How to Deal

[saltwatergirl]

So many people are heartbroken and devastated, especially when lying and/or cheating is at issue. Some of you have been in close relationships and the other person for reasons unknown to you has just taken off without a word. You are wounded, and lost. I have some suggestions for clearing the cobwebs and coming out the other side.

 

First, realize it isn't you. Your ex hurt you, you didnt do anything to cause it nor could you have prevented it. You just ran into the wrong person. You are a living, breathing human being with a life before this person and people who love you besides this person. You could NOT have stopped them from doing what they did. Your mistakes, could'ves, would;ves, should'ves, were human errors, and did NOT drive this person to destroy you. They did it themselves. Forgive yourself, and allow yourself to be human.

 

Second, realize that you WILL survive this. However, calling, wishing, crying, writing, thinking, searching the internet....none of this will help you. It will hinder you. You can move on only when you put on your shoes, open the door, and actually take a step the other direction. Every minute you spend in thoughts is a minute you are sitting, not stepping.

 

Third, realize that you are better off. I know this seems incredibly untrue of you and your situation but it isnt. This person has hurt you, may have lied, may have cheated, may have lost all desire to contact you or see you and you just cant for the life of you imagine HOW they could do that. but they did. It doesnt matter HOW or WHY or WHEN. They have done you a favor by going in the other direction. You've been spared from any further hurt, lies, or deciet. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. And be thankful to them, for leaving. You didnt deserve it.

 

Fourth, committ to moving on. This mean going out with friends, watching tv, working out, changing up your surroundings or appearance, shopping, whatever you can find to do differently do it. They are no longer in your life, so you need to carve out a new one. Dont wait around for it to happen, you have to do it yourself. Nobody can do it for you.

 

**For the girls: go to the store, get a nice 5.00 bouquet of flowers for your table, light some candles, take a bath, watch a good movie (no chic flicks, itll make you cry). Call up your girls and go to Starbucks for coffee. Make sure you look good and take notice of all the looks you get---this is a nice ego boost. Invite a girlfriend for dinner at your place, get lots of chocolate, drinks, and comedy dvd's. Cook some great food and laugh alot. (Dont talk about him, it'll make you cry). Get up tomorrow and do it again. Force yourself if you have to until it becomes habit.

 

**For the guys: Call up your boys and go bowling (no talkin about the ex, nobody cares and you shouldnt either). Look really good and take note of all the hot chics out there. This will make you start to consider getting back in the game. Put on a tank and some shorts and hit the gym. This is a good way to work out frustrations, and ego boost when you get looks. Get some wings and light up the barbq, then call your buds over for some beer and food. Theyll come, its free, just again dont spend the time mentioning the ex or they might not come back. Get up everyday with a plan to do something that does NOT in any way involve your ex or thoughts about your ex. Do it til its habit.

 

Fifth, get ANGRY. get DARN GOOD AND MAD at how this person has scre$@ed you over and done what they've done to you. Get really good and pis%ed off. They've taken you and everything you've done and felt for them and they've stomped it into the ground, then threw it in the trash like garbage. You didnt deserve it!! You did NOT deserve what they've done to you. Stop sitting around thinking, hoping, crying, wishing...STOP IT. You are STILL giving them time and energy and allowing them to CONTINUE TO HURT YOU and they arent even around!! Go into your bedroom and look at yourself in the mirror at how much you have to offer, then scream outloud THAT DUMB BIT$H!

 

Finally,, release the anger. Dont stay here too long. A week or so at most. This can be hard becaase it is sooo easy to stay angry. You have to realize that by doing that, you are preventing yourself from moving on and seeing what else life holds. You have stopped walking again. Have one last good cry, scream and yell outloud again (THAT BI__CH!), and then forgive. Let it go.

 

Life has alot to offer, and your ex is just a cog in the grand scheme of things. You will survive this and be just fine, truly you will. Pretty soon you will be over it.

 

I wish you all the quick healing you can do for yourself.

 

Salt

[Bene Gesserit541]

Wow... I'm saving this to a file. This will be tremendously helpful to many people, especially those of us who have a hard time relieving stress from relationships.

[newbie30]

this was so helpful for me! just wanted to bump it back up to the top to help others. thanks saltwatergirl!!

[needhelp]

Thank you so much for this advice..its helped me..gonna save this to file too

[justme1]

it's a lot

 

good stuff