My Girlfriend of 4 1/2 years dumped me for my friend

[yo]

Hello Everyone,

 

I am here because I don't know where else to go. Suddenly I feel that I have lost my direction and dunno what to do in life.

 

I had been with this sweet girl for 4 1/2 years. Intially I had a crush on nother girl and was desperately trying to get her. When all of a sudden my ex-girlfriend came along. She showered me with so much love and happiness that I couldn't help falling in love with her. It took me some

time though getting over my crush and really falling in love with my ex. I have had my life's best times with her. I spent three years of my university life with her and we ended up working for the same company.

 

I was so happy in life that I didn't need anything or anybody. I stopped talking to all my friends, I didn't bother hangin out with the guys, I even stopped looking at other women. On the other hand she kept her friends, all guys, and she kept tellin me that she needed friends in case things didn't work out between us and she needed friends to fall back on.

 

After 4 1/2 years, I was confident that she was the ONE. We talked about

how our wedding would be and how our kids would be etc.. Of late, things

were not so smooth as we were both working long hours and could meet only during lunch everyday and on weekends. I wanted to study further (do my Masters) and she wanted to continue working. I told her I would speak to our parents before I left.

 

One of our common best friends was leaving to the US for his Masters. Last week my ex called up and said she loves him and wanted to break up

with me. I couldn't sleep the whole night. The next morning I went to her

house at 6 AM and wept for nearly 2 hours. She was unmoved and told me

that she was upset that our common friend was going away and she had to

break up with me to tell him that she loved him. She told me bluntly, "concentrate on your work and you'll forget me".

 

From that day I have been going through hell everyday. I dont feel like

eating, I don't get sleep, I wake up in the mornings and start weeping.

Even today she has taken a day off from work just to hang around with this friend. I am so hurt. I am here suffering like this and there they are in

each other's arms enjoying life. Life is so unfair. I keep hoping everyday that she's unhappy with him and realizes what a mistake she's made. But, I know it's just wishful thinking. It is never going to happen.

 

I feel so sad whenever I see couples. I feel all alone coz she was my 'everything' and I loved her more than I loved myself. I don't have many friends. I don't enjoy anybody's company apart from her's. She said she'll be my friend and help me get over her. But she's not called even once after breaking up. I have been calling her like 20 times a day. She doesn't pick up her phone and when I asked her and she says that her mobile phone was in the silent mode and she couldn't hear it. I feel rejected and lonely. Should I agree with her and still be friends with her? In that way atleast I can be with her. If I stop talking to her I know she will never talk back and I will lose her permanetly.

 

Latest Update -->

Today I had gone to the lunch table as usual and my ex was there too. I just said a Hi to her and went about eating and talking to other common friends. I had gone to the rest room. One of our common friends, not realizing that I was there, started asking her about her about yesterday and she was telling him happily that she had the best time of her life. And today she's going to her new boyfriend's house to meet his parents. She was soo excited. As soon as they both saw me, stopped abruptly. I felt so ashamed and hurt that I walked back to my cubicle and I have been weeping in the men's room. I want to hurt her back so badly and I don't know how to do it.

[melrich]

Have I got this right. You were going out with this girl for 4 and a half years, then one day a short time ago she rang you and said she is breaking up with you to go out with another guy. Since then she has not spoken with you or answered any of your calls?

[temjin132]

im so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. i completeley understand and am going through the exact same thing you are going through, only difference is my relationship was for 6 years and she left me for a co-worker, not a mutual friend.

 

the best thing to do is initiate NC and do whatever you have to do to get her off your mind. Trust me, you don't want to be calling her 20 times a day b/c the moment she picks up, chances are he will be right there with her. Thats what happened to me, and the more i called, the more i knew she was avoiding me to be with him. calling will only cause you more pain. delete her number from your cell phone.

 

if she really had no emotion when you cried and can forget you that easily, theres probably no chance of her ever coming back or changing her mind. If thats the case, she isn't worth your love anyway. you will find someone better. don't hold on to hope, it will destroy you. you have to move on.

[yo]

Yes one fine day she picked up the phone and told me she loved another guy. It came as a shock to me coz we both had promised each other that we would never break up, come whatever. I am still in that shock. I'm feeling like all this is like a bad dream and when I wake up everything's gonna be fine and I'm gonna be with her happily like before.

 

Her new boyfriend is gonna go away for 2 yrs for his Master's. Should I try to be my ex's friend and hope like crazy that she'll forget him during this time and start having feelings for me again?

[melrich]

It came as a shock to me coz we both had promised each other that we would never break up, come whatever.

 

Well that is a promise that should never be made because there is no guarrantee it can ever be kept.

 

If he is going away for 2 years I suppose there is some hope she may turn to you for comfort but I would have to ask why would you want her to. Her behaviour is exceptionally cruel and shows a total lack of respect for you.

 

I don't think you could ever get things back to the way they were with this girl. If you ever did get back together you'd have to be gun shy about her one day dropping another bomb on you. How could you live with that thought in any long term relationship with her.

 

I know its not what you want to hear but I'd take the pain now and get her out of your life.

[LIFE]

You got disrespected...straight up. I mean, what happened to you should be a criminal act. You deserve an explanation from her. Just simply ask for one...a valid explanation...then don't EVER speak to her ever again. I can't stand hollow people who can't look at others in the eye and tell them the truth. People who will use you for these mind games and these devilish activities don't worry she will have the same thing happen to her. Karma is real and it will get back to her...don't worry.

[fate or freewill]

Sorry to hear about your situation, life is unfair sometimes.

 

I know your hurting now, I think the best thing you can do is to make taking care of yourself priority 1.

 

Try getting enough sleep and eating or at least try making protien shakes, they go down a lot easier when you don't feel like solid food.

 

Don't try to call her so much 20 times a day isn't going to help your situation in any regard. Give her and yourself time to absorb what's going on.

 

If you are still talking to her, this may be the best time to get some closure on the relationship, as suggested ask her what's the deal and just accept the answers.

 

Take care, this is going to take some time to reslove, but regardless, it will pass.

[djedix]

Throw her out of your mind like she threw you out of her life.

 

Get rid of her number, get rid of her stuff.

 

Don't go where she goes, Do what's best for you.

 

Call your old friends. Call everyone you know. Let them know your back.

 

Make new friends, and meet new people.

 

I know it just happened, you can cry, and you can be emotional. Don't ever show it to her again. Don't ever let you see her upset.

 

Cut off contact with her. Focus on you...

 

Focus on your masters. Focus on your career, focus on driving that expensive sports car one day.

 

And while your doing all this, someone new will notice you... i promise.

 

And you will get married, and you will have kids to this new person. And one day you'll look back at all this and be like, wow....... thank god she left.

 

I do. I do it every time i look at myself, and how far i've come since my ex has left. I do it when i look into the eyes of my new girlfriend, and thank god that everything did happen, i would have never met her.

[RayKay]

In the future, don't ever "give up all your friends" just because you start dating someone. When we are in a relationship, we do not stop being whom we are, and whether in a relationship or NOT, friendships are important to enrich our lives, and maintain our identities. Two complete people, who can have an interdependent relationship, can have a far more healthier bond then a codependent couple.

 

Anyway, there are NEVER guarantees in a relationship. You can "promise" you will never break up all you want, but it takes more than promises to build and maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship and if even only ONE of you forgets that, it can mean the end. It takes two to HAVE a relationship, but only one to end it. It sounds like there was some communication breakdowns, and you two were no longer each others priority for a while at least, and things broke down at least from her side.

 

She left you for your friend...in this case I advise you lose her number, do not take her calls, and let her live with the choice she made. You cannot let her feel that she has the right to treat you this way, and that this is an acceptable way to confront problems she may have in the relationship, or a fair way to treat you. I don't think she deserves you back anyway honestly if she can start something with somebody else while she was with you, dump you over the phone, then jump right in his arms! He was not a great friend to you either...

 

She CANNOT be the friend to help you get over her..honestly, does that even make sense to YOU? If a friend told you that their ex said that, what would you say to him? You MUST stop calling her...20 times a day is obsessive, clingy, desperate and VERY unattractive. Have respect for yourself..she is NOT better than you and does not deserve you grovelling after her. Do you really think you could accept being friends with her and watching her giddy over her new boyfriend? Until you can, don't be friends.

[chai714]

Yo,

What you're going through is not easy. I went through something similar to you a year ago. Here are some tips that will save your health, sanity, and more: Take what you want, leave what you don't want:

 

- Can't eat? Buy Ensure (or generic). It will provide your body the proper nutrition that it's not getting. I didn't eat for over a week when I went through my ordeal, but drinking ensure helped keep me somewhat healthy. Even if you're not hungry, drink one every few hours.

 

- Can't sleep? This is normal, yo. It's part of the whole breakup process. Everyone goes through this stage. I found working out to help me sleep at least some. It does wear you down some, but make sure you're eating right if you're going to work out. I also bought some over the counter sleeping pills to help me sleep. I don't recommend this, but if you must sleep then it may help. As always, consult with your physician before taking any medication.

 

- Surround yourself with family and friends. These people will help you through this very difficult time in your life. So, find a good friend and one who will listen to you. I told my breakup story to a friend at least 38 times, but he sat there and listened every single time.

 

- Create a journal to organize your thoughts. I recommend link removed because it's free, easy, and convenient. Keeping a journal will help you deal with everything and get thoughts out of your head, especially negative ones. You can always go back and reflect on how you dealt with something, thus learning from your own mistakes.

 

- Stay away from her (for now). It's impossible to be friends immediately following a breakup. She's not responsive whatsoever to your attempts at calling her, so let her do her thing for now while you work on self-improvement. You'll probably continue calling her, emailing her, and begging. This is normal, but like I said . . .you can learn from others' mistakes, or your own. My advice for now though: do not communicate with her period (email, text message, phone, or smoke signals).

 

- The passage of time is the only sure way to heal a heart. What you do with this time now though, will determine how well you heal. It's ok to cry, to want her back, or to be mad at her later down the road. Just go through your emotions without her seeing them, because her behavior is proof that she does not care right now. I know how painful it is, but I'm living proof that you will get through this. Lastly, realize that how you feel right now will not last forever. Life has it's ups and downs and this is merely part of the down cycle. Good times do lie ahead. Keep it positive, and stay strong.

[Shidoshi]

Just pointing out some mistakes you should learn from.

I stopped talking to all my friends, I didn't bother hangin out with the guys, I even stopped looking at other women.

I believe someone else mentioned this also, never do this for anyone.

On the other hand she kept her friends, all guys, and she kept tellin me that she needed friends in case things didn't work out between us and she needed friends to fall back on.

Huge Red Flag. Not the fact that she wanted to keep her friends, but she told you outright that she needed backups in case things didn't work out.

One of our common best friends was leaving to the US for his Masters. Last week my ex called up and said she loves him and wanted to break up

Just because you "heard" it all of a sudden, doesn't mean it happened that way. She's probably been thinking about this for quite some time and decided she'd waited long enough to tell you, especially since the guy is leaving soon. Also, he's not your "best friend," people throw that label out far too easily.

I couldn't sleep the whole night. The next morning I went to her

house at 6 AM and wept for nearly 2 hours.

I know your emotions got the better of you, but it was not a good idea to do this at all.

She was unmoved and told me

that she was upset that our common friend was going away and she had to

break up with me to tell him that she loved him. She told me bluntly, "concentrate on your work and you'll forget me".

You don't need to think about her anymore. Listen to what the other posters are telling you. Leave this girl alone and move on.......RIGHT NOW!!!

[phishgirl]

I agree with EVERYONE else on this post. Honestly, I feel you deserve SO MUCH better than this girl, despite your history. If she's willing to sacrifice everything she's done with you, every moment she's spent with you, to be with this 'guy', she doesn't deserve to have you back. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Someone out there will love you more, treat you better, and admire you, because you are a caring, generous person who expresses dedication beyond the negative circumstances, as witnessed here. She's found her thing, which is not deserving enough for you. PLEASE, find the TRUE love for you and embrace that, not the difficulty you had with your ex. You're more knowledgeable know about what's important in new relationship-EMBRACE WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED!!! You'll find your one. I guarantee.

[overtheedge]

I've been through a very similar situation in the past few months. MY girlfriend of 4 1/2 years cheated on me with and then left me for one of my best friends. It may not be much consolation right now, but be thankful that she at least told you what was going on. I slowly figured things out on my own and it was much, much harder than being told the truth in the first place. Things will get better, I promise you that.

 

The most important thing you can do right now is respect yourself. You didn't do anything wrong here and you should have pride in yourself for being the bigger person. If you can look yourself in the mirror every morning and be proud of the way you handled the situation, there is no better feeling. It has been three months since this happened to me and her relationship with my former friend is over already. I treated both of them with respect the entire time and I can be proud of myself for that.

 

Even though they disrespected me so heavily, everyone else has developed much more respect for the person I am because I didn't let this ruin me and I didn't bother trying to hurt them back. Believe me, there's nothing I would like better than do beat the hell out of that guy, but I'll let karma deal with him and I'll just sit back and enjoy.

[yo]

Hello all,

Well I promised myself that I wouldn't talk to her anymore. But, I couldn't help it. I called her up yesterday. I spoke to her for a long time. I know that she loves this guy and I know he loves her back too. I feel so helpless. My mind says just leave them both alone. She was not meant to be with me. But, my heart doesn't want to listen. It still wants her. Now, she's engaged to this guy. I know I want her back, but I can never have her. She said I can still be friends with her if I wanted. What is going to help me better. Not seeing her completely or just being friends with her. I promised her that I won't say or do anything that will remind her of the past. One moment I am happy for the both of them, the next moment I am completely miserable. I tried meeting new girls. Didn't help at all. I don't feel like looking at anybody.

Somebody pls help me.

[melrich]

She's engaged?! About a week after breaking up with you.

 

This girl is headed for some really rough times. I'd stand clear of the train wreck if I were you.

[yo]

Yes she's engaged. Yes. Even I was shocked. I believe she's been having a thing for that guy for almost 2 yrs. She broke up with me just to tell him that she loved him. And he was more than happy and they got engaged.

 

I feel so bad now. Whatever chance I had is all over!

[goodjuanma]

Wow, it's the firs time I've been here, and I have to say man, that all the replies are great. Listen to this people dude, I think they on a right track. I have to say that I'm going through something similar, and these comments really have helped me in my transition.

 

And someone once told me:

"No one, NO ONE, dies from a broken heart. Life must go on."

[RayKay]

Yes she's engaged. Yes. Even I was shocked. I believe she's been having a thing for that guy for almost 2 yrs. She broke up with me just to tell him that she loved him. And he was more than happy and they got engaged.

 

I feel so bad now. Whatever chance I had is all over!

 

Trust me, even if she has had a "thing" for this guy, relationships born out of deceit have a very tough time from the get go in many respects. And while they may "have fallen for each other", they still do not know what it is really like to BE with one another in a relationship...there are plenty of people who seem to be good on paper but find their problems...generally for most people it is not wise to get married in those initial stages where neither can really do no wrong. It takes more than love to be ready for marriage.

 

But, it is her choice, I can second melrich's advice you stay away from this situation though. There are very good chances she will try and keep you around, or she will second guess herself, but she made her bed, let her lie in it. You deserve someone whom will offer you more respect than she did. And someone who does not think it is okay to chase others while in a relationship.

[taco]

I feel so dreadfully sorry for you, I know exactly how you feel, and ive gone through the same reaction as you. But my story is slightly more complicated, I won't bore you with it, but there is something I think might help you in you're predicament.

 

I am back with my boyfriend, who left me because he thought he had feelings for another girl. I have been greatly suffering and still haven't gotten over it after 5 months. This is definitely no indication of how long you should feel down about it! I am enduring unbearable pain because, although I am with him I now find it very difficult to trust him with other women and I am in constant fear that he will do it again. If he had left me and gone with her, even though it would hurt so much, I would respect his decision because I dont think that anyone can control how they feel. However, things got more complicated and dreadful and that is the reason I am now devastated.

 

My point is that someone that can hurt you like that, and who doesnt return your feelings is not worth waiting around for and you will most likely end up feeling more hurt than if you just moved on. I also know that this seems absolutely stupid, along with all the other positive advice, because logic often doesnt coincide with how we feel, especially in a case like this. One more thing, I believe everything happens for a reason, and that everything is in someway beneficial. thereforeeee that must mean that you are not suppossed to be with her. And if you love her so much, try and be happy for her, for everyones sake, I know it's not easy, but give it a try.

 

It's sounds like you're a really sweet person and you deserve to be happy, and with all this bad luck you've been having, you cant have any more, it has to be good from here on out. I wish you the best of luck and I hope, even if you do not, that you get over her.

[yo]

Hi everyone,

It's almost 2 weeks since my GF dumped me for a mutual friend. WOW 2 weeks!!! I can hardly believe it. I don't know how time flew so quickly. I have been in so much of pain and suffering that I didn't notice time go by at all.

 

Initially I was mad at my EX. Used to hate her one moment and couldn't help thinking about her the next moment. Sharing my thoughts with everyone on this forum has really helped me out! Thank you, you guys!!!

 

Although I want to stick to strict NC, it has not been possible. Here's why...

 

I work in the same company as my EX. She dumped me for a mutual friend whom she's had feelings for since 2 years, all the while she was with me She said she didn't breakup with me for 2 years coz she didn't want to break my heart. I think it is kinda true coz she hasn't done anything with this guy behind my back tho she had so many oppurtunities. She was just friends with him. Finally, he was leaving for his higher studies to the US and she could not hold it from him any longer. Also, she knew that he too liked her. They decided to get engaged and he's now in the US doing his Masters. My ex wants to continue working. But, regardless of what ppl telling me that it was a hasty decision, I know for a fact that it is going to click for them. I know this coz I know they are like twins! They keep thinking about the same things the same time and they connect very

well. I am actually happy for them. And I am glad that she broke up with me just before he was leaving. Otherwise I would have gone crazy thinking what she was upto all the time or just bumping into the both of them.

 

Coming back to the part about not being able to maintain NC...

She still cares about me. She calls up once in a while to ask how I am doing. She calls me on my office ext and I cannot find out the extension number. So, that's one drawback. Another, whenever she calls my mobile from the office phone it gives a diff number . Everytime she asks the same question 'How are you doing?' I say "I am doiing great" and she just hangs up. I don't know if she really cares about me still. She has no reason to be sad. Everyone in her fiance's house 'loves her'. She is very happy that she's found the perfect match. She's told me that herself. So, she's not trying to get me back in anyway. So, I am assuming that she's trying to make sure that I am alright.

 

She says that she'll always be my best friend and I can always go to her for any help. But, going around with a guy for 4 1/2 years and then getting engaged to his friend in a week, it's too much of a shock to take. I don't think it's still sunk in. Each time I think about it, I get goosebumps on my neck!!!

 

But the bottomline is, slowly I have picked up the pieces of my heart and am trying to move on. I don't call her up at all. I think she's got the signal that I don't want to talk to her anymore. I hope with time, I get completely healed and one day maybe look back and say 'Good, she left me. I

wouldn't have been this happy otherwise!' I just can't wait for that day!!!

 

- Yo.

[confusedashell]

sounds VERY werid situation! Shes with you for four years and dumps you for your mate and within a week they're engaged to be married? He gets engaged to this girl and then goes off to the US for his studies?? she calls you up and when you say you're doing fine, she just hangs up???

 

makes no sense at all. Keep doing what you're doing mate! I wouldnt be surprised if she turns around later and asks you to go back with her.

[Shidoshi]

Dude, you need to continue the NC. Why on earth are you still talking to her? Who cares how happy she is, SHE DUMPED YOU FOR YOUR CLOSE FRIEND!! She was stringing you along for 2 years and you're still talking to her? It's time you start respecting yourself and move on completely from her. I don't know how you can bear maintaining contact with someone who could care less about your feelings.

 

She's shown you how much she cares by dumping you and admitting she had these feelings for 2 years but didn't make a move until the time was right. It had nothing to do with "not hurting your feelings." She's done a pretty good job of that. Listen, she does not deserve YOUR time, cut her off. Ok, so she works for the same company, that doesn't mean you HAVE to talk to her, you can be polite and say hello, but leave it at that.

 

I'm sorry man, I just hate when guys do this (I've had friends in the same situation), it's going to take a lot longer to pick yourself up as long as you think it's ok to continue being friends with people who do things like this to you. They won't respect you, especially when you make them feel like they can get away with things like this.

[yo]

I know I should be maintaining a strict NC, but I had to do this one last thing for her. I know she doesn't care about me and doesn't love me anymore, but I felt like doing it. SO, I did it.

 

It was her b'day on aug 03. I didn't buy her any gift. Just met her in the morning and wished her. Then, she was telling everyone how alone she was on her b'day and had no plans at all. So, stupid me, decided to get a cake for her in the afternoon. I called everyone and the whole thing worked out well. She somehow came to know that I arranged the whole thing and said that she liked it a lot. That day was the hardest day since the breakup. I was sad and miserable the whole day.

 

Now I am back to square one. Missing her and dying to talk to her. I am

really trying hard to hold back myself. Don't know if I have so much

strength.

 

- Yo.

[RayKay]

Well, I don't think you should of done the cake thing - it was a nice gesture, but not deserved on her part. Shouldn't her "new boyfriend/your EXbest friend" do something for her?

 

That was the chance for her to truly feel alone and miss you....

 

Again, it was sweet, but it was sweet suited for a woman who is by your side, and not leaving you for your best friend and als leaving in such a cruel manner, as well as dragging things along for so long when "she had feelings" the "othery guy".

 

No more, if you are always there for her, what is she learning from breaking up with someone - that you still get to have your ex do all the nice things for you they did before? Look out for yourself again, not her.

[gstylez07]

Hey, I know its so hard.....I am so miserable right now too, I keep listening to old voicemails of my ex and just cry.......I want to call her so bad, but I know it will only work against me......STAY STRONG.....

 

Talk to friends, get out a little, go and run through the streets in the nude

....anything to get your mind off of her, even if for just a moment.....

 

I can do it......You can too....