Broke into his account, caught him CHEATING...now what? :(

[dustinthewind]

I am so confused right now, and shaking so hard. I don't know where to start. I just found out my bf has been cheating on me online..and possiblly in person...

 

The last few weeks of my relationship with my bf of 10 months have been kind of weird. I attributed it to us both being in final exams, and we were stressed out and arguing a lot. Yesterday he blocked me on msn, and yelled at me for calling him ...saying he felt obligated to talk to me. (obligated...i mean..im his gf!!!)

 

I know I shouldn;t have done what I did...i broke into his myspace account ( a place u go to meet 'friends' but its really just a site where u look at half naked pics of each other and hook up) cause we have had issues with this in the past (him talking innappropriately to girls there..getting them to send him nude pics...we actually broke up because of it..but he said he had stopped..and for the last 4 motnsh I had believed him) plus we hadn't been getting along lately...i told myself that it was wrong and sat in front of the comp for a while before i did it...but then i just did it anyways...saying that if there is nothing in there..he has nothign to hide...then it wont even matter...

 

SO what I found ----> a bunch of emails talking innapproprately to other girls... saying stuff like "when u gona get your hot a** back from vacation and talk to me" and "i can;t meet up with u tonight, but maybe tommorw after this party at 1 or 2 in the morning" and he was asking why she added him (note..this girls account is all about sex) and she said she wanted to have sex with him. and he said "bring it on"

 

I am so upset right now. I dont know what to do. I haven;t talked to him since last nite when we fought about him blocking me on msn. I know that I made a mistake opening up his account (he doesn;t know that I have the password) and in a way i wisht that I could go back in time and live in denial...i wish i didn;t know that he was talking to these girls like this.

 

i dont think that he has met any of them, or carried out anything that he said. I honestly believe that it is all just talk...and the last message from the girl was over a month ago...but the thing is...WE WERE TOGETHER THEN TO.....

 

i dont know if i can trust him...i want to be with him so much...i love him a lot. and we were planning a trip together in a month. we have so many plans for the future. but i know that I can;t trust him now....and the worst part is...i cant even tell him that i found out..cause i was the idiot who broke into his account.

 

i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. i hurt so bad. I dont know why he would do this to me. I try so hard to make him happy and do such sweet things for him all the time...write him poems, surprise him with notes on his car, bring him lunch to work...and then he goes and talks dirty to these girls online....why? what have i done to make him do this to me. My last bf cheated, and i didn;t want this one to be like it...but i feel like he has portrayed a lie to me..he isn;t who i thought he is.

 

I dont want to break up with him. i want him to stop this. but is this something that he can change? i am so confused and hurt. please help me.

[annie24]

I have a myspace account and I'm using it for friends, not sex.

 

I try so hard to make him happy and do such sweet things for him all the time...write him poems, surprise him with notes on his car, bring him lunch to work...and then he goes and talks dirty to these girls online....why?

 

Because that stuff doesn't work on men. It works once you two are husband and wife, but at this stage, "play-acting" like his wife will just get you the result you got: he's talking dirty to other girls. I know, I've tried it too - being nice, getting lunch for bfs a few years ago - and all they do is leave you for someone who doesn't try so hard.

 

But anyways, you don't trust him, as well you shouldn't! I know you don't want to break it off, but what choice do you have? You've brought it up before that you don't like him talking to these girls, he does it anyways, and now there's at least on-line flirtation going on, if not more.

 

Is this really the kind of man you want to be with? No, you don't.

 

I say, give him the boot, and cry, and then move on from him. He's not worth your heart or your time.

 

Good luck.

[jna35]

I'm glad you recognize that it was inappropriate to break into his account. That said, he is being very disrespectful of you and your relationship. I am sorry that you are hurting, but honestly I would let this one go. You deserve to have someone who treats you with respect. Of course, he "can" change- will he- not if he doesn't want to. I hope you start feeling better and find the happiness you deserve.

[elveden]

It's quite understandable that you are upset about this.

 

I would be if I were you.. If I were you then I wouldn't stand for this kind of treatment. Mainly because he lied to you. If this guy told you he hadn't been talking to these girls online, and he had, then that's not on.

 

If you feel that you're able to give him a 3rd, 4th (etc) chance then it's quite understandable.. but to be honest, if he's done it more than once in the past, then there's nothing to say he won't do it many times again..

 

Good luck

[RayKay]

Sorry to hear this sweetie

 

Yeah it was wrong to break into his account...but you found out some things you probably needed to find out.

 

You know, some would say that since you have no proof he is cheating, then you should let it go...however, him talking inappropriately at the very least to other girls IS detrimental to the relationship, disrespectful to you, and NOT very loving behaviour in the least bit. It might not be cheating "yet" but this sort of behaviour is on the path there, and since these actions are done behind your back, and the actions are ones that would hurt you, I would say it is still cheating, at the very least emotionally.

 

I think you should break it off and move on. For the reason that this is not what people who love you treat you like. That he is not giving you the respect, that he is not ensuring YOU are the one and only for him. And after this, your self esteem will only suffer even more. You know, he will be mad you broke into his account, but mad because he has been busted more than anything else. Yes he CAN change, but he DIDN'T the last time...and until he WANTS to, he won't. Plain and simple. And it is not your duty to remain with him while he continues on this way.

 

How could you trust him again, not after this is not the first time! It SUCKS to break up, yes...but things will not get better if he is still continuing on after the last time and sweetie you DESERVE better. There are WAY better men out there whom will treat you right. However, until you leave this guy, you will never find that out for yourself.

 

 

And aside from that....anytime a guy says they feel "obligated" to talk to you...things are not right. The only time I have EVER heard that from a guy was when he really no longer wanted to be with me too much. Because someone whom loves you will WANT to talk to you.

 

Sweet things ARE good to do, as long as they are done with feeling, and they are RECIPROCATED! My live in boyfriend do small things for one another all the time, but the point is we BOTH do them, out of love. Someone whom loves you, will appreciate them, and return the favours not because he feels "obligated" or that he has to due to whatever he is told, but because he GENUINELY wants to. If he is not too into you, sweet things will only be seen as pressure, and he will walk all over you when he realizes he can.

 

This guy really does not seem to be the guy for you, or have YOUR interests at heart, nor be considering you as the special, amazing person you are.

[ttseng01]

It was wrong that you broke into his account. But If i were you...

 

...I wouldnt tell him yet that i broke into it. I would act normal for a bit.. then sit him down and just get into a converstion about 'us'.. then look him in the eye and ask him if you done anything wrong lately that you know would hurt me?... You know..those kinds of questions... And if he looks at you in the eye and lies to you.. then ..... *sigh* i dont know what else to say..

.... I think you should just move on. I always told myself during a breakup that "the next one will be better"...

And of course.. if they do it once, they'll do it again. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person who does things behind your back that you dislike? Remember.. Everything happens for a reason..... [/i]

[saltwatergirl]

This person is a liar and cheater. And he has done it to you more than one time. I would not give him another minute of my time. Why allow him to continue to have chances to hurt you? He obviously does not love you, he is deceitful, he is sneaky, and he is portraying himself as available to other women online for a REASON. He isn't just window shopping, here.

 

I would cut off every kind of communication so that I could cleanse my system, repair the damage he has done, and move forward. You don't need him or his LIES in your life. You really don't. It is not likely to change, and you deserved much better.

 

 

Salt

[Tigris]

I wouldn't tell him you broke into his account at all!

 

I've got an idea! Only thing is will you go along with it?

 

You: Romantic, loving, etc. Him: Nude pics, talking dirty, etc.

 

Shock him! Do something totally out of character.

 

e.g. black pvc or leather - boots, basque, fish net stockings, suspenders, etc. Make sure there's lots of fastenings/zips.

 

Tell him he has to abide by your rules.

 

1 Undress and sit in a chair and not move. (Place it in middle of room!)

2 He's not allowed to touch you. (This drives my husband crazy!)

 

Next act out the part as though you're getting an award for best actress! e.g. stand in the doorway sidewards and rub your leg up and down the door frame. That should do the trick! Also, think of how catwoman moves.

 

'What part of me are you going to touch first?' When he tells you start to rub it. Keep on asking. Really wind him up! Eventually, move closer to him sexily. Go around him. If he tries to touch you move back quickly. Tease him!

 

Next order him to lie on the bed. Then run your hands over his body. A variety of light touches and nails! DON'T touch his genitals. DON'T let him touch you. Make him squirm!

 

I'm sure you'll be having so much fun you won't need any lubrication!

 

Get on top and 'grind' into him! You'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand! No more 'myspace account', he's got everything he needs!

 

Own up you lot, how many of you are horny!

[annie24]

 

 

Well - that's another way to go! Does this guy really deserve this hot treatment from you though

[dustinthewind]

hey everyone.

 

thanks so much for all your replies. I really appreciate all the kind words of advice that you have given me. It is the afternoon now...about 6 hours since I found out..and I have stopped crying..showerd and kinda feel a little bit better.

 

I have decided that I want to confront him about this. i love him a lot, and know that if I dont, and just push this under the rug, then for the rest of the relationship I will be constatnyl questioning him in my head. I can feel myself being weak..and justifying it,,what he did...and coming up with excuses ....maybe we were fighting, he just talked to her, nothing might have happened..there is no proof that he hooked up with her, the last time they spoke was over a month ago.. maybe he stopped. and rightened his ways

 

I know that this is not good for me to think that way. but its so hard to do the right thing. It is a lose -lose situation. I dont want to lose him, but i know in my heart i deserve better. I think the thing that upsets me the most....well at least a lot...is letting go of all of the things that we had planned out for our future..we were going on vacation, taking classes next semester togeher (we are both almost done university)....I dont know if it is worth losing all that...for something that might just be harmless flirting.

 

I really need to thnk about how to react. I wish that there was a way to show him that i know and found out about thses emails..without him knownig that i broke into his account..like perhaps some random girl who hates cheaters broke into his account and sent them to me....and she did this while I was with him, so he can;t suspect me...ANY IDEAS? grr...

 

i wont talk to him today...im not going to anwser his calls...and probably not tomorrow. i just need some time alone to think about this. I wish i didn;t open that email....but at least now I know the truth. I justified it by thinking...well if nothing is wrong, and nothign is in here, i wont have anything to worry about...and if something is in here...its bettter I know now.

[annie24]

Yes, I think you should take some time and think things over. Don't say anything just yet. Be strategic.

 

What if you said to him something like, "Oh... I have a friend Annie, and she just found out that her bf has a Facebook website and he's been talking to all these girls on there. She found out about it, broke into his account, saw that he's been talking to these girls and flirting with them.... Poor girl - I would dump a guy who did that to me!"

 

See what he does or says. I think his reaction will be telling.

 

Just don't do anything quite yet. Think things over.

 

good luck

[RayKay]

Phew okay...I am going to tell you what a friend of mine did when she found out about her boyfriends activities, but I am not so sure I RECOMMEND you do it, but you can opt to do it.

 

She decided to sign herself up for a myspace account, but posing as someone else. She found a couple normal pictures (not modelly-like things) to use. And contacted her bf posing as this girl. One of those "wow, you're hot" comments, and he returned the favour, and they started exchanging emails. She had to be really careful to not let on whom she was...

 

 

Anyway, he boyfriend went along with it all. He even told her yes he did have a girlfriend, but knew she was not the one. That SHE was always breaking up with him (total BS by the way, he was the one whom had broken up with HER a couple times as he wanted to see what else was out there) and so on. Ugh.

 

Anyway, I think eventually she told him that was her. But by that time she was already moving on in her heart finally (she did deserve better, but it took this to reinforce what everyone had been telling her) and she and him ended up breaking up (HER decision this time). He suddenly wanted her back (as he could not have her?) but she has stuck to her decision, even though she said it was losing her best friend..sigh. But she is moving on and doing very well.

 

Anyway, you can try to pose as someone else...though some will probably ell you that is just a set up, honestly....if he goes along with it, I think maybe there ARE some serious issues there and it would be better to know then not..honestly if the guy is committed and loves you and respects you, if you contact him he won't lead you on and will tell you he is involved with the woman of his dreams already...

[Tsunami]

Do you want to be with someone who you know does this? It's not harmless flirting, he is being unfaithful. Thats the black and white answer. You don't want to get deeper into a relationship feeling that you are being used and that feelings are not being returned. Do you want to play games? If so then maybe you should try and work out what is going on etc.. but if you want a straight relationship that isn't putting your emotions in such danger i would finish with him. Tell him you looked, and tell him you don't want a relationship with someone who can do that to you.

 

Remember, if they do it once, there is NOTHING stopping them from doing it again. I personaly think someone who does that can never change.