljedi]

Good Advice 8)

[SkyFire]

It is NOT game playing. You take time off the girl, because once you start talking to her again, your feelings for her soar up once again. It makes the whole thing harder. The emotions mess with your head.

 

I didnt say you should change your clothes and hair and then bam, presto. Changing the clothes and the hair will make you look better. That'll make you more confident.

 

There's nothing wrong with change, as long as youre happy with it. Change is evolution, change is the reason life still exists.

 

Again.. with the game playing. It is not game playing. Your goal is to get your mind off the girl, to get rid of the "crush" on her when you think about her all day long.

 

Please explain to me how shyness is a good trait to have. What do you get out of it? You meet less people. You have less fun. Less CONFIDENCE. Shyness means insecurity, straight up.

 

This works for the long run. Even if you dont get the girl, you have already imroved your life. If you do, then you wont even NEED the girl.

[Beec]

Play the game, play the game, play the game.

 

Do it in a loving manner, but dol it. We all need some tension in our relationships.

[SkyFire]

Nothing is changed. I fail to provide the reason why those things should be done. I will do so.

 

Alot of confident people are nice people too. Being Giving, is good up to a point. When you completely abandon yourself and take care of others' needs, is not good. NICENESS, up to a point, IS a good trait to have. Shyness, though, is NOT a good trait to have.

[eviljedi]

How many shy people do you know that are jerks?

 

I've met a few shy people who seem nice at first but then turn out to be jerks; they are just too shy to show their true self.

 

As for the people saying that SkyFire was telling people to play games. That's nonsense; he was just saying get a life and stop thinking about this girl all the time. If she sees how happy you are on your own, then she will want to be with you.

[lifeiscash]

Personally I don't see the point of trying to change a girl's mind when she just considers you as friends. First it's a big waste of time and second you will get your pride crushed if it fails. It's so much easier to just GO meet other women and try to find something new, rather then work on something that requires too much effort. And this way you won't ruin a friendship either.

[Beec]

Just because you appear to be a little arrogant, that does not mean you cannot be truly nice. Just because you are shy, does not mean you are not a jerk. A little arrogance tempered with a sense of humor allows on to appear aloof, and that is good with when beginning relationships.

 

And lifeiscash, why wouldn't it be enough to do it jsut because you wanted her? If she is good as a friend, why wouldn't she be good as a lover, girlfriend or wife?

[lifeiscash]

Beec wrote

 

And lifeiscash, why wouldn't it be enough to do it jsut because you wanted her? If she is good as a friend, why wouldn't she be good as a lover, girlfriend or wife?

 

Let me re-phase my postion of where I'm coming from. First I want to say that relationships can be very fulfilling if they are based on "friendship" basis and good expectations can be brought out of that particular situations, but it is not always so. It is a chance that one is to take to ensure if it could in fact work or ruin a friendship altogether in the process.

 

At my age and what I have experienced is that women that place certain guys in "friend" catergories are there for a particular reason. In other words they don't have any "sexual" attraction towards them (unless they are into the friends with benefits idea), but hardly ever turn into anything more unless taking that chance and maybe ruining a friendship altogether. When a guy is placed in a "friend" category it is VERY hard to get out of it. In fact the chances are so against you for it to work out that I believe it is not even worth the risk. I believe that the guy's best deal is to go out and meet new girls and use his energy in this matter rather than trying to PERSUADE a friend that you are worthy. You would save alot of time and misery in the process if you fail, but you could succeed and have something very vailable in life.. however the odds favor it not succeeding.

 

Yes I can reason that I am speaking on terms of more of a college idea, and that it isn't as a mature perception as the older generation will believe. But as for people my age, women often place the "nice guy" = friend basis together, and it takes to much effort to be recognized different then just a friend.

[melrich]

When a guy is placed in a "friend" category it is VERY hard to get out of it. In fact the chances are so against you for it to work out that I believe it is not even worth the risk.

 

This is not my experience. I have 6 really good friends who are now all happily married to people they knew as friends before they got into a relationship with them.

[lifeiscash]

This is not my experience. I have 6 really good friends who are now all happily married to people they knew as friends before they got into a relationship with them.

 

I think maturity has alot to do with "friendship" relationships that lead to marriage, women tend to need that security and dependency knowing that they have someone there always and can form a successful relationship based on friendship and trustworthiness.

 

But before women reach that mindset, they tend to go after the unpredictable, guys they can't control, and get into a rebellious type nature. Thus leading to my theory on how the "friend" nature tends to be in the predictable and secondary ideal. And thus is often not as attractable as the other.

[SkyFire]

My age has little to do with it.

 

Arrogance isnt wrong, as long as its for the right reason.

 

Now you have changed what you're saying.

 

This is what you said: "shyness is a not a bad trait to have" because "after women have dealt with enough arrogant guys, some shyness is refreshing to see". Basically, that means shy guys are there for when women get tired of the jerks and guys who play them, and settle down for the shy guy who will worship them. Ha.

 

That, however, doesent make shyness a bad trait. Shyness is a bad trait because it is an insecurity.

[lifeiscash]

I want to comment on something about women in general that Monetlisa brought to my attention. When it comes to attraction of any type of girl.. you need to realize that men and women think complete opposite. Men think through their logic and most cases woman think through their emotions. For example, when women watch a movie they notice the details, the weather, what she is wearing, the romance, the DRAMA. We men notice logical ways such as "is he going to score", battle scenes, action, etc.

 

Now you notice that woman think in a way that they tend to look for suspense and drama. This can be used in life as well. At my age, drama is all around me when it comes to women... and why is this?? Well, women tend to think through their emotions and DRAMA and CONFLICT rushes with their emotions.. get it??

 

Now when you "play games" with women, mostly at my age.. what exactly does that do?? It creates Tension, it creates Drama, and it creates Conflict.. exactly how a part of a woman thinks. When you play games with a woman it adds that suspense unless these games are downright horrible and can hurt her badly. But my point is, is that if you did not play games with women, they would get bored and quickly lose interest. And im not talking about games like cheating on her and all that. I'm saying games that add suspense and brings that through her emotions.. this is why I think guy's should play games, but only to an extent.

[Hephaestus]

I don't actually think there is a 'plan' that will sucessfully convert a friend to a lover.

 

If there's something there to begin with, there is always hope. I would probably say it would probably be something that only you can offer her. Something that would make her stare into space and ask herself why can't all guys be like that. Once you get to know the girl, you'll know what that something is.

 

Every woman friend that had expressed an interest in me did so usually after I had given up any hope for anything more. This can be thought to mean that women are attracted to men who they can't have. I have problems with this line of thought, so I stopped and analysed my behavior before and after.

 

What I was able to determine was that after I had given up hope, I was relaxed and didn't really care if the woman liked me or not. I tended to tease them and can call them on their mistakes. I was more honest and generally had fun when I was with them. In turn, I was more fun to be around.

 

I have, however, never treated male friends and female friends the same. This just happens to do with how I was raised. For me, it doesn't matter if she's your girlfriend or not. You always open doors for girls and try to be polite in their presense. This means no crude jokes, farting, belching or sexual comments.

[Beec]

At my age and what I have experienced is that women that place certain guys in "friend" catergories are there for a particular reason. In other words they don't have any "sexual" attraction towards them (unless they are into the friends with benefits idea), but hardly ever turn into anything more unless taking that chance and maybe ruining a friendship altogether. When a guy is placed in a "friend" category it is VERY hard to get out of it. In fact the chances are so against you for it to work out that I believe it is not even worth the risk.

 

So why does a guy get put in this category? Why does he have no sex appeal? Well, contrary to monetlesa's thoughts, it is usually because he is not confident, not sexually aware, and does not exude any animal instinct, and with regard to how he treats the woman who thinks of him as only a friend, he is basically a wuss.

 

Why does the bad boy who is c0cky always go home with a girl, while the nice guy goes home with himself?

[Beec]

You should be a decent guy. Energy does get the woman, at first. But it won't keep her. Still you need to get her to keep her.

 

And if you've ever known the guy with the brash, fun, slightly arrogant exterior, who is really a great guy inside, and seen how successful he is with women, then you'd know.

 

At the same time, think about the woman is just nice, sweet, shy, etc. and gives you everything you want. Guys usually dump her fairly quickly too.

 

It works both ways.

[Beec]

I think I remember that guy. The one with a few kids, who was busy and travelled all the time.

 

Well, if I remember correctly, he pushed for what he wanted and you gave. Very similar to the guy who gives a woman whatever she wants from the get go, or at anytime for that matter.

 

Do you recall the lines about needing to give someone emotional fulfillment without losing your independence. How much independence does a pushover really have? Not much in my thinking.

 

The woman that is a smart*** when you talk to her is doing the same thing as the guy who shows a little arrogance, telling the person that they are talkign with that they don't need them, i.e. showing independence.

[jillybean]

feeling needed is nice.

but don't go for needy people intentionally.

it's bad enough finding them by accident!

you can feel like you have the upper hand, you can feel confident and secure... but needy people, with time, become more and more reliant on you. and eventually become clingy, and suffocating.

 

anyway... i just joined this site today... i was looking for help and running out of places to go... so came online for the first time in AGES.

i'm attempting to get over a crush... a friend, a BEST friend... but then i saw the title of this discussion and... it was too tempting.

 

the original post was.... not very comforting. great advice, but wouldn't help the particular situation i'm in. maybe a little but... not a lot.

the debate was interesting as hell though...

but still... little help...

i haven't been able to piece together any sort of plot to getting him..

 

i've liked him since... february i guess.

and that's when i first told him!

it was 2 weeks after breaking up with my last real boyfriend.. and my feelings for the guy were quite new. and i'd never been anything but 100% honest all the time we'd been friends, so i came clean.

and... he laughed at me!

i couldn't believe it.

then he explained - told me it was just that i was apparently "on the rebound". he said by tomorrow i'd've forgotten all about it.

he also said.. he'd thought about me in that way before.

 

but by "tomorrow" HE'D forgotten all about it. i guess he assumed he'd been right. he never mentioned it again.

 

what did he mean he'd thought about it before? what'd put him off then? what happened?? why didn't he say anything? what did i do wrong? did he label me as a "friend", rubber-stamping it as permanent??

(guys can do that too!)

 

i know he finds me attractive.. he's said so. but in a way that had about as much interest behind it as it does when my GIRLfriends say i look good.

 

i may not be as confident as i lead people to believe, but i know i'm not ugly, and i have a life. and plenty of offers from other guys, but i never want relationships..

i'll see a guy once... twice maybe.. then never wanna hear from him again.

or a cute guy'll ask for my number, and i'll give it to him, then ignore his calls or messages. it's weird.

 

this guy.. he's younger than me. just a little. but he's.. well he's just great. i never clicked with anyone like i did with him. not any guys anyway. i've gotten as close to him as to any of my other friends. he's always there for me when i need him, he looks out for me.. he's reliable, sweet, loyal, trustworthy and funny and he'd do anything i asked of him and i'd do anything for him.

ever since we first started being friends we've jokingly flirted with each other. never meant a thing. and it's lucky cos rather than having to supress my natural must-flirt instinct, there's hardly a change at all.

except that i have very different thoughts in my head when he blows a kiss at me or picks me up or play-wrestles me than i used to..

 

i'm in limbo! the only way to kill a crush is to cut contact, right? but he's too good a friend to lose!

i could tell him how i feel, but last time i was very very lucky not to completely destroy my most valuable friendship, and lightning doesn't strike twice - it won't happen that way again. it won't just be forgotten about!

i'll lose him.

either way.

 

it kills me being so dishonest with him.

i haven't been telling him much recently.. it's gotten too hard. because whenever i call him or meet up with him alone, he talks about his.. problem...

you'll never guess what it is..

a persistent, all-consuming crush on ANOTHER female friend of his. the lovely sarah. ha!

and, seeing as he's my best friend,

i sit.

i listen.

i "mm" and "ah" and nod and sigh in all the right places..

i tell him i know EXACTLY how he feels.. advise him as best i can. i'm there for him like i've always been.

and it's about as much fun as having needles pushed up under my toenails.

 

so what do i do? continue living like i have for the past 6 months, being miserable and hoping it'll go away?

go for it? again.. and hope at the very least that when he gets over sarah he might think about me..?

or... ditch him?

 

if anyone has any ideas, or has ever come out of a similar situation alive, i'd love to hear it..

[SkyFire]

The original post was intended for guys, from a guy's point of view.

[jillybean]

yeah...? i realise that, but i don't see how it would be any different either way. and it sounds like it'd work just as well.

[ShySoul]

Don't follow the original post, its a recipe for disaster. You want to attract a girl? Do the opposite.

 

First, your goal is not to get the girl. She is not a prize to be won or a mission objective. Instead your goal is to simple be you and be her friend. The qualitites that make you a friend are the qualitites that will ultimately attract her to you should things be meant to be. And what qualities do we all want in a friend? Someone who is nice, considerate, thoughtful, respectful, and decent. Someone who doesn't play games with us, isn't arrogant, brash, selfish, etc. Having fun is important, but you do that by what you do together, not in acting a certain way. You do things the two of you enjoy, she will have fun because you are friends.

 

Time to forget about the girl, for now. Dont talk to her as much as you used to, if you do, keep the convo short and simple. Hang out with her alot less. This is done to take your mind off the girl. You need to get rid of the "crush" state of mind, because the emotions will only mess with your head. Every time you see the girl, your feelings for her will soar up even higher, and you will always be thinking "does she like me?".

 

How does acting like you are too busy to be her friend, going to want her to be more then friends? Odds are more likely that she will meet someone else who does spend time with her, and fall for him. You will not only hurt any chance at a relationship, you'll cause tension to the friendship. And if you really have a crush on her, then you will most likely still be thinking of her even if shes not around. You will want to be around her and miss just the sight of her or the sound of her voice. You'll be wondering what she is doing right now and if she thinks of you.

 

When you DO hang out, make sure it has action, like go carting and rock climbing, NO DINNER AND MOVIE!

 

Any activity works so long as you have a good time. Go to dinner, theres nothing else to do but eat and talk. Given that you pretty much have to talk, you can get on very interesting conversion learning more and more about each other. This draws you closer to the point where she feels like she can trust you with anything. That's a step away from her seeing that she can share her heart with you, and when you get that deep feelings developing can occur quite easily. Plus you learn tidbits about her that you can use to do something later that makes her feel special.

 

When hanging out, dont agree with everything she says. Just have some fun. Talk about sex and sexual things. Big one. Ask her questions about it, ect. Not too much though. Playfully push her, tickle her, ect. Have FUN. Try to avoid sitting down and having long talks with her, ect. Still, you should be aloof with her. Dont spend alot of time with her , maybe about 2-3 times a month. The focus is on your life now.

 

Now, I've found that the fact that I don't talk about sexual things actually turns girls on more. I've had them say to me that most guys will bring up sex and that makes them question the guys intentions. But in me not saying it and focusing on other things, it shows that they don't have to worry about me. That in turn has made them see me in more of a physical/sexual manner.

 

Agree with what she says if you agree with what she says. If you don't agree, politely say so. But don't get into long drawn out debates over sill issues. Guys tend to want to outdo each other, girls don't appreciate that generally. If the two of you like long talks, then have long talks. Don't be aloof, it tells her you are not interested and she won't bother giving you a true cause she figures your not interested. Focus on your life, but don't limit how many times you can see her. That's silly.

 

Read up on my threads and become the person you want to be. Start wearing nicer clothes, get your hair fixed, hit the gym, get rid of your shyness, whatever. Learn things you have always wanted to learn. Scuba diving, skateboarding, guitar, whatever. Make more friends. Be friendly with everyone.

 

Clothes, hair, hitting the gym.... none of that will really make you the person you want to be. They are superficial and don't matter. True growth is within. Yes, do things you enjoy. Don't focus on making friends, that will happen naturally if its meant to. Go about being who you are. And don't do any of this because you want to change or improve yourself. Do it because you enjoy it. You don't need to change anything, your already a great person. When you see that, you'll already have improved your state and any change will come naturally without you even being aware.

 

Meet other girls. Big one. You should be talking to girls, getting numbers, getting busy. This is a big one. This is done, once again, to get the mind off your friend who you are crushing on.

 

Don't try to meet girls just to take your mind off another girl. That is unfair to the other girls you meet. They are rebounds, just someone to keep you busy. They deserve more respect then that. Don't think about meeting girls, just live your life. If you meet someone naturally, fine. If not, fine. But don't worry about it.

 

After about 2 months.. or less.. however long it may take.. you will see signs of interest from her. She will probably start touching you more, holding hands (big one), cuddling with you, have more energy around you, ect.

 

Or she will start ignoring you and hanging out with friends who actually have time for her.

 

That is when you kiss her. You DO NOT TELL HER YOU SEE HER MORE THEN A FRIEND, YOU DONT WRITE HER A LETTER, NO.

 

So after months of limiting your contact and talking to other girls, your just going to kiss her out of no where? And you really think this works?

[SkyFire]

First, your goal is not to get the girl. She is not a prize to be won or a mission objective. Instead your goal is to simple be you and be her friend. The qualitites that make you a friend are the qualitites that will ultimately attract her to you should things be meant to be. And what qualities do we all want in a friend? Someone who is nice, considerate, thoughtful, respectful, and decent. Someone who doesn't play games with us, isn't arrogant, brash, selfish, etc.

 

If you fall for a girl, you will NEVER be satisfied with being just a friend. Sure you can make yourself think so, but in the end you will always end up wanting more. How would acting like a friend attract her to you? This post is for people who want MORE THEN FRIENDS!

 

How does acting like you are too busy to be her friend, going to want her to be more then friends? Odds are more likely that she will meet someone else who does spend time with her, and fall for him. You will not only hurt any chance at a relationship, you'll cause tension to the friendship. And if you really have a crush on her, then you will most likely still be thinking of her even if shes not around. You will want to be around her and miss just the sight of her or the sound of her voice. You'll be wondering what she is doing right now and if she thinks of you.

 

I never said act busy. You should always BE busy. If she sees that you have other things to do and hang out with her less, she will value her time with you more. Also THAT is why fun and action is more important. She will see how much fun you guys have, and will miss you more.

 

This draws you closer to the point where she feels like she can trust you with anything.

 

Since you two are already friends, what is the point of this? As a friend, she should already trust you.

 

Now, I've found that the fact that I don't talk about sexual things actually turns girls on more. I've had them say to me that most guys will bring up sex and that makes them question the guys intentions.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting sex. But alot of guys arent comfortable about it. They think it's wrong and it will turn girls off. If youre desparate about it, yes then it will. But since youre friends with a girl, you should be comfortable in talking about sex and sexual stuff.

 

Focus on your life, but don't limit how many times you can see her. That's silly.

 

People tend to want what they can't have.

 

Clothes, hair, hitting the gym.... none of that will really make you the person you want to be. They are superficial and don't matter. True growth is within. Yes, do things you enjoy. Don't focus on making friends, that will happen naturally if its meant to. Go about being who you are. And don't do any of this because you want to change or improve yourself. Do it because you enjoy it. You don't need to change anything, your already a great person. When you see that, you'll already have improved your state and any change will come naturally without you even being aware.

 

If you are a great person, you deserve to look good. Clothes tell how much you value yourself. Going to the gym will get you in better shape and raise confidence alot. If you have no friends, you should always strive to make new ones.

 

Who said self improvement is always enjoyable? It scared the living **** out of me approaching a girl for the first time. So did dropping my old friends who I wanted nothing to do with and making ones who respected me and actually enjoyed my company. There is no enjoyment, at first. But once you get around to doing it, you will feel ALOT better.

 

"Ment to be"? Are you sure about this? Are you willing to stay passive because you believe things were "ment to be"? Or do you want to DO something about it?

 

There's nothing wrong with change. You should always be improving. Becoming a better person. Seeing that you're "already a great person" is a self delusion. It will make you feel better, but only so much. You need to strive to BE a great person instead of thinking you are one.

 

Don't try to meet girls just to take your mind off another girl. That is unfair to the other girls you meet. They are rebounds, just someone to keep you busy. They deserve more respect then that. Don't think about meeting girls, just live your life. If you meet someone naturally, fine. If not, fine. But don't worry about it.

 

If you want to have girls, you should talk to girls, and date girls. It's just like with everything else. The more prospects you have, the less you will think about your crush.

 

So after months of limiting your contact and talking to other girls, your just going to kiss her out of no where? And you really think this works?

 

This is only done after you've built up attraction. Improving yourself, thus becoming more confident and better, will get you attraction.

[ShySoul]

Oops, this post must have slipped my attention. Sorry there buddy, I know you want my response. I've just been so busy macking girls with actions that actually work.

 

If you fall for a girl, you will NEVER be satisfied with being just a friend. Sure you can make yourself think so, but in the end you will always end up wanting more. How would acting like a friend attract her to you? This post is for people who want MORE THEN FRIENDS!

 

Because it shows her you respect her. What are friends? People we talk with, do things with, can share things with, help each other, enjoy being around, etc. Those are the same things you do with a girlfriend, with the addition of kissing and stuff. So the core of a relationship is a good friendship. Deeper the friendship gets, more she shares herself with you, more she feels like she can trust you.... feelings can easily develop.

 

Going on recent experience here. I've fallen for a girl, completely fallen. I don't want to be with anyone else. But if we are meant to end up only as friends, then so be it. The most important thing to me is her happiness, even if its not with me. Yes, I may want more. But if she isn't ready to give it or it doesn't work out, then that is fine, diappointing but fine. Things will end up right, as they are suppose to.

 

I never said act busy. You should always BE busy. If she sees that you have other things to do and hang out with her less, she will value her time with you more. Also THAT is why fun and action is more important. She will see how much fun you guys have, and will miss you more

 

Fun and action really all depends on what you and the girl are like. What if you aren't people who like rock climbing or things with action in them? What if your personalities are ones where you can have a blast spending the whole night playing board games? Or where you are highly entertained by philosophical discussions? Hey, I can have fun with someone reading quotes to each other over the fun. What is a fun activity varies from person to person, the important thing is to have fun together. And if two people get along, they can have fun doing pretty much anything.

 

She's not going to value your time more. She should value the time together period. And so should you. If two people want to spend time together, then they should do it as much as they feel like, so long as it doesn't become the only thing in their life. Stop trying to make her want it more, and just start giving it to her. She'll like it. And if you are nice and friendly, thats how she will enjoy it more.

 

Since you two are already friends, what is the point of this? As a friend, she should already trust you.

 

Do you trust every friend with everything? Or do you reveal certain things to certain people that you aren't comfortable revealing to others? The two of you may be friends and she may trust you, but that doesn't mean she will trust you with some things. The more she is around you and gets more comfortable with you, the more she will open up about more personal and emotional things. At one level she may trust you enough to go out and hang with you. But if she starts talking about her family life, shes trusting you with more information and on a deeper level. If she trusts you with her hopes, dreams, fears... still deeper. If you become someone that she can talk to about anything, open herself up around... that is ultimate trust and can help two people connect on a remarkable level.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting sex. But alot of guys arent comfortable about it. They think it's wrong and it will turn girls off. If youre desparate about it, yes then it will. But since youre friends with a girl, you should be comfortable in talking about sex and sexual stuff.

 

I wasn't saying people are wrong for wanting sex, that guys should view it as wrong, or that you can't talk about it. The way your post sounded was that you should try to talk about sexual topics, that this attracts women. I'm saying that if it somehow comes up, its fine to talk about if your both respectful and comfortable. But don't just bring up sex out of the blue. Again, my experience has been that girls tell me how so many guys will just start talking about sex out of nowhere and that creeps them out. Instead, I never bring it up and girls respect me for it. Plus when it does come up I say what I believe, that sex isn't as important as its made out to be, that it's the love I am looking for. Puts her at ease, makes her feel like she can trust me.

 

People tend to want what they can't have.

 

Put they enjoy what they do have. Do you want the girl to want to be around you, or enjoying being around you? Cause if she is enjoying being around you, that means you get to enjoy being around her. Anticpation may be exciting, but I'll take the real thing anyday.

 

If you are a great person, you deserve to look good. Clothes tell how much you value yourself. Going to the gym will get you in better shape and raise confidence alot. If you have no friends, you should always strive to make new ones.

 

And if you are a great person, you will look good regardless what you wear, what you wear, body shape, etc. A "great" body doesn't say you are a great person. I never go to the gym. I never workout. I hate shopping for clothes and I wear what I'm comfortable in... mostly jeans and a shirt. And I've got enough confidence in myself to know that who I am and the kind of person I am has nothing to do with clothes, or my body. Hey, I have enough confidence in myself I can alternate between poking fun at myself as a joke, and jokingly calling myself God. As for friends, why should you be trying to make friends? If you are a good person who likes himself, that will come without effort.

 

Who said self improvement is always enjoyable? It scared the living **** out of me approaching a girl for the first time. So did dropping my old friends who I wanted nothing to do with and making ones who respected me and actually enjoyed my company. There is no enjoyment, at first. But once you get around to doing it, you will feel ALOT better.

 

I didn't say that. If you want I can dig out a quote about the future being born in pain. Alot of things are difficult. But don't make them more difficult on yourself then need be. I'm for letting things happen naturally. Be confident in yourself and be nice and friendly, girls will approach you. Yes, it happens and its happened to be alot lately. Don't be so focused on change and what you need to do, be calm and focus on what your strong points are. That makes us our best selves. And when we are our best selves, things naturally work out better and improvement occurs without all the added pressure and discomfort. I've improved in numerous ways, and I've done it, amazingly, by not trying and just expanding on the great qualitites I already had.

 

Seeing that you're "already a great person" is a self delusion. It will make you feel better, but only so much. You need to strive to BE a great person instead of thinking you are one.

 

But we are already great people. We aren't perfect and we can improve on certain areas. But if you just focus on improving those areas, you can begin to feel like your never good enough which lowers confidence and makes you worse off. Starting with seeing all the great things about you enables you to hold on to confidence and realize that those flaws are minor compared to the whole picture, that you don't need an overhaul but just a touchup.

 

"Ment to be"? Are you sure about this? Are you willing to stay passive because you believe things were "ment to be"? Or do you want to DO something about it?

 

Of the real friends I have, I never had to do anything other then be myself. Of the girls that have taken an interest in me, all I've had to do is be myself. The natural course of events have always worked out best for me.The times when things haven't gone well has been when I've tried to make something happen or when I've been so nervous that I didn't flow with my natural ways.

 

If you want to have girls, you should talk to girls, and date girls. It's just like with everything else. The more prospects you have, the less you will think about your crush.

 

What's your goal? To have girls? Or to have a relationship with one special girl. You can talk to and date a dozen girls, doesn't mean it will work. On the other hand, I know people who married and are still married to the first person they dated. So numbers mean nothing.

 

And despite a half dozen girls showing interest in me, my interest in one specific girl has only grown. I've got prospects, but thats not what I want. I want to be with her, and all the other girls just serve to help me realize who I really want.