MONEY... He's got tons, but I haven't much =\

[xmrth]

I'm afraid that because my boyfriend makes so much money, that he may look down upon me because I don't make even 1/4 of the ammount he does. I might even make less than that.

 

After Highschool he got right into a fulltime job, and made thousands and thousands a year, bought himself a wonderful brand new car that was the next year's "date" and always treats me to wonderful things, like jewelry, dinner, and anything. But I cannot really return the favor. I buy him big things for X-mas, anniversaries, and birthdays, but this year we planned on not giving eachother anything big as we want to go away or do something big for our birthdays. He told me not to get him ANYTHING, but obviousely I got him something-- just a little something and took him out for dinner. And for my birthday that I just had he spent over $200 on a bracelet for me! He wasn't supposed to do that! And now I feel so cheap!

 

Anyways, here's my money flow: I have two jobs, and generally make about $300 a week, and have alot of bills like car insurence and student loans and credit card bills for things like gas and whatever. But I'm in college... he is too but he just started and he's getting out in less than a year.

 

I don't know, but I talked to him about it and he says he doesn't mind at all. He's never said that I don't have money, but tonight he said it (probably because I'm always asking him if it bothers him) he understands that I'm in college and that I have bills and don't have much money coming in during my semesters, but I feel like I'm cheap and that he will look down on me because I can't buy him all these nice things. He NEVER asks for anything, and NEVER hints to anything... could he REALLY not care that I don't make much money?

 

I feel like I should repay him somehow, and he's never said I should-- I myself just feel like I should. But I really do not have much money even for myself =\ I was thinking maybe I could buy him little things to show I care?

 

I'm starting to feel like he understands I don't have much money, so he goes ahead and always pays. But is it wrong that he does that? I don't even know what I'm saying because wouldn't it be bad if he started asking me to pay if he knows I don't have much money? I just feel bad... I just want to be able to buy him nice things, too. I'm really really upset because he's so good to me and I can't really do much to return that to him. I try to do things for him that don't cost anything, like making him something or just doing something nice for him... but I feel like it's not enough.

And like I said, he's never and I'm sure would never ask for anything in return, but I know I should, and I want to because I love him so much.

[whatdoyado]

He like most guys want to be the provider; it's their role as men. He wants to treat you and he knows he has money so that's what he uses. If all a man had was his life to give to show his love, he would. This is all just a thougth, but maybe for him thats how he shows his love and doesn't mind having to pay for stuff because in the end he is the one taking care of you. I understand that you don't want to be the gold-digger type and want to spend all his money, but try finding something he truly loves that you can do for him. Doing his laundry...I honestly don't know what to throw out here, but find something and/or tell him how much you love him and express the fact that it's not because he is rolling in the dough. lol...

[Blue Skittles]

I had a boyfriend like that - the best thing you could do to return his favours is to do nice things for him. Like if he usually takes you out for dinner? Why not make him a nice candlelit dinner at home, treat him to a massage, do things that he likes. HOnestly, hes not going to expect you to pay for everything, he is probably a gentelman and him spending all this money on you makes him feel like 'the man' or something and maybe in his eyes that is the proper way to treat a woman. So just enjoy it, don't do any more complaining about how you have no money... one day you could tell him you have a surprise for him at home and have a nice big home cooked dinner and he will appreciate that you made the effort to make him happy. And trust me, he will be happy. Just don't bring up the money issue anymore, i'm sure hes more than understanding and if its an issue than he will tell you. And ALWAYS show appreciation, make sure you show that you are happy when he does these things for you, thank him for what he does, it will make him feel good, he won't think you are cheap. Have fun.

[smallworld]

I had a boyfriend like that - the best thing you could do to return his favours is to do nice things for him.

ITA! Some cool ideas...

link removed

[btbt]

If it truly doesn't bother him, then you shoudn't worry. Some guys are very generous and get pleasure from treating someone they care about.

 

If there are signs that he does mind, then that is a problem, but this doesn't sound like the case. Tell him how you feel and do what you can. I dated a guy in a situation where we both had no money and he did the most wonderful things for me, like make homemade presents that touched my heart more than any expensive gifts.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Speak for yourself. I am a guy and I don't want to provide for anybody (except Lorraine, somebody very close to me.). My stuff is going in a swiss bank account otherwise where other greedy people can't touch it.

That being said, anybody who would look down on you for making less money is worthless anyway and not worth being with.

What does he do for a living anyway to be making so much money at that age?

[Spirits Away]

I second what btbt said. That's exactly how guys think.

 

 

Let me ask you a question. Are you very happy he gave you an expensive present? Does it make you feel uncomfortable instead? If that's how you feel, as a guy, he wouldn't mind being told not to give such expensive stuff and instead, substitude it with something light so that will lighten your burden up.

 

Say it in a way that doesn't seem like you're not appreciating his present, but that you will be more happy if he put less effort.

[volution]

Money and material things will not fulfil you in the end. At first, gifts and expensive presents might seem enticing, but if it's all you get, then you will grow tired and might start resenting them.

 

There are people who have money, perhaps lots of it, and are also loving.

But the majority care too much about their money (keeping it/making more), to open their hearts enough to give out love.

Many men don't realise that there is more to love than 'providing' - women want to be nurtured too!

 

Remember, the things that someone gives do not make a person. But the things that someone does, do.

And love isn't love if it asks or pressures for something in return...

I know it is hard to know what to do when being almost 'suffocated' by gifts etc. But love isn't about the material things you share, but the emotional things, the spiritual things - the moments you share, the conversations, the looks, the feelings, the reminiscences, the touches, the embraces, the kisses...