eviljedi

Hey enotaloners, over the past few months I've slowly became depressed and lonely. This is my current lifestyle: Wake up at 5pm. Eat. Surf internet/play games. Eat. More boring stuff. Eat. Sleep at 6am. I never thought I was the type to think about suicide but I'm beginning to understand people think about it. Sometimes when I'm driving I think about just speeding right into a lamppost etc. (Not that I would ever do it, I just think about it.) I only have one friend and we're not real close. I hardly ever go out and socialize with people apart from when I go to work - I just talk to people the minimum amount to get by. It's been 3 months since I've felt any real connection with anyone. I feel so lonely and disconnected from everyone. I can't remember the last time I stepped outside in the daytime apart from to go to work. I'm so scared that I'm wasting my life. I see all these other people doing great things with their lives and it breaks my heart that I'm not one of them. I see people travelling and having fun and I feel depressed that I'm missing out. In school they always said that I had so much potential and that makes me feel even worse about myself because I know I'm not living the life I should be. The worst part is that I have no motivation to do anything while I feel this way. I think about doing things but I don't feel like socializing etc while I'm depressed because it just makes me feel worse. I'd love it if you could give me advice people, and maybe make me feel a little better. Thanks eviljedi

I have just realized something that has been staring me in the face for almost a year. I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!! It's really funny because I'm not shy or depressed about it or anything. I feel fairly confident in myself and I really don't care what other people think. I do however feel lonely because I have absolutely NO social life. I think another problem is that I really hate what I'm doing with my life right now, but I feel like I don't have any other options. I'm studying at university but I don't like what I'm studying. I don't really want to start studying something new either. If I drop out of uni, my parents will make me get a boring 9-5 job. I really don't know what I want to do. As far as friends goes, I used to be quite popular in high school. I would talk to everyone and be social with all my class mates. I didn't really see many of them outside of school but that didn't really matter since I saw them everyday. Now in university, I hardly talk to anyone. There are only 2 guys that I actually speak with in class. To be honest, I don't really want to speak to the rest of them. I feel more mature than a lot of them. Since I don't really want to be there I'm not that bothered about making long term friends. Outside of university I have a part time job. I'm quite popular in work. I speak to a lot of the people there and they seem to like me. Although I wouldn't want to spend my free time hanging out with most of them either. I only have 1 friend, literally. I hang out with him about twice a month and all we do is play video games and watch movies. The rest of my time is spent on my own playing video games etc. I don't have any hobbies or anything else I do with my free time. A few months ago I was getting invited to parties and the pub every now and then but I kept saying no. I really hate going out to get wasted or to "pick-up" girls. I don't even know what I want from friends or why I want them. I just know that right now I feel like a loser. It's funny, I actually feel "better" than most people I meet. E.g. If I meet someone new I am always judging them and thinking "he's a geek" or "she's ugly" or whatever. I feel like I am worthy of hanging out with the "cool" people and not just average chumps. I guess I have loads of problems or maybe I'm just anti social. I'd apprecate any advice from people who have been in simillar situations. Cheers eviljedi

High self esteem comes from your self-image. The way your sub-conscious perceives yourself. If your self-image is that off a rockin' dude, then you will be confident. If it is that of a loser geek, you will act shy.

Sounds like he likes you but he's too shy to talk to you or hold eye contact.

Yeah, it's her loss. Act like it was no big deal. You said you get hit on all the time, remember?

I totally agree.

Don't take it personally. Attractive women give their numbers out to guys ALOT! It's no big deal for them, it's not like because you got the number that automatically means you are going out. It's just a number. Women will hardly ever be blunt and tell you strait to your face how they feel. It's easier for her to give out a number than it is to start a big conflict. Some of my friends go out and get 10-20 numbers a night, but then they phone them the next day and they ALL flake. I honestly can't believe this is the first time it's happened to you; it's fairly common. As for the reason she is talking to you...maybe she likes you, maybe she's unsure about you and needs to get to know you more, maybe she just wants to be friends. It could be a number of things. Perhaps she didn't know it was you calling? Maybe you should try and set up a less formal "date", coffee or some other low-risk activity. Also, remember that women are more attracted to personalities and characteristics than men are, just because you are good looking doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you. Take care bro. eviljedi

Perhaps you were passionate about learning to drive/ride a bike but you don't really want to swim. If you really wanted it, you'd get it.

This is true for when you have confidence but when you feel bad and depressed then how do you get the confidence to take action? You don't. It's almost impossible to "just believe in yourself" when you are feeling really down. You get passionate and decided that you really MUST change and then you take action without confidence. The belief that you currently have may be limiting you; you might not try things because you don't feel confident. Think about the first time you were learning to ride a bike or a car. Did you feel confident? No. You were probably really bad the first few times but you kept taking action without the confidence and eventually you succeeded. You gained confidence by taking action.

Hey Luke. Of course I practice what I "preach"! With this simple technique I have managed to turn myself from a social reject into the life of the party. Here's how I done it: At first I felt shy around a lot of people. I wasn't good at small talk and I always felt self-conscious in social situations. My social life was completely dead! No one would phone me or call me to go out. I felt like a loser staying in on Friday nights when 'everyone else' was out having fun. I got sick of it!! One day I just snapped!! I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't being myself; I was being who other people wanted me to be. I decided from that moment on that I would do ANYTHING in order to change! I started by reading loads of books about social interactions. I read and read and read and I found lots of useful information but after about a month I realized that I hadn't changed. I got even more annoyed at myself and even more motivated to change. I decided that I was no longer shy. Now if someone said name your best quality I would always say confidence. I WAS a confident person. It was part of me now. I thought - "Okay, I'm a confident person. What do confident people do?" I started to act the same as confident people around me. I started talking to more people and not caring about what they thought. I started doing what I wanted. I started to be more myself in social interactions. I started making decisions and going after what I wanted. I started to talk to more girls and people started to respect me more. I started to become more and more confident until pretty soon I loved myself. At first I was a little worried I was becoming a narcissist, but I realized that this is what high self-esteem is supposed to feel like! You need to be around yourself 24/7 so why not change yourself into someone you love! You can see that if I had sat at home and waited for my confidence to increase before taking action then I would still be sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself. The important part was getting motivated; passionate and really wanting to change. If I didn't really want it then I doubt I would have ever taken action. It can't be something you would quite like or would be kinda nice. You MUST be 100% committed to changing!

I agree with you. If you are telling yourself that you suck all the time then of course you won't feel good. Positive thinking can only help you so much though. You can sit and say to yourself, "I'm a cool person, I’m a cool person, people like me...." but then when you go out your internal voice will be saying "You're lying! You're wrong! No one likes you!" If you forget about what other people think and CREATE the life that you want, then it won't matter if anyone likes you or not because you will like yourself!

I've been thinking a lot about self-esteem/confidence lately. Why do some people act really confidently and others are extremely shy? Over the past few weeks I've tried the majority of confidence building material available today. There is one major problem with all of it. Let's say you are a shy guy with low self-esteem. You buy a hypnosis product and a book about confidence and use them every day for a week. You will notice a change in your confidence and you will feel better. However this change won't last. Why do people have low self-esteem? Because they don't like themselves. Listening to hypnosis or doing confidence building exercises or affirmations or anything like that - isn't going to change the way they are. After the short boost in confidence is gone they will feel bad again because they haven't changed themselves in anyway. Example: If a guy feels bad because he doesn't have enough money to live the lifestyle that he desires then he will still feel bad after any hypnosis effects have worn off. He still won't have more money and he still won't be living the lifestyle he wants. So if you're shy right now and you have low self-esteem, how do you become super confident? Glad you asked. ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!! If you aren't living the way you want then TAKE ACTION and start growing and developing yourself. Take action, means become more like the person who gets the results you want (i.e. do what they do). Think about it, if you were living your ideal life; you had all the girls you wanted, all the money, all the charisma etc. Would you feel shy? Would you feel like you hated yourself? NO WAY! You would love yourself!!! You couldn't help but smile thinking about how awesome you really are!! The problem with this is that a lot of people feel like they need a certain amount of confidence in order to take action. If they don't have that confidence they don't take action and it turns into a vicious spiral of doom! I recently discovered PASSION after listing to Tony Robbins talk about state changing. He talks about different levels of passion (1-10) and how feeling passionate can help you get things done. I've had the feeling before but I never labelled it or consciously noticed it. It's AMAZING! You don't need confidence to take action. You need passion! You need to really want it! Get yourself pumped up like crazy!! Jump around listening to your favourite song!! Sing along!! SMILE!! Do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a passionate state. Once you take action it's just a matter of time before you get the results you want. As long as you keep taking action and changing your approach, you WILL get ANYTHING! Here it is again: Feel bad and shy --> Become passionate! --> Take ACTION --> Get results --> Feel confident and awesome!! Stay passionate. eviljedi

Awesome dude! Keep on growing!

Yeah, I've read it. Awesome book!

Hey, I'm looking for some recommendations on self-esteem and confidence building material. I've got a few books but most of them are filled with the same bad mainstream advice. If anyone has any success with a particular product, please recommend it. Thanks eviljedi

I just heard the new Less Than Jake song - Overrated. It describes exactly how I'm feeling. Here are the lyrics: Maybe I'm jaded and bored Always looking for more Wait around for the next big fix I know I'm a wreck, I'm a mess But I couldn't care less Don't know what it would take to change me Everybody's so afraid to be different Please excuse me now if I don't get it I think sex is overrated So is always getting wasted Designer drugs and dead end jobs And classic rock is so outdated I'm so sick of therapy And all the things it's done to me How can I be satisfied? When everything is overrated Maybe the problem is me But I won't make believe And I can't take this mediocrity What if this is a test? And I deserve what I get? Will I wake up with all the answers? Everybody's too afraid to be different Please excuse me now if I don't listen I think sex is overrated So is always getting wasted Designer drugs and dead end jobs And classic rock is so outdated I'm so sick of therapy And all the things it's done to me How can I be satisfied? When everything is overrated (Woah, woah). When everything is overrated. Can't stand the normal Can't stand the ordinary Find me anything that's extraordinary Show me something Show me anything Am I the only one? Am I the only one? I think sex is overrated So is always getting wasted All my friends and family They make my life so complicated I'm so sick of apathy and TV show reality How can I be satisfied? When everything is overrated. Woah, woah. When everything is overrated.

No, they just have different problems.

Lately I've been feeling bored with life... It's the summer and I feel like I should be enjoying myself yet all I do is sit in all day. Occasionally I will hang out with my friends or go to a few bars. I've stopped going to bars as much because I think it's sad that people feel they can't have a good time without getting drunk. I don't have a girlfriend and to be honest, I don't have any motivation to get one. I feel like Austin Powers - I've lost my mojo I don't have any motivation to do anything...I end up sitting up all night playing computer games and then I eventually fall asleep for half the day. How can I get my passion for life back?

If you walk around all day telling yourself that everyone hates you then you will start to believe it yourself. Even thought it's not true. Look at things from a positive perspective instead of filling yourself up with all this negativity. Go listen to Bob Marley - Don't Worry Be Happy. Chill out. You said "I don't have the great personality I had in grade 5". Don't you see? You do. Your personality has never changed. That was when you were being 100% completely yourself, not shy, not immature...just you. You are covering up your true self by being mean and hating everyone. You are caring about what other people think too much. Even if everyone in the world hated you, that wouldn't change who YOU are. You are afraid that people won't like your true personality. You are being mean and hating people so that you won't be hurt if they say they don't like you, because you are not a mean hateful person. Be your true self. If people don't like you, it's their loss.

Today was one of the worst days of my life. I woke up feeling unwell and had to go into work. I didn't have anything to do in work, so I spent my time avoiding the bosses and trying to look busy. I felt sad because all of the workmates that I am friendly with are leaving, they are moving on to bigger and better things, but I'll still be here. Time seemed to stop. Eventually when my shift was finished I left and my dad came to pick me up. I got in the car and he was acting kinda funny. He didn't say much and it was a really quite ride home. When we got in front of my house I was about to get out the car and he stopped me. He looked me in the eye and told me my granddad had died. I was half expecting it because of the way he was acting. At first I didn't feel anything; no emotion. Then I walked up to the house, opened the door and saw my mums face. I burst into tears. It was strange because I didn't really know him that well. I remember going to visit him more when I was a kid. I cried for about an hour and then I couldn't cry anymore. I felt really bad for my dad (it was his father), but he didn't seem very emotional. I don't know if he was trying to block it out or not but he was just quiet and expressionless. When I stopped crying it felt like time had caught up with me. I couldn't change any of the events that happened in the past, but I can affect my future. I think my granddad would want me to live a fulfilling life. Thinking about it now, I can see what my future will be like if I don't take action. I'll end up stuck in a boring job with no life. My life at the moment is pretty awful. I've got hardly any friends. I hate my job. I hate going to uni. I don't have any hobbies. I want to travel the world and have a girlfriend and all that stuff. I think my granddads death has motivated me to take action and get my life in order. I really don't know where to begin. I want more hobbies and more passions. I want more friends. I want a life. Help me out here. What is the average students life like? Its summer now and I have a few months off of uni to turn things around. I really want to change my life but I need help. I'm not looking for sympathy because my granddad died, I'm looking for advice. Thanks for reading eviljedi

Okay, it's nothing to do with the fact that she's a female. I also have a male boss who I act the same way around but I don't see him very often due to my shifts.

Hey, I'm looking for some advice here. I have just finished another monotonous day at work and I'm feeling rather depressed. I work in a large supermarket stocking shelves. My actual job I don't mind, it's boring but most part-time jobs are. The main reason I hate it is because of the people that work there, namely one of my bosses. For a start, I don't like being bossed around by women (it's not a sexist thing, I just get annoyed when a women is barking orders at me). She is very dominate and controlling. I'm 18, yet she treats me like a little child. She treats me like I’m retarded sometimes. I have worked there for over a year now and I feel like she is brainwashing be to become shy. When she’s not around I feel relaxed and confident, but when she is there I feel tense and timid. I don't know why. I have started breaking out of this, but she's treated me this way for so long I think it has affected the way I react around her. I have a similar relationship with her that I had with my high-school teachers. I could never bond with them because I knew they were a higher authority. I didn't feel free to speak my mind in front of them, because they had the power to punish me. Other students would talk to their teachers the same way they would talk to their friends. Once I left high school my confidence sky rocketed. The shackles of my old teachers had been lifted and I was free. Now I have this job, this boss has taken the place of the teachers. Another reason I hate her is because when she is around I feel like I need to impress her. I don't talk to anyone else when she is there and I do my work. Other people in work have started to think I am anti-social. I know these problems are nothing to do with her but they way I see her as an authority figure in my head. I don't know how to resolve this problem. If I get a new job I will get a fresh start and I can be more social with my new boss (perhaps). Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any advice, please. Thanks eviljedi

I'm almost finished my first year at university (just exams now) and I'm not sure I've made the right choice. In high school I was always brought up to think that you must go to uni or else you would end up working in a minimum wage job your whole life. I worked hard and got good grades. I never really thought about what I wanted to work as, but I knew I was going to go to uni. I ended up picking product design. I've been feeling lost lately and bored with life. I haven't done any studying for my exams and I don't feel worried about them at all. I don't care anymore. I don't want to be a product designer. I don't want a boring office job. I want to do something exiting. I want to contribute to society more. I was thinking about being a pilot as it seems like a really cool job. I researched it a bit and it costs loads of money, which I can't afford. I could join the RAF but I don't know how comfortable I would feel about being sent to war. I'm looking for some ideas here, what other jobs are out there? I know I should try and get my degree as it opens more options but there isn't any point in going to uni if I want to do something different. In school I was always good at maths and physics. I was in all the top classes and I thought that because I was good at these things then I should stick at them and get a job that involves them. Now I'm bored with them. I need help with this. I need to know where my life is going. Everything feels boring and unexciting because I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I think the problem might be that I don't know what kind of lifestyle I want to have Any advice is appreciated Thanks eviljedi

I don't know how this happened. About a year ago I was one of the most popular guys in my school (i'm in almost everypage of the yearbook) and now I have NO friends!!! I need help. I'm nearing the end of my first year at college and I haven't developed any close friendships. There are a few people I talk to sometimes but we don't have the kind of bonds that I had with my previous friends. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me!! It seems like everyone else in college knows each other and they are all best mates. Summer is coming up and I wont see any of them for a few months. I really want to make friends but it's hard for me. I have small talk with people and I'm not very shy or anything, it feels like I don't have a lot in common with most people. Or I can't gain their trust or whatever. Maybe I lack the social skills? Anyone got any advice for me. I'm really stuck here. Has anyone made like 5 close friends really fast? PLEASE HELP!

I'm writing this right now because I feel like I might have lost my last close friend tonight. Nothing bad has happened. I just turned down an invitation to go to a club with him (that's the 3rd time in a row I have turned him down). It seems like he's pretty busy doing his own thing. The last time I saw him was about a month ago, before he went on holiday. We spent most of the day together and had a kick * * * time just hanging out. Since he's came back I have asked him if he wants to hang out but he doesn't seem interested. He always wants to go to clubs/bars. I really dislike bars now. I have pretty much given up alcohol. I don't drink it unless it would be socially weird not to. The only reason for me to go to a bar would be to socialize and meet girls. I rarely meet any girls in bars that I would want to spend any substantial amount of time with. I would much rather socialize doing something else (bowling, skiing, football, watch a movie etc). I sometimes ask my friends if they want to do these things, they seem interested but it never seems to materialize. This time last year I was one of the most popular guys in my school. I was friends with everyone. After leaving school I have lost contact with many of them. I have seen some of them and we would talk for about 10 minutes and afterward I wonder why we never hang out. Now I am at college, I don't seem to 'connect' with anyone the same here. I get on with my classmates, but wouldn't really want to socialize with them outside of college. I fell out with one of my other close friends a while back. We have made up since then but we don't socialize. My other close friends have all drifted away. I don't know how to invite friends to socialize with me without inviting them to a bar etc. Maybe I need hobbies. Any tips? Can someone who doesn't go to bars tell me what they do with the time? Also, where do people who don't go to bars meet girls? Maybe it's not too late. Maybe if I figure out some cool places to go then I can salvage some very rewarding friendships. This also seems to be a problem for me when meeting new people. There are a couple of really cool guys in my work, I would say they are my friends, but we never socialize outside of work. Sometimes I don't know if it would be right to ask them, of I feel awkward because it's like I'm asking a guy out. Please help eviljedi