how should I confront this problem??

[DamagedImage]

I posted before and it helped but then it all got me thinking so I'm back now

 

Okay, my boyfriend has a flirtatious personality, and gets along with girls to easily I think. And I must say he is quite attractive and girls are all the time flirting with him. (There is this girl even that has a picture on her profile on one site , i'm talking a HUGE picture, of him saying how hot he is, and then i'm in the corner of the pic and the caption reads.....Oh He is SO HOT, *tiny writing* but he has his girl*, should I say something or just let it go. I'm not jealous or anything it just makes me uncomfortable. Girls commment him all the time, and I ask him about them and he says oh I won't message back they are stupid. I don't like knowing how much other girls like him and such. Also back to the girl thing they flirt so badly with him when I'm there, and he FLIRTS BACK! in front of me, and I asked him what the hell was that? and he told me it makes him uncomfortable to do that, and I said well just don't do that, his reaction was oh well it's who I am.

I'm not trying to change him, thats the last thing I want. It's just he flirts, they flirt, and practically none of these girls know he has a girlfriend! It makes me sad, he says he won't change and it upsets me to think I might break up with him because I don't like that behavior.

I know flirting is natural and girls are going to hit on him, but shouldn't tell them he has a girlfriend. And if he finds the guts to flirt in front of me I hate to think how easy it is for him to do it when I'm not around and how far he'll go

He has told me he cheated before but the girl he was with he had grow apart from her and being so far away from her it didn't really matter to him, and he says he truly loves me unlike his other gfs, and he wouldn't do that. But he lies to me all the time about hanging out with girls, flirting with girls, computer messaging. (Ps: he has about 100 contacts on msn and 98% of them are girls from different contact sites)

He leds me in this cute loving way, where I think I matter, then all this flirting, lying, and immaturity tears me apart.

 

I want to comprise with him but I don't know how to approach the situation. Should I lay low and act like nothings really badly wrong and wait for it to happen again which it will soon, or should I confront him soon as possible?

 

Please Help!!! Soon!!!

 

Thanks-

[Reilly2856]

If the guy has the nerve to flirt in front of you, though he knows it bugs you...then it is clear he doesn't love you as much as he says. I know it is normal to flirt, but there is a limit. He has passed it. Not to mention some of the other things that are wrong in this relationship such as lying.....may be hard to accept, but why do you want this relationship to go on? You may continue to love him....but it's clearly tearing you apart, while he is indifferent. If this is the life he wants, let him have it, just without u.

[passions1]

That's strange that if he's the flirty type that he dare flirt with a girl who is NOT your friend, in front of you! If he was respectful of you, then he would not be doing that to you. However, you do need to be straightforward with him that you feel uncomfy with that kind of flirting in front of you & ask him in return as devil's advocate of how would he feel if you flirted with a guy in front of him?

 

If he continues to behave that way & makes you feel insecure, then you will have to reconsider how much you will put up with. With some guys, you do have to put your foot down & not let them push the limits, otherwise they will lose respect for you!

[melrich]

You don't flirt with other people when you are in a committed relationship. That is totally disrespectful. You just don't do it.

[Celadon]

Hi DamagedImage. I agree with Reilly2856. There is some natural rapport that guys may have with girls, but your man needs to learn to control himself.

 

I dated a guy just like this, and I wished I broke up with him waaaaay before we finally did. ACTIONS speak the truth, imho. If he REALLY doesn't feel comfortable flirting back, then he can stop. It's a no-brainer. How can you feel secure with a guy who lies to you?

 

I think he just enjoys the attention he's getting (and probably has always gotten). The problem is that he's disrespecting you by not making it clear to the girls that he's TAKEN.

 

I hate to see any woman torn apart by a bf who can't control himself. I stayed too long with my flirting ex, and I regret it big time. He put himself first -- not me, not our relationship.

 

Please do consider what's best for you. You deserve respect.

[DamagedImage]

guys approach me, ask me out, flirt with me, and the first thing out of my mouth is excuse me I'm sorry I have a boyfriend.

but it's all confusing, he tells me yes I flirt but in front of you I joke about it most of the time

to me it's not joking...I've been in so many relationships where girls have taken my bf's away....I dunno I'm really passive, but I'm sick of it. besides all this problem stuff this guy is amazingly awesome in so many ways and he has actually made me a better person-before him i was in an abusive relationship and it hurt me a lot and he made feel okay with myself again and brought me out of my shell and has protected me from this stuff. He says he is faithful and the flirting is just part of his personality, but he would never go as far as physically cheating on me, he just flirts, and if a girl started making moves on him he would stop it my concern is how long before he clues in to stop it.

 

I'll try switching it on him, ask him how he would feel ect....maybe that will work.

 

I am just at a loss, I would love to compromise because the good in this relationship obviously out weighs the bad it's just the bad is I don't know how to talk about things let alone be in a healthy relationship, and react to things posivitvely or at least without thinking the worst. I just need to find a way to bring with problem I have to his mind.

[DamagedImage]

 

 

I think he just enjoys the attention he's getting (and probably has always gotten). The problem is that he's disrespecting you by not making it clear to the girls that he's TAKEN.

 

 

I hate to see any woman torn apart by a bf who can't control himself. I stayed too long with my flirting ex, and I regret it big time. He put himself first -- not me, not our relationship.

 

Please do consider what's best for you. You deserve respect.

 

he does like the attention, I mean I give him plenty of attention. I would hate to break up with him because of things i've said in the comment before this, but I think I do really need to put my foot down.

 

And he doesn't necessarily put himself first, we hang out every week end, go all over the city, speanding private time together, talk on the phone, send messages to each other, give each other gifts, support each other, but then there is like this small other side of him.

 

Maybe i've noticed he is really close to his mom and a lot to most of his family are woman, and she gives him a lot of attention perhaps it's just a natural thing for him to be drawn to woman who give him attention. But yes I think I will try putting my foot down with him but not to much because flirting will happen on way or anything, it's human nature but try and stop the situations where it is un-needed or seems wrong, and makes me question him and his true actions.

[Strandysmommy]

My boyfriend is a little flirty and he's VERY nice and friendly. He has a lot of friends, or aquaintence who are waitresses who think he's just adorable and the like. Thing is, they know he has a girlfriend (me). They don't cross the line, nor does he. He told me that there's a line, and one crosses that line only if they're not happy with the relationship they're in. He know's he's friendly, and one could interpret that as flirting, but he has the decency to NOT flirt, or if he's going to be real friendly, and do favors for these girls, like design things for them (he's an artist) he makes it a point to talk about me. He talks about me so much that when I go to the little cafe's he goes to, they know my name.

 

Sorry, I got a bit rambly there. My thought on the matter is this: lay it down to him. Tell him that it bother's you, it makes you question how happy he is in this relationship...how serious he is. Tell him you know he is who he is, but tell him that his actions speak louder than his words. Ask him to examine if he is truly happy in this relationship, because you worry that if he's not happy, he'll cross the line and cheat. If he is a worthy boyfriend, he'll take your feelings into consideration, if he cares for you. If not then he's nothing but an immature little boy, selfish and incapable of handling such a responsibility as a relationship.

[DamagedImage]

oh thank you so much, I think that is the perfect thing to do I feel kind of better, more secure in my argument. Thank you so much.

[xmrth]

It sounds like it's in his nature to flirt. I had a boyfriend who actually TOLD me that when I confronted him about this same thing, and he wasn't even attractive to other girls-- he was just flirtatious.

 

I think that for yourself, you sound like you want to give talking about it a try... but understand that it may have no effect. After that you need to make the important desicion whether or not you want to deal with that or not... and my guess is that you really really do not. He is wrong for this, after all. He shouldn't have all those girls on his contacts as he has a girlfriend, etc etc etc. But MOST of all, it is horrible that he would flirt with another girl in front of you-- or at all. As all those girls are after him, how do you know he's not going to leave you to see other people? It can happen to guys where girls aren't all over them, but there's a much bigger possibility with that happening between you two as all these girls are after him and he seems to invite it =\

 

Really attractive guys know they're hott and know girls want them. They're going to want to enjoy it. But the good news is that there's other really attractive guys that aren't like that! There's just... fewer. So don't think that this is how it has to be in order to be with an attractive boyfriend. Just in case you were thinking that, is all I'm saying.

[DamagedImage]

but he also says he doesn't see it as flirting, he doesn't think he is, i think he is lying so that cuts the conversation off because I gues she thinks if he says that it'll all be fixed and I won't bother him anymore about it